# Names for masturbation **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 21, 2002, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/names-for-masturbation/110099 "2002-05-21T14:43:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Chekmate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/46a35a/32.png) [@Chekmate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chekmate)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/names-for-masturbation/110099/1 "2002-05-21T14:43:55Z")
In the spirit of [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=115883) what are some odd names for masturbation? All I got (aside from the usual) are" for men: polish the rod play the pink picolo flog the dolphin sayin’ hi to my monster (from American Beauty) for women double clicking your own mouse Jilling off Bring 'em on! ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/names-for-masturbation/110099/2 "2002-05-21T14:57:02Z")
for women: tappin’ the can hittin’ the speedbag polishing the boat glazing the donut rubbin’ the bean for men: rubbin one out pulling gomez shakin hands with your best friend burping the worm ---
**Author:** ![Zanshin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e274bd/32.png) [@Zanshin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zanshin)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/names-for-masturbation/110099/3 "2002-05-21T15:05:46Z")
For men: Taking Spike for a walk Slapping the ol’ salami Boppin’ the bishop Turning Japanese Doing the four-knuckle shuffle Tossing off Spankin’ it And my personal favorite: Roughing up the suspect ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/names-for-masturbation/110099/4 "2002-05-21T15:15:11Z")
I just heard this one on the radio this morning. The DJ was talking about the convenience store he stops at every morning for a newspaper and said that the clerk was “cleaning the weiner machine”. ---
**Author:** ![Mentalist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/59ef9b/32.png) [@Mentalist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mentalist)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/names-for-masturbation/110099/5 "2002-05-21T15:20:06Z")
My all time favourites are both feeding related Men - “Feeding the Ducks” named from the hand movement of throwing bread to waterfowl. Women - “Feeding the pony” named from the hand movement of giving sugar lumps etc to horses. ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/names-for-masturbation/110099/6 "2002-05-21T15:21:59Z")
Chicks ## feeding the bearded clam making soup twiddling the furry grotto polish my pearl buttering the toast lipservice reading lips giving the bearded lady a poke in the nose feeding the meter making waves for the man in the boat saving a spot in hell honeymoon in your hand fire the surgeon general Guys Spank the monkey choke the chicken boot up the hard drive stretch the turtleneck feed the Kleenex play the single-string air guitar have a date with Rosy Palm and her five beautiful daughters shake hands with the president make soup for one give the tadpoles a swimming lesson congratulate the bald-headed champion paint a small Jackson Pollock gag the maggot club the baby seal relieve the pitcher. ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/names-for-masturbation/110099/7 "2002-05-21T15:39:34Z")
The best one that I’ve ever heard (somewhere on these boards) is: “Josselin’ the elders” ---
**Author:** ![El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Elvis_Rojo)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/names-for-masturbation/110099/8 "2002-05-21T16:04:48Z")
I didn’t know there were that many for women. I only have two to offer up: Making the Blessed Mother Cry (Catholic Fraternities aren’t ALL lame) And one we have here around the office: I’m gonna go kill a kitten (it’s from this picture someone found online of a little kitten in a field with two mosters following it and the words “Remember, everytime you masturbate, God kills a kitten.”) ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/names-for-masturbation/110099/9 "2002-05-21T17:39:11Z")
My personal fav for women: Parting the Roast Beef Curtains ---
**Author:** ![ElwoodCuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/edb3f5/32.png) [@ElwoodCuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElwoodCuse)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/names-for-masturbation/110099/10 "2002-05-21T19:27:22Z")
From that famous picture (well, famous on Fark at least) Killing kittens (For those not in the know, it’s the picture of Cliche Kitty that’s captioned “Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten.”) ---
**Author:** ![roadrunner70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@roadrunner70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roadrunner70)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/names-for-masturbation/110099/11 "2002-05-21T19:34:12Z")
My personal favorite: Smackin’ the flesh ketchup bottle. ---
**Author:** ![Billy\_Baroo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/76d3ee/32.png) [@Billy\_Baroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billy_Baroo)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/names-for-masturbation/110099/12 "2002-05-21T20:27:27Z")
Running off a batch. Playing a game of 5 on 1. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/names-for-masturbation/110099/13 "2002-05-21T23:39:00Z")
" ’ “Jilling off?” “Petting the bunny?” What do you call it when you masturbate?’ I call it the end of the daaaaayyy. 'Aah! Aah! Aah! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz." -Lea Delaria, _Ms. Delaria’s Dating Tips for Dykes_ ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2002, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/names-for-masturbation/110099/14 "2002-05-22T01:00:58Z")
