# "My Wife Just Doesn't Understand Me..." (Sympathetic cheaters in film) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 3, 2007, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336 "2007-10-03T02:12:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/41 "2007-10-03T19:19:34Z")
[QUOTE=SaharaTea] Did you mean **Fatal Attraction**? Some women might say Michael Douglas got exactly what he had coming. šŸ˜‰ [/QUOTE] Dā€™oh! Yes. Thatā€™s the movie alright. I suppose youā€™re right about just deserts and all. Still, I felt empathy in that he made one mistake and ended up with a shit load more than he anticipated. ---
**Author:** ![SaharaTea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SaharaTea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaharaTea)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/42 "2007-10-03T19:36:37Z")
Well, I didnā€™t mean to imply that I believed Glenn Closeā€™s actions were justified in _Fatal Attraction_. Just that the infidelity itself was not particularly sympathetic since Michael Douglasā€™ marriage was, by all accounts, a happy one. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/43 "2007-10-03T19:51:45Z")
I was just reminded of this one when his wife was mention in the ā€œMovie Characters you Really Hateā€ thread: Daniel Stearn in _City Slickers_. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/44 "2007-10-03T20:01:00Z")
[QUOTE=madmonk28] Arenā€™t both the leads in Brokeback Mountain married? [/QUOTE] I think ā€œBrokeback Mountainā€ is the ultimate example of sympathetic cheating. Iā€™m usually very down on cheating in movies, no matter how romantic they try to make it, but in BBM, they actually managed to portray the marriages that happened after the real romance between the two men started as the cheating. ---
**Author:** ![SparrowHawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac8455/32.png) [@SparrowHawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SparrowHawk)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/45 "2007-10-03T20:05:37Z")
The first one I thought of was **Dr. Zhivago**. ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/46 "2007-10-03T20:12:51Z")
[QUOTE=CalMeacham] Walter Matthau in **The Guide for the Married Man**. Arguably Robert Morse, too. When I saw this film as a kid, I admired the thoroughness of the planning and maneuvering, even while I thought the goal of it despicable. I still do. > **[The History of The Discovery of Cinematography --- An Illustrated...](http://www.precinemahistory.net/)** > > The History of the Discovery of Cinematography And, for what itā€™s worth, after all the maneuvering, Matthauā€™s character never actually does cheat on his wife, and Morseā€™s gets caught at it. So morality is satisfied .. [/QUOTE] Itā€™s been a long time since Iā€™ve seen the movie but another ironic point is Matthauā€™s character is married to a sexy blonde who is way out his league. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/47 "2007-10-03T20:23:59Z")
Another set of not-quite married characters would be the leads in ā€œAn Affair to Remember.ā€ Which is [claimed by some](http://www.afi.com/tvevents/100years/passions.aspx) to be one of the most romantic films of all time. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/48 "2007-10-03T20:40:35Z")
ā€œSame Time Next Yearā€ is a nice little movie with Alan Alda in which he maintains a 25 year affair with a woman he sees once a year. I think they are both sympathetic, but itā€™s been a while since Iā€™ve seen it. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/49 "2007-10-03T20:51:37Z")
Say, I just noticed that the wrong URL got stuck in there. While interesting, it has nothing to do weith infidelity. Hereā€™s the page for **a Guide to the Married Man** : > **[A Guide for the Married Man (1967) ā­ 6.6 | Comedy, Romance](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0061736/)** > > 1h 29m | Approved ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/50 "2007-10-03T21:01:57Z")
Isnā€™t there a new Farrelly Brothers movie with Ben Stiller where he gets married and then meets some woman? I havenā€™t seen it, but the commercials make it seem like he is supposed to be a sympathetic character. ---
**Author:** ![TheMerchandise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b487fb/32.png) [@TheMerchandise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheMerchandise)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/51 "2007-10-03T21:20:06Z")
In _The Departed_, Leonardo DiCaprio hooks up with Matt Damonā€™s wife. Weā€™re supposed to sympathize for Leo and Vera Fermiga in the situation. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/52 "2007-10-03T21:20:56Z")
[QUOTE=OtakuLoki] Another set of not-quite married characters would be the leads in ā€œAn Affair to Remember.ā€ Which is [claimed by some](http://www.afi.com/tvevents/100years/passions.aspx) to be one of the most romantic films of all time. [/QUOTE] Yes, but they make a point of breaking up with their intendeds & getting their separate acts together before continuing the relationship. ā€œNot quite marriedā€ is _not_ the same as Married. _An Affair to Remember_ was a remake of _Love Affair_, starring Charles Boyer & Irene Dunne. I find the original film less saccharine. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/53 "2007-10-03T21:21:55Z")
