# My wife wants to try bondage! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 16, 2015, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-to-try-bondage/728001 "2015-08-16T17:11:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![standingwave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@standingwave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/standingwave)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2015, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-to-try-bondage/728001/21 "2015-08-16T22:38:18Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Tie her up and go play golf. See if she’s still into it when you get back. The masochist says, "Whip me! Beat me! The sadist says, “No.” ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2015, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-to-try-bondage/728001/22 "2015-08-16T23:49:46Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > BY any chance, you don’t still have her name and number do you? Last I had heard, she was still single. Do you like 50-ish Latinas who look ike a shorter version of Cher? ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2015, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-to-try-bondage/728001/23 "2015-08-17T00:21:00Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > Does she want to try bondage just for fun once in a while, or does she actually want you to be a Dom? > > If the former, then the internet is your friend : it will supplement your allegedly lacking imagination if needed. Pay great attention to safety advices, search thoroughly anything you intend to try, start lightly. > > If the latter, it’s going to be much more of a problem. I don’t believe someone can _become_ a Dom. You have it in you (at least to some degree) or not, IMHO. It’s not something you do, it’s something you are. It either flows naturally (possibly after a period of akwardness) or it’s a pretend game that won’t ever satisfy a true sub. And anyway, even assuming you could manage to pretend being a Dom, how would you like a sex life based on something you have no interest in? I was going to say this. You can learn to top someone, but most Dom sorts just sort of are. I second people suggesting gatherings for newbies or even _BDSM for Dummies_. Even the old _Joy of Sex_ touches on the subject. Fetlife also has some solid groups for newbies, lots of good advice and lots of people to talk to. You don’t need to be a Dom to have kinky sex, nor do you have to be into giving pain to be a top or a Dom. There are many flavors of kink out there, so research and communication with your wife are really important. Find out what aspects of being dominated she’s turned on by. If it involves any impact to the body, take it down by at least half. (in other words, if she wants to be smacked with a crop or belt, try your hand first). ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2015, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-to-try-bondage/728001/24 "2015-08-17T00:41:17Z")
Talk about it. Find out what pushes her buttons. Talk some more. Don’t forget if you do everything in your power to get her off, she will do everything in her power to get you off. The technical term for this is Fantastic mind blowing sex. ---
**Author:** ![XaMcQ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/f9ae1b/32.png) [@XaMcQ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XaMcQ)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2015, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-to-try-bondage/728001/25 "2015-08-17T00:45:13Z")
Dan Savage and Mistress Matisse both write columns in The Stranger, and have podcasts with tons of good advice for sexually adventurous people, and there are lots of websites that will be happy to help. You don’t say exactly what your wife wants to do, but I think you guys should ease into it slowly and make sure to communicate a lot. Talk about it before you get involved in a scene. Have her tell you what she wants, and doesn’t want, and vice versa. Like, maybe she wants to be tied up, but doesn’t want to be called names, and maybe you are okay with a little light spanking but aren’t interested in wearing fetish gear. Dan Savage often describes kink as ‘playing cowboys and indians with your pants off’. It’s all in good fun. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2015, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-to-try-bondage/728001/26 "2015-08-17T03:29:14Z")
> [@XaMcQ](#): > > It’s all in good fun. Nein! It is all in the name of science! When I mount the stage in my double-breasted Victorian laboratory smock, and have Shegor disrobe and polish my boots with her clothes, when I bend her over a Van Degraff generator and stimulate her Graffenberg spot, Or those simple times I handenbung her until she reaches a hysterical paroxysm, my thought is simply to enlighten the ignorant and spread knowledge. Now, if you’ll excuse me, we’re going to plug in the Violet Wand and give a webinar. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2015, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-to-try-bondage/728001/27 "2015-08-17T03:34:05Z")
OP, do it. Do it now, or wifey will look elsewhere. She’s letting you know what she wants, don’t ignore her. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2015, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-to-try-bondage/728001/28 "2015-08-17T03:51:46Z")
If you want to really get her excited, tie her up really well, then go get her purse and go through it in front of her. ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2015, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-to-try-bondage/728001/29 "2015-08-17T03:54:42Z")
Are you a Belgian judge perchance?😛 ---
