# Name my hypothetical baby! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 16, 2010, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217 "2010-02-16T17:41:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/61 "2010-02-17T19:24:33Z")
> [@nashiitashii](#): > > Are you completely against Indian names for the boy? Scanning some that I saw online, here are a few I thought were neat and might work well with your surname: > > Bharat > Chandran > Dev (and variants thereof-- there seems to be a lot of Dev[suffix] names!) > Garry (is this pronounced a little like the English “Gary”, but with more of an “arr” bit going on in the first syllable?) > Hemal > Jag > Kumar (Yeah, I know, there’s a stoner movie with a main character named Kumar, but I like the name anyway) > Kush > Lucas (Really?) > Manoj > Praket > Ravi/Ravindra > Tanoj I’m not against Indian names at all - I just remember what it was like to be seven and have a clearly “ethnic” name. Well, that’s not true, but I remember what it was like for my brother. Re _Lucas_: Indian Christians often take “Western” names, for reasons I don’t fully understand, which are usually biblical but not always. Kim’s great-grandfather’s name was _Mallick_ - pronounced more or less as spelled - which is apparently not uncommon in Sweden, and she suggested that a while ago. It’s also a word and name in Arabic (although it would be transliterated as something more like Malik) and via the Mughals became a fairly common surname (never heard it as a first name) among Hindus in northern India. So that’s a possibility, although we’d have to settle on a spelling. I can’t find any evidence of Swedish people named Mallick, though. Just lots of Irish people with that surname. ---
**Author:** ![Erdosain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/erdosain/32/7284_2.png) [@Erdosain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erdosain)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/62 "2010-02-17T19:37:33Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > She’s down, but I couldn’t think of one that plays as well in Western culture as mine, and I’m not naming my kid after myself (though he gets my name as his middle name). It makes sense that she gets a big say in the first name since you get both the middle and the last. I made a similar deal with my wife. She got the first name, and I got the middle and last. As for “Van,” I foresee a couple problems. First of all, he’s going to hear this joke approximately 25,000 times in his life: Van AllThatBright: My name’s Van. Douchebag: Van, huh? Did your parents name you after where you were conceived? VA: Never heard that one before. DB: If this van’s a-rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’! VA: [aside] Damn my foolish parents! Plus, if he is short in stature, people will call him “Mini-Van.” On the plus side of the ledger, if he kicks the aforementioned people’s asses, he’ll get the nickname “Van Damme” (or “Van Damn!” if you prefer). ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/63 "2010-02-17T19:46:27Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Kim’s great-grandfather’s name was _Mallick_ - pronounced more or less as spelled - which is apparently not uncommon in Sweden, and she suggested that a while ago. It’s also a word and name in Arabic (although it would be transliterated as something more like Malik) and via the Mughals became a fairly common surname (never heard it as a first name) among Hindus in northern India. So that’s a possibility, although we’d have to settle on a spelling. > > I can’t find any evidence of Swedish people named Mallick, though. Just lots of Irish people with that surname. I like it. It’s different but still pronounceable, and I love the nickname Mal (Malcolm is on our short list for boys for this reason). I think with the Malik spelling people will tend to prounce it _ma-LEEK_ - which isn’t bad, but I don’t think it’s how you’re pronouncing it. If you have a family tree you can look at, those are always fun places to find names. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/64 "2010-02-17T20:15:38Z")
> [@Erdosain](#): > > Plus, if he is short in stature, people will call him “Mini-Van.” On the plus side of the ledger, if he kicks the aforementioned people’s asses, he’ll get the nickname “Van Damme” (or “Van Damn!” if you prefer). I will admit that part of my reason for wanting to name the kid Van is that I can call him Van Daminator. > [@badbadrubberpiggy](#): > > I like it. It’s different but still pronounceable, and I love the nickname Mal (Malcolm is on our short list for boys for this reason). I think with the Malik spelling people will tend to prounce it _ma-LEEK_ - which isn’t bad, but I don’t think it’s how you’re pronouncing it. > > If you have a family tree you can look at, those are always fun places to find names. I figured he could pronounce it however he wanted. No family tree, unfortunately, and my family’s names tend to be _really_ long. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/65 "2010-02-17T20:39:22Z")
> [@Sarahfeena](#): > > Since I wouldn’t let my husband name our child this, I’ll recommend it to you: Vartan… I’ve only met one Vartan in my entire life, and he’s a very smart and accomplished guy: [Vartan Gregorian - Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vartan_Gregorian) My advice, some of which echoes earlier comments: - Check recent lists of popular baby names and see if any there catch your eye. Ditto your family tree; you might want to honor a deserving or famous relative. - If you want to avoid trendy first names, run your favorites by any teachers you know. They can tell you if lots of kids with those names are showing up in recent years. - Consider the nearly-inevitable cruel nicknames that some names will give rise to. - For your child’s sake, please, use a standard spelling so that he or she is not doomed to repeatedly spell the name, and to correct the misspelling of others. - Make it gender-obvious. A boy, in particular, will not thank you for giving him a name that eventually leads armies of telemarketers to assume he’s a woman. - Ditto a name that will get him beat up on the playground. It happens. - When you’ve narrowed the field to a handful of names, say them out loud often, including any middle name(s). Practice introducing your child out loud, first, middle and last - if it just doesn’t sound right, or flow nicely, consider your other options. FWIW, my wife and I have three boys, whom we named John, Ethan and Thomas. Yes, we like old-fashioned names. