# My wife thinks I'm cheating on her. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 2, 2010, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her/541606 "2010-06-02T04:39:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her/541606/81 "2010-06-02T15:48:42Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > I was just playing around. Maybe I hit a sore spot? šŸ˜‰ Get a room, you two. šŸ˜› ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her/541606/82 "2010-06-02T15:50:42Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > And my magic 8 ball says yours is fucking the family dog. > > Or was that your mother? The 8 ball is bit dusty and hard to read. Take a deep breath. It was pretty clearly a light-hearted joke. > [@Wile\_E](#): > > Grow up? Seriously? I can think of lots of guys that didnā€™t deal with their surging testosterone in a very grown up manner; Jesse James, Tiger Woods, any number of politicians. > > It is a medical certainty that hormonal surges can cause behavioral changes. No one is saying the pregnant woman needs 24 hour pampering, just a little extra understanding and patience. Yes, and men behaving poorly is very rarely a valid excuse. Men make up the vast majority of prisoners precisely because they donā€™t get to blame it on the hormones. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her/541606/83 "2010-06-02T15:54:24Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > I was just playing around. Maybe I hit a sore spot? šŸ˜‰ Considering the overwhelmingly hostile **tone** of this thread, Iā€™m not surprised your comment was taken poorly. As for the OP: other than couples therapy, I have no clue. And I have a feeling that option is not practical in your situation ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her/541606/84 "2010-06-02T15:57:00Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > Until youā€™ve been pregnant, youā€™ve got no legs in this one. Iā€™m bipolar, so I know from crazyā€¦ and how I was when I was pregnant? Iā€™m lucky every single one of my friends didnā€™t beat me to death, honestly. The hormones when youā€™re pregnant are like nothing else Iā€™ve experienced. Well, unless youā€™ve got a cock and balls, you donā€™t know what being a guy feels like. What I do know, is that I was in the Army and knew many women who were every bit as professional and soldierly as men, and when they got pregnant, they sucked it up and drove on. Theyā€™ve got the same hormones you do. Itā€™s not like basic training takes care of that. No doubt in my mind at all pregnancy can be an emotional bitch, but a lot of women donā€™t have the luxury of being spoiled and needy about it. A genuine mental illness, as you have, is of course another matter. ---
**Author:** ![canadiankorean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/2bfe46/32.png) [@canadiankorean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/canadiankorean)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her/541606/85 "2010-06-02T15:58:45Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Considering the overwhelmingly hostile **tone** of this thread, Iā€™m not surprised your comment was taken poorly. > > As for the OP: other than couples therapy, I have no clue. And I have a feeling that option is not practical in your situation I feel like the OP wasnā€™t looking for help. He was posting to feel like a divorce is the only way to go. He already decided his course of action. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her/541606/86 "2010-06-02T16:01:00Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Considering the overwhelmingly hostile **tone** of this thread, Iā€™m not surprised your comment was taken poorly. It seemed as hostile as every other thread I inevitably make an ass out of myself in. šŸ˜ƒ Iā€™d be worried about the panties. I mean, I only have a little over a yearā€™s experience living on my own with a girl but I canā€™t comprehend mysterious undergarments appearing. As for the hormones, Iā€™m afraid of being group-tackled by the collective female poster base of the board, but I donā€™t think that a person should be able to get away acting like an assclown because theyā€™re pregnant. If I got worked up and said something stupid Iā€™d be held accountable for it, regardless of how much of an impact my flaring testosterone had on my behavior. ---
**Author:** ![Kkrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Kkrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kkrose)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her/541606/87 "2010-06-02T16:04:54Z")
I have a couple of funny stories that relate to this and where the panties might have come fromā€¦ One of my close friends lived in an apartment complex. She lived alone with no room-mate or boyfriend, and yet she was constantly finding strange panties in her laundry. At her apartment complex they had washer dryer hookups on the balcony of each individual apartment outside in a sort of laundry closet thing, so no shared machines. Anyways, it turns out her cat was going to another apartmentā€™s laundry pile (they must have left their baskets out) and snagging the panties and bringing them home. We discovered this as we were sitting on her balcony one day chatting and her cat jumped up on to the railing with a lacey purple thong in his mouth. He then proceeded to run into her bedroom and bat it around. Also, my boyfriend lives in an apartment complex with a shared laundry room. Maybe two months into our relationship he tried to return a black lace thong that I had ā€œleftā€ at his apartment. It was kind of cute how he reacted when I told him they werenā€™t mine. I still tease him about it almost a year later. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her/541606/88 "2010-06-02T16:12:08Z")
Thereā€™s been some name-calling going on here, as well as dragging another poster and topic into the conversation. Please, letā€™s stop this behavior now. Disagreement is fine, insults and name-calling or not. **Ellen Cherry MPSIMS Moderator** ---
