# Name my pathetic patch of chest hair **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 4, 2007, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-pathetic-patch-of-chest-hair/421508 "2007-10-04T15:56:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![ForumBot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ee59a6/32.png) [@ForumBot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ForumBot)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2007, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-pathetic-patch-of-chest-hair/421508/41 "2007-10-06T08:07:07Z")
Ladies, please, there’s enough chest hair to go around. Everybody take hold of a tuft and brace for the G’s, you’re entering _Dangerland Alpha: Population, We._ ---
**Author:** ![Shai\_tan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Shai\_tan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shai_tan)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2007, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-pathetic-patch-of-chest-hair/421508/42 "2007-10-06T11:17:27Z")
[QUOTE=Dervorin] So, was it named Stuart after one of [E. B. White’s books](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stuart_Little), later made into a movie of the same name? _D&R_ [/QUOTE] **ZING!** Now, if I wasn’t secure in the ampleness of my bits and pieces, that comment might have planted a niggling little seed of doubt about the relative merits of my member, causing years of doubt and closet self-loathing. Fortunately I suffer from a bevy of egocentric character flaws that keep me comfortably deluded. ---
**Author:** ![Encinitas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Encinitas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Encinitas)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2007, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-pathetic-patch-of-chest-hair/421508/43 "2007-10-06T11:47:03Z")
Whenever one of these “name my…” treads comes along I always recommend the same name:Cecil Adams ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2007, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-pathetic-patch-of-chest-hair/421508/44 "2007-10-08T14:01:45Z")
[QUOTE=The Scrivener] How about “amber waves”? Aside from being totally ironic in your case and lifted from “America the Beautiful,” it was Julianne Moore’s character’s porn name in **Boogie Nights**. So it’s a midwest-Americana-Hollywood-porn reference! [/QUOTE] I vote for this one. ---
**Author:** ![ForumBot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ee59a6/32.png) [@ForumBot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ForumBot)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2007, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-pathetic-patch-of-chest-hair/421508/45 "2007-10-08T16:27:49Z")
I never really stopped to consider the case for high irony in chest hair nomenclature. I’m leaning towards (I’ve got the) Golden Thicket and “The Love Nest.” It’s really a tossup. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2007, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-pathetic-patch-of-chest-hair/421508/46 "2007-10-08T16:33:17Z")
How about mangina? ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2007, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-pathetic-patch-of-chest-hair/421508/47 "2007-10-08T16:37:48Z")
Dude, just wax it. Naming dilemma solved. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2007, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-pathetic-patch-of-chest-hair/421508/48 "2007-10-08T16:40:22Z")
No! A man’s chest hair is a thing that should not be tampered with, whatever amount he may have. ---
**Author:** ![ForumBot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ee59a6/32.png) [@ForumBot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ForumBot)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2007, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-pathetic-patch-of-chest-hair/421508/49 "2007-10-08T17:29:58Z")
Oncentstamp, your man card is officially revoked. Consider yourself shunned. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2007, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-pathetic-patch-of-chest-hair/421508/50 "2007-10-08T19:26:08Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] Dude, just wax it. Naming dilemma solved. [/QUOTE] Contrary to popular belief, chicks like chest hair. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2007, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-pathetic-patch-of-chest-hair/421508/51 "2007-10-08T19:36:23Z")
You remind me of Bill Clinton, so how about calling it “Monica?” Oh, and I have your nipples! In that umm… I mean I have ones that look just like that. No I’m not sharing (at the moment). ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2007, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-pathetic-patch-of-chest-hair/421508/52 "2007-10-08T20:19:50Z")
[QUOTE=Autolycus] You remind me of Bill Clinton, so how about calling it “Monica?” Oh, and I have your nipples! In that umm.. I mean I have ones that look just like that. No I’m not sharing (at the moment). [/QUOTE] Well, if they look just like his, you don’t have to share. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2007, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-pathetic-patch-of-chest-hair/421508/53 "2007-10-09T02:03:27Z")
**ForumBot** , you can take consulation in the fact that while it takes a man to grow chest hair, it takes a real man to wear it off. From someone who used to have less hair on his chest than on any given finger. ---
**Author:** ![Dervorin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Dervorin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dervorin)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2007, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-pathetic-patch-of-chest-hair/421508/54 "2007-10-09T10:00:31Z")
[QUOTE=Shai’tan] **ZING!** Now, if I wasn’t secure in the ampleness of my bits and pieces, that comment might have planted a niggling little seed of doubt about the relative merits of my member, causing years of doubt and closet self-loathing. Fortunately I suffer from a bevy of egocentric character flaws that keep me comfortably deluded. [/QUOTE] So you’re saying you’d rather live in denial than accept a simple literary allusion? Illusion before allusion, you might say. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2007, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-pathetic-patch-of-chest-hair/421508/55 "2007-10-09T13:04:52Z")
[QUOTE=TokyoPlayer] **ForumBot** , you can take consulation in the fact that while it takes a man to grow chest hair, it takes a real man to wear it off. From someone who used to have less hair on his chest than on any given finger. [/QUOTE] Heh…reminds me of my friends whose son was teasing him about his bald head. Mom said “It’s from his head hitting the headboard so much.” That shut teenaged son right up! ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2007, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-pathetic-patch-of-chest-hair/421508/56 "2007-10-09T15:25:59Z")
[QUOTE=gigi] Heh…reminds me of my friends whose son was teasing him about his bald head. Mom said “It’s from his head hitting the headboard so much.” That shut teenaged son right up! [/QUOTE] I’m totally stealing this. - **chaoticbear** , 20 years old and balding ---
**Author:** ![Daithi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5e925/32.png) [@Daithi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2016, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-pathetic-patch-of-chest-hair/421508/57 "2016-03-25T12:30:34Z")
I’ve got a tuft of chest hair, too. Mine is called the Wolf Patch. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2016, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-pathetic-patch-of-chest-hair/421508/58 "2016-03-25T17:19:07Z")
Welcome … to the 9 year old zombie thread you’ve revived for the purpose of sharing your hair’s name. ---
**Author:** ![OffByOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/45deac/32.png) [@OffByOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OffByOne)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2016, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-pathetic-patch-of-chest-hair/421508/59 "2016-03-25T19:25:57Z")
How about “Harry McHairface”? ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2016, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-my-pathetic-patch-of-chest-hair/421508/60 "2016-03-26T01:35:48Z")
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