“And I think you speak French like a c*nt from Westmount.”
At least I think that’s the proper translation for conne. I’m a tad rusty on my improper French.
The gist (I think - forgive me, my French is tres rusty) is that she said he didn’t understand English very well and matt he thought she spoke french like a Westmontaise something-or-other. My guess is that’s a Quebecois slur. matt? Was I close?
I work for a small company and one of my tasks is to handle the customer service (how did I get so lucky?). I don’t have any particularly outstanding stories, except for this really stupid guy who registered 3 or 4 complaints with the BBB because he didn’t understand how our service and billing worked. I talked to him on the phone and he screamed and called me every name in the book so I just hung up on him. When I called the BBB to reply to his complaint, the BBB person took my side and we got into a great conversation about asshole customers. But anyway, I have not found a good strategy for dealing with irate customers over the phone, which is why my rule is e-mail support only. Luckily, our business is a “dot com”, so this works. Any time I have to deal with cranky folks on the phone, I get all flustered and defensive. With e-mail, I can take time to cool down before I type. Only problem is, people have major problems communicating in writing these days, and it’s a grammar freak’s nightmare to read these things.
Not long ago, I did what I swore I’d never do and got really irate while on the phone with a customer service rep in my doctor’s office. They had made a huge billing mistake that becoming a mess to resolve, and I was pretty rude to the guy. When I called back a half hour later to apologize, he put on his creepy/sexy voice and told me that once I got the money back from the billing dept, I should take him out for dinner to make up for being a bitch. Ick.
Oh My!
:eek:
“Becoming self-employed was the best move I ever made, I think.”
hehehe
how do you handle asshole/bitch customers when your the owner?
me"sigh get the fuck out"
asshole"What?!?!!?"
me"I said get the fuck out, I dont need your 2 bucks you cheap irrtating little fuck, Leave NOW!"
asshole"I want to talk to the manager!"
Me"why would you do that? I’m the OWNER! NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY SHOP BEFORE I DRAG YOU OUT YOU FAT ARROGANT PRICK!"
he left muttering, never to return, and the place packed with regulars gave me a standing ovation. the guy really was a prick. and he stunk.
otherwise sweetness is great.
::Manager checking in::
Yeah, I’m the one who has to deal with all the stupid punks who are complaining to begin with…oh, the stories I could tell…
A few weeks ago, there was a guy in drive thru threatening to sue because we insist on a drink with the happy meal, and it’s not mentioned on the sign. Our registers ring up the base happy meal (sandwich, fry, toy) as one button, and the drink is added in so that substitutions are possible, like if they want an orange juice or shake or milk or something instead. The combination of the 2 buttons is equal to the price on the menu board. If they don’t want a drink at all, we charge for a milk, to make the price the same. Otherwise, they pay like $1.50 for the happy meal. It confuses people all the time, but most catch on without too much difficulty. I was up front, and Patricia, the back drive thru lady asked me to come deal with a customer. He was back there flipping out on her. “This is fckin bllsht! (censored for non pit posting…) I’m gonna talk to my lawyer, you can’t get away with this!” I went through the whole substitution spiel, twice, and eventually he caught on. and sheepishly paid the $3
I don’t have too much of a problem with people getting nasty in the workplace. It might be my stature (6’3", 220#) or it might be the type of workplace:
The first was manufacturing, process-improvement type work where I got to deal with not only the in-house engineers and management, but the hourly people down on the floor, doing the grunt work. It’s amazing how well “I don’t know but you raise a very good question and I will find out for you” will work on each and every person to defuse the situation. I guess that’s the same as the “SAAN” theory.
Currently, it’s a tech-thing. Everyone in suits and I’m the guy that fixes problems. They can’t ask many questions because they don’t really understand the answers I’ve given them. They know their specialty and the timeline, so I stick to that (the timeline) and they seem to relax.
Another thing I’ve found is that being (or seeming) just as pissed off at your company as the client/customer can get the complaining party off your back, thinking you’re a comrade.
I have to agree that killing them with kindness is the way to go. Although I heartily applaud the “Sandwich in the trash” story.
