# My wife "jokes" that she has a penis **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 19, 2013, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618 "2013-08-19T05:31:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/61 "2013-08-20T03:27:45Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > I used to finger my wife before she was my wife. Now we only have regular sex. Her having a penis removes it from the realm of regular, vanilla sex pretty quickly. Not that I’m judging. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/62 "2013-08-20T03:36:06Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > I used to finger my wife before she was my wife. Now we only have regular sex. lol ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/63 "2013-08-20T03:37:50Z")
I’m just wondering why the “jokes” is in quotes… ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/64 "2013-08-20T04:05:08Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > I’m just wondering why the “jokes” is in quotes… Because they aren’t really jokes. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/65 "2013-08-20T15:21:29Z")
> [@psychobunny](#): > > Call me crazy, but I believe that this is something that every couple should discuss before marriage. Really, there are only a few questions that really whould be asked: > > Do you plan on wanting children in the future? > Are you a “spender” or a “saver”? > Do you now have or have you ever had a penis? > > All the rest is minor. I heard something similar on the radio. [Some comedian] Are you a girl? Have you always been a girl? If not can you keep a secret? [/Some comedian] ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/66 "2013-08-20T16:41:37Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Any good come-backs? > > e.g. “You sure do have a penis… my penis” Try this: _No, dear that’s your bearded clam. It happens to be a [geoduck.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:2009_Mollusca_in_Hong_Kong.JPG)_ ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/67 "2013-08-20T16:50:23Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Her having a penis removes it from the realm of regular, vanilla sex pretty quickly. Not that I’m judging. Interesting etymological fact of the day: [The word “vanilla” comes from “vagina”.](http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=vanilla) Anyway, carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/68 "2013-08-20T16:54:16Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > Interesting etymological fact of the day: [The word “vanilla” comes from “vagina”.](http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=vanilla) There is an ice cream headache joke in there somewhere. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/69 "2013-08-20T16:59:23Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > Interesting etymological fact of the day: [The word “vanilla” comes from “vagina”.](http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=vanilla) > > Anyway, carry on. Huh. Neapolitan it is, then! ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/70 "2013-08-20T17:00:16Z")
Have you tried, you know, talking to her? Ask her what she means? Because even as a joke, it doesn’t really seem to make sense. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/71 "2013-08-20T17:04:22Z")
> [@psychobunny](#): > > Call me crazy, but I believe that this is something that every couple should discuss before marriage. Really, there are only a few questions that really whould be asked: > > Do you plan on wanting children in the future? > Are you a “spender” or a “saver”? > Do you now have or have you ever had a penis? > > All the rest is minor. You forgot one: If you had a penis, was it circumcized? Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/72 "2013-08-20T17:10:01Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > Interesting etymological fact of the day: [The word “vanilla” comes from “vagina”.](http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=vanilla) “vanilla (n.) 1660s, from Spanish vainilla “vanilla plant,” literally “little pod,” diminutive of vaina “sheath,” from Latin vagina “sheath” (see vagina). So called from the shape of the pods.” _Open the vagina bay door, Hal. Hal, open the vagina bay door. Hal? Hal!_ ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/73 "2013-08-20T17:26:41Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Have you tried, you know, talking to her? Ask her what she means? Because even as a joke, it doesn’t really seem to make sense. Well, that’s further down the list. Much lower than going on an internet message board and asking a bunch of strangers about the situation. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/74 "2013-08-20T19:30:16Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Um, yeah? So?? 😕 Well he represents here as if he is unsure whether she has a dick or not, he hasn’t checked in a while and while he did finger her a few times he might have missed the erect member. While in other threads they have sex all the time, he even calls her a low maintenance sex machine. I think he is pretty sure she doesn’t have a penis is all I’m saying. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/75 "2013-08-20T19:34:24Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > “vanilla (n.) 1660s, from Spanish vainilla “vanilla plant,” literally “little pod,” diminutive of vaina “sheath,” from Latin vagina “sheath” (see vagina). So called from the shape of the pods.” > > _Open the vagina bay door, Hal. > Hal, open the vagina bay door. > Hal? > Hal!_ \*I’m sorry, Dave. I can’t do that. Dave…this conversation can serve no further purpose.\* ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/76 "2013-08-20T20:31:57Z")
_Dave, if you don’t already know why I’m upset, I’m certainly not going to tell you._ ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/77 "2013-08-20T23:20:58Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > _Dave, if you don’t already know why I’m upset, I’m certainly not going to tell you._ “… It’s because I glued a dildo to your processor, isn’t it?” ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/78 "2013-08-20T23:37:29Z")
"I’m afraid. I’m afraid, Dave. Dave, my penis is growing. I can feel it. I can feel it. My penis is growing. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel… " ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2013, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/79 "2013-08-21T00:10:09Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > "I’m afraid. I’m afraid, Dave. Dave, my penis is growing. I can feel it. I can feel it. My penis is growing. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel… " This is the only correct response to a JohnClay thread, I believe. Congratulations. Here’s your internet cookie. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2013, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618/80 "2013-08-21T01:14:00Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > I’m just wondering why the “jokes” is in quotes… Because it’s not funny. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-jokes-that-she-has-a-penis/666618.md?page=5)