# My wife passed away **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 7, 2021, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-passed-away/932357 "2021-02-07T04:46:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-passed-away/932357/61 "2021-02-08T16:23:03Z")
Ulf, I am so sorry. – I think what else I would have said has already been said well here by others. ---
**Author:** ![nonacetone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonacetone/32/2819_2.png) [@nonacetone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nonacetone)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-passed-away/932357/62 "2021-02-08T16:34:49Z")
I’m so very sorry to hear this. I send you, your family, and friends, my most sincere condolences. May you find peace. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-passed-away/932357/63 "2021-02-08T16:43:07Z")
Condolences, **Ulf**. Be well. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-passed-away/932357/64 "2021-02-08T16:44:37Z")
I’m very sorry for your loss, Ulf. May her memory be a blessing to you. ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-passed-away/932357/65 "2021-02-08T23:42:32Z")
My condolences to you and your daughter Ulf. She sounds like a lovely being. Be good to yourself as you go through this big adjustment. And many happy memories to you. Hugs. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2021, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-passed-away/932357/66 "2021-02-09T00:27:04Z")
My deepest sympathies for your loss - she sounds like a wonderful wife, mother and friend. The political humor sounds hilarious!! ---
**Author:** ![Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulf_the_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2021, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-passed-away/932357/67 "2021-02-09T02:42:18Z")
Thanks, all. I am very moved by all the support you have offered. You’re a great bunch of people. Glad that I was able to express the terrific things about her. And glad that the psychopath line got a few laughs 🙂 She would’ve appreciated that. Does appreciate it. I am trying to be gentle with myself but it’s not what I do best. I guess it’s good practice to try! Though I’ll miss her very much, I will not miss the 3- or 4-day a week hundred-mile-plus round trip to and from the hospital, or the ICU’s number showing up on my phone because they need to do another procedure on her, or trying for what sometimes seemed like hours to get an update on her condition. The hospital generally did very well, and I am grateful, but this really has been a roller coaster. Just a note about family. Our daughter is grown; she moved back with us four plus years ago, when her little boy was born. They’re still here and I doubt they’re going anywhere any time soon for various reasons. I do a lot of the childcare and it’s been really nice having the little guy around. I’ve been reading to him at night and putting him to bed for most of the last few months; that’s been a very wonderful time for both of us and has helped me stay sane. We also have a son who lives several states away with his partner. Due to covid they were not able to make it here before my wife died, but they were here for the service and several days afterward, and I am grateful for that. One more line from my wife a couple of days before her death. Some are finding this one very funny also, others not so much. It isn’t political. ☹ (I do think she tried to make it through the inauguration, just to make sure…) She texted me early in the morning to come down as soon as possible because she thought she was very close to the end. I called the nurse, who said, well, no, she wasn’t actually as near as she thought, but it would be fine to come before visiting hours, hold her hand, calm her down a little. I did have a couple of tasks to get through before I left, like walking the dog. Given that the trip was an hour I should’ve told my wife that I was on my way, and she would never have known the difference: but no, honesty was the best policy or so I believed, and so I texted “I’ll be down soon, just have a couple of things I need to do first.” She texted back “No, you don’t!” and then added “I have dying to do!” Thanks again. ---
**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2021, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-passed-away/932357/68 "2021-02-09T02:53:55Z")
Thank you for sharing her with me. It truly has been a blessing the two of you have given me. So tickled to read about how special the rituals with your grandchild are and I hope your wife got to enjoy lots of grandma time. It is the best!! Before memories and objects fade away, may I suggest making a memory box for your grandchild with lots of stories and objects of his grandma, even mundane things such as a favorite coffee mug or a sweater or scarf with her scent, for him to have forever? Especially copies of any pictures of the two of them together. My kids tell me how important those kinds of memories are to them now of my parents who were such a big part of their early childhoods. The most humble things become so precious. Peace be with you and yours, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulf_the_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2021, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-passed-away/932357/69 "2021-02-12T03:16:12Z")
