# Name change - etiquette question **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 2, 2002, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-change-etiquette-question/111969 "2002-06-02T01:50:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Hedda\_Rosa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hedda_rosa/32/1204_2.png) [@Hedda\_Rosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hedda_Rosa)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2002, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-change-etiquette-question/111969/1 "2002-06-02T01:50:05Z")
I think this is an IMHO question, but if there actually is one correct answer mods please move me to GQ thank you! I got married about 2 years ago and am finally getting around to dealing with the name change. I’m going to take my husband’s last name but I’m unsure what to do about my middle name. Assuming that my given name before marriage was Firstname Middlename Maidenname, which is more correct to use now: Firstname _Middlename_ Marriedname or Firstname _Maidenname_ Marriedname? Tried Emily Post and Miss Manners and places like theknot with no luck on a conclusive answer. I’m thinking someone here must know, **Eve** perhaps? Thanks for any help! Twiddle ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2002, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-change-etiquette-question/111969/2 "2002-06-02T02:00:43Z")
I don’t think there’s any hard fast rules. It’s up to you, really. My wife changed her name to Firstname Maidenname Marriedname. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2002, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-change-etiquette-question/111969/3 "2002-06-02T03:21:18Z")
I always use First Middle Married, unless I’m in a situation of having to remind someone that they used to know me, or that this is my name now. Then I use First Maiden Married. But legally (taxes, Social Security, driver’s license) I’m strictly First Middle Married ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2002, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-change-etiquette-question/111969/4 "2002-06-02T03:21:23Z")
Interesting. I can see using Firstname Maidenname Marriedname, but that doesn’t take into account the middle name at all. I changed mine simply from Suzette Maidenname to Suzette Marriedname. (Suzette Marie Mariedname, actually) I dropped my maiden name entirely. You don’t have to do that- I could have made it Suzette Marie Maidenname Marriedname, but that is just REALLY long and who wants to write all that? Zette ---
**Author:** ![Dale\_The\_Bold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/41988e/32.png) [@Dale\_The\_Bold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dale_The_Bold)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2002, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-change-etiquette-question/111969/5 "2002-06-02T06:20:57Z")
For what it’s worth, I’ve never even _heard_ of people dropping their middle name and replacing it with their maiden name. There wouldn’t be anything wrong with that, but I’ve only personally seen three options: First Middle Married First Middle Maiden-Married First Middle Maiden (just never changed it) And then there was one case that I knew where the husband took the wife’s last name. ---
**Author:** ![Dieter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/977dab/32.png) [@Dieter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dieter)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2002, 9:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-change-etiquette-question/111969/6 "2002-06-02T09:09:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr. Blue Sky \* > \*\*My wife changed her name to Firstname Maidenname Marriedname. \*\* Mine as well. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2002, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-change-etiquette-question/111969/7 "2002-06-02T12:02:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dale The Bold \* > \*\*For what it’s worth, I’ve never even _heard_ of people dropping their middle name and replacing it with their maiden name. \*\* Well, I did. And the only reason was that they all wouldn’t fit on my driver’s license. I wanted to be **First Middle Maiden Married**. No hyphenating, I just wanted all of them as my name, and what is on the DL is pretty much your legal name. My maiden and married last names are both 8 letters, and my given first name is 9 letters (Elizabeth), and that hit the limit, so my boring middle name (Anne) got the axe. On my DL it’s First Maiden Married, but if someone asked for my full name, I’d include my Middle name as well. On the checkbook, I’m First M. (maiden inital) Married. ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2002, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-change-etiquette-question/111969/8 "2002-06-02T12:20:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dale The Bold \* > \*\*For what it’s worth, I’ve never even _heard_ of people dropping their middle name and replacing it with their maiden name. \*\* maybe it’s a generational thing? almost everyone I know is First name, Maiden, Last including myself. ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2002, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-change-etiquette-question/111969/9 "2002-06-02T13:45:06Z")
You mean you just have no middle name anymore at all? Interesting- this is the first I’ve hear of that option. Zette ---
**Author:** ![Dave\_Stewart\_v3.0](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@Dave\_Stewart\_v3.0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dave_Stewart_v3.0)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2002, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-change-etiquette-question/111969/10 "2002-06-02T13:57:00Z")
My wife’s folks decided it would be fairer to invent their own family name. So they both changed their last names, by deed poll. Of course, they were hippies in Sweden… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2002, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-change-etiquette-question/111969/11 "2002-06-02T15:56:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zette \* > \*\*You mean you just have no middle name anymore at all? Interesting- this is the first I’ve hear of that option. > > Zette \*\* yes, my maiden name is now my middle name, legally. Just as if it were Mary or Jane or Anne. It’s not as if I completely have eliminated my former middle name from my life. I never ever used it and I just thought it looked ridiculous to have such a long name on legal papers. In my head, I am still (first name, middle name, last name) and that’s really all that matters. That and the fact that my mom still calls me by my full name (first name middle name) when she’s irate. I like my maiden name because its short and unusual and it’s what I go by artistically. ---
