# My wife's ass **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 22, 2005, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677 "2005-03-22T03:31:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/41 "2005-03-22T20:16:23Z")
Air biscuits… ain’t quite breakfast in bed, is it? ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/42 "2005-03-22T20:23:42Z")
> [@Homebrew](#): > > If you decide to screw it, then be sure to have some towels for the santorum - the frothy mixture - that often results Someone’s been reading “Savage Love.” ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/43 "2005-03-22T20:25:44Z")
“Nothing spells lovin’ like something from the Dutch Oven…” ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/44 "2005-03-22T20:29:11Z")
Thank you kindly 😉 _goes back to laughing uncontrollably_ ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/45 "2005-03-22T20:34:49Z")
If _South Park_ has taught us anything, holding your farts in causes spontaneous human combustion. Of course there are sometimes that are more opportune than others and you may selectively use a device then. I never heard them referred to as corks before. …you can get ones that vibrate if you think she might be more amenable and one shaped like baby Jesus if you’re in a blasphemous mood. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/46 "2005-03-22T20:37:44Z")
Now don’t be making the Baby Jesus stink like a motherfucker. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/47 "2005-03-22T20:53:32Z")
Give her a dutch oven 😃 ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/48 "2005-03-22T21:34:50Z")
Incubus, you know we women hate getting practical gifts on holidays. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/49 "2005-03-22T22:03:19Z")
All you women owning up to passing gas - do you not know about the “small animal to blame” rule? My cats are incredibly farty - even when they’re not in the room. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/50 "2005-03-22T22:16:34Z")
That’s great and all…but I don’t have any pets because of allergies. Can I blame the houseplant? ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/51 "2005-03-22T22:36:13Z")
> [@scout1222](#): > > That’s great and all…but I don’t have any pets because of allergies. > > Can I blame the houseplant? Is it a Rafflesia arnoldii? ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/52 "2005-03-22T22:50:55Z")
**DrLoveGun** : You have to remember the #1 rule of living with **Inkleberry** (speaking as someone who knows her)… When she farts it’s hilarious and delightful, cause for much laughter and congratulation. However, if you eat onions and have the nerve to breathe anywhere near her, you’re a BAD MAN. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/53 "2005-03-22T23:12:47Z")
> [@Padeye](#): > > Of course there are sometimes that are more opportune than others and you may selectively use a device then. Accept no substitutes: > [@](#): > > Originally Posted by **James Joyce** > > What did the first drawer unlocked contain? > > […] 1 prospectus of The Wonderworker, the world’s greatest remedy for rectal complaints, direct from Wonderworker, Coventry House, South Place, London E C, addressed (erroneously) to Mrs L. Bloom with brief accompanying note commencing (erroneously): Dear Madam. > > Quote the textual terms in which the prospectus claimed advantages for this thaumaturgic remedy. > > It heals and soothes while you sleep, in case of trouble in breaking wind, assists nature in the most formidable way, insuring instant relief in discharge of gases, keeping parts clean and free natural action, an initial outlay of 7/6 making a new man of you and life worth living. Ladies find Wonderworker especially useful, a pleasant surprise when they note delightful result like a cool drink of fresh spring water on a sultry summer’s day. Recommend it to your lady and gentlemen friends, lasts a lifetime. Insert long round end. Wonderworker. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/54 "2005-03-22T23:38:01Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > Would somebody interrupt my mad giggling and tell me what the heck is going on here? Inkleberry made a threat against the life of DrLoveGun and the safety of the western seaboard, so Reeder got upset thinking it was only a joke. Now that the dark night of revenge is past, did DrLoveGun survive? Inquiring minds will have to sniff out the truth on this one. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/55 "2005-03-22T23:47:41Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > Inkleberry made a threat against the life of DrLoveGun and the safety of the western seaboard, so Reeder got upset thinking it was only a joke. > > Now that the dark night of revenge is past, did DrLoveGun survive? Inquiring minds will have to sniff out the truth on this one. Extract-ly. I couldn’t have said it better mysmellf. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![aldiboronti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc348/32.png) [@aldiboronti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aldiboronti)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/56 "2005-03-22T23:48:29Z")
A discreet [gift](http://www.flatulence-filter.com/what.htm) might be in order. ---
**Author:** ![inkleberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f17d59/32.png) [@inkleberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inkleberry)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/57 "2005-03-23T00:51:58Z")
> [@MaxTheVool](#): > > **DrLoveGun** : You have to remember the #1 rule of living with **Inkleberry** (speaking as someone who knows her)… > > When she farts it’s hilarious and delightful, cause for much laughter and congratulation. However, if you eat onions and have the nerve to breathe anywhere near her, you’re a BAD MAN. You should thank your lucky stars you never got me pregnant. Man, I could smell things from a mile away. No onions, beer, or spicy meats allowed! My son has inherited my, uh, talent. He’s a little trucker. ---
**Author:** ![DrLoveGun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@DrLoveGun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrLoveGun)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/58 "2005-03-23T01:11:00Z")
The Dr. has survived the night. Although there was little sleep, for fear of that which sneaks up silently and deadly in the darkness. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/59 "2005-03-23T01:21:53Z")
Can we presume that you’ve ruled out the goths next door and their cat’s litterbox? ---
**Author:** ![Keapon\_Laffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e274bd/32.png) [@Keapon\_Laffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keapon_Laffin)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/60 "2005-03-23T01:27:49Z")
You should waste \*\*not \*\* such natural resources. You should harness its energy so that it might be used for some greater good. For instance… got any balloons? 😛 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677.md?page=4)