# Name your own bad remake! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 1, 2005, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-own-bad-remake/315215 "2005-08-01T22:29:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![souroranges](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3e96dc/32.png) [@souroranges](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/souroranges)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-own-bad-remake/315215/1 "2005-08-01T22:29:02Z")
Summer: It’s the time of year that we see horrible, horrible remakes of really good shows and existing movies. Did the Honeymooners really need a “ghettofied” remake (shot in Ireland ironically) ? I’m making a game where you can think of what Hollywood could/would remake (then destroy) next. For example: Why don’t they have Exorcist: the TV series?! or Three’s Company: the movie? (oh crap, i may actually want to see that… NOOOO!!!) ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-own-bad-remake/315215/2 "2005-08-01T22:37:12Z")
One I’ve been holding my breath in fear that they might remake is **Rebel Without A Cause** with some of the latter day teen idols, maybe even the _American Idol_ types. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2005, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-own-bad-remake/315215/3 "2005-08-01T22:41:52Z")
I live in daily fear that Tim Burton will remake [Arthur](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082031/) with Johnny Depp in the title role (affecting a British accent, and with some sort of mechanical device replacing at least one limb), Crispin Glover as Hobson, the butler, and Liza Minelli’s corpse reprising her role as Linda. I’m sure Burton/Depp fans would gush that it was the greatest movie ever made… …they’d be wrong, of course, but it never seems to stop them from gushing. ---
**Author:** ![want2know](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/50afbb/32.png) [@want2know](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/want2know)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-own-bad-remake/315215/4 "2005-08-02T00:00:02Z")
[QUOTE=Snowboarder Bo] I live in daily fear that Tim Burton will remake [Arthur](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082031/) with Johnny Depp in the title role (affecting a British accent, and with some sort of mechanical device replacing at least one limb), Crispin Glover as Hobson, the butler, and Liza Minelli’s corpse reprising her role as Linda. I’m sure Burton/Depp fans would gush that it was the greatest movie ever made… I’ve got a better Burton/Depp remake: **The Rocky Horror Picture Show**!With the following cast: [ul] [li]Pierce Brosnan as Brad[/li][li]Sarah Jessica Parker as Janet[/li][li]Jack Black as Eddie[/li][li]Martin Landau as Dr. Scott[/li][li]Gary Oldman as Riff Raff[/li][li]Angelina Jolie as Magenta[/li][li]Drew Barrymore as Columbia[/li][/ul] The scary thing is: it just might work!! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![rexnervous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e9c0ed/32.png) [@rexnervous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rexnervous)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-own-bad-remake/315215/5 "2005-08-02T00:06:10Z")
**Casablanca** , starring: [ul] [li]as Rick Blaine, Keanu Reeves[/li][li]as Ilsa, Jessica Simpson[/li][li]as Victor Lazlo, Rob Schneider[/li][li]as Sam, Martin Lawrence[/li][/ul] and directed by Michael Bay ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-own-bad-remake/315215/6 "2005-08-02T00:12:08Z")
The Greatest Story Ever Told, rewritten as an allegory about the life of Michael Jackson. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-own-bad-remake/315215/7 "2005-08-02T00:12:46Z")
> [@souroranges](#): > > Did the Honeymooners really need a “ghettofied” remake (shot in Ireland ironically) ? You’re damn right they did. A great way to choke more revenue out of a dead branch of mass culture is to Black it up and trot it out as something “new.” Viz.: _Doctor Dolittle, The Nutty Professor,_ and cigarettes. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-own-bad-remake/315215/8 "2005-08-02T00:27:49Z")
Gone With the Wind set in a post-apocalyptic future. A rap version of Citizen Kane. Hentai Wizard of Oz. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-own-bad-remake/315215/9 "2005-08-02T00:56:30Z")
> [@Beware of Doug](#): > > A great way to choke more revenue out of a dead branch of mass culture is to Black it up and trot it out as something “new.” Viz.: _Doctor Dolittle, The Nutty Professor,_ and cigarettes. The Partridge Family: Shirley Partridge is a single welfare mom trying to raise her kids in the ghetto. Keith is an aspiring rapper (when he’s not running with his homies in a gang), Laurie is a pregnant teen being tempted to turn to prostitution for money, Danny is the streetwise young hustler, Chris is attending remedial grade school for developmentally challenged younsters, while his sister Tracy is the only black kid in an all-white school for gifted youngsters. After Keith and Danny botch a drug deal and get ripped off of $20,000, the local drug lord threatens to kill their entire family if they don’t come up with the money in a week. With the help of flashy promoter Reuben Kincaid, they enter a rap contest to win a record contract. “And it all came together when Mom sang along…” Good God that’s bad, and I wrote it myself. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-own-bad-remake/315215/10 "2005-08-02T01:37:59Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > The Partridge Family: > \ > > Good God that’s bad, and I wrote it myself. That’s just crazy enough to work! ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-own-bad-remake/315215/11 "2005-08-02T01:44:52Z")
