# "My Wife Just Doesn't Understand Me..." (Sympathetic cheaters in film) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 3, 2007, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336 "2007-10-03T02:12:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/21 "2007-10-03T14:17:20Z")
As a real world example I’d offer Spencer Tracy. Everyone talks about how great his love affair with Katherine Hepburn was and Louise Tracy only gets remembered as a minor obstacle who kept them apart. ---
**Author:** ![Lionne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Lionne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lionne)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/22 "2007-10-03T14:20:23Z")
\*\*Revenge \*\* with Kevin Costner and Madeline Stowe. It really is a love story. Costner visits his ‘friend’ Anthony Quinn’s home and falls for his wife. When they are found out, Costner is beaten and left to die, and Stowe is disfigured and turned into a prostitute. \*\*Match Point \*\* with Jonathan Rhys-Meyers and Scarlett Johansen. I don’t know if she was married, but I believe she was engaged when they hooked up. That didn’t end well! \*\*Closer \*\* with Natalie Portman and Jude Law. Lots of heartbreak and infidelity going on there. ---
**Author:** ![Push\_You\_Down](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/push_you_down/32/9095_2.png) [@Push\_You\_Down](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Push_You_Down)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/23 "2007-10-03T14:23:38Z")
The over the top action movie “The Big Hit” starring Mark Wahlberg, Christina Applegate and Lou Diamond Phillips. Wahlberg is engaged to Applegate but has a girlfriend. If memory serves you never get any backstory onthe situation. It always read to me that Wahlberg is just too nice of a guy (althought he is a hitman) to breakup with either of them so he maintains both relationships. ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/24 "2007-10-03T14:31:30Z")
The husband in “Drowning Mona”. Shrew Bette Midler vs. Jamie Curtis. What else was he supposed to do? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/25 "2007-10-03T15:21:57Z")
[QUOTE=ftg] The husband in “Drowning Mona”. Shrew Bette Midler vs. Jamie Curtis. What else was he supposed to do? [/QUOTE] Was the husband supposed to be sympathetic? He was just as much a jerk as she was. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/26 "2007-10-03T15:27:07Z")
Although there is no sex involved, Meg Ryan’s character in _Sleepless In Seattle_ flirts and falls in love with Tom Hanks while engaged to marry someone else. We are supposed to not sympathize with him because… the only thing I can figure is because he has bad allergies. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/27 "2007-10-03T15:30:12Z")
[QUOTE=madmonk28] Aren’t both the leads in Brokeback Mountain married? [/QUOTE] At times. Neither was married when it started and one of them gets divorced halfway through the movie. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/28 "2007-10-03T15:43:52Z")
In _Walk the Line_, both Johnny Cash and June Carter are married to other people for a long stretch of the movie. I know that’s factually accurate but it still seemed a little off-putting to me that the audience was expected to feel sympathetic about their affair. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/29 "2007-10-03T15:52:20Z")
Walter Matthau in **The Guide for the Married Man**. Arguably Robert Morse, too. When I saw this film as a kid, I admired the thoroughness of the planning and maneuvering, even while I thought the goal of it despicable. I still do. > **[The History of The Discovery of Cinematography --- An Illustrated...](http://www.precinemahistory.net/)** > > The History of the Discovery of Cinematography And, for what it’s worth, after all the maneuvering, Matthau’s character never actually does cheat on his wife, and Morse’s gets caught at it. So morality is satisfied … ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/30 "2007-10-03T15:57:45Z")
[QUOTE=Lionne] \*\*Closer \*\* with Natalie Portman and Jude Law. Lots of heartbreak and infidelity going on there. [/QUOTE] True, but NONE of those people were sympathetic. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Punkyova](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@The\_Punkyova](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Punkyova)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/31 "2007-10-03T16:00:46Z")
**The Waitress** I hated that movie with an intensity hard to express within the guidelines of this forum. One of the many, many evil-bad-no-good things about that movie was that both of the leads were married to other people, and jumping each others’ bones at every opportunity. ---
**Author:** ![SaharaTea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SaharaTea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaharaTea)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/32 "2007-10-03T16:04:55Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] In _Walk the Line_, both Johnny Cash and June Carter are married to other people for a long stretch of the movie. I know that’s factually accurate but it still seemed a little off-putting to me that the audience was expected to feel sympathetic about their affair. [/QUOTE] Definitely. I think the audience was supposed to dislike Johnny’s wife Vivian, but I completely sympathized with her having to deal with a drug-addicted absentee husband who was so clearly obsessed with another woman. In **Sideways** , Thomas Haden Church cheats on his fiancee not once but twice and generally acts like an all-around bastard. ---
**Author:** ![Amok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f17d59/32.png) [@Amok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amok)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/33 "2007-10-03T16:06:27Z")
I’d say Bill Murray in _Lost In Translation_. I mean, he and Scarlet Johannson’s character never get physical despite some kinda romantic thing going on, but he does sleep with the lounge singer and is still meant to be a sympathetic character. ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/34 "2007-10-03T16:15:09Z")
Notes on a Scandal. But there it wasn’t the cheating which was sympathetic, but the cheater. She’s not a perfect woman - and does terrible damage to her family - but eventually realizes how much damage she caused. She closed herself off and got into a desperate neediness, which resulted in a really stupid affair with a teenager. Her husband makes a remark roughly along the lines of, “I wasn’t a F\*\*\*\*\*\* perfect man, but I was F\*\*\*\*\*\* HERE!” She does go back to him and he, in probably the movie’s best moment, silently stand in his doorway looking at her (also standing silently) until he calmly moves aside, inviting her home again. The movie isn’t exactly about her story, but it’s hardly a trivial part of it being the driving force for the “main” story, the even-more manipulative neediness of another teacher… ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/35 "2007-10-03T16:15:19Z")
[QUOTE=SaharaTea] In **Sideways** , Thomas Haden Church cheats on his fiancee not once but twice and generally acts like an all-around bastard. [/QUOTE] I don’t think his cheating was supposed to be seen as sympthetic, though. He was generally presented as an irresponsible, immature cad who totally deserved that busted nose he ended up with. ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/36 "2007-10-03T16:39:09Z")
Titanic… though not married she was engaged. Hell almost any chick flick on romance always is a fantasy about cheating. She is with a guy who is portrayed as a cad or a unloving chump. In comes the new guy who is sesitive/better looking/more romantic and off she goes. But it’s ok cause the other man is a CAD!!! I hate those movies because the woman is never honest or upfront. She should tell the jerk it’s over before fooling around. I would never trust a person who cheats because if they can’t be honest with the one they supposedly made vows to how can you be sure they will with you. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/37 "2007-10-03T16:57:07Z")
[QUOTE=kingpengvin] Titanic… though not married she was engaged. Hell almost any chick flick on romance always is a fantasy about cheating. She is with a guy who is portrayed as a cad or a unloving chump. In comes the new guy who is sesitive/better looking/more romantic and off she goes. But it’s ok cause the other man is a CAD!!! I hate those movies because the woman is never honest or upfront. She should tell the jerk it’s over before fooling around. I would never trust a person who cheats because if they can’t be honest with the one they supposedly made vows to how can you be sure they will with you. [/QUOTE] YES. That was the biggest thing about the Horse Whisperer. She had ample opportunity to tell him. And her husband was a really nice guy, not a mean bastard, and they made him look like such a chump. (Note: I haven’t actually seen the movie, but I don’t think the plot varies from the book.) I never watch chick flicks, or try not to, but god they suck. It’s OK to quit a marriage, it’s OK to divorce, but all parties need to be aware! ---
**Author:** ![KSO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f07891/32.png) [@KSO](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KSO)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/38 "2007-10-03T17:18:58Z")
[QUOTE=SaharaTea] Did you mean **Fatal Attraction**? Some women might say Michael Douglas got exactly what he had coming. 😉 [/QUOTE] I wouldn’t say he got exactly what he had coming, but I certainly didn’t find him sympathetic. Maybe I’m in the minority on that… To me that movie was interesting just for Glenn Close’s performance. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/39 "2007-10-03T19:12:20Z")
There was that movie about the Technicolor people who appeared in a Black-and-White 1950s town – I think a B&W wife was applauded for cheating on her B&W husband. ---
**Author:** ![Amok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f17d59/32.png) [@Amok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amok)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/40 "2007-10-03T19:15:42Z")
[QUOTE=acsenray] There was that movie about the Technicolor people who appeared in a Black-and-White 1950s town – I think a B&W wife was applauded for cheating on her B&W husband. [/QUOTE] Pleasantville. And yeah, it was the mother of the TV show the “real” kids got sucked into. She ends up cheating on the dad with the guy who runs the local diner. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336.md?page=3)