# My wife "jokes" that she has a penis **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 19, 2013, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618 "2013-08-19T05:31:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/41 "2013-08-19T16:08:01Z")
In this thread JC claims to have fingered his wife, yet in other threads he claims they regularly have sex(using a condom). Hmmm. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/42 "2013-08-19T16:10:42Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > There are dozens of snappy answers ranging from silly to truly hurtful and cutting, but maybe its a snappy answer that’s getting you into this mess. A lot depends on how she says it. Is it said as a light joke? > Is it pantomimed with a playful smile? Is she trying to subtly seduce you into saying, [Crocodile Dundee] “No, that’s not a penis. Now this… _ **Zip** _ This is a Penis…!”[/Crocodile Dundee] > > Is she saying it as a put upon complaint, the way some ignorant drunken longshoreman might say the C-word? Is this her new witty insult to you because you forgot to take out the trash? Is she just randomly muttering this between drooling? > > There’s a lot of context missing… Maybe she’s just whipping it out. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/43 "2013-08-19T16:35:21Z")
I think she’s calling you a dick. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/44 "2013-08-19T17:36:28Z")
> [@grude](#): > > In this thread JC claims to have fingered his wife, yet in other threads he claims they regularly have sex(using a condom). > > Hmmm. Um, yeah? So?? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/45 "2013-08-19T18:09:59Z")
Kind of a ballsy thing to say … ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/46 "2013-08-19T18:59:09Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > No BTW in the past before we had sex I fingered her a few times. Super Awesome! Thanks for sharing. ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/47 "2013-08-19T19:00:36Z")
Here’s how I would respond to this: Wife: “Honey, you know I have a penis, right?” Me: “Sure baby. It’s attached to my body, but it is all yours!” That should get a smile out of her, and perhaps get her to stop making that sort of comment. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/48 "2013-08-19T19:12:38Z")
Next time get all excited and say, “Awesome, we **gotta** compare sizes! I bet you _all my action figures_ that I’m bigger, where’s the ruler?” ---
**Author:** ![Asympotically\_fat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e47c2d/32.png) [@Asympotically\_fat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asympotically_fat)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/49 "2013-08-19T21:12:53Z")
If you don’t like your wife saying this, you need to tell him your feelings. ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/50 "2013-08-19T21:13:10Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Well sometimes she goes on to say “I was born with a penis”. I think many of the responses indicate people have skimmed past this post so I’m quoting it. Anyway you should be like Moe the bartender and be all “and penis is Russian for?” replacing Russian with whatever would be appropriate given your wife’s ethnicity. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/51 "2013-08-19T21:48:23Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > So you are surmising that he is married to the [50 Foot Woman](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0051380/combined), perhaps? > > Wow she may have a 5 or 6 foot penis. Or be one. The only thing we’d know for sure is that if [one of these](http://www.homedepot.com/p/Toro-TimeCutter-Mx5060-50-in-23-HP-Kawasaki-V-Twin-Zero-Turn-Riding-Mower-with-Smart-Speed-74641/203104348?N=bx5cZ1i9#.UhKSbpJvOXs) is hanging wet in the shower, she’s probably well-groomed. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/52 "2013-08-19T21:49:47Z")
> [@Asympotically\_fat](#): > > If you don’t like your wife saying this, you need to tell him your feelings. I see what you did there. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/53 "2013-08-19T23:13:24Z")
She does. It’s mine. ---
**Author:** ![LouLou7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a87d85/32.png) [@LouLou7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouLou7)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/54 "2013-08-19T23:13:42Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > No I haven’t checked lately but she didn’t have anything when I used to finger her… not even a largish clit/labia. Yanno, JohnClay, just because you two crazy kids got married doesn’t mean you had to stop having sex…😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/55 "2013-08-19T23:42:28Z")
I just learned that fingering does not always refer to orifice insertation, but also for a variety of light sexual contact, so there is that. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/56 "2013-08-20T00:50:16Z")
> [@grude](#): > > In this thread JC claims to have fingered his wife, yet in other threads he claims they regularly have sex(using a condom). > > Hmmm. I used to finger my wife before she was my wife. Now we only have regular sex. ---
**Author:** ![chacoguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/50afbb/32.png) [@chacoguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chacoguy)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/57 "2013-08-20T00:57:05Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > I used to finger my wife before she was my wife. Now we only have regular sex. Thanks ever so much for sharing. I, for one, feel spiritually enriched. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/58 "2013-08-20T01:40:59Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > I used to finger my wife before she was my wife. Now we only have regular sex. I didn’t realize using your hands was some sort of “freaky shit”. You animal you. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/59 "2013-08-20T02:18:56Z")
I guess the first question to be asked and answered is “Is Mrs Clay joking about having a penis or not?”. ---
**Author:** ![psychobunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/54ee81/32.png) [@psychobunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychobunny)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/60 "2013-08-20T02:27:03Z")
Call me crazy, but I believe that this is something that every couple should discuss before marriage. Really, there are only a few questions that really whould be asked: Do you plan on wanting children in the future? Are you a “spender” or a “saver”? Do you now have or have you ever had a penis? All the rest is minor. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618.md?page=4)