Once I was being the dickheaded customer. I was peeved at the library because I checked out software and the main program disk was missing, making the entire thing inoperable. I had to return it to the library and was griping about how if they’d just checked it when it came in, they’d have noticed it and contacted the previous patron and not put it out again until it was returned. Gripe, bitch, grinch… and the guy at the desk said “Yes, that sure didn’t make us look good, did it?” He was so polite (better than I deserved) and conciliatory (which I wasn’t expecting) I was instantly ashamed of what a bitch I was being. I think most people who like to be bitchy also expect to have an experience that will make them only madder. Heck, they gear up for it. So if you take away that fuel, they’re left without a fight. And off their guard.
When someone is being a bitch to me (I don’t often have to deal with “customers”) I usually try to say something like “Hey, I think we’re on the same team here. Let’s work together, okay?” It usually disarms them.
“SAAN theory”?
When i did telephone customer service, i kind of enjoyed irate customers because i like the challenge of turning dogs back into humans. I never passed the buck if it was something i could do myself. I couldn’t grant everyone their wish, but at least they couldn’t complain about their experience with me. It helps a lot if you know how to (and are allowed to) get things done within the company.
Many reps “punish” irate callers by withholding the thing that will make them happy. For example, if a customer calls in about a defective product, some reps try to lay blame on the customer… when really the rep is simply too lazy to fill out the form to send a replacement. Jeez, just send them a new one and make them happy. They might even write the president thanking you.
One thing that’s important - when you tell someone what they CAN’T do/have, let them know what they CAN do. (That’s good advice for kids too, by the way.) A frequent annoyance is the way people expect free sh*t for their “hardship”, especially from big companies. If they ask for something unreasonable, i’ll say something like “I wish we could do that, but here’s what i’m going to do for you…”
No one likes being put on hold, so i don’t do it unnecessarily to others. It just gives them one more thing to complain about. If i have to hold them, i tell them exactly how long it will be, and i’ll even come back every so often to tell them it’s going to be longer. This “personalized service” usually takes them by surprise and mellows them out.
A few other things…
Reiterate what they’re saying. This assures them you’re listening, which takes the wind out of their sails.
Apologize. You’re not apologizing that it’s your fault (it rarely is), you’re apologizing that they’re upset. Again, this diffuses their bile.
Don’t get defensive, and don’t get into an argument. Arguments are for spouses. 
Agree with them, even if it’s something remotely realistic. “You’re absolutely right”, “I totally agree,” etc. goes miles to make you seem like you’re on their side.
Avoid threats. Threats only turn up the heat.
Don’t let them fly off on tangents. They’ll start complaining about other experiences with the company, etc, but just quickly apologize and move back on track. Know what’s going to resolve the situation and keep the conversation focused on that.
If someone gets into baby mode, one line that sometimes works:
“We’re both adults, so i’m sure we’ll work something out”.
“He would make a lovely corpse.” – Charles Dickens
Telling people what they can do is nice, but in my line of work (admissions and records at my university), they often DONT like what we tell them they can do. They want what we can’t do more often than not (we’re pretty easy on students here). I’ve had students get upset because what they can do, isn’t what they want to have happen.
Often, when i’m trying to clarify what students are asking, they get upset because they think we’re asking them too many questions, or they get mad because we ask them to clarify what they are asking. I remember these two sisters got very pissy and snotty with me because what they were asking WASN’T What they really wanted. We went through a 5 minute discussion, and all they needed to know could have been taken care of in less than two (and believe me, i was trying to understand what they wanted).
That did get to me, but fortunately, we do have backups (staff). Anyway, i kind of enjoy the irate and even the abusive people. They give me stories to tell to my friends and family ;).
Thanks to my 12 month sentence in that call centre, I am very good at being able to pick if a potential client is going to be cool or a complete arsehole within 30 seconds of talking with them. If I pick up that the client is going to give me grief, I come up with subtle and plausible reasons why they shouldn’t do business with me.
Either that, or I don’t return phone calls. Thankfully, because i’m good at picking up on this sort of thing, the repuation I have in my industry is actually better than average …
I did the call center thing for 5 years. Ah, the stories I could tell! (Between the jerks and the pervs… got a lot of those at Home Shopping!)
I, too, followed the “kill them