# Name the Aardvark! A Contest **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 17, 2003, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192 "2003-07-17T17:31:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![fizzygoodmakefeelnice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8491ac/32.png) [@fizzygoodmakefeelnice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fizzygoodmakefeelnice)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/41 "2003-07-18T12:09:29Z")
Name it Tooth-claw ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/42 "2003-07-18T12:12:26Z")
Cerebus the Aardvark is a comic book character that Dave Sim (now legally insane, I think) has been self-publishing for 25 years. He’s astonishing. ---
**Author:** ![godzillatemple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/49beb7/32.png) [@godzillatemple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/godzillatemple)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/43 "2003-07-18T12:16:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AvhHines \* > \*\*Dr. Ardvarkian? > > Sorry, but while I know who Cerebus is, I’m not getting the reference. Will someone please explain it to me? > > Apologies for my idiocy. \*\* Well, if you know who “Cerebus” is, then by definition you get the reference, since the only Cerebus is Cerebus the Aardvark. The mythological 3-headed dog who guards the gates of hell (I’m assuming that is who you think “Cerebus” refers to) is actually called Cerberus. As the story goes, cartoonist Dave Sim supposedly saw the name misspelled “Cerebus” once and decided it would make a good name for the title character in a comic book he wanted to create about an aardvark. The book started out as basically a parody of Conan the Barbarian with an aardvark in the lead role, but eventually turned into a highly literary (some would say _too_ literary) commentary about many subjects, including feminism, politics, religious oppression, etc. Barry ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/44 "2003-07-18T12:33:18Z")
Since you’re in Boston, why not Nomaardvark? ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/45 "2003-07-18T13:06:41Z")
Speak for yourself with the Odd-vark pronunciation… _I_ say Ahd- vak myself! (R’s - we don’t say no steenkin r’s!!!) 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Parallax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@Parallax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Parallax)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/46 "2003-07-18T13:20:38Z")
Snaardvark ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/47 "2003-07-18T13:22:17Z")
Atticus the Aardvark. It just feels right. (No offense to the new parents who just named their kid Atticus. It’s a noble name! Everyone wants it. Even an Aardvark.) ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/48 "2003-07-18T18:17:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ruby \* > \*\*I’d also like to nominate OddVahk as the best smartassy answer yet! Good Job, **X~Slayer**!🙂 \*\* I like that, too, but if said with a Boston accent, it would come out Ahdvahk the Ahdvahk. Too confusing. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Orange Skinner \* > \*\*And may I just say that you guys have selected one of the top ten coolest animals to have as a mascot. Aardvark is right up there with wombats and yaks. Excellent choice. \*\* Actually, it was **Salem** who introduced us to the aardvark. Credit where credit is due. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SkipMagic \* > \*\*Call him “Fonzie”. 'Cause everything he ever said started with an “A!” \*\* Reaching is good. It adds subtlety. The problem is that the Fonz’s name was Arthur, and we’re right back where we started. Aside from that, I liked it. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Robot Arm \* > \*\*But Bob would be good if we could work it into conversation. You know, “just follow this street to the third stop sign, hang a left and Bob’s your aardvark,” something like that. \*\* I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it, again; you’re one funny bastard! 😃 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Casey1505 \* > \*\*Since you’re in Boston, why not Nomaardvark? \*\* Ooh! **Casey** makes a _strong_ comeback! > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Parallax \* > \*\*Snaardvark \*\* I don’t get it, but it’s cute. **Kalhoun** ’s Atticus, and **Kalessa** ’s Aurelius also appeal to me. ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/49 "2003-07-18T18:58:19Z")
How about 'Addy the Aardvark. BTW that’s supposed to be Eddie but with a silly British accent. What do you mean I can’t name it after myself? ---
