# My wife thinks she has precognition, X-ray vision and a supercalculator brain **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 22, 2003, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-she-has-precognition-x-ray-vision-and-a-supercalculator-brain/220483 "2003-12-22T17:49:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2003, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-she-has-precognition-x-ray-vision-and-a-supercalculator-brain/220483/41 "2003-12-22T23:06:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Shade \* > Sauron, you write the most amazing pit threads, I salute you. Thank you very much. > [@](#): > > (PS. Err… I have a bad feeling about saying this but I thought that non-pitting pit threads were verbotenered recently… Threads like this are a reason I’d disagree with that ruling, or at least seek loopholes. Or am I completely off-base here?) Actually, I’m glad you brought this up. (Or down, depending on how you want to interpret font size.) I’m hoping for some clarification. I should probably do this in ATMB, or via e-mail, but since the subject has been broached … The conversation I’m quoting between **Aries28** and myself actually happened – complete with my dazzling verbal ripostes. And yes, we both do get frustrated about minor, petty stuff like the amount we spend on each other for Christmas. I tend to use humor as a safety valve on many things when I’m frustrated, so when I post some rants here I try to inject humor into them. I’m not always successful, but that’s another story. In this instance, though, I’m not really frustrated at the lovely and talented **Aries28**. I’m frustrated that she found the two gifts I _thought_ I had hidden well enough under the tree, but such is life. And I’m aware of the recent discussions/debates regarding joke threads in the Pit. All of which leaves me wondering where exactly I should put little missives like this. I’m ranting, in a way, but I’m also trying to make light of the situation, in a way. The situation I’m describing isn’t nearly as momentous as, say, losing a job, or getting robbed, or something that would truly qualify as rant-inducing. Most of the rants I’ve posted in the past describe life situations that would qualify as minor irritations – irritations that I hope enough people share to make it a fairly common complaint. I want to lampoon those irritations, and allow people to make fun of them, or me, or whatever, so that they can read these things and say, “I’m not alone! That bugs somebody else, too!” Does this qualify as more of an MPSIMS-type thread? Or is it vitriolic enough for the Pit? I like writing for the Pit, just because … well, truthfully, I don’t _know_ why “just because.” I’m a sarcastic bastard much of the time, so I feel more at home here. But I’m certainly sensitive to the rules and guidelines under which we’re allowed to post on the boards. All of which is a rather longwinded way of saying if I should put these things in MPSIMS in the future, I’ll be happy to. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2003, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-she-has-precognition-x-ray-vision-and-a-supercalculator-brain/220483/42 "2003-12-22T23:27:37Z")
> [@](#): > > frustrated that she found the two gifts I thought I had hidden well enough under the tree, but such is life. And I’m aware of the recent discussions/debates regarding joke threads in the Pit. That’s enough to convince me - if an annoying situation prompted you to write this, in my book it’s a pit. But if I was you I’d still email a mod to check. I hear they like people to do that… ---
**Author:** ![The13thUnicorn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/85e7bf/32.png) [@The13thUnicorn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The13thUnicorn)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2003, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-she-has-precognition-x-ray-vision-and-a-supercalculator-brain/220483/43 "2003-12-22T23:55:42Z")
As long as you keep posting **Sauron**! I love you and **Aries28** ’s posts! Some days they keep me from going postal. And they always make me laugh!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jaade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dfb087/32.png) [@Jaade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaade)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-she-has-precognition-x-ray-vision-and-a-supercalculator-brain/220483/44 "2003-12-23T00:15:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sauron \* > In this instance, though, I’m not really frustrated at the lovely and talented **Aries28**. I’m frustrated that she found the two gifts I _thought_ I had hidden well enough under the tree, but such is life. And I’m aware of the recent discussions/debates regarding joke threads in the Pit. \*\* Gifts are never too well hidden for women to find… FYI 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-she-has-precognition-x-ray-vision-and-a-supercalculator-brain/220483/45 "2003-12-23T00:19:02Z")
Some more misdirection you may consider: Get a credit card just for Christmas. Put the present on the credit card. Since you didn’t pay for it THEN, it doesn’t count until January, when you pay it off. Pro-rate the Christmas money. Kinda like NFL teams do with a signing bonus (e.g. They give they guy $15 million, but it counts as $5 million a year over the course of a 3 year deal). Figure out how long a gift will last, then you can pro-rate it over the course of that time. If you want to get even sneakier, count the gifts she gives you as a trade, so you don’t get caught in a Christmas Cap crunch three years down the road. The Gift For The Whole Family someone mentioned above-DVD sets count, cause everybody can watch them. There you go. Count gifts towards her birthday, then forget all about it and buy her stuff for her birthday anyway. Get other people to give her gifts. Make them up. Tell her you got this weird box of stuff from Second Cousin Cletus, all for her. Feign innocence at all times. Act surprised when she opens the box. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-she-has-precognition-x-ray-vision-and-a-supercalculator-brain/220483/46 "2003-12-23T00:24:18Z")
