# my wife thinks im cheating on her, I'M NOT **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 28, 2011, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250 "2011-03-28T13:13:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/81 "2011-05-04T17:46:44Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > Hey, dallascarr, did you ever ask your wife why she thought you were cheating? We’re bound to get to the bottom of this one day! ---
**Author:** ![classyladyhp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5ac83/32.png) [@classyladyhp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/classyladyhp)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/82 "2011-05-04T18:02:48Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > If this was his reaction to someone accusing of him trolling or bad grammar, can you imagine what his reaction was to someone accusing him adultry!! :eek: I find it highly irritating when someone picks on your spelling as well. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/83 "2011-05-04T19:32:44Z")
> [@dallascarr](#): > > Many many times. I reassure her I’m not cheating BUT if she thinks I am, she wont believe me Counseling is best, but why not leave your cellphone out where she can look at it, then leave the room. If she is truly suspicious she might take the opportunity to go through your call log - if it is clean (and I trust it is) that might help. Ditto for credit card statements. I’ve never cheated, or been cheated on, but my understanding that this usually involves hiding the evidence, and being as open as possible would be good at easing her suspicions. But don’t push the evidence at her, or she might think you’ve scrubbed it. Let her find it. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/84 "2011-05-04T19:37:55Z")
Unfortunately, the person that needs to do something is your wife. No one can really tell her, but she’s the one that, deep down, has to start trusting you and taking you at face value. Until that happens, it’s all wasted effort. She’ll see any moment you’re out of earshot as a potential rendezvous. In my personal case, I had to start with the statement “if she was or was not faithful, it doesn’t matter now. What matters now is what goes on from here.” If she cannot get beyond her own trust issues, nothing else will matter. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/85 "2011-05-04T19:41:09Z")
> [@classyladyhp](#): > > I find it highly irritating when someone picks on your spelling as well. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. > [@classyladyhp](#): > > I find it highly irritating when someone picks on your spelling as well. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. Like double posting more than 20 minutes apart. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![dmatsch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3be4f8/32.png) [@dmatsch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dmatsch)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/86 "2011-05-04T19:57:42Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Yeah, well, some of us LIKE to play Armchair Psychologist. I also think that advice you get from anonymous strangers on the internet is worth exactly what you paid for it. 🙂 > > Yeah! Armchair psychologists made sure my 2nd (perfectly fine six months before the message board) marriage ended. Not only are they NOT qualified, they have an active Schadenfreude complex in seeing others go through pain. You know, the loyal Jerry Springer, Soap Opera type of people. Anything more than just a “Go see a therapist” suggestion in this thread is unwarranted and frankly, disgusts me. All of you who said “She’s cheating” should be absolutely ashamed of yourselves for even planting an idea like that in this guy’s head. True or not, you have NO QUALIFIED CLUE and shouldn’t comment as such. OP: Hie the immediately to a therapist. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/87 "2011-05-04T23:40:33Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Like double posting more than 20 minutes apart. 😕 I’ve had that happen when I posted, continued surfing, and a while later hit the back button to return to the thread. It hasn’t happened in a long time though. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/88 "2011-05-05T02:52:29Z")
> [@dmatsch](#): > > Anything more than just a “Go see a therapist” suggestion in this thread is unwarranted and frankly, disgusts me. If that’s the case, then what’s the point of a thread asking for advice? ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/89 "2011-05-05T03:06:53Z")
Waitaminit, a message board “made sure” to destroy your marriage? ---
**Author:** ![TurboNuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f19dbf/32.png) [@TurboNuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TurboNuke)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/90 "2011-05-05T04:31:49Z")
> [@dmatsch](#): > > Armchair psychologists made sure my 2nd (perfectly fine six months before the message board) marriage ended. Not only are they NOT qualified, they have an active Schadenfreude complex in seeing others go through pain. > > You know, the loyal Jerry Springer, Soap Opera type of people. > > Anything more than just a “Go see a therapist” suggestion in this thread is unwarranted and frankly, disgusts me. All of you who said “She’s cheating” should be absolutely ashamed of yourselves for even planting an idea like that in this guy’s head. > > True or not, you have NO QUALIFIED CLUE and shouldn’t comment as such. > > OP: Hie the immediately to a therapist. She was cheating on you. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/91 "2011-05-05T07:02:23Z")
> [@dmatsch](#): > > Armchair psychologists made sure my 2nd (perfectly fine six months before the message board) marriage ended. Not only are they NOT qualified, they have an active Schadenfreude complex in seeing others go through pain. > > You know, the loyal Jerry Springer, Soap Opera type of people. > > Anything more than just a “Go see a therapist” suggestion in this thread is unwarranted and frankly, disgusts me. All of you who said “She’s cheating” should be absolutely ashamed of yourselves for even planting an idea like that in this guy’s head. > > True or not, you have NO QUALIFIED CLUE and shouldn’t comment as such. > > OP: Hie the immediately to a therapist. Classic case of projection. ---
**Author:** ![Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e47c2d/32.png) [@Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hershele_Ostropoler)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/92 "2011-05-05T14:29:06Z")
> [@Hampshire](#): > > Any external forces on her part that may be messing with her head raising her suspicions? Does she have any friends or relatives that have recently cheated or have been cheated on? Is she watching any TV shows or reading any novels where cheating is going on and she thinks about it a lot? Also: do her family/friends like you and trust you? Is it possible that someone is saying “I saw Dallas with another woman” and on one level she knows it’s for the business, it taps into her fears? Though really I’m inclined to go with the “best defense” hypothesis. ---
