# My wife's going to get me arrested **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 13, 2016, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-going-to-get-me-arrested/762731 "2016-08-13T23:39:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2016, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-going-to-get-me-arrested/762731/1 "2016-08-13T23:39:31Z")
When Mrs. L.A. had some abdominal surgery a few years ago, she said she may leak on the car seat. So just in case she ends up dead, be sure to tell the forensic team that’s where the blood’s from. She’s cut or scraped herself a couple of times since then, and told me where she dripped just in case she ends up dead so that I can tell the investigators. Last night, sometime after I went to bed, she tripped on the deck. Fortunately, her face broke her fall. I went out back and saw drips and a smear of blood by the door. Oh, dear. She’s OK, but she did bust her lip. But leaving ‘blood evidence’ around is making me a little paranoid. And with her busted lip and the spots where her glasses jammed into her nose and forehead, she doesn’t want to be seen in public. So much for going out to our First Anniversary dinner tonight. (First anniversary isn’t until Monday, but it’s a commuting day for me.) ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-going-to-get-me-arrested/762731/2 "2016-08-14T00:05:33Z")
Happy Anniversary! Good show, covering your ass with this post for when the indictment comes. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-going-to-get-me-arrested/762731/3 "2016-08-14T00:40:03Z")
Happy Anniversary to you both 😃 ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-going-to-get-me-arrested/762731/4 "2016-08-14T00:55:45Z")
When my son broke his arm, we had an interview with someone from social services on how it happened, and someone had to examine him for signs of bruises or prior injuries (they wrote “normal marks for age”), because this is apparently SOP for any time a child comes into the hospital with a broken bone now. Fortunately, my story was consistent with the story my son told with me out of the room, and consistent with the injury-- he fell out of bed because he was bouncing on it and landed on a toy he hadn’t put away. He was a little reluctant to tell the story because 1) he isn’t supposed to bounce on the bed and 2) he’s supposed to put his toys away. But the social worker was savvy enough to figure out why he was reluctant. Anyway, we passed. As suspicious as “He fell out of bed” sounds in regard to a kid breaking his arm, they figured out that there was nothing suspicious. I know you are mostly joking, but you really probably have nothing to worry about. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-going-to-get-me-arrested/762731/5 "2016-08-14T00:57:59Z")
My mother once “walked into a door”. Nobody ever believes that one, so it sucks when it’s true. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-going-to-get-me-arrested/762731/6 "2016-08-14T01:00:43Z")
Happy Anniversary! You should do your best while you are there to wrap your wife up in protective things, so she can’t hurt herself. Arms, Legs, Quilts, etc… ---
**Author:** ![NAF1138](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/naf1138/32/3245_2.png) [@NAF1138](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NAF1138)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-going-to-get-me-arrested/762731/7 "2016-08-14T01:01:35Z")
> [@RivkahChaya](#): > > I know you are mostly joking, but you really probably have nothing to worry about. Unless she is trying to _ **frame you** _! Watch out! Oh and happy anniversary! Mine is Tuesday. 8 years for us. She hasn’t tried to frame me for murder yet, so I guess we are in a somewhat prolonged honeymoon phase. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-going-to-get-me-arrested/762731/8 "2016-08-14T01:05:35Z")
I remember when my ex wife was playing with our son when he was just a baby. She was laying on the bed holding him up above her. Well, he slipped and wound up head butting her on the bridge of her nose, leaving her two black eyes. You would not believe some of the suspicious looks I got from her friends and family. My friends knew better, but hers didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-going-to-get-me-arrested/762731/9 "2016-08-14T01:19:23Z")
> [@RivkahChaya](#): > > "He fell out of bed I fell out of bed once. Might have been 8 to 10 years old. My (8 years older than I) sister had her own room, and I was left with the bunk bed. I went to sleep on the top bunk, and didn’t put the guard rail on. At some point I rolled over. The weightless feeling woke me immediately. I saw the floor (with one of those [‘rope rugs’](http://roperugs.com/Images/RedOvalCoilSm.JPG)) coming up at me. I hit it flat, face-down. Didn’t hurt my face (Everyone: ‘How could it _possibly?_’) but it did knock the wind out of me a little bit. I went back to sleep on the bottom bunk. ---
**Author:** ![RetroVertigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b38774/32.png) [@RetroVertigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RetroVertigo)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-going-to-get-me-arrested/762731/10 "2016-08-14T01:27:14Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > When Mrs. L.A. had some abdominal surgery a few years ago, she said she may leak on the car seat. So just in case she ends up dead, be sure to tell the forensic team that’s where the blood’s from. She’s cut or scraped herself a couple of times since then, and told me where she dripped just in case she ends up dead so that I can tell the investigators. Last night, sometime after I went to bed, she tripped on the deck. Fortunately, her face broke her fall. I went out back and saw drips and a smear of blood by the door. Oh, dear. She’s OK, but she did bust her lip. But leaving ‘blood evidence’ around is making me a little paranoid. > > And with her busted lip and the spots where her glasses jammed into her nose and forehead, she doesn’t want to be seen in public. So much for going out to our First Anniversary dinner tonight. (First anniversary isn’t until Monday, but it’s a commuting day for me.) Good idea. Get your story out there for posterity to throw them off the trail. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-going-to-get-me-arrested/762731/11 "2016-08-14T01:31:31Z")
> [@RetroVertigo](#): > > Good idea. Get your story out there for posterity to throw them off the trail. You haven’t recently purchased a shovel, tarp, & duct tape all at the same time, have you? :o ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-going-to-get-me-arrested/762731/12 "2016-08-14T01:34:28Z")
