# Name your favorite Doper Smartass! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 17, 2004, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-favorite-doper-smartass/250805 "2004-06-17T03:53:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-favorite-doper-smartass/250805/41 "2004-06-18T18:41:57Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > …I’m a lifelong sufferer of Wisenheimer’s disease. Sure beats Keisteritis. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-favorite-doper-smartass/250805/42 "2004-06-18T18:47:28Z")
Lieu. lno. Rubes. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-favorite-doper-smartass/250805/43 "2004-06-18T18:48:16Z")
I nominate World Eater. I enjoy his commentary. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-favorite-doper-smartass/250805/44 "2004-06-18T18:49:16Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > I didn’t even have to leave the page to find my nominating entry: > > And the winner is 😃 ! I thought you were nominating “Smartass Smiley” 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-favorite-doper-smartass/250805/45 "2004-06-18T19:28:23Z")
I’d like to thank the academy for my nomination … I, too, have to say **Eve** is my hero. She can sling the zingers better than I can ever hope … And recently **Hal Briston** has been upping the competition, and of course **harmless** for starting this thread in the first place. Let’s not forget **EddyTeddyFreddy** and all those wonderful “Predict the Death of the Previous Poster” posts. ---
**Author:** ![nocturnal\_tick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-favorite-doper-smartass/250805/46 "2004-06-18T19:36:51Z")
How could I have been so selfish as to have ignored my fellow **brats**. **harmless** is, of course, a smartass and a very good one at that. If **Eve** , Og forbid, relinquished her Doper throne then **harmless** would be soo in the running. As for **Hal** though, he has a…different quality of smartassness. Sorta like monkeys on a typewriter. He’ll come out with absolute brilliance but sometimes, just sometimes, I do have to wonder about that man. But then I wonder about myself like that. banana banana banana. The patio door is broken, please inform the manager. ---
**Author:** ![kittenlm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ce7236/32.png) [@kittenlm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenlm)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-favorite-doper-smartass/250805/47 "2004-06-18T19:41:46Z")
> [@nocturnal\_tick](#): > > As for **Hal** though, he has a…different quality of smartassness. Sorta like monkeys on a typewriter. He’ll come out with absolute brilliance but sometimes, just sometimes, I do have to wonder about that man. Yeah, but you don’t have to live with him :rolleyes: 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-favorite-doper-smartass/250805/48 "2004-06-18T19:47:23Z")
Is it too late to vote for… **the Grapist?** I’m sorry, but every time I saw that, I laughed. Call me simple. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-favorite-doper-smartass/250805/49 "2004-06-18T19:56:45Z")
> [@Salem](#): > > That was _you_? Sorry about that. I assumed it was some 67 year old security guard who needed his day brightened. I guess we all know what happens when you assume… On the Internet, nobody knows you’re not a 67 year old securty guard whose day need brightening. ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-favorite-doper-smartass/250805/50 "2004-06-18T19:58:16Z")
> [@Happy Scrappy Hero Pup](#): > > Call me simple. Can I call you “Simp” for short? 😃 **Today’s mid-day Smartass Update:** \*\*Eve \*\* - 9 \*\*harmless \*\* - 5 **Hal Briston** - 4? - if that _was_ a nomination from **tick** 😕 **lieu** - 4 \*\*Cervaise \*\* - 2 \*\*Miller \*\* - 2 **Wally** - 1 :wally **SkipMagic** - 1 **Ponder Stibbons** - 1 **Nocturnal\_Tick** - 1 **JuanitaTech** - 1 **No Clue Boy** - 1 \*\*Ethilrist \*\* - 1 \*\*Mangetout \*\* - 1 **lno** - 1 **Rubes** - 1 **World Eater** - 1 **EddyTeddyFreddy** - 1 **the Grapist** - 1 I’m pretty sure that’s correct as of **Happy Scrappy Hero Pup** ’s post. **Eve** , were you aware you had such a reputation? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Terminus\_Est](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terminus_est/32/3087_2.png) [@Terminus\_Est](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terminus_Est)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-favorite-doper-smartass/250805/51 "2004-06-18T20:35:13Z")
**Cecil Adams** - there can be only one ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2004, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-favorite-doper-smartass/250805/52 "2004-06-18T21:10:29Z")
[minor hijack] **It’s much better to be a smartass than a dumbass!** [/minor hijack] ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2004, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-favorite-doper-smartass/250805/53 "2004-06-19T00:03:44Z")
That’s it! (throws down mouse) I’ve been too fing polite for these slagbaggers! :smack: I’m tired o’ being everybody’s kindly curmudgeon! It’s time to hoist my dudgeon to the highest yardarm. 😛 I’m too fing serious, nobody knows when I’m kidding. Ya think I’m kidding now? Flagsniffer. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2004, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-favorite-doper-smartass/250805/54 "2004-06-19T00:30:03Z")
I opened this thread just to see if I was going to get mentioned. I love it when my shallowness is rewarded like that. However, I have to vote for **Cervaise** as smartest-assed Doper. I aspire to be like him in all ways, except for that weird thing he has about Paul Verhoeven. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2004, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-favorite-doper-smartass/250805/55 "2004-06-19T01:22:49Z")
No one’s mentioned **biggirl** yet? She’s a complete smartass, which is why I love her so. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2004, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-favorite-doper-smartass/250805/56 "2004-06-19T01:53:48Z")
Day in and day out, I’d pick **Eve**. Only Dorothy Parker comes close to her wit, and she’s dead so she doesn’t count. ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2004, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-favorite-doper-smartass/250805/57 "2004-06-19T01:57:34Z")
Gotta second the **biggirl** nomination. Oh, and **Shirley Ujest**. too. (and adding votes to the **lieu** and **eve** piles. Hmmm, maybe saying “ **lieu** ” and “piles” in the same sentence isn’t such a good idea.) ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2004, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-favorite-doper-smartass/250805/58 "2004-06-19T01:59:31Z")
**Eve** , **BigGirl** , and **lieu**. I’m having a hard time choosing. ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2004, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-favorite-doper-smartass/250805/59 "2004-06-19T05:08:31Z")
> [@Morgyn](#): > > Day in and day out, I’d pick **Eve**. Only Dorothy Parker comes close to her wit, and she’s dead so she doesn’t count. Does that mean I have to take **Wally** off the list? ☹ I suppose it’s only fair to the rest of the nominees, since no one else could be expected to achieve such a pure state of smartassedness as to deserve their own smilie, :wally ---
**Author:** ![celestina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/258eb7/32.png) [@celestina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/celestina)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2004, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-favorite-doper-smartass/250805/60 "2004-06-19T07:00:49Z")
[celestina waving her hands and jumpin up and down in the crowd of Dopers] Hey! Over here. Yes. Me! I want to be recognized as a Doper smartass. 😛 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-favorite-doper-smartass/250805.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-favorite-doper-smartass/250805.md?page=4)