**Author:** ![fjs1fs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9e8a1a/32.png) [@fjs1fs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fjs1fs)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/93 "2011-05-05T15:37:56Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > My first thought was ‘she is having an affair’. > My first ex-wife did that. Maybe it hereditary because her mother did the same thing. Holy shit, zebra, are you me? Only difference is my “first wife” is still my wife–for now. She’s in denial but evidence is mounting. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/94 "2011-05-05T15:49:42Z")
> [@fjs1fs](#): > > Holy shit, zebra, are you me? Only difference is my “first wife” is still my wife–for now. She’s in denial but evidence is mounting. fjs1fs, over in this [thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=13762516&postcount=56), you say: > [@Facebook friending question.... (husband issue)](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/facebook-friending-question-husband-issue/580691/56): > > I have almost exact same issues with my wife. About six weeks ago I realized that she had been carrying on facebook conversation for over three years (!) with a former lover of hers (from prior to her marriage) whom I specifically told during our first year of our marriage NEVER to contact her again when he called our marital home asking for her. > > As you stated in your marriage, I’ve found a lot of other stuff that have caused EXTREME TRUST ISSUES. You and your wife sound alot like the OP of this thread, but in reverse. Are the facebook comments back in forth with her old flame the only evidence you have of mistrust? Are the communications sexual in nature? Or is it just simple keeping in touch kind of stuff? My wife is still friends with several old boyfriends. She’s communicates periodically with them. I have met a couple of them and had meals with them. No biggie. Some people can break up with someone and just be friends. ---
**Author:** ![classyladyhp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5ac83/32.png) [@classyladyhp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/classyladyhp)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/95 "2011-05-05T16:45:42Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Like double posting more than 20 minutes apart. 😕 I don’t know why there is a double-post. I didn’t intend to do that. Gosh darn it. I guess I’m not perfect. It’s awesome that you THINK you are though. Did you read the rules of the forum? I believe it said something in the terms of service about not being a jerk. ---
**Author:** ![classyladyhp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5ac83/32.png) [@classyladyhp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/classyladyhp)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/96 "2011-05-05T16:46:42Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > fjs1fs, over in this [thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=13762516&postcount=56), you say: > > You and your wife sound alot like the OP of this thread, but in reverse. Are the facebook comments back in forth with her old flame the only evidence you have of mistrust? Are the communications sexual in nature? Or is it just simple keeping in touch kind of stuff? > > My wife is still friends with several old boyfriends. She’s communicates periodically with them. I have met a couple of them and had meals with them. No biggie. **Some people can break up with someone and just be friends**. You keep believing that. ---
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/97 "2011-05-05T16:53:01Z")
> [@classyladyhp](#): > > You keep believing that. I’m good friends with all three of my exes… 😕 I met them first as friends, it went to dating for a while, didn’t work out for various reasons, and now we’re just friends again/still. I have no reasons to ditch them as friends just because they weren’t good life partners or bedroom partners. Of course, my husband is also friends with most of my friends (we all met in the same group and shuffled around until we hit on workable pairings) so that might help. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/98 "2011-05-05T16:54:58Z")
> [@dmatsch](#): > > Armchair psychologists made sure my 2nd (perfectly fine six months before the message board) marriage ended. Not only are they NOT qualified, they have an active Schadenfreude complex in seeing others go through pain. > > You know, the loyal Jerry Springer, Soap Opera type of people. > > Anything more than just a “Go see a therapist” suggestion in this thread is unwarranted and frankly, disgusts me. All of you who said “She’s cheating” should be absolutely ashamed of yourselves for even planting an idea like that in this guy’s head. > > True or not, you have NO QUALIFIED CLUE and shouldn’t comment as such. > > OP: Hie the immediately to a therapist. I’m sorry for making you post about your marital troubles here. I won’t do it again. ---
**Author:** ![classyladyhp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5ac83/32.png) [@classyladyhp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/classyladyhp)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/99 "2011-05-05T17:10:57Z")
> [@Lasciel](#): > > I’m good friends with all three of my exes… 😕 > > I met them first as friends, it went to dating for a while, didn’t work out for various reasons, and now we’re just friends again/still. > > I have no reasons to ditch them as friends just because they weren’t good life partners or bedroom partners. > > Of course, my husband is also friends with most of my friends (we all met in the same group and shuffled around until we hit on workable pairings) so that might help. That is great if you were able to do that but I don’t think it’s the norm. ---
**Author:** ![classyladyhp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5ac83/32.png) [@classyladyhp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/classyladyhp)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250/100 "2011-05-05T17:12:43Z")
> [@dmatsch](#): > > Armchair psychologists made sure my 2nd (perfectly fine six months before the message board) marriage ended. Not only are they NOT qualified, they have an active Schadenfreude complex in seeing others go through pain. > > You know, the loyal Jerry Springer, Soap Opera type of people. > > Anything more than just a “Go see a therapist” suggestion in this thread is unwarranted and frankly, disgusts me. All of you who said “She’s cheating” should be absolutely ashamed of yourselves for even planting an idea like that in this guy’s head. > > True or not, you have NO QUALIFIED CLUE and shouldn’t comment as such. > > OP: Hie the immediately to a therapist. Are you actually blaming the destruction of your marriage on total strangers??? Alrighty then… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her-im-not/576250.md?page=6)