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/50 "2003-07-18T20:29:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by godzillatemple \* > \*\*Well, if you know who “Cerebus” is, then by definition you get the reference, since the only Cerebus is Cerebus the Aardvark. > > The mythological 3-headed dog who guards the gates of hell (I’m assuming that is who you think “Cerebus” refers to) is actually called Cerberus. As the story goes, cartoonist Dave Sim supposedly saw the name misspelled “Cerebus” once and decided it would make a good name for the title character in a comic book he wanted to create about an aardvark. The book started out as basically a parody of Conan the Barbarian with an aardvark in the lead role, but eventually turned into a highly literary (some would say _too_ literary) commentary about many subjects, including feminism, politics, religious oppression, etc. > > Barry \*\* Hey, it begins with “Ce”, ends with “us” and has “e”, “r” and “b” in the middle. So I assume it’s the damn three headed dog! :smack: I R idiot! ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/51 "2003-07-18T20:30:51Z")
Aanty Maim. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/52 "2003-07-18T20:32:16Z")
Or Aante Maim. ---
**Author:** ![mascaroni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dc4da7/32.png) [@mascaroni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mascaroni)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/53 "2003-07-18T20:46:54Z")
Laurel… (an Aardy)☹ Surprised no one’s trotted out that old joke: What do you call an Aardvark that can’t fight… A Vark. I’m sorry… ---
**Author:** ![kjckjc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e36b37/32.png) [@kjckjc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kjckjc)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2003, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/54 "2003-07-19T00:38:19Z")
I like Quark or Bismark. I want to win Dishonorable Discharge for suggesting the name Reet. If the BostDoperFests continue to meet at the same place he could be Boston Billy. Dunno…lemme think some more. ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2003, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/55 "2003-07-19T02:40:51Z")
Stu would be a good name. ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2003, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/56 "2003-07-19T03:04:38Z")
Jeez! What a tame thread. I threw out a juicy straight line 9 hours ago, and no one’s pounced on it, yet. What is this world coming to? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2003, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/57 "2003-07-19T12:23:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Davebear \* > \*\*Jeez! What a tame thread. I threw out a juicy straight line 9 hours ago, and no one’s pounced on it, yet. What is this world coming to? :rolleyes: \*\* Maybe everyone was just having an aard day. ---
**Author:** ![N9IWP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/n9iwp/32/3154_2.png) [@N9IWP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/N9IWP)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2003, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/58 "2003-07-19T13:29:19Z")
How about Zzbignew, Zzerxes or Zzachariah? zBrian ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2003, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/59 "2003-07-20T03:27:50Z")
Norm(!). ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2003, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192/60 "2003-07-21T02:08:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lorene \* > \*\*Maybe everyone was just having an aard day. \*\* Okay. You win Miss Congeniality. 🙂 What other woman is going to pin the pun, like that? Might as well wrap this up, while I’m at it, since the flow of bribes that I was counting on never materialized. Here we go. Dishonorable Discharge - **kjckjc** , cuz’ he wanted it (god knows why) Most Creative - **X~Slayer(ALE)**, for Odd-Vahk Most Beautiful - **Kallessa** , for Aurelius Most Humorous - **Robot Arm** (Sorry, **maastricht** , he beat you by a nose. Mostly on presentation.) Most Gladiatorial - **Kalhoun** , for Atticus. ([groucho]I know a nice atticus when I see one![/groucho]) Most Dignified - **dutchboy208** , for Nelson Aardvark Mandela Most Nostalgic - a tie! **hopefool** , for Artemus and **mascaroni** , for Laurel Most Submissive - **Aslan of Narnia** (well, you _did_ submit a lot of suggestions) Most Perverse - a tough call, but win goes to **Wyatt** , for Frenchie Longest Name - **tanookie** , for…well, I’m not gonna type all that out Cutest Suggestion - another tie! **parallax** , for Snaardvark, **SkipMagic** , for Fonzie, and **maastricht** , for Jo. We also have a dual winner, for Most Graphical and Most Related - **Haardvark** Honorable Mentions? Well, everyone else gets an honorable mention. Thank you all for competing, and remember, [smarmy announcer voice] you’re all winners, in your own way. [/smarmy announcer voice] And, now…the moment you’ve all been waiting for! The new reigning Honorary Advisor to the Aardvark IS… **Casey1505** , the comeback kid, with Nomaardvark! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-the-aardvark-a-contest/189192.md?page=2)