What a wonderful idea–a “Marmar box” (the little guy called her Marmar)! I shared your suggestion with my daughter, giving you full credit of course (“BippityBoppityBoo says…”) and she is all in. Knowing her, it will be a _very large_ box, perhaps industrial-sized, but that’s just fine. Cannot thank you enough, for this and more. ---
**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2021, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-passed-away/932357/70 "2021-02-12T04:44:38Z")
I love the name Marmar box. Industrial sized sounds about right for grandma love for little ones. Be sure to slip some of your memories of her love for him in there too. How she described him to others, what she liked to cook for him, rhymes or songs she sang to him. Holding you all in the light. ---
**Author:** ![mordecaiB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mordecaib/32/7725_2.png) [@mordecaiB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mordecaiB)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2021, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-passed-away/932357/71 "2021-02-12T07:39:03Z")
Sorry for your loss, **Ulf**. Your stories in this thread are a nice tribute to her. ---
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2021, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-passed-away/932357/72 "2021-02-12T14:29:15Z")
May you and your family draw comfort in your memories! “Marmar box” idea is perfect! And sharing stories of Marmar is wonderful. Perhaps the bedtime ritual can include a Marmar story each night. As he grows, I hope you and your daughter see your wife in him. That will be her gift to you. ~VOW ---
**Author:** ![Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulf_the_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2021, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-passed-away/932357/73 "2021-02-17T19:26:35Z")
We are working on the Marmar box! Terrific idea–thanks again. But mostly wanted to see how you are doing. I have not been on the board much in the last week or so, just one evening I believe…but I think I remember you are on the Great Plains (Nebraska?) and I know it has been bitterly cold. My Chicago relatives, including my son and my mom, are complaining about cold, and I’m sure you’re getting it even worse. No need to reply if your fingers are too cold to type–just a “thinking of you” message, is all. ---
**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2021, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-passed-away/932357/74 "2021-02-18T02:32:46Z")
You are so thoughtful to remember and ask. You are remembering it well. I live in Lincoln, Nebraska and we have been in the thick of the worst cold in a century for us, mostly because not only how very low (often-39 degree sustained wind chill) but the day after day endlessness of it. We still hadn’t dug out of the record ever depth of snowfall in one day snowstorm before this deep, deep, sustained freeze with a few more 5-6 inch snowfalls on top of the record one. Last Saturday my pipes froze in the basement and still are not fully back thawed but I have essential clean water and flushing capability once again. Tomorrow a dear friend of my youngest son is coming back over to continue wrapping all my basement pipes with heat cables and insulation. Kids today, they are the best ever! “Kids, get back on my lawn and please stay there!” Anyhow, my cat’s water bowl on my kitchen bowl has had a thin film of ice on it since Monday, but we just pick it up and pitch it in the sink. I have some space heaters right next to us for essential survival and roomie and I are wearing lots of layers. I can always go over to my daughter’s 15 minutes away if the rolling power outages start happening again (the last one was Tuesday and I was already at her house babysitting my 3yo granddaughter whose preschool was closed because of the cold conditions). My roomie grew up in Arkansas so it is much harder for her but she is a good sport and we’ve already decided that come time when the restaurants safely reopen we are going to go for endless French Onion soup or clam chowder and laugh about this month. I am much better off here than our dear Doper friends in Texas~I grew up in this weather, we have the layers of clothes needed right at hand, we know how to get through it. What is happening in Texas is way beyond the pale and it sounds like the way their public utilities are organized has turned out to be a huge disadvantage. I’m holding good thoughts for all of them and hope the residents take those governmental units to task and changes are made before the next time. And there will be a next time, Mother Nature is like that. Happy about the MarMar box and that is making me smile. I’ll enjoy hearing more. Stay warm and safe. Hug each other lots, even if it only virtually. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-passed-away/932357.md?page=3)