# My wife's ass **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 22, 2005, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677 "2005-03-22T03:31:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/61 "2005-03-23T13:37:33Z")
> [@Larry Mudd](#): > > Take my advice: Go with a screw every time, and if you want to properly appreciate the finish, remember your retronasal breathing. I was watching American Idol last night when this came to me: What about a Butt Plug? Available online or at your favorite adult bookstore. BTW, I wonder if the flatulence filter really works. If it did, I could finally stop going into the boss’s office to do the deed. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/62 "2005-03-23T13:45:17Z")
> [@inkleberry](#): > > No onions, beer, or spicy meats allowed! This type of unreasonable demand is, I believe, grounds for divorce in 43 states. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/63 "2005-03-23T15:58:29Z")
> [@js\_africanus](#): > > I wonder if the flatulence filter really works. If it did, I could finally stop going into the boss’s office to do the deed. Yes, but why would you want to? Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/64 "2005-03-23T16:16:25Z")
> [@Mtgman](#): > > Yes, but why would you want to? The interruptions hurt my productivity. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/65 "2005-03-23T17:29:12Z")
Main Entry: re·port Pronunciation: ri-'pOrt, -'port Function: noun Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French, from Old French, from reporter to report, from Latin reportare, from re- + portare to carry – more at FARE 1 a : common talk or an account spread by common talk : RUMOR b : quality of reputation \ 2 a : a usually detailed account or statement \ b : an account or statement of a judicial opinion or decision c : a usually formal record of the proceedings of a meeting or session 3 : an explosive noise **js** , I hope your discretion, better or not, will be to provide your boss with #3. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/66 "2005-03-23T23:55:38Z")
Just be careful because sometimes a #3 can turn into a #2. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/67 "2005-03-24T01:25:10Z")
I could power a small city with the amount of natural gas as I let out of my fabulous, beautiful ass. Every time my S.O. gives me that “jesus, are you _sure_ you’re not an old man?” look I just give him my best doe-eyed feminine expression and ask “honey, you don’t want me to spontaniously combust do you?” If that doesn’t work, I threaten to pull the covers over him after I let one rip. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Zjestika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/8edcca/32.png) [@Zjestika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zjestika)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/68 "2005-03-24T05:43:21Z")
I am know affectionately as “Swamp Ass.” And everytime my loved one gets a wiff (and, mind you, I’m discreet! I go into the other room and everything, but, alas, it follows me), he gets this hurt look on his face like I have expelled air from my butt just to torture him and cause him untold suffering. Dude! I can’t help it! Swamp Ass ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/69 "2005-03-24T16:09:05Z")
My husband sometimes has a condition called Smelly Gas Bum. Is that better or worse than Swamp Ass? ---
**Author:** ![conurepete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e57/32.png) [@conurepete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/conurepete)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2005, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/70 "2005-03-25T02:47:59Z")
The small animal rule can reverse. Our cat ate a very bad mouse, resulting in highly toxic tiger farts. My husband thought I was dying of some dread gastric ailment, but too embarrassed to say anything. The issue was further complicated by the fact that I had had an allergy attack and could not have detected anything more subtle than the cat whooshing around the place on her own jetstream. I proved my innocence by getting out of the house and letting the cat fart with no scapegoat… Two weeks later I had my vengence. I was trying a new recipe, and inadvertantly invented what is now referred to as “apricot fart bread”. ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2005, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/71 "2005-03-25T04:21:34Z")
> [@DrLoveGun](#): > > Would it be wrong to put a cork in it so I can have some fresh air? Surely “cork” is a misspelled word. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2005, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/72 "2005-03-25T06:25:45Z")
A “bad” mouse - that just tickles me, for some reason. “Honey, has this mouse turned, do ya think?” My husband doesn’t seem to get too embarrassed to question me about my intestinal issues, in spite of _knowing_ that it’s the cats. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2005, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/73 "2005-03-25T12:55:58Z")
Women don’t fart–they glow. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2005, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/74 "2005-03-25T13:31:00Z")
> [@slortar](#): > > Women don’t fart–they glow. Well, at least, if you light a match at the wrong moment they do. Then you have to go get the fire extinguisher. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2005, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/75 "2005-03-25T14:03:30Z")
The very first time I made beer, it had lots of yeast still alive when it was consumed. Yeasts consume sugar. A byproduct of that is CO[sub]2[/sub]. Live yeast in your GI tract create lots of gas. Lots and lots of gas. My ex and I had “Musical Butts” for a couple of days. We laughed our heads off. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2005, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/76 "2005-03-25T15:02:26Z")
As part of a full physical, had to undergo an untrasound this week. The technician said “Hmmm, I can’t see your pancreas because it’s obscured by bowel gas.” Shortly after, she had to leave to room for a moment. I took this as my cue and unreleased a toot that could have floated the Hindenberg. The tech came back in, repositioned the ultrasound and said “Oh, there it is.” ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2005, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/77 "2005-03-25T15:07:25Z")
Apricot fart bread and tiger farts are making me giggle uncontrollably. **lieu** , as much as I think you’re pulling our legs on that one, it does my heart good to imagine that it’s true. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2005, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/78 "2005-03-25T15:24:10Z")
My dad’s solution to farting in a movie theater is to turn around and look at the person behind you with a shocked look on your face… ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2005, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/79 "2005-03-25T15:27:49Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > …obscured by bowel gas. Hey, that’s my favourite Pink Floyd album. ---
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2005, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677/80 "2005-03-25T16:05:19Z")
> [@slortar](#): > > Women don’t fart–they glow. Oh… so that´s what they call it the ones who come from the land down under? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-ass/295677.md?page=5)