# Name my hypothetical baby! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 16, 2010, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217 "2010-02-16T17:41:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/41 "2010-02-17T02:16:50Z")
I don’t know about first names. But. The best middle name ever for a boy is: Uppercut. Seriously bad ass. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/42 "2010-02-17T02:18:25Z")
Or, for rich people, uppercrust ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/43 "2010-02-17T05:41:24Z")
Maybe I can split the difference and call him Uppercuss. ---
**Author:** ![Erdosain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/erdosain/32/7284_2.png) [@Erdosain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erdosain)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/44 "2010-02-17T05:50:23Z")
Hmm, this is tough as I usually prefer ethnic names. I take it Mrs. Bright isn’t down for an Indian-inspired name? Maybe you can find one that is subtle. Barring any family members that you may want to honor, I’d go with an author or book character that you particularly like. I’d go for Thomas, Alexander, or Raskolnikov. Your mileage may vary wildly. ---
**Author:** ![Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bites_when_provoked/32/18073_2.png) [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bites_When_Provoked)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/45 "2010-02-17T08:43:11Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > I would go with Alowishious. I you want an alternative, I call sell you the rights to Shagnasty for a fee. PM me if you are interested. \Aloysius\ I once knew a guy called Wolf. That’s a name that’s awesomewicked no matter whether he turns out to be a quarterback or a computer geek. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/46 "2010-02-17T13:11:03Z")
Name 'im Poops! I miss the Doper who used to do that. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/47 "2010-02-17T13:53:20Z")
Am I the only one who read the thread title with a comma that isn’t there? As in: “Name my hypothetical, baby!” I’m not interested in baby names, I was going to suggest a name for the cool new hypothetical you had thought of. To keep on topic, however, I love the suggestion of Vartan. It sounds kind of Indian even though it isn’t, it is easy to spell, and I although I have never heard it before, it is not ridiculous or pretentious (IMO). The only disadvantage is the nickname problem, but kids will turn almost any name into a cruel nickname of some kind. If you don’t use that for the first name, you have to use it as a middle name. I would use it myself but it doesn’t work with my surname. Please don’t use Duncan! ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/48 "2010-02-17T14:12:59Z")
Every Miles I have ever met has been a seriously cool human being. ---
**Author:** ![Surly\_Chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Surly\_Chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surly_Chick)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/49 "2010-02-17T15:26:42Z")
> [@FriarTed](#): > > Name 'im Poops! > > I miss the Doper who used to do that. **bbs2k.** He/she is still around but for some reason has stopped suggestion Poops as a name. I miss him/her too. That suggestion always made me laugh no matter how many times I saw it. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/50 "2010-02-17T15:31:18Z")
> [@Wargamer](#): > > Cullen. > > It’s Welsh (Gaelic?) for handsome. > [@badbadrubberpiggy](#): > > It’s also the last name of the family of vampires in the Twilight novels, which may cause a large number of people to think you’ve named your kid after them on purpose. You mean the leads in _Twilight_ are Beautiful Swan and Edward Handsome? _vomits_ ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/51 "2010-02-17T15:43:34Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > You mean the leads in _Twilight_ are Beautiful Swan and Edward Handsome? > > _vomits_ Kreative, no? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/52 "2010-02-17T15:57:20Z")
Rockpucher. Rockpuncher Bearkiller \. More seriously, I like Cliff, Ivan, and Vartan. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/53 "2010-02-17T16:07:24Z")
ETA: Alexander is also good. As long as you don’t spell it like ‘Alekzandre’ or anything like that, because if you do, I’ll have to bitch slap you. I don’t want to, but thems the rules. ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/54 "2010-02-17T17:54:19Z")
Aaron Nicholas 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Erdosain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/erdosain/32/7284_2.png) [@Erdosain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erdosain)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/55 "2010-02-17T17:57:26Z")
[Homer Simpson]Yeah, nothing rhymes with Vartan.[/Homer Simpson] ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/56 "2010-02-17T18:28:10Z")
> [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](#): > > ETA: Alexander is also good. As long as you don’t spell it like ‘Alekzandre’ or anything like that, because if you do, I’ll have to bitch slap you. I don’t want to, but thems the rules. I like Alexander but alliterative first name/surname combinations annoy the hell out of me and my surname starts with an A. > [@](#): > > Hmm, this is tough as I usually prefer ethnic names. I take it Mrs. Bright isn’t down for an Indian-inspired name? Maybe you can find one that is subtle. She’s down, but I couldn’t think of one that plays as well in Western culture as mine, and I’m not naming my kid after myself (though he gets my name as his middle name). ---
**Author:** ![Emily\_Litella](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emily_litella/32/3370_2.png) [@Emily\_Litella](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emily_Litella)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/57 "2010-02-17T18:43:00Z")
> [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](#): > > \Aloysius\ > > I once knew a guy called Wolf. That’s a name that’s awesomewicked no matter whether he turns out to be a quarterback or a computer geek. I was considering naming my son Wolfgang when he was born (around the time the movie “Amadeus” came out) so I could call him Wolfie. I was also considering the name **Thor**. Now he’s mad I didn’t name him that. (from before - I was thinking of Ethan Allen - mountain man; not Ethan Frome.) ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/58 "2010-02-17T18:56:57Z")
As someone who has had to leaf through hundreds of resumes a few times in my life, something slightly unusual, (but with no more than one “q”) can be a big plus. Don’t fall for the jerks who will encourage you to choose a name in accordance with the tastes of the bigots who might otherwise “hold him down” in life. A few guidelines: Substituting a “y” for the usual vowel in an otherwise common name does not add interest. Most forms have only 9 spaces for first name letters. Using three or more syllables invites nick naming In these discussions, always keep in mind who will be pushing the baby out. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/59 "2010-02-17T19:00:18Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > Don’t fall for the jerks who will encourage you to choose a name in accordance with the tastes of the bigots who might otherwise “hold him down” in life. I’m not worried about the ones who might hold him down in life. I’m worried about the ones who might hold him down in the locker room so they can write on his forehead. ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/60 "2010-02-17T19:04:08Z")
Are you completely against Indian names for the boy? Scanning some that I saw online, here are a few I thought were neat and might work well with your surname: Bharat Chandran Dev (and variants thereof-- there seems to be a lot of Dev[suffix] names!) Garry (is this pronounced a little like the English “Gary”, but with more of an “arr” bit going on in the first syllable?) Hemal Jag Kumar (Yeah, I know, there’s a stoner movie with a main character named Kumar, but I like the name anyway) Kush Lucas (Really?) Manoj Praket Ravi/Ravindra Tanoj As for Western names, there’s a ton of them that could work. As for that “Rotary Club” feel, I’d go with ones that are traditional sounding but stay ahead of the curve. For me, that’d be stuff like: Barlow Barrett Bennett Charles Parker Philip Rafe Ian George Spencer/Spenser [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217.md?page=4)