# My wife wants a baby **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 14, 2014, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-a-baby/693058 "2014-07-14T09:32:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2014, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-a-baby/693058/61 "2014-07-15T04:55:57Z")
> [@SeaDragonTattoo](#): > > Women who really want a baby have ways to “accidentally” have birth control fail. Unless she has an IUD, she _will_ get pregnant if she decides not to wait for your permission. Apparently the pill makes her anxious and she doesn’t want an implant in her arm so we use condoms. > [@](#): > > You should have had a vasectomy years ago. Full stop. Schedule one _now_. You two would raise a terribly broken child. Don’t do that. I watch things like Supernanny sometimes and read/watch parenting resources. I doubt our child would be much worse than a lot that I know. People saying things like that causes me not to take them very seriously. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2014, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-a-baby/693058/62 "2014-07-15T05:38:53Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > I watch things like Supernanny sometimes and read/watch parenting resources. I doubt our child would be much worse than a lot that I know. You should probably have three then. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2014, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-a-baby/693058/63 "2014-07-15T07:15:26Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Of course and she and many of her siblings are also mentally ill. > [@JohnClay](#): > > If I agreed my life might go in a downward spiral so I might agree to just about anything that would avoid divorce. > [@JohnClay](#): > > If I were to be the father I would spend time with the kid quite a bit I just want to keep my wife’s expectations low. > [@JohnClay](#): > > That’s a very good point. I don’t want my wife to look any worse than she does already. I said that I didn’t want her to “let herself go” but perhaps she wouldn’t really be able to have much control over that. Collectively these are some of the best posts I’ve read on the SDMB. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2014, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-a-baby/693058/64 "2014-07-15T07:54:48Z")
BTW I think managed mental illnesses (using medication and not really having symptoms) are far better than many character flaws… ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2014, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-a-baby/693058/65 "2014-07-15T08:06:10Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > Perhaps it wouldn’t be the best idea ever to possibly pass on any mental illnesses to your future child(ren). Just adding this to the mix. I’m reminded of a quote from Oliver Wendell Holmes. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2014, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-a-baby/693058/66 "2014-07-15T08:09:37Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > BTW I think managed mental illnesses (using medication and not really having symptoms) are far better than many character flaws… Last week you were seriously contemplating suicide, and went as far as researching which life insurance policies would pay out to your wife when you killed yourself. You are still suffering major symptoms. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2014, 9:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-a-baby/693058/67 "2014-07-15T09:21:13Z")
> [@Cinnamon\_Imp](#): > > Last week you were seriously contemplating suicide, and went as far as researching which life insurance policies would pay out to your wife when you killed yourself. > > You are still suffering major symptoms. It was for $1,000,000 though and I would have had to wait for 13 months. Due to an ad I already knew they paid out $1,000,000. I only researched if I would be able to get it and how much I’d have to pay. When I found out that they wouldn’t cover me for suicide I gave up on that idea. I don’t think that qualifies as depression: > **[Major depressive episode](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_depressive_episode)** > > A major depressive episode (MDE) is a period characterized by symptoms of major depressive disorder. Those affected primarily exhibit a depressive mood for at least two weeks or more, and a loss of interest or pleasure in everyday activities. Other symptoms can include feelings of emptiness, hopelessness, anxiety, worthlessness, guilt, irritability, changes in appetite, difficulties in concentration, difficulties remembering details, making decisions, and thoughts of suicide. Insomnia or hyper Al... It requires that the person feels depressed, etc. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2014, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-a-baby/693058/68 "2014-07-15T09:26:23Z")
BTW I’d been discussing children with my wife and she seems to be slowly accepting that I don’t want any. She said we could spend more money on each other and maybe her niece will live with us (she currently lives with my wife’s mother because the niece’s mother has schizophrenia). She said she might get a job looking after kids (which I suggested a long time ago). ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2014, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-a-baby/693058/69 "2014-07-15T09:33:26Z")
My wife was started to eat more fattening foods even though she said earlier that she would get serious about dieting. But lately I haven’t been complaining about that to her. So our disagreements are lessening. BTW in the past I’ve nagged her a lot about various things and she usually ended up doing what I wanted. e.g. doing a massage course, etc. Maybe she learnt to nag about the child from me. I think I’ll avoid nagging as much as I’ve done sometimes in the past. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2014, 11:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-a-baby/693058/70 "2014-07-15T11:03:55Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > She said she might get a job looking after kids (which I suggested a long time ago). A few weeks of working in a daycare setting and she’ll be wanting her tubes tied. My daughter had a baby doll to care for in high-school for a few weeks. It was programmed to cry periodically, etc. it reinforced her desire to put off parenthood. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2014, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-a-baby/693058/71 "2014-07-15T14:05:25Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > If I agreed [to a divorce] my life might go in a downward spiral so I might agree to just about anything that would avoid divorce. Just for the record, since no-one seems to have specifically commented on this yet - having a child as a way to avoid a divorce just makes this whole thing an even worse idea. It just seems very likely to lead to bad situations (much worse than would be caused by divorce) for you, your wife, and the hypothetical child. My advice would be not to do it. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2014, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-a-baby/693058/72 "2014-07-15T14:24:19Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > I think that’s what my parents think. My wife’s mother think one is ok. It really doesn’t matter what her mother thinks. It matters what kind of life your child will have as a result of your decisions. Do you really want to set him or her up to dealing with mental illness forever? Managed or not, it’s a horrible thing to go through and terribly irresponsible to do so so cavalierly. > [@JohnClay](#): > > It was for $1,000,000 though and I would have had to wait for 13 months. Due to an ad I already knew they paid out $1,000,000. I only researched if I would be able to get it and how much I’d have to pay. When I found out that they wouldn’t cover me for suicide I gave up on that idea. > > I don’t think that qualifies as depression: > > [Major depressive episode - Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_depressive_episode) > > It requires that the person feels depressed, etc. So, then you were just going to kill yourself for shits and giggles? What?? If that’s not some symptom of depression (or illogical thinking brought on by other mental health issues), I don’t know what is. And, just because this obviously needs to be said… if you commit suicide for _whatever reason_, the idea that your spouse and child would be taken care of financially is cold comfort to the fact that their husband a d father is irreplaceable. There is so much more to life than having money in the event of a tragedy. Trust me, there’s nothing I’d rather have than my dad. That’s just completely illogical and totally disregards how people, in general, work. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2014, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-a-baby/693058/73 "2014-07-15T14:43:32Z")
Your low maintenance sex machine might disappear if she’s tired from looking after Baby Clay all day… ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2014, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-a-baby/693058/74 "2014-07-15T15:38:40Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > She said she might get a job looking after kids (which I suggested a long time ago). I have a kid, I love my kid and can’t ever remember complaining about taking care of him or feeling overwhelmed. ONCE we had a cousin’s \<10\> children here for a few hours for christmas, I felt like I was going insane and drank more booze in those few hours then the four months beforehand. So yes I absolutely think your wife should take care of about 30 kids for a few hours, she’ll cut out her own ovaries afterward. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2014, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-a-baby/693058/75 "2014-07-15T16:12:25Z")
> [@Eliahna](#): > > Your low maintenance sex machine might disappear if she’s tired from looking after Baby Clay all day… Cassius if it’s a boy. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2014, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-a-baby/693058/76 "2014-07-15T17:08:41Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > That’s a very good point. I don’t want my wife to look any worse than she does already. Your wife is, no doubt, very hurt by your constant barrage of casual cruelty and any kid unfortunate enough to be born into your family would be too. Not that I know why any of us bother trying to reason with you. You don’t seem the least bit concerned about what kind of life the kid would have, only how it would affect your life. Which is a really great sign that you would be a horrible parent. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2014, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-a-baby/693058/77 "2014-07-15T17:23:29Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > My wife was started to eat more fattening foods even though she said earlier that she would get serious about dieting. But lately I haven’t been complaining about that to her. So our disagreements are lessening. BTW in the past I’ve nagged her a lot about various things and she usually ended up doing what I wanted. e.g. doing a massage course, etc. Maybe she learnt to nag about the child from me. I think I’ll avoid nagging as much as I’ve done sometimes in the past. The sure fire way to get someone to stop nagging at you is to nag at them even more and they will see how annoying it and stop nagging themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2014, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-a-baby/693058/78 "2014-07-15T17:50:38Z")
One might presume that since [you find your wife to be ugly](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=17399114&postcount=45), perhaps any baby whom the two of you create will be too ugly for you to want sexually molest him or her, however, since you would have had to have had sex with your ugly wife to create the ugly baby in the first place, one has to presume that [you would have sex with your ugly baby](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=15852684&postcount=64). Do not reproduce. You are far too whack-a-doodle to be a good parent, so all that would result would be a very messed up child, partly mis-raised by you, and partly raised by Children Protection Services. ---
**Author:** ![Caffeine.addict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@Caffeine.addict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caffeine.addict)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2014, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-a-baby/693058/79 "2014-07-15T18:02:56Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > I’m reminded of a quote from Oliver Wendell Holmes. Buck v. Bell? ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2014, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-a-baby/693058/80 "2014-07-15T18:23:08Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > BTW I got my wife to try looking after other people’s kids/toddlers by herself. Looking after other people’s kids is to having your own as stubbing a toe is to amputating a leg. IOW, not even close to the same. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-a-baby/693058.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-a-baby/693058.md?page=5)