> [@](#): > > However, when we’re forced to purchase presents for the various Minions of Sauron, along with the Parents of Sauron, the In-Laws of Sauron, the Teachers of the Minions of Sauron, the Coworkers of Sauron, the Relatives of Sauron Whom No One Knows and We Suspect Showed Up at the Reunion Just to Get Free Chex-Mix, and various and sundry other folk, it gets to be a significant drain on the Wallet of Sauron. This was well worth the read. However, why is it that \* at the same time\* guys can be so damn thick headed and freaking transparent? And, as I write this, Mr Ujest is merrily barging through the shoppers frenzy with a berzerker frenzy about him ( and daughter in tow.) looking for something to give to me for Xmas as he blew it on my birthday. And he will buy whatever it is with great relish mustard too… I decided to just give in accept my fate of receiving kitchen appliances or garden tools for the rest of my natural life. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-she-has-precognition-x-ray-vision-and-a-supercalculator-brain/220483/47 "2003-12-23T00:31:32Z")
In my opinion, this is a genuine rant, even if it’s presented in a humorous way. And since this is MY pit, MY opinion counts most of all. Sauron, it seems to me, is actually at least a little bit pissed that his wife has figured out two of her presents. He’s probably more pissed that she decided to confront him about this when he’s been immobilized (fittingly enough, he’s been transfixed by another Evil Eye). He’s also upset that his wife knows him too well, and she’s caught on to his little game of exceeding the budget limits they both agree on. So this thread is fair game for the Pit, especially since it seems that Sauron has bought a gift that she already has. However, in husband-and-wife threads (or, for that matter, partner-and-partner threads), we prefer the tone to be not DEADLY vicious. We do not wish to be party to a divorce action. Lynn For the Straight Dope ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-she-has-precognition-x-ray-vision-and-a-supercalculator-brain/220483/48 "2003-12-23T00:36:39Z")
Oh, and if you want precognition, guess what my mother bought me for christmas? The same books that she realised, in the nick of time, that I was going to buy her! ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-she-has-precognition-x-ray-vision-and-a-supercalculator-brain/220483/49 "2003-12-23T01:27:58Z")
Hmf. I just got the delightful surprise of finding out that a CD that I bought for myself (the remastered original cast recording of Gypsy with Ethel Merman!) happened to be sitting, wrapped, in the Christmas basket that **supervenusfreak** gathered together for me several weeks ago. This after a conversation way back in October about how **supervenusfreak** and his sister have a tradition of declaring a moratorium on buying CDs or movies for themselves around Christmas for just such a reason. And, not knowing that not five feet away was an exact facsimile of said CD (which had arrived in today’s mail), I told **supervenusfreak** about having received the remastered original cast recording of Gypsy with Ethel Merman today. I’m never, ever, ever going to hear the end of it. Ever. Ever. Ever. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-she-has-precognition-x-ray-vision-and-a-supercalculator-brain/220483/50 "2003-12-23T04:11:29Z")
I very carefully avoided buying ANY books, musical recordings, or movies (in whatever format) for the past three months. I have, however, been very carefully adding things to my Amazon wish list. I showed it to my husband. “But which do you REALLY want?” So I carefully filled a shopping basket, and told him that he could add or delete items. He was unable to complete the checkout process. So I did it myself, adding a few bits here and there. If he can’t be bothered, he’s gonna PAY. He did wrap most of the books when they arrived, and left some unwrapped, because he said that he knew I would want to open a couple of them early. He went out and bought his own presents, too…a couple of power tools. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-she-has-precognition-x-ray-vision-and-a-supercalculator-brain/220483/51 "2003-12-23T04:58:24Z")
Wow! Considering the tack some of these posts were have bound to have taken, and indeed have, I am _amazed_ that no one has made this observation, namely: Wouldn’t precognition, X-ray vision, and a supercalculator brain be the sort of qualities you would _expect_ a wife of Sauron to have? ---
**Author:** ![Sqube](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@Sqube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sqube)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-she-has-precognition-x-ray-vision-and-a-supercalculator-brain/220483/52 "2003-12-23T05:05:38Z")
I’m sorry, but when I read “jewel encrusted marital aids”, the only thing I could think about was a diamond-covered dildo. Presumably, the diamonds would be rounded off to prevent… unfortunate incidents. Myself and my mind will be in this gutter for the forseeable future. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-she-has-precognition-x-ray-vision-and-a-supercalculator-brain/220483/53 "2003-12-23T06:18:43Z")
Sauron Rocketh. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-she-has-precognition-x-ray-vision-and-a-supercalculator-brain/220483/54 "2003-12-23T06:28:07Z")
I just have to ask: in divorce proceedings how much weight would the judge give to the fact that the respondent actually pitted his wife? ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-she-has-precognition-x-ray-vision-and-a-supercalculator-brain/220483/55 "2003-12-23T13:06:00Z")
