# Myopic Samurai with 14-piece GINSU Knife Set Against Woolly Mammoth **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 10, 2007, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/myopic-samurai-with-14-piece-ginsu-knife-set-against-woolly-mammoth/387356 "2007-01-10T01:41:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Carnac\_the\_Magnificent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Carnac\_the\_Magnificent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnac_the_Magnificent)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2007, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/myopic-samurai-with-14-piece-ginsu-knife-set-against-woolly-mammoth/387356/1 "2007-01-10T01:41:40Z")
As a tribute to the currently raging debate regarding Kodiak bears and samurai swords, how might a myopic samurai of considerable fighting renown who has been transported via the Enterprise 1701-D’s transporters (with 14-piece Ginsu stainless steel knife set AND complimentary faux-wood holder) fare against a full-grown, male wholly mammoth, in a fight to the death? For clarification, this is not some cheap, knock-off set of GINSU knives. This is the original and authentic set, complete with “Paring knife, Utility knife, Boning knife, Full size Bread knife, 7 inch Santoku knife, Classic Chef’s knife, and because you’re always using them, 6 world famous Ginsu steak knives, PLUS a pair of incredibly handy Ginsu kitchen sheers for chicken, lobster, crab and all your toughest kitchen cutting tasks, PLUS a gorgeous black hardwood knife block to keep them all in. All knives feature a unique double edged blade for precision cutting, are designed for both right and left-handed use, and because they’re Ginsus, they NEVER need sharpening!” ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2007, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/myopic-samurai-with-14-piece-ginsu-knife-set-against-woolly-mammoth/387356/2 "2007-01-10T01:54:09Z")
This “wholly mammoth” of which you speak, is it anything like one of these: > **[Woolly mammoth](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Woolly_mammoth)** > > The woolly mammoth (Mammuthus primigenius) is an extinct species of mammoth that lived during the Pleistocene until its extinction in the Holocene epoch. It was one of the last in a line of mammoth species, beginning with the African Mammuthus subplanifrons in the early Pliocene. The woolly mammoth began to diverge from the steppe mammoth about 800,000 years ago in East Asia. Its closest extant relative is the Asian elephant. The Columbian mammoth (Mammuthus columbi) lived alongside the wo... ? ---
**Author:** ![Carnac\_the\_Magnificent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Carnac\_the\_Magnificent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnac_the_Magnificent)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2007, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/myopic-samurai-with-14-piece-ginsu-knife-set-against-woolly-mammoth/387356/3 "2007-01-10T03:09:36Z")
[QUOTE=Oakminster] This “wholly mammoth” of which you speak, is it anything like one of these: > **[Woolly mammoth](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Woolly_mammoth)** > > The woolly mammoth (Mammuthus primigenius) is an extinct species of mammoth that lived from the Middle Pleistocene until its extinction in the Holocene epoch. It was one of the last in a line of mammoth species, beginning with the African Mammuthus subplanifrons in the early Pliocene. The woolly mammoth began to diverge from the steppe mammoth about 800,000 years ago in Siberia. Its closest extant relative is the Asian elephant. The Columbian mammoth (Mammuthus columbi) lived alongside the ... ? [/QUOTE] Precisely. While none are depicted in the works of Akira Kurosawa, let your imagination run wild. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2007, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/myopic-samurai-with-14-piece-ginsu-knife-set-against-woolly-mammoth/387356/4 "2007-01-10T03:11:01Z")
I think he means it is all mammoth. Not some cross breed, part mammoth part toy poodle hybrid. I got five bucks on the mammoth. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2007, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/myopic-samurai-with-14-piece-ginsu-knife-set-against-woolly-mammoth/387356/5 "2007-01-10T03:16:59Z")
That’s an important clarification, then. I’d feel downright silly betting on a un-wholly mammoth. Unless, of course, the myopic samurai was French. But yeah, Jumbo takes Magoo-san. ---
**Author:** ![lazybratsche](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ba8739/32.png) [@lazybratsche](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lazybratsche)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2007, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/myopic-samurai-with-14-piece-ginsu-knife-set-against-woolly-mammoth/387356/6 "2007-01-10T06:24:00Z")
You just know that in such a situation, there’s gonna be one of those oh-so-wacky Transporter Accidents. So, on one side, you’d really have the evil twin of the Samurai from the alternate universe where Japan won WWII. And on the other, the evil twin of a Mammoth from the alternate universe where the hairy beasts rule the whole Alpha Quadrant. However, they rule by peaceful means, as befits their docile herbivorous nature. It’s a toss up. Depends on whose alternate-universe Romulans are more treacherous. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2007, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/myopic-samurai-with-14-piece-ginsu-knife-set-against-woolly-mammoth/387356/7 "2007-01-10T07:06:06Z")
Well if it wasn’t wholly mammoth, what would the other part be? ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2007, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/myopic-samurai-with-14-piece-ginsu-knife-set-against-woolly-mammoth/387356/8 "2007-01-10T07:16:09Z")
If the other part was chihuahua, we’re fucked. ---
