# Name my hypothetical baby! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 16, 2010, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217 "2010-02-16T17:41:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/1 "2010-02-16T17:41:34Z")
**Really Not All That Bride** and I are getting married on May 1st. My mother already has grandchildren, but hers doesn’t, and she’s not-subtly hinting that we better breed quick. We’ve agreed we’ll wait at least 2 years (we’ll be 30), but we’ve already started discussing names. Girls’ names we’re good on. Boys’ names we need help with. She likes what I like to call “quarterback names”- names which sound like building materials or landscape features: ie., Brady, Bradley, Cliff, Donovan. I like things a bit more sedate. I want my kid to sound like the president of the Rotary Club, not like a jock- though I have nothing _per se_ against my kids being star athletes, and indeed would hope for such an occurrence. Weirdly, there are two names we both like which don’t fit either category. I proposed Ayrton (yes, after [this guy](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ayrton_Senna) - my childhood hero). She proposed Van (like Wilder, but not after the film character). My surname sounds a bit like “baker” with “am” on the beginning. So what do you guys think? With names like these, will our kids be successes? More importantly, will they avoid getting beaten up? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/2 "2010-02-16T17:47:09Z")
Forgot to mention: suggestions are welcome, too. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/3 "2010-02-16T17:55:41Z")
I’d call him [Loser.](http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/weblog/permalink/winner_and_loser_lane/) Then he’ll go on to do great things. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/4 "2010-02-16T17:59:12Z")
Please don’t. PLEASE. Just give them a name everybody can spell, okay? Abraham. Matthew. James. Joseph, after my grandfather, if you like. Not a last name, not a “unique” name. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/5 "2010-02-16T18:00:26Z")
Okay, not that suggestion. ETA: I’m trying to avoid stereotypically Biblical names, though I’m not dead set against them. And… um… do you really think Van is hard to spell? ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/6 "2010-02-16T18:01:43Z")
Scott? Jamie? Nathan? David? Steven? Please do not name him Skyler, Tyler, Taylor, Caleb, Joshua, or Jacob, because I do not like those names. Better yet, have a girl and name her Sasha. I love that name. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/7 "2010-02-16T18:05:14Z")
Skyler and Tyler are quarterback names. Scott is her dad’s name, and a possibility. Jamie/James, David and Steven are (a) biblical, and (b) sound really, really weird with my surname. I have a cousin named Nathan, and it’s a possibility, but I will have to shoot the boy if anyone starts calling him Nate. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/8 "2010-02-16T18:06:56Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Okay, not that suggestion. > > ETA: I’m trying to avoid stereotypically Biblical names, though I’m not dead set against them. And… um… do you really think Van is hard to spell? I think Van is not a name. ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/9 "2010-02-16T18:07:11Z")
Since I wouldn’t let my husband name our child this, I’ll recommend it to you: Vartan. He found it in a baby name book, and thought it sounded like the coolest name ever. Immediately I tried to counter the suggestion by saying that, no, it has to be a saint’s name… Turns out, [St. Vartan](http://www.armenianchurch.net/heritage/history/vartan/index.html) was a 5th-century martyr. I decided to just overrule him at that point, but it is a pretty badass-sounding name, don’t you think? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Aries28](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Aries28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aries28)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/10 "2010-02-16T18:07:50Z")
I’m very partial to Colin but it is probably because that’s what my youngest is named. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/11 "2010-02-16T18:09:30Z")
> [@Sarahfeena](#): > > Since I wouldn’t let my husband name our child this, I’ll recommend it to you: Vartan. Not only is it nearly a composite of our two favorites, it will strike fear into the hearts of his enemies. Fuck the Rotary Club! 🆒 > [@](#): > > Better yet, have a girl and name her Sasha. I love that name. My stepbrother’s name is Sas(c)ha and he’s not somebody I want my kid emulating. ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/12 "2010-02-16T18:28:17Z")
I think Van sounds a lot less beat-up-able than Ayrton. The -ton ending always sounds a bit pretentious and snooty to me: Preston, Clayton, Clinton, Winston. And of course, Thurston Howell III. You also have to consider pronunciation - both how you choose to say it, and how everyone else will. Your guy apparently said it “aˈiɾtõ” (something like AH-ear-tone, without pronouncing the final “n”), but most Americans will probably say something like “aɪ’ɜrtən” (EYE-er-tun) or “ɛɹ’tn” (AIRT-n). And quite a few will try them all, every time: “Hey, uh, EYEertun, AIRTn, ARTin, whateveryournameis…” Whatever your opinion of Van as a name, at least everyone will know how to say it. As someone who grew up with an unpronounceable last name (even my mom never really got it right), I can attest that it’s a pain in the ass. I can only imagine the headaches if it were my first name. ---
**Author:** ![Emily\_Litella](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emily_litella/32/3370_2.png) [@Emily\_Litella](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emily_Litella)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/13 "2010-02-16T18:34:59Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > I think Van is not a name. Van Johnson and Van Morrison would disagree with you. How about Ethan? ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/14 "2010-02-16T18:40:11Z")
IIRC you’re a Brit, no? So I think it must be Nigel, Simon, Basil or, my favorite, St. John. I’ve always been partial to Martin( actually I prefer Mar_tine_ but you may find that too fussy) or Lane. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/15 "2010-02-16T18:41:40Z")
> [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > You also have to consider pronunciation - both how you choose to say it, and how everyone else will. Your guy apparently said it “aˈiɾtõ” (something like AH-ear-tone, without pronouncing the final “n”), but most Americans will probably say something like “aɪ’ɜrtən” (EYE-er-tun) or “ɛɹ’tn” (AIRT-n). And quite a few will try them all, every time: “Hey, uh, EYEertun, AIRTn, ARTin, whateveryournameis…” Whatever your opinion of Van as a name, at least everyone will know how to say it. That’s a good point. I was going to go with _Airt-n_, not being Brazilian, and I figured everyone else would default to that pronunciation, but I see this is not the case. > [@](#): > > IIRC you’re a Brit, no? So I think it must be Nigel, Simon, Basil or, my favorite, St. John. > > I’ve always been partial to Martin( actually I prefer Martine but you may find that too fussy) or Lane. I’m a Briton of Indian descent living in the US. Call me a Brinderican. 😃 > [@](#): > > How about Ethan? She suggested Ethan but it reminds me of _Ethan Frome_, the most boring book ever written. Otherwise I’m totally okay with it. ---
**Author:** ![Surly\_Chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Surly\_Chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surly_Chick)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/16 "2010-02-16T18:42:26Z")
I like Griffith and Morgan. Don’t go with Cliff only because I knew a Cliff and he was a real weirdo. Or you could always go with Seven. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/17 "2010-02-16T18:47:28Z")
My daughter, had she been my son, would have been Duncan. I think that might fit both of your criteria. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/18 "2010-02-16T18:51:01Z")
How about Baby? It’s unisex, too. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/19 "2010-02-16T18:57:15Z")
I would go with Alowishious. I you want an alternative, I call sell you the rights to Shagnasty for a fee. PM me if you are interested. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/20 "2010-02-16T18:58:47Z")
And Bingo was his name-o! StG [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217.md?page=2)