One of my wife’s perennial complaints is that I’m impossible to shop for. Like **Dangerosa** ’s husband, I have a tendency to pick up things I like as soon as they come out, finances permitting. A group of us exchange presents, and circulate lists of what we’d like; every year I have trouble trying to come up with things I haven’t yet gotten, then trying to keep from buying them while I’m doing my Christmas shopping (but it’s on sale NOW! I might not be able to get it this cheap if I don’t get it as a present is my usual rationale). Every year she goes nuts trying to figure out what to get me, while I breeze through stores finding all kinds of things for her. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-she-has-precognition-x-ray-vision-and-a-supercalculator-brain/220483/56 "2003-12-23T13:51:35Z")
Got another thing for you to try try **Sauron**. Our government does this all the time. DEFICIT SPENDING! You’re spending the money you’re going to make at some point in the future. What age are you (hah) PLANNING on retiring? You can say this is the money coming from your future retirement fund. Or, you can lump spend for a future time range. This is the money earmarked for years 75-80 in your marriage, which you will spend now, but promise not to spend when you reach those years. In the event she counters with “There’s no way we’ll survive to 75 years of marriage,” you put on your best puppy dog look and meekly reply with “You don’t think our love will last forever?” This will get you oral sex during halftime. ---
**Author:** ![Aries28](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Aries28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aries28)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-she-has-precognition-x-ray-vision-and-a-supercalculator-brain/220483/57 "2003-12-23T14:03:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cerowyn \* > \*\*$90? What’s that for, a belt? I’m thinking you’ve never been married, or you’d realize how ridiculous it is to suggest that a woman could ever just spend $90 shopping for clothes. \*\* It was originally $124 for a pair of black slacks, a shirt and a pair of jeans. I then found a gift certificate thingy that saved me $25. I thought I did quite well. 😉 Hi, **The13thUnicorn**. Welcome to the SDMB. The rest of you: Don’t give him ways to get around the pre-set spending limit. He does this EVERY holiday where you give gifts. EVERY single freaking one. Just ONCE I want to give him the better gift. One year we gave each other our gifts and when we finished I pulled out a really nice new sweater I had hidden. He smiles and thanks me then pulls out a box with a pearl necklace. Bastard. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-she-has-precognition-x-ray-vision-and-a-supercalculator-brain/220483/58 "2003-12-23T14:14:03Z")
Now that I have a photo of the Sauron and Aries Clan, I can now make tiny finger puppets out of them and have real conversations with them! > [@](#): > > Aries puppet: I **know** what you got me, and you went over the limit! You cad! > > Sauron puppet: You do not! Move, you’re blocking Joe Nedney’s field goal. Besides, I am Sauron, and I see and know all. You are but a minion, albeit an attractive one. > > Aries puppet: But you _promised_ not to go over the limit! You brute! You unthinking brute! What am I gonna do now?? > > Sauron puppet: Go over the limit? I could use a new orc army. Oh, and a human body. Bring me the head of Frodo! > > Aries puppet: \ Won’t you _please_ think of the children?? > > Sauron: I did think of them. I sold all their toys to buy you your stuff. They said it was cool. ---
**Author:** ![Aries28](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Aries28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aries28)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-she-has-precognition-x-ray-vision-and-a-supercalculator-brain/220483/59 "2003-12-23T14:16:17Z")
**Note to self** Don’t ever send **dantheman** a picture in his Christmas card again. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2003, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-she-has-precognition-x-ray-vision-and-a-supercalculator-brain/220483/60 "2003-12-23T14:20:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lynn Bodoni \* > In my opinion, this is a genuine rant, even if it’s presented in a humorous way. And since this is MY pit, MY opinion counts most of all. Thanks, **Lynn**. I really should have e-mailed with that question, as **Shade** noted. God knows you guys have enough to deal with; I don’t wanna cause any further grief. > [@](#): > > Sauron, it seems to me, is actually at least a little bit pissed that his wife has figured out two of her presents. She has not! I’m not listening! Lalalalalalala … > [@](#): > > So this thread is fair game for the Pit, especially since it seems that Sauron has bought a gift that she already has. Or … have I? :dubious: Heh-heh-heh. > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Knowed Out_ > Got another thing for you to try try Sauron. Our government does this all the time. DEFICIT SPENDING! You’re spending the money you’re going to make at some point in the future. See, the problem is, we have some substantial credit card debt already. And we’ve been working on paying it down. And I’m kinda the one who harps on the credit cards all the time. (“Honey, I would have gotten you that BMW you wanted, but these darn credit card payments …”) So I can’t really go as whole-hog as I’d like with Christmas spending. She’s mentioned a few times she’d like a piano, so I checked the pricing on a few models. Sadly, the term “baby grand” apparently does not mean “$1,000 in small bills buys you this piano.” > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Sqube_ > I’m sorry, but when I read “jewel encrusted marital aids”, the only thing I could think about was a diamond-covered dildo. _Spoiler tags, dammit! SPOILER TAAAAGS!_ And on preview: See?! See?! She does it too! I’m vindicated! **dantheman** : Your conversational recreation is eerily accurate. You have captured the spirit around our house. Although, I’m more likely to tell her I’ve sold one of the children, rather than their toys. She’s cool with that, as long as she gets to pick the kid. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-she-has-precognition-x-ray-vision-and-a-supercalculator-brain/220483.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-thinks-she-has-precognition-x-ray-vision-and-a-supercalculator-brain/220483.md?page=4)