**Author:** ![Manatee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/50afbb/32.png) [@Manatee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manatee)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2007, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/myopic-samurai-with-14-piece-ginsu-knife-set-against-woolly-mammoth/387356/9 "2007-01-10T08:28:12Z")
Or, given the sort of transporter accident evident in the first movie, maybe the distinction that it’s “wholly” mammoth is important. After all, myopia or not, I’d expect the samurai to win against just part of a mammoth; if, say, just one leg came through, or some unidentifiable pile of goo, then Ginsu or not, the samurai wins easily. But if what comes through the transporter is wholly mammoth, then the puny human doesn’t stand a chance. ---
**Author:** ![bdgr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a87d85/32.png) [@bdgr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bdgr)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2007, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/myopic-samurai-with-14-piece-ginsu-knife-set-against-woolly-mammoth/387356/10 "2007-01-10T09:55:59Z")
does the samura start with the Ginsu knife set, or does he have to wait 6-8 weeks for delivery. A lot can happen in that time frame. Then again, I saw those Mammoth things in in Quest For Fire, and they didn’t look so tough. Does he have Tommy Chongs daughter with him? ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2007, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/myopic-samurai-with-14-piece-ginsu-knife-set-against-woolly-mammoth/387356/11 "2007-01-10T14:13:59Z")
A true samurai would not fight a mammoth (wholly or cross-breed) to the death. There is no honor in such a fight, and the samurai would not dishonor his weapons like that. Come dinnertime, though, the samurai would probably use the santoku and chef knives to turn some smaller animal into beef katsu-don. The mammoth is just simply outside the samurai’s training, and he’ll know not to try killing it when there’s easier food running around. ---
**Author:** ![Carnac\_the\_Magnificent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Carnac\_the\_Magnificent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnac_the_Magnificent)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2007, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/myopic-samurai-with-14-piece-ginsu-knife-set-against-woolly-mammoth/387356/12 "2007-01-10T14:36:32Z")
Great Scott! I **did** write “Whooly Mammoth.” No need to incite a ridiculous debate. To ensure accuracy and all that is wholly in science, let’s make that: Wooly Mammoth. You know, The dreaded Tundra Mammoth of the North versus a myopic samurai. Better? ---
**Author:** ![Carnac\_the\_Magnificent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Carnac\_the\_Magnificent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnac_the_Magnificent)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2007, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/myopic-samurai-with-14-piece-ginsu-knife-set-against-woolly-mammoth/387356/13 "2007-01-10T14:39:58Z")
[QUOTE=Carnac the Magnificent!] Great Scott! I **did** write “Whooly Mammoth.” No need to incite a ridiculous debate. To ensure accuracy and all that is wholly in science, let’s make that: Wooly Mammoth. You know, The dreaded Tundra Mammoth of the North versus a myopic samurai. Better? [/QUOTE] And that, of course, should be spelled “woolly mammoth.” Drats. May a crazed holy man squat on your virgin sister’s luxurious fez. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2007, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/myopic-samurai-with-14-piece-ginsu-knife-set-against-woolly-mammoth/387356/14 "2007-01-10T15:10:22Z")
I’ve modified the title at the request of the OP. I’ve also moved the joke thread from IMHO to MPSIMS. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2007, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/myopic-samurai-with-14-piece-ginsu-knife-set-against-woolly-mammoth/387356/15 "2007-01-10T16:12:47Z")
This one is easy. The myopic Miyagi would win. Once he cut a can in half and stabbed a bottle cap, the mammoth would be so impressed he’d rush off to order a set for himself in time to _also get_ the extra santoku blade and the Eze Opn food storage set, a $799 value for ONLY $14.50. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2007, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/myopic-samurai-with-14-piece-ginsu-knife-set-against-woolly-mammoth/387356/16 "2007-01-10T16:24:02Z")
I imagine if our Near-sighted Nobuku was to afix the pairing knive to a stick he would have one fine spear, then plunge it through the roof (rhoof?) of the mammoth’s mouth or into it’s eye-socket. Samurai - 1 Mammoth - 0 'corse, you’d better get it right the first shot. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2007, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/myopic-samurai-with-14-piece-ginsu-knife-set-against-woolly-mammoth/387356/17 "2007-01-10T16:29:07Z")
I was with you up to the part about the knives being designed for both right and left-handed use. That’s just crazy talk. There are some problems that technology is not meant to solve. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2007, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/myopic-samurai-with-14-piece-ginsu-knife-set-against-woolly-mammoth/387356/18 "2007-01-10T16:31:21Z")
Who would win? Don’t answer yet… ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2007, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/myopic-samurai-with-14-piece-ginsu-knife-set-against-woolly-mammoth/387356/19 "2007-01-10T16:49:20Z")
I, too, wager five bucks on the Thrall-Pachyderm. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2007, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/myopic-samurai-with-14-piece-ginsu-knife-set-against-woolly-mammoth/387356/20 "2007-01-10T17:06:45Z")
[QUOTE=Dinsdale] Who would win? Don’t answer yet… [/QUOTE] But wait! There’s more! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/myopic-samurai-with-14-piece-ginsu-knife-set-against-woolly-mammoth/387356.md?page=2)