> [@Spiderman](#): > > You haven’t recently purchased a shovel, tarp, & duct tape all at the same time, have you? :o Throw a few other things on the belt, just to parry suspicion. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-going-to-get-me-arrested/762731/13 "2016-08-14T01:35:39Z")
> [@Spiderman](#): > > You haven’t recently purchased a shovel, tarp, & duct tape all at the same time, have you? :o When I bought my Jeep Cherokee, I used take it offroad. I still have an entrenching tool and a rope under the bench seat. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Vorlon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d07c76/32.png) [@The\_Vorlon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Vorlon)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-going-to-get-me-arrested/762731/14 "2016-08-14T02:21:00Z")
Hydrogen Peroxide does the same thing, with out the giveaway smell. Just saying… ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-going-to-get-me-arrested/762731/15 "2016-08-14T02:32:51Z")
> [@The\_Vorlon](#): > > Hydrogen Peroxide does the same thing, with out the giveaway smell. Does this cloth smell like chloroform? ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-going-to-get-me-arrested/762731/16 "2016-08-14T03:43:52Z")
My mom once got bitten on the face by our cat. Her cow-orkers would not believe her. So she started saying, “My husband bit me in a fit of passion.” We had a neighbor whose son kept getting broken bones as a very small child, just able to walk. They were given the separate rooms intense questioning. It turned out he actually had[brittle bone disease.](http://www.healthline.com/health/osteogenesis-imperfecta#Overview1) ---
**Author:** ![Folacin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folacin/32/3195_2.png) [@Folacin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folacin)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-going-to-get-me-arrested/762731/17 "2016-08-14T04:13:04Z")
Two stories: When eldest son had just gotten stable enough to walk on his own, we were outside. I was about 5 feet in front of my wife and the boy on a fairly steep downhill sidewalk. He decided to toddler run to me. Face plant - major stank eye from the daycare, but it was just face scrapes. In retrospect, I wonder if they didn’t strip him down on a diaper change to make sure there were no other injuries. Son #2 was on his mom’s lap, and swung his head back and whacked her under the eye. His one year check up was a week later. The pediatrician hardly looked at him, but grilled my wife about her injury. Once he was confident I hadn’t beat her, he told her that she likely had a broken face, but there was nothing to do about it. ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-going-to-get-me-arrested/762731/18 "2016-08-14T04:19:28Z")
I have just barley enough corrdination to walk and stand up… But I attempted to ride a bike … mom bought me a useable bike from the thrift store saying if I learned how id get a store bought one Never happened… after the 3rd visit to the er the social worker on call advised me and mom to forget about me riding the bike … ---
**Author:** ![Whatever4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@Whatever4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whatever4)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-going-to-get-me-arrested/762731/19 "2016-08-14T05:53:57Z")
I once had this humongous bruise that resulted from my horse throwing me into a steel cattle panel. Then there were assorted bruises after shearing sheep, loading hay, getting kicked in the face by an uncooperative sheep, and getting my knee whacked by a killer ram. I’d get a funny look from the doc, but the ex was never arrested so I guess my explanations were believed. ---
**Author:** ![Lok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e8c25b/32.png) [@Lok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lok)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2016, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-going-to-get-me-arrested/762731/20 "2016-08-14T09:46:56Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > I fell out of bed once. Might have been 8 to 10 years old. My (8 years older than I) sister had her own room, and I was left with the bunk bed. I went to sleep on the top bunk, and didn’t put the guard rail on. At some point I rolled over. The weightless feeling woke me immediately. I saw the floor (with one of those [‘rope rugs’](http://roperugs.com/Images/RedOvalCoilSm.JPG)) coming up at me. I hit it flat, face-down. Didn’t hurt my face (Everyone: ‘How could it _possibly?_’) but it did knock the wind out of me a little bit. I went back to sleep on the bottom bunk. I slept on the top bunk a lot. Woke up once from a really wonderful dream about flying. Was hanging out of bed from the waist up with my arms stretched wide just like in my dream. Don’t know why I hadn’t already fallen, but I managed to shift my weight back enough to stay in the bed. I only ever fell out of my bunk beds when I was sleeping on the bottom, but I did that 5 or 6 times. :o > [@RivkahChaya](#): > > Throw a few other things on the belt, just to parry suspicion. Look for some fertilizer that contains high concentrations of lime. It’s, umm, really good for certain plants. Or for planting certain things. Something like that. > [@MLS](#): > > We had a neighbor whose son kept getting broken bones as a very small child, just able to walk. They were given the separate rooms intense questioning. It turned out he actually had[brittle bone disease.](http://www.healthline.com/health/osteogenesis-imperfecta#Overview1) A couple I worked with had a sone with brittle bone disease. Every time they had to take him in, they got questioned, even though it was on his charts. And even though his father also had it, and wore hearing aids because of the damage to his hearing from the bones in his inner ear getting broken so much. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wifes-going-to-get-me-arrested/762731.md?page=2)