> [@rexnervous](#): > > **Casablanca** , starring: > > [ul] > [li]as Rick Blaine, Keanu Reeves[/li][li]as Ilsa, Jessica Simpson[/li][li]as Victor Lazlo, Rob Schneider[/li][li]as Sam, Martin Lawrence[/li][/ul] > > and directed by Michael Bay Must not let this ever be seen by a hollywood type. They just might think its a good idea. Of course they would probably add bullet time. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-own-bad-remake/315215/12 "2005-08-02T03:47:15Z")
**rexnervous** , now I have to be worried about your idea, too. :smack: thanks… ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-own-bad-remake/315215/13 "2005-08-02T13:41:35Z")
> [@want2know](#): > > I’ve got a better Burton/Depp remake: **The Rocky Horror Picture Show**!With the following cast: [ul] > [li]Pierce Brosnan as Brad[/li][li]Sarah Jessica Parker as Janet[/li][li]Jack Black as Eddie[/li][li]Martin Landau as Dr. Scott[/li][li]Gary Oldman as Riff Raff[/li][li]Angelina Jolie as Magenta[/li][li]Drew Barrymore as Columbia[/li][/ul] The scary thing is: it just might work!! :eek: I know I’d be there! ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-own-bad-remake/315215/14 "2005-08-02T13:46:46Z")
Any remake at all, where the description contains the words “Keanu Reeves as”. ---
**Author:** ![Balle\_M](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/13edae/32.png) [@Balle\_M](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balle_M)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-own-bad-remake/315215/15 "2005-08-02T15:35:44Z")
> [@rexnervous](#): > > **Casablanca** , starring: > > [ul] > [li]as Rick Blaine, Keanu Reeves[/li][li]as Ilsa, Jessica Simpson[/li][li]as Victor Lazlo, Rob Schneider[/li][li]as Sam, Martin Lawrence[/li][/ul] > > and directed by Michael Bay No no no… Directed by Paul Verhoeven. It DID NOT suck. It’s a brilliant satire. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-own-bad-remake/315215/16 "2005-08-02T15:58:39Z")
New movie for next summer: \*\*F-Troop the movie. \*\* Capt. Wilton Parmenter: Mark Harmon Sgt. Morgan O’Rourke: Adam Sandler Cpl. Randolph Agarn: Rob Schneider Wrangler Jane Angelica Thrift: Britney Spears Chief Wild Eagle: Graham Greene (I think it is required he be in movie if any native americans in movie) Who wants to reserve tickets? **want2know** Your Rocky Horror Remake might actually be good. The casting is dead on. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-own-bad-remake/315215/17 "2005-08-02T16:39:51Z")
> [@rexnervous](#): > > **Casablanca** , starring: > > [ul] > [li]as Rick Blaine, Keanu Reeves[/li][li]as Ilsa, Jessica Simpson[/li][li]as Victor Lazlo, Rob Schneider[/li][li]as Sam, Martin Lawrence[/li][/ul] > > and directed by Michael Bay You shall be forever damned, in this life and the next. Just, gah. OOOOOG bleh. DAMN YOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! _and I can’t stop laughing_ ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-own-bad-remake/315215/18 "2005-08-02T16:40:18Z")
_Stop the Pigeon_ Starring Jeremy Irons as Dick Dastardly and Emilio Estevez as Muttley ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-own-bad-remake/315215/19 "2005-08-02T17:41:59Z")
Dustin Hoffman: Benjamin Braddock Katharine Ross: Elaine Robinson-Braddock Jason Biggs: Benjie Jr. Pamela Anderson: Emmanuelle Mammilla Brian Avery: Carl Smith Luci Liu: Repliee Q1 Smith After narrowly escaping with their lives from a grease gun attack aboard their getaway bus, Benjamin and Elaine elope in Las Vegas. After settling down in Kansas, Benjamin takes a job with the Rubbermaid Corporation. Unbeknownst to our happy couple, Carl Smith; Elaine’s jilted groom, is plotting a decades long plan to extract his revenge. Upon learning of the Braddock’s son; Benjie Jr.'s engagement to iVibe heiress Emanuelle Mammilla - he puts his fiendish scheme into action. With help from Red China, he begins construction of a nuclear-powered, lifelike robot named Repilee Q1. After hiring Muslim terrorists to smuggle the female android into the country, his plan to drive a wedge between the happily engaged couple is thwarted after the Justice League of America intercepts the cargo vessel. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2005, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/name-your-own-bad-remake/315215/20 "2005-08-02T17:47:06Z")
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