Shooting putty at the moon. ---
**Author:** ![cercaria](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/87869e/32.png) [@cercaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cercaria)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2002, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/names-for-masturbation/110099/15 "2002-05-22T01:03:59Z")
Shaking hands with the unemployed. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2002, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/names-for-masturbation/110099/16 "2002-05-22T03:04:35Z")
Pettin’ the kitty. (Women) ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2002, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/names-for-masturbation/110099/17 "2002-05-22T03:26:05Z")
I call it clit flickin. \ Or ‘morning’ or ‘night’ or ‘shower’ … \ ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2002, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/names-for-masturbation/110099/18 "2002-05-22T05:00:12Z")
Once again, these are all from my book _The Odd Index_ by Stephen J Spignesi. If some of these are duplicates to the ones already mentioned in this thread, I apologize. > [@](#): > > 96 Euphemisms for Masturbation > > Ball Off > Beat Off > Beat Your Hog > Beat The Bishop > Beat The Dummy > Beat The Meat > Beat The Pop > Belt Your Hog > The Blanket Drill > Bop the Baloney > Box the Jesuit > Bring Down by Hand > Chicken Milking > Choke the Chicken > Coax the Cojones > Cuff Your Governor > Diddle Yourself > Do Paw-Paw Tricks > Dong Flogging > Fight Your Turkey > Fist Fuck > Five Against One > Flog Yourself > Flog Your Log > Flong Your Dong > Fondle Your Fig > Frig Yourself > Fuck Mary Fist > Gallop Your Antelope > Get a Hold of Yourself > Get Your Nuts Off > Gherkin Jerking > Grip It > Hand Jive > A Hand Job > Handle Yourself > Jack Off > Jag Off > Jazz Yourself > Jerk Off > Jerk Your Gherkin > Keep the Census Down > Lizard Milking > Manipulate Your Mango > Manual Exercise > Manual Pollution > Milk the Lizard > The One-Legged Race > Paddle the Pickle > Play With Yourself > Plunk Your Twanger > The Portuguese Pump > Pound Off > Pound Your Pomegranate > Pound Your Pud > Pound the Meat > Prod the Peepee > Pull Yourself Off > Pull Your Pud > Pull Your Pudding > Pull Your Wire > Pump Your Pickle > Pump Your Python > Rub Off > Shag Off > She-Bop > Shower Spank > Simple Infanticide > Sling Your Jelly > Sling Your Juice > Snap the Rubber > Snap the Whip > A Soldier’s Joy > The Solitary Sin > Spank Yourself > Squeeze the Lemon > Stroke Yourself > Stroke the Lizard > Strum Your Clitty > Take Yourself in Hand > Tickle Your Crack > Tickle Your Pickle > Toss Off > Twang Your Wire > Wank Off > Whack Off > Whip Off > Whip the Dummy > Whip Your Wire > Work Off > Yank Off > Yank Your Strap > Yank Your Yam Also, I once was talking to someone on ICQ about this for some reason; he called it “taking care of himself” amd/or “helping himself.” ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2002, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/names-for-masturbation/110099/19 "2002-05-22T05:06:27Z")
Once again, these are all from my book _The Odd Index_ by Stephen J Spignesi. If some of these are duplicates to the ones already mentioned in this thread, I apologize. > [@](#): > > 96 Euphemisms for Masturbation > > Ball Off > Beat Off > Beat Your Hog > Beat The Bishop > Beat The Dummy > Beat The Meat > Beat The Pop > Belt Your Hog > The Blanket Drill > Bop the Baloney > Box the Jesuit > Bring Down by Hand > Chicken Milking > Choke the Chicken > Coax the Cojones > Cuff Your Governor > Diddle Yourself > Do Paw-Paw Tricks > Dong Flogging > Fight Your Turkey > Fist Fuck > Five Against One > Flog Yourself > Flog Your Log > Flong Your Dong > Fondle Your Fig > Frig Yourself > Fuck Mary Fist > Gallop Your Antelope > Get a Hold of Yourself > Get Your Nuts Off > Gherkin Jerking > Grip It > Hand Jive > A Hand Job > Handle Yourself > Jack Off > Jag Off > Jazz Yourself > Jerk Off > Jerk Your Gherkin > Keep the Census Down > Lizard Milking > Manipulate Your Mango > Manual Exercise > Manual Pollution > Milk the Lizard > The One-Legged Race > Paddle the Pickle > Play With Yourself > Plunk Your Twanger > The Portuguese Pump > Pound Off > Pound Your Pomegranate > Pound Your Pud > Pound the Meat > Prod the Peepee > Pull Yourself Off > Pull Your Pud > Pull Your Pudding > Pull Your Wire > Pump Your Pickle > Pump Your Python > Rub Off > Shag Off > She-Bop > Shower Spank > Simple Infanticide > Sling Your Jelly > Sling Your Juice > Snap the Rubber > Snap the Whip > A Soldier’s Joy > The Solitary Sin > Spank Yourself > Squeeze the Lemon > Stroke Yourself > Stroke the Lizard > Strum Your Clitty > Take Yourself in Hand > Tickle Your Crack > Tickle Your Pickle > Toss Off > Twang Your Wire > Wank Off > Whack Off > Whip Off > Whip the Dummy > Whip Your Wire > Work Off > Yank Off > Yank Your Strap > Yank Your Yam Also, I once was talking to someone on ICQ about this for some reason; he called it “taking care of himself” and/or “helping himself.” ---
**Author:** ![FloChi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58956e/32.png) [@FloChi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloChi)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2002, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/names-for-masturbation/110099/20 "2002-05-22T05:14:25Z")
One Australian one I like for girls is “Touring Tasmania”, look at a map and the island underneath Australia and I’ll think you’ll get it. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/names-for-masturbation/110099.md?page=2)