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/66 "2010-02-17T21:47:21Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > I’m not against Indian names at all - I just remember what it was like to be seven and have a clearly “ethnic” name. Well, that’s not true, but I remember what it was like for my brother. Please please please\* PLEASE \*don’t give your kid an ethnic name. My dad is Kashmiri and my mom is Cuban, and my mother fought tooth and nail (and won) for traditionally white names. If you’re raising the kid…pretty much anywhere, they’re gonna be a minority. As is, they’re gonna be biracial, and it isn’t a fun ride - the Indian kids look Indian, but it’s a whole different ball game to look mixed . I am so incredibly grateful that my parents gave me a name that’s easily spelled but not too common, hard to make fun of, etc. If you’re giving them your last name, they’re always going to have to correct how people spell and pronounce it as is. Don’t give 'em a double whammy. I’d even suggest against giving him your name as their middle name, if it’s even vaguely ethnic. The only names I can think of off the top of my head that aren’t ethnic are Tara and Sheena, or Lucas like you said. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/67 "2010-02-17T22:00:28Z")
When choosing a child’s name you should play Stripper Vs President. In your best announcer voice, say the following: “And now coming to the stage for your pleasure, (possible first name) (your last name)!” Then say this: “Ladies and gentlemen, please rise in honor of (possible first name) (your last name), the 52nd President of the United States of America.” Does the name sound more like they will end up a stripper than the president? Then don’t name them that. If every woman who named her baby Diamond or Mercedes did this life would be a lot easier for their children. ---
**Author:** ![wunderkammer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ed8c4c/32.png) [@wunderkammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wunderkammer)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/68 "2010-02-17T23:04:39Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Girls’ names we’re good on. Boys’ names we need help with. What kind of girls’ names do you agree on? You don’t want siblings to end up with comically mismatched names like, I don’t know, Wolf and Angelica. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/69 "2010-02-17T23:22:29Z")
> [@Emily\_Litella](#): > > I was also considering the name **Thor**. Now he’s mad I didn’t name him that. I have a Norwegian friend who once told me she knew a guy called Odin. I instantly had the hots for him, without ever having met or seen him, just because I though it was the coolest name ever. We’ve had a running joke for over 10 years that she is going to introduce me once day. I think it does work much better if your Scandinavian, though. ---
**Author:** ![ToeJam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@ToeJam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToeJam)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/70 "2010-02-17T23:37:20Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > Please please please\* PLEASE \*don’t give your kid an ethnic name. My dad is Kashmiri and my mom is Cuban, and my mother fought tooth and nail (and won) for traditionally white names. If you’re raising the kid…pretty much anywhere, they’re gonna be a minority. As is, they’re gonna be biracial, and it isn’t a fun ride - the Indian kids look Indian, but it’s a whole different ball game to look mixed . I am so incredibly grateful that my parents gave me a name that’s easily spelled but not too common, hard to make fun of, etc. If you’re giving them your last name, they’re always going to have to correct how people spell and pronounce it as is. Don’t give 'em a double whammy. > > I’d even suggest against giving him your name as their middle name, if it’s even vaguely ethnic. The only names I can think of off the top of my head that aren’t ethnic are Tara and Sheena, or Lucas like you said. I gotta say I disagree with this. Be proud of your culture and who you are. As someone who had an “ethinic” name and a disability to boot, it’s not a big deal. Kids will find some way to make fun of the kid. We’ve got a LuckAss in our class right now and the Tara in it is a slut- her name didn’t help her out there when trying to find a reason to pick on her. Kids will find a way to mock regardless of the name. Trying to blend in is one thing, but to do so at the expense of your culture is another. Go with a name that you like, and be proud of it, and the Kid will find a way to deal with it and overcome it- or at worst, they’ll find a way around it. I know plenty of Dev’s who go by Dave, and a few others who Americanize their names- but that doesn’t mean they hate their names, they just use different ones around different people. So pick a good strong name that you’ll like and let the chips fall as they may. The only thing my parents did though was they did make the name easier to spell- two syllable names are always nicer than 4+, and it helps if it looks the way it sounds, because no matter what someone will ALWAYS find a way to screw it up. But I gotta say, don’t just whiten up a name because you fear about the potential for the kid to be picked on down the road. Because if the kid’s gonna get picked on, his “safe” name is certainly not going to be the thing standing in their way. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/71 "2010-02-17T23:41:43Z")
> [@PookahMacPhellimey](#): > > I have a Norwegian friend who once told me she knew a guy called Odin. I instantly had the hots for him, without ever having met or seen him, just because I though it was the coolest name ever. We’ve had a running joke for over 10 years that she is going to introduce me once day. I think it does work much better if your Scandinavian, though. As I’ve posted elsewhere on the Dope, I know a guy whose parents inflicted “Thorin Oakenshield [Commonlastname]” on him. As a Tolkien fan, I approve. As a parent, I’m appalled. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/72 "2010-02-17T23:51:20Z")
