# my wife thinks im cheating on her, I'M NOT **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 28, 2011, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250 "2011-03-28T13:13:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/61 "2011-03-29T12:44:30Z")
She’s either cheating on you and deflecting her guilt or going through some mental issues. What are her parents like? ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/62 "2011-03-29T13:55:34Z")
Oh, sorry. I was multi-tasking and ended up typing the way people in the office talk. > [@Munch](#): > > I don’t know what a DP is, but I read it as “[A DP I was acquainted with]'s wife”, as in “somebody’s wife” where somebody=“DP I knew”. This is correct. In our office I usually hear something along the lines of “This-guy-I-used-to-know’s car got stolen…” meaning “Dave’s car got stolen”, but no one in the office knows Dave, so “Dave”=“this guy I used to know.” And yeah, it gets really confusing when you hear: “This dude who used to date my sister’s dog got run over.” It doesn’t mean the dude dated a dog and then got run over, it means the dude who dated the sister used to have a dog, but thanks to a car, he doesn’t have a dog anymore. “DP” stands for “director of photography” (basically a cinematographer). I met him when I was a PA (production assistant). Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention and that the world at large isn’t familiar with those terms. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/63 "2011-03-29T13:57:05Z")
whoa double post ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/64 "2011-03-29T14:21:56Z")
> [@SeldomSeen](#): > > Your situation raises several red flags from one who’s been there. There are several possibilities. > > A) She may honestly (if mistakenly) believe you are having an affair. > > B) She may be psychologically projecting her own behavior onto you. > > C) She may know the accusation is false, but is using it as a manipulative device. In my humble opinion, I think there’s another possibility it between honest mistake and conniving manipulation. It could be that she’s afraid or jealous about something, but for some reason can’t talk about it, so complains about a possible affair as a proxy. It’s an important difference from A) or C) because (unlike A) facts won’t help, but (unlike B or C) with some work to get her to talk about what’s really bothering her, it’s a potentially fixable situation. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/65 "2011-03-29T15:17:26Z")
Thanks for the clarification, **Swallowed**. (Please excuse the “editor” mode that follows:) I don’t blame you for using a style that you’re accustomed to in the workplace. But I suspect that it all might have been clearer in the first place should the information have been pared back to what is relevant to the audience here. Viz.: “The wife of an acquaintance of mine …” ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/66 "2011-03-29T16:57:12Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > Thanks for the clarification, **Swallowed**. (Please excuse the “editor” mode that follows:) I don’t blame you for using a style that you’re accustomed to in the workplace. But I suspect that it all might have been clearer in the first place should the information have been pared back to what is relevant to the audience here. Viz.: “The wife of an acquaintance of mine …” As I said, I was multi-tasking and wrote as they speak in my office. Being a DP is actually relevant, since the long, unpredictable hours of the shooting schedule can mean 18 hour work days. FTR, believe it or not, my job requires copy editing (I work with publications). Needless to say the garbage I type here doesn’t reflect what I do job-wise. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/67 "2011-03-29T19:53:07Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > I’m assuming you’ve tried to discuss this with her. If you have and it hasn’t worked, the two of you need to see a marriage counselor. Note: The spouse who has an affair with the marriage counselor gets bonus points. Also note: if you BOTH have an affair with the same marriage counselor, you each get double bonus points. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/68 "2011-03-29T20:56:35Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > Note: The spouse who has an affair with the marriage counselor gets bonus points. > > Also note: if you BOTH have an affair with the same marriage counselor, you each get double bonus points. You got to throw in one more. You get jealous, and squeal and get the therapist in trouble for dating a patient. That’s worth all the points! ---
**Author:** ![dallascarr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e0b2c6/32.png) [@dallascarr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dallascarr)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/69 "2011-05-03T14:46:55Z")
Still a problem, we made an appt. to see a therapist this week, and for the assholes who believe this is fake or “yanking your chain”…FUCK YOU. I take this very seriously and your jokes and suspicions are very unappreciated. By the way asshole I used spellcheck this time ,I hope it’s O.K. for ya, but I’m sure you’ll let me know if I misspelled something. ---
**Author:** ![dallascarr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e0b2c6/32.png) [@dallascarr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dallascarr)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/70 "2011-05-03T14:54:35Z")
point taken, but “on the road” means meetings not just free time ---
**Author:** ![dallascarr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e0b2c6/32.png) [@dallascarr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dallascarr)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/71 "2011-05-03T14:59:00Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > I’m genuinely baffled that anyone thinks that they, who know the situation intimately and have known the other party for, in this case, upwards of a decade, are less able to handle a situation like this than are a random collection of anonymous strangers on the internet, who are working off of one small paragraph of sketchy (and yes, poorly communicated) one-sided information. > > I’m slightly more baffled that so many of the anonymous strangers seem to agree with him. I’m sorry but I need other peoples input, this is killing me ---
**Author:** ![dallascarr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e0b2c6/32.png) [@dallascarr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dallascarr)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/72 "2011-05-03T15:04:51Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > I’m assuming you’ve tried to discuss this with her. If you have and it hasn’t worked, the two of you need to see a marriage counselor. Many many times. I reassure her I’m not cheating BUT if she thinks I am, she wont believe me ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/73 "2011-05-03T15:06:09Z")
So a little more than a month has passed. Any new developments other than therapy? - Did she provide any more details of her accusations? - Do you even have the inkling that she may be cheating on you, as suggested by several up-thread? - Have you done anything to dissuade her of your accused cheating? ---
**Author:** ![dallascarr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e0b2c6/32.png) [@dallascarr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dallascarr)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/74 "2011-05-03T15:09:15Z")
> [@Shirley\_Ujest](#): > > She’s either cheating on you and deflecting her guilt or going through some mental issues. > > What are her parents like? Their good people, we hang out all the time. I’m not sure they know about this, I haven’t said anything to them.But I’m sure they know me enough to know I’m not a cheater and will side w/ me ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/75 "2011-05-03T15:12:17Z")
Crazy idea, but did you ever ask her why she thought you were cheating? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/76 "2011-05-03T17:58:48Z")
> [@dallascarr](#): > > Still a problem, we made an appt. to see a therapist this week, and for the assholes who believe this is fake or “yanking your chain”…FUCK YOU. I take this very seriously and your jokes and suspicions are very unappreciated. By the way asshole I used spellcheck this time ,I hope it’s O.K. for ya, but I’m sure you’ll let me know if I misspelled something. I understand your frustration, but this language is completely unacceptable outside of the Pit. Don’t do this again. **twickster** , MPSIMS moderator ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/77 "2011-05-03T18:02:56Z")
If this was his reaction to someone accusing of him trolling or bad grammar, can you imagine what his reaction was to someone accusing him adultry!! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/78 "2011-05-03T18:33:38Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Crazy idea, but did you ever ask her why she thought you were cheating? Well now, that is a crazy idea! Hey, dallascarr, did you ever ask your wife why she thought you were cheating? ---
**Author:** ![classyladyhp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5ac83/32.png) [@classyladyhp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/classyladyhp)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/79 "2011-05-04T17:37:01Z")
There has got to be some reason she is thinking this:dubious: ---
**Author:** ![classyladyhp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5ac83/32.png) [@classyladyhp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/classyladyhp)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/80 "2011-05-04T17:38:18Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > If this was his reaction to someone accusing of him trolling or bad grammar, can you imagine what his reaction was to someone accusing him adultry!! :eek: I find it highly irritating when someone picks on your spelling as well. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250.md?page=5)