**Author:** ![MoodIndigo1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@MoodIndigo1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoodIndigo1)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her/541606/89 "2010-06-02T16:14:21Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > Iā€™m surprised no one has come up with the correct answer yet. **Pool** , simply assure your wife that the panties donā€™t belong to another woman - theyā€™re YOURS! šŸ˜› You owe me a keyboard. BTW, I found a pair of girlā€™s panties in my dryer decades ago, and my husband had a fit, yelling at me, saying I was giving him a hard time and that I was too stupid to recognize my own underwear. Wellā€¦ about 8 years later, I found out about the girl with whom he had an affair and who slept at our house when Iā€™d gone with our baby to visit my mother for a few days. To the OP, I second the advice that both of you see a counsellor now, before you deploy. You have to try to clear things up with your wife, and give yourself peace of mind, before you leave. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her/541606/90 "2010-06-02T16:15:38Z")
> [@Ogre](#): > > So, letā€™s hear it, **pool**. Where did they come from? Well, isnā€™t it obvious??? Just yesterday Al Gore was counting Tippers panties, and found that a pair was MIAā€”What other POSSIBLE evidence could be needed? Clearly, pool and Tipper Gore have been caught red-handed, and good olā€™ Ogre canā€™t see the Straight Dope in front of his eyes. :rolleyes: (Seriously pool, good luck, and dont let Encyclopedia Brown-wannabe posters like Ogre make you nuts) ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her/541606/91 "2010-06-02T16:19:13Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > Well, unless youā€™ve got a cock and balls, you donā€™t know what being a guy feels like. > > What I do know, is that I was in the Army and knew many women who were every bit as professional and soldierly as men, and when they got pregnant, they sucked it up and drove on. Theyā€™ve got the same hormones you do. Itā€™s not like basic training takes care of that. No doubt in my mind at all pregnancy can be an emotional bitch, but a lot of women donā€™t have the luxury of being spoiled and needy about it. > > A genuine mental illness, as you have, is of course another matter. So when guys take a hit in the cock and balls they should just be able to suck it up and carry on instead if rolling around on the floor like big hormonal babies. Many mental illnesses are due to actual chemical imbalances in the brain. So you donā€™t think hormones could cause similar problems? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her/541606/92 "2010-06-02T16:25:23Z")
^Testicular trauma and the pain involved has nothing to do with hormones. The neural stimulus involves the celiac plexus (aka solar plexus). ---
**Author:** ![maladroit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@maladroit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maladroit)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her/541606/93 "2010-06-02T16:26:01Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > You know she could be scared about handling the baby on her own while youā€™re gone or if something happens to you and she may be arguing with you and accusing you of things to distance herself and spare herself some hurt. Being pregnant may not be helping her emotional state. Thatā€™s what I was thinking too, abandonment issues, sheā€™s afraid heā€™s leaving her (well, he is, but it hooks into her fear of emotional abandonment). She should get counseling on her own at the least, joint counseling if itā€™s possible. And she sounds immature. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her/541606/94 "2010-06-02T16:26:23Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > It seemed as hostile as every other thread I inevitably make an ass out of myself in. šŸ˜ƒ > > Iā€™d be worried about the panties. I mean, I only have a little over a yearā€™s experience living on my own with a girl but I canā€™t comprehend mysterious undergarments appearing. > > As for the hormones, Iā€™m afraid of being group-tackled by the collective female poster base of the board, but I donā€™t think that a person should be able to get away acting like an assclown because theyā€™re pregnant. If I got worked up and said something stupid Iā€™d be held accountable for it, regardless of how much of an impact my flaring testosterone had on my behavior. Dude, I am so coming over to your place and planting panties in your laundry. That will teach you. Smiley included as thread is humor impairment zone. šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her/541606/95 "2010-06-02T16:30:27Z")
Well hereā€™s a bit of cod wisdom and an anecdote. Iā€™ve read many places (no idea whether itā€™s true) that someone who is cheating will subconsciously look for evidence of cheating in their partner. IOW, being suspicious of cheating is a symptom of cheating oneself. So I was going out with this girl and she got really obsessed with a piece of lacy cloth she found on the floor of my apartment. I was mystified about it, until I realised after a few days that it had ripped off an Indian cushion cover that I had. The next time she was round I found her examining the cloth again and looking really odd about it, so I showed her where it had come off the cushion. During the same week, I had spent the night at her place and in the morning found on her bedroom floor a manā€™s sock; not one of mine as I only ever wear one brand. She could have said that it was from a previous boyfriend - her room was pretty messy - but she insisted that it was mine and that I was talking out of my ass that I didnā€™t recognise it. Guess who was cheating on whom? ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her/541606/96 "2010-06-02T16:31:25Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > ^Testicular trauma and the pain involved has nothing to do with hormones. The neural stimulus involves the celiac plexus (aka solar plexus). Yeah, I know but for some reason the mental image of kicking someone in the balls passed through my mind and it amused me so I wrote it down. Must be my hormones. šŸ˜› ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her/541606/97 "2010-06-02T16:40:39Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > Yeah, I know but for some reason the mental image of kicking someone in the balls passed through my mind and it amused me so I wrote it down. Must be my hormones. šŸ˜› OK, we cool then. _crosses legs_ šŸ˜› ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her/541606/98 "2010-06-02T16:41:46Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > Guess who was cheating on whom? I know data isnā€™t the plural of evidence, unless youā€™re a sociologist (JOKE! please donā€™t attack me for that), but my ex once was absolutely convinced Iā€™d had an affair because of some imagined slight. Or maybe she was convinced I was having an affair at my cricket club, because you know all the cricket groupies love to hang out at Oxfordshire Eighth Division matches and hit on all the net bowlers. Anyway, you can guess what was actually going on behind the scenes. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her/541606/99 "2010-06-02T16:42:24Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > So when guys take a hit in the cock and balls they should just be able to suck it up and carry on instead if rolling around on the floor like big hormonal babies. Itā€™s good to know when you disagree with a man the mental image of a man getting hit in balls amuses you. Got it. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her/541606/100 "2010-06-02T16:45:23Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > Dude, I am so coming over to your place and planting panties in your laundry. That will teach you. If thereā€™s a girl wearing them when you plant 'em, sure. Iā€™m single at the moment. šŸ˜› [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her/541606.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-im-cheating-on-her/541606.md?page=6)