> [@ToeJam](#): > > I gotta say I disagree with this. Be proud of your culture and who you are. Or choose a new culture to be proud of! When it came time to name our kids, my brother sent me a book listing popular baby names, categorized by European country. I started with Albania and they had such cool names that I never really wanted to go beyond that, except that my wife put her foot down. I therefore gift to you these two Albanian names, my favourites, that I was forbidden to use for my children: Shkëlqim or Fatmirosh (both boy’s first names) More Albanian first names here > **[Nome albanise](https://roa-tara.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nome_albanise)** > > Queste jè 'na liste de nome proprie de cristiene comune in Albanie. > Adamat > Adi > Adriatik > Afrim > Agim > Agimor > Agrin > Agron > Aidan > Aigin > Aimir > Akal > Alaron > Alasin > Alban > Albanor > Album > Algas > Alk > Alkan > Alma > Almarin > Alper > Altin > Alzan > Alzen > Alzet > Amant > Amantin > Amat > And > Andam > Anden > Andik > Andin > Anen > Anil > Antiam > Aranit > Arben > Arbenor > Arber > Arberesh > Arberor > Arbi > Arbian > Arbor > Ardian > Ardit > Argjel > Argjend > Argjendor > Arian > Arianit > Aril > Arion > Arlind > Arjon > Armend > Armir > Artan > Artar > Artas > Artian > Artin > Artmir > Artor > Artoran... ---
**Author:** ![Ace309](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ace309/32/1050_2.png) [@Ace309](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ace309)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2010, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/73 "2010-02-18T00:20:54Z")
I think you should name him Tiano, but in case people pronounce it to rhyme with Piano, you should spell it Tiarno. ---
**Author:** ![Girl\_From\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3da27b/32.png) [@Girl\_From\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girl_From_Mars)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2010, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/74 "2010-02-18T01:21:15Z")
> [@PookahMacPhellimey](#): > > I have a Norwegian friend who once told me she knew a guy called Odin. I instantly had the hots for him, without ever having met or seen him, just because I though it was the coolest name ever. We’ve had a running joke for over 10 years that she is going to introduce me once day. I think it does work much better if your Scandinavian, though. I know an Odin - he’s my 2 year old tabby. His step-brother is Loki. We know someone who’s two children are also called Odin and Loki. I also taught a kid called Merlin - not quite Vartan The Terrible, but close. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2010, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/75 "2010-02-18T02:09:55Z")
> [@wunderkammer](#): > > What kind of girls’ names do you agree on? You don’t want siblings to end up with comically mismatched names like, I don’t know, Wolf and Angelica. Laura and Lynda (or Linda). The former is for my mother, who loves the _Little House on the Prairie_ book series, and the latter is her mother’s name. ---
**Author:** ![Girl\_From\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3da27b/32.png) [@Girl\_From\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girl_From_Mars)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2010, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/76 "2010-02-18T06:24:44Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Laura and Lynda (or Linda). The former is for my mother, who loves the _Little House on the Prairie_ book series, and the latter is her mother’s name. Yeah, as great as Vartan is, I don’t think it really goes with Laura. (This is why we didn’t tell people Baby From Mars’s name until she was born. Partly because we didn’t know what flavour we were getting, and because people LOVE to comment!) What about Wes (short for Wesley?) Could be a Rotarian, but the short form is very skater hip. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2010, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/77 "2010-02-18T13:54:07Z")
For some reason I’m just not feeling Wes. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2010, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/78 "2010-02-18T14:00:33Z")
Would this have anything to do with it?: [Wesley Crusher | Memory Alpha | Fandom](http://memory-alpha.org/en/wiki/Wesley_Crusher) ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2010, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/79 "2010-02-18T14:05:36Z")
> [@Girl\_From\_Mars](#): > > Yeah, as great as Vartan is, I don’t think it really goes with Laura. Why do siblings have to have matchy-matchy names? It’s not like they’re going to be a boxed set forever. My name and my siblings’ names are from different ethnicities and don’t “match”, and it never caused us any issues or resentment. ---
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2010, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217/80 "2010-02-18T14:09:12Z")
Maybe Vaughn? I think that would work well with Laura or Linda. Plus, it has a similar feeling to Van. I’m generally not a big fan of last names as first names, but I don’t mind Vaughn. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-hypothetical-baby/529217.md?page=5)