**Author:** ![Profane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47774/32.png) [@Profane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Profane)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2002, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-change-etiquette-question/111969/12 "2002-06-03T05:02:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bad News Baboon \* > \*\* > > maybe it’s a generational thing? > > \*\* Could be… I am First Middle Married, and my stepmother got all snarky about it. She completely believes in making your maiden the middle. I must also point out my maiden name is horrible and I am quite fond of my middle name - Elizabeth. It may be an American thing, because my family (British) are all First Middle Marrieds also. ---
**Author:** ![crazy4chaucer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5e925/32.png) [@crazy4chaucer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crazy4chaucer)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2002, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-change-etiquette-question/111969/13 "2002-06-03T12:27:11Z")
My mother went First Maiden Married. I went First Middle Married. Personal preference or generational thing? While my sister was married, she was First Middle Married as well. ---
**Author:** ![Nightsong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nightsong/32/3083_2.png) [@Nightsong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightsong)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2002, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-change-etiquette-question/111969/14 "2002-06-03T23:17:11Z")
Or, I know someone who uses slightly different variations depending on the circumstances: First, Middle, Maiden First, Middle, Husband’s Last First, Middle, Maiden-Husband’s Last For things that are ‘hers’, she uses F/M/M. For things that are ‘joint’, she sues F/M/M-HL (This is the one on her DL, if I remember correctly.) For things that are primarily ‘his’, but she needs her name on it, F/M/HL or F/M/M-HL. Works great for weeding out junk mail and telemarketer calls. 🙂 (“May I speak to Mr. MaidenName?” Sorry, there’s no such person!) I’m thinking if I ever get married, I may just tack on my husband’s last name and watch the poor computers the DMV and whatnot uses blow up. (The # of letters I have: 7, 9, 9, 7.) It’s more out of sheer perversion than anything else on my part. 😃 * * * \<\< Foo! \>\> ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2002, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-change-etiquette-question/111969/15 "2002-06-03T23:47:16Z")
According to my mother (many years ago when I asked her), the correct form is First Maiden Married. (That’s what she used.) I also waited to change my name, as you are. After we had a child I got tired of explaining to everything that I was actually the child’s mother. My maiden name is pretty weird, so I use First Middle Married. Now I’m divorced and I still keep that name, it’s a lot easier to pronounce and spell. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2002, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-change-etiquette-question/111969/16 "2002-06-03T23:52:29Z")
On the rare occasions when **dr\_mom\_mcl** is anything but Dr. Firstname \_mcl, she’s Firstname Middlename Maidenname \_mcl. ---
**Author:** ![stargazer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb8c5e/32.png) [@stargazer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stargazer)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2002, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-change-etiquette-question/111969/17 "2002-06-04T00:42:02Z")
Legally, I’m all 4: First Middle Maiden Married, but my first and maiden are short. For the most part, though, I go by First Middle Married (most forms one has to fill out don’t have room for 4 names). I figure I have a brother and male cousins; the “family name” isn’t likely to get lost. ---
**Author:** ![Winnowill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/4491bb/32.png) [@Winnowill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winnowill)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2002, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-change-etiquette-question/111969/18 "2002-06-04T21:25:34Z")
When I get home tonight, I’m-a checking my Miss Manners books! I’m First/Middle/Married. FTR, I’m 32. When I wanna be goofy, I’m First/Middle/Confirmation Name/Maiden/Married. All of which, legally, I am. I just don’t need to use all of them all the time. I DO use my middle name or initial almost all the time, and I’d hate to lose it - it flows nicely when I sign. My friends and I are split here - we’re about half Middle/Married and half Maiden/Married. And one friend, a doctor, uses her Maiden name professionally and her Married name socially. Since she and her husband are both pediatricians in the same hospital, it would get a little wacky for them to both be “Dr. Marriedname”. ---
**Author:** ![Jman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jman/32/4416_2.png) [@Jman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jman)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2002, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-change-etiquette-question/111969/19 "2002-06-05T00:01:05Z")
My sister changed hers to First/Maiden/Married, since her middle name, Ann, was just too damn boring (her words, not mine), so she got rid of it. Jman ---
**Author:** ![Nenya\_Elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ea5d25/32.png) [@Nenya\_Elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nenya_Elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2002, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-change-etiquette-question/111969/20 "2002-06-05T07:57:24Z")
Huh. I always assumed that a woman who took her husband’s last name replaced her maiden name with his last name, and that “Mrs. Amy Johnson Scott” or something was just what she said socially to, say, identify her to people who knew her before she was married or to whom she wanted to point out which family she came from. It always made me think of 19th-century England (Jane Austen et al). I _think_ my mom is First Middle Married, legally, because that’s what she signs everything as. Some people call her First Middle Maiden Married because it has a cute ring to it in her case. At any rate, she never had to change anything that she had marked with her initials prior to marriage, because her initials are still the same (same first letter of both last names). I’ve always assumed I’ll be Nenya\_Elizabeth Married when I get married. At least that’s what I’ll go by. It might be cool to be Nenya\_Elizabeth Maiden Married legally, though. Actually, scratch that…unless I get a really crappy married last name, I think it’s about time I lost the current name (no offense to my dad or anything, it’s just that people make all kinds of jokes about it…) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-change-etiquette-question/111969.md?page=2)