# Name the Aardvark! A Contest **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 17, 2003, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192 "2003-07-17T17:31:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/1 "2003-07-17T17:31:32Z")
We, meaning those of us who refer to ourselves as the BostonDopers, have adopted an aardvark as our group mascot (at least, in my twisted little mind, we have). However, the poor little guy has no name, as yet. This is unacceptable. It’s offensive to the dignity of this magnificent creature. Can you imagine addressing such an awesome being as “Yo! Aardvark!”? Of course not! It’s absurd to even contemplate. So, we need to figure out what his name is. I’ve asked, but what with the long snout and tongue not being ideally designed for speech (_his_, not mine!), however elegant it may appear, and the Afrikaans accent, I’m not sure I understand a lot of what he says. (I’m working on it. Mostly he seems to mumble about ants and termites.) So, I turn to you for help in determining a suitably snazzy, yet dignified, name for our honored guest. Arthur wouldn’t have been too bad; oodles of dignity, and a connection to a cool legend. But, it’s already taken, by that cartoon freak. (An aardvark with _no_ nose?!? What the heck were they thinking?) Aaron has been suggested (thanks, **tanookie**!) but, while dignified, and suitably endowed with A’s, it lacks something in the pizzazz department. Therefore, it is my privilege (because I thought of it, and I have too little to do at work) to announce the **Name the Aardvark Contest!** Open to all Dopers, this is a rare opportunity to pit your creativity, knowledge, class, and flattery and bribery skills against a world-class group of competitors for the coveted title of…umm…[sub]Aardvark Name Thinker-Upper? Critter Creativity-something? Miss Universe? Ah![/sub]… **Honorary Advisor to the Aardvark**! _OOooohs are heard from the audience_ All suggestions (for names for the aardvark, not places I should go, anatomically impossible things I should do to myself, or medications I should try) are welcome and will be given due consideration. (Now that I think about it, the other type of suggestions will also receive their _due_.) Prizes will be awarded for the usual categories; Most Creative, Most Beautiful, Miss Congeniality, Honorable Mention, Dishonorable Discharge (How’d that one get in here? It sounds like a Victorian euphemism for a social disease.) (It’s not, is it?), etc. Probably a few _un_usual categories, as well. By entering, all contestants acknowledge that all decisions of the judge (that’s me) are wise, arbitrary, and final (subject to late-arriving bribes of greater value). **Note:** Employees of Al’s Aardvarks and Auto Alignments, and their relatives, are ineligible. The title of Official Advisor to the Aardvark remains the property of the contest organizer. ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/2 "2003-07-17T17:59:54Z")
Hey you forgot to drag my other suggestion over to this thread! Aaron the Amazingly Artistic and Adventurous Aardvark from Atlantis And I also humbly submit (since the aardvark can be female too!) Aphrodite the Alluring Aardvark Pizzazz! Bah! ---
**Author:** ![Alto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Alto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alto)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/3 "2003-07-17T18:03:57Z")
Since you’re right next door to Cambridge, and I’m sure the aardvark’s a smart aardvark, how about Fair Aardvark. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/4 "2003-07-17T18:17:49Z")
Cyrano. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/5 "2003-07-17T18:24:06Z")
I don’t know why no one suggested Cecil the Aardvark. It seems only logical. ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/6 "2003-07-17T18:26:55Z")
Annabelle the Alliterative Aardvark who loves Adventuring in Amsterdam? ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/7 "2003-07-17T18:29:32Z")
The Big Digger ---
**Author:** ![godzillatemple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/49beb7/32.png) [@godzillatemple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/godzillatemple)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/8 "2003-07-17T18:33:20Z")
Hmmmm… and just how, one may ask, does one become a member of this elite club known as “The BostonDopers”? Is there a membership fee? Weekly meetings? Secret handshake? Or is it enough to simply live in the Boston area? If the latter, I don’t remember being consulted on this whole mascot thing… As for a name, I’d have to go with Antsy the Aardvark. Barring that, there’s always Bob. 😉 Barry ---