**Author:** ![Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ac8455/32.png) [@Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Your_Great_Darsh_Face)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2015, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-to-try-bondage/728001/30 "2015-08-17T06:17:07Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > OP, do it. Do it now, or wifey will look elsewhere. She’s letting you know what she wants, don’t ignore her. Pretty sure there are _some_ wives who, when their husband turns out not to be into their latest whim, don’t immediately think “That’s it, Imma fuck someone else”. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Cara\_mel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/22d042/32.png) [@Cara\_mel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cara_mel)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2015, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-to-try-bondage/728001/31 "2015-08-17T09:24:38Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > Does she want to try bondage just for fun once in a while, or does she actually want you to be a Dom? > > If the former, then the internet is your friend : it will supplement your allegedly lacking imagination if needed. Pay great attention to safety advices, search thoroughly anything you intend to try, start lightly. > > If the latter, it’s going to be much more of a problem. I don’t believe someone can _become_ a Dom. You have it in you (at least to some degree) or not, IMHO. It’s not something you do, it’s something you are. It either flows naturally (possibly after a period of akwardness) or it’s a pretend game that won’t ever satisfy a true sub. And anyway, even assuming you could manage to pretend being a Dom, how would you like a sex life based on something you have no interest in? I agree with every part of this. There is so much more to a Dom than dragging out the whips and handcuffs, although that’s fine I guess if that’s what you both want. A genuine Dom is already dominant. He has an air of authority, control, inner strength. It’s apparent in every aspect of their being. He can make you weak at the knees with a word or a look. After a slow, almost agonizing psychological build-up, then it’s time for the ropes and floggers, THEN the most mind-blowing sex ever. Whew, gettin hot in here:o ---
**Author:** ![LH75](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lh75/32/4438_2.png) [@LH75](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LH75)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2015, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-to-try-bondage/728001/32 "2015-08-17T16:20:05Z")
My wife’s comment on 50 Shades of Gray: Someone who would handcuff me and hit me with a whip better never unlock those handcuffs. She said this while she was cleaning her Glock 19 ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2015, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-to-try-bondage/728001/33 "2015-08-17T16:22:52Z")
> [@Figure8](#): > > My wife has lately gotten into bondage stuff, and wants me to be a Dom. I have done a little reading to learn about it. Truly though, I’m nervous to try. I don’t have a big imagination when it comes to the bedroom, and bondage has never really crossed my mind. I’m willing to try but have no clue where to start or what I’m doing. She has showed me some videos and read me some stuff, but I am a vanilla in the truest sense of the word. Please, if anyone can give me advice or reccomendations I would really appreciate it. You could tie her up and then go bowling. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2015, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-to-try-bondage/728001/34 "2015-08-20T03:27:16Z")
Update needed. Could the OP please tell us how it went. Start at the beginning please. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2015, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-to-try-bondage/728001/35 "2015-08-20T15:47:42Z")
> [@](#): > > My wife wants to try bondage! Sigh, send her over. BYOH (Bring Your Own Handcuffs). The line forms to the left. ---
**Author:** ![HipGnosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/76d3ee/32.png) [@HipGnosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HipGnosis)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2015, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-to-try-bondage/728001/36 "2015-08-20T22:20:02Z")
I recently met someone that was into some of this stuff. So I did quite a bit of reading on it. Bondage can be a part of dom/sub, but it can be done/enjoyed w/o it too. Same for pain (sadism). Op really needs to talk to the wife - it’s her desires (and limitations) that matter here. And only hers. She gave some reading and videos, so the first step would be to follow them. ---
**Author:** ![bubba001](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f17d59/32.png) [@bubba001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bubba001)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2015, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-to-try-bondage/728001/37 "2015-08-21T03:05:25Z")
It’s a damm shame we don’t have pics with this thread…🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2015, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-to-try-bondage/728001/38 "2015-08-21T03:14:30Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > Update needed. > > Could the OP please tell us how it went. Start at the beginning please. He’s tied up at the moment. I did know a lady once who fantasized about being handcuffed. So I hid a kilo of cocaine in her luggage. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2015, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-to-try-bondage/728001/39 "2015-08-21T03:55:54Z")
> [@LH75](#): > > My wife’s comment on 50 Shades of Gray: Someone who would handcuff me and hit me with a whip better never unlock those handcuffs. She said this while she was cleaning her Glock 19 A Glock 19?! I want one! Just shot a rented one at the range the other day. Great pistol. Tell your wife there’s a book called: Glock: The Rise of America’s Gun - by Paul M. Barrett. Oops, sorry…didn’t mean to derail the thread. Carry on with your bondage discussion… ---
**Author:** ![Gotlift](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9fc348/32.png) [@Gotlift](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gotlift)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2015, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-to-try-bondage/728001/40 "2015-08-21T05:08:00Z")
First off, I think its telling when this thread has more views than most other recent threads… sickos! LOL My advice… don’t bore your wife. If she wants something be glad she is asking you instead of the neighbor. But, if you insist that this is a “problem” then have her read ‘Gerald’s Game’. Problem solved! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-wants-to-try-bondage/728001.md?page=1)