[QUOTE=Gangster Octopus] Isnā€™t there a new Farrelly Brothers movie with Ben Stiller where he gets married and then meets some woman? I havenā€™t seen it, but the commercials make it seem like he is supposed to be a sympathetic character. [/QUOTE] The Heartbreak Kid? From the commercials, Iā€™m getting the sense that he meets a woman (Cameron Diaz), Iā€™m not sure if he marries her but he doesnā€™t realize how awful she really is. I didnā€™t know he then cheated on her, thoughā€¦ ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/54 "2007-10-03T21:25:56Z")
[QUOTE=Bridget Burke] Yes, but they make a point of breaking up with their intendeds & getting their separate acts together before continuing the relationship. ā€œNot quite marriedā€ is _not_ the same as Married. [/QUOTE] Agreed. I wouldnā€™t have mentioned the film, except that other not-quite-married relationships, such as Roseā€™s from _Titanic_ are being accepted. ---
**Author:** ![Plan\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Plan\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plan_B)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/55 "2007-10-03T21:28:22Z")
**A Walk on the Moon** and **The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and Her Lover** ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/56 "2007-10-03T21:30:31Z")
[QUOTE=Plan B] **The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and Her Lover** [/QUOTE] Good one. I donā€™t think anyone was feeling bad for the cuckolded thief in this one. ---
**Author:** ![Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laughing_Lagomorph)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/57 "2007-10-03T21:51:10Z")
How about the John Cleese character in _A Fish Called Wanda_? His marriage is portrayed as loveless and his wife is such an unpleasant harpy it makes him sympathetic. With respect to _Fatal Attraction_ it always seemed to me the movie was trying to make some point with the fact that Michael Douglas is the married guy that commits infidelity but he comes through relatively unscathed. Instead it is the female characters (his wife, his daughter, and Glenn Close) who pay the price to various degrees. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/58 "2007-10-03T21:53:02Z")
How about _Election_? Matthew Broderickā€™s character attempts to cheat on his wife with the neighbor (his best friendā€™s wife). Itā€™s a despicable action, but he is the character weā€™re meant to ID with. (Well, Tracey, too, to some degree.) Plus, considering all the stuff that happens to him afterwards, you feel a lot worse for him. At least, thatā€™s how I felt when I first saw it. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/59 "2007-10-03T23:09:18Z")
[QUOTE=Zoggie] How about _Election_? Matthew Broderickā€™s character attempts to cheat on his wife with the neighbor (his best friendā€™s wife). Itā€™s a despicable action, but he is the character weā€™re meant to ID with. (Well, Tracey, too, to some degree.) Plus, considering all the stuff that happens to him afterwards, you feel a lot worse for him. At least, thatā€™s how I felt when I first saw it. [/QUOTE] I donā€™t think we were supposed to feel too sympathetic to him. In fact, I think the attempted adultery is Payneā€™s way of letting us know that itā€™s not simply a nice liberal schoolteacher against an annoying high school Machiavelli. Everyone has an agenda. Itā€™s one of my favorite movies, if only for Tammyā€™s speech. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2007, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336/60 "2007-10-03T23:13:29Z")
[QUOTE=Larry Borgia] I donā€™t think we were supposed to feel too sympathetic to him. In fact, I think the attempted adultery is Payneā€™s way of letting us know that itā€™s not simply a nice liberal schoolteacher against an annoying high school Machiavelli. Everyone has an agenda. Itā€™s one of my favorite movies, if only for Tammyā€™s speech. [/QUOTE] I enjoyed it, too. Maybe itā€™s because I was an overly romanticized high school student with a serious crush on Matthew Broderick at the time, but I was really rooting for him. (Iā€™m aware that sneaking off after school to a motel room and trying to rig votes for a high school election are hardly the actions of a romantic hero. I was a twisted child.) I just keep thinking of the part when Linda (that was the name of the woman he was going after, right?) turned him down, telling him heā€™d taken advantage of her when she was just as interested. That made me sympathize with himā€“it really felt like it was him against the whole world. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-just-doesnt-understand-me-sympathetic-cheaters-in-film/421336.md?page=4)