**Author:** ![Gulo\_gulo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bcef8e/32.png) [@Gulo\_gulo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gulo_gulo)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/9 "2003-07-17T19:00:07Z")
Aloysius? ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/10 "2003-07-17T19:01:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tanookie \* > \*\*Hey you forgot to drag my other suggestion over to this thread! > > Aaron the Amazingly Artistic and Adventurous Aardvark from Atlantis > > And I also humbly submit (since the aardvark can be female too!) > > Aphrodite the Alluring Aardvark > > Pizzazz! Bah! \*\* Yeah, I was lazy. I didn’t want to hurt my back lugging that big honking name around. But, how can you bah pizzazz? Pizzazz has pizza in it! > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Alto \* > \*\*Since you’re right next door to Cambridge, and I’m sure the aardvark’s a smart aardvark, how about > > Fair Aardvark. \*\* As is Click N’ Clack’s “our fair city”? I suppose I could name him Harv. Then he’d be Harv Aardvark. 😃 Uh oh! You guys are going to have to come up with something really good, if you don’t want to have to live with that. I like that one, being an unrepentant punslinger. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Shade \* > \*\* Cyrano. \*\* A literary allusion. Not bad! > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Casey1505 \* > \*\*I don’t know why no one suggested Cecil the Aardvark. It seems only logical. \*\* We have our first winner! **Casey1505** takes the Suck-Up Award home. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/11 "2003-07-17T19:13:58Z")
> [@](#): > > We have our first winner! Casey1505 takes the Suck-Up Award home. It sounds like it should be shipped in a plain brown package. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/12 "2003-07-17T19:20:30Z")
Jo. Short for Joseph. SIZE=1]::ducks and runs::[/SIZE] ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/13 "2003-07-17T20:00:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by godzillatemple \* > \*\*Hmmmm… and just how, one may ask, does one become a member of this elite club known as “The BostonDopers”? Is there a membership fee? Weekly meetings? Secret handshake? Or is it enough to simply live in the Boston area? If the latter, I don’t remember being consulted on this whole mascot thing… > > As for a name, I’d have to go with Antsy the Aardvark. Barring that, there’s always Bob. \*\* I actually considered Bob, for its incongruity. Antsy is too cutesy. As for the BostonDopers, see the link in [this thread.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=197578) > [@](#): > > ## _Originally posted by Casey1505_ \*\* quote: > > ## We have our first winner! Casey1505 takes the Suck-Up Award home. > > It sounds like it should be shipped in a plain brown package. \*\* It _is_ a plain brown package! Well, really, it’s a cardboard box, with the word Hoover on it. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Maastricht \* > \*\*Jo. Short for Joseph. \*\* Jo? As in “Jo mama!”? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/14 "2003-07-17T20:03:49Z")
Jeff, God of Biscuits. Do aardvarks like biscuits? If he has the Afrikaans accent, you’d best name him something culturally fitting- Joost, Andre, Nelson maybe? Nelson Aardvark Mandela… kinda catchy, eh? ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/15 "2003-07-17T20:28:41Z")
Aalbert. ---
**Author:** ![eunoia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eunoia/32/97_2.png) [@eunoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eunoia)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/16 "2003-07-17T21:12:04Z")
Stir-Fry ---
**Author:** ![haardvark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@haardvark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/haardvark)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/17 "2003-07-17T21:21:23Z")
**\<=------=\<** ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/18 "2003-07-17T22:19:20Z")
\*originally posted by \* **Davebear** > [@](#): > > Jo? As in “Jo mama!”? Yes, but only if it’s a really _funky_ Aardvark, of course. Otherwise it would be just silly. ---
**Author:** ![X\_Slayer\_ALE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/bbe5ce/32.png) [@X\_Slayer\_ALE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/X_Slayer_ALE)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/19 "2003-07-17T22:22:16Z")
Since you guys ah from Boston shouldnt you just call him **Odd-Vahk?** My son calls his fuzzy stuffed animal aardvark “strip-ee” dont ask why…Im not sure either. I’m partial to the name Algernon but I hear he was a mouse. ---
**Author:** ![Wyatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b19c9b/32.png) [@Wyatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wyatt)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/20 "2003-07-17T22:28:35Z")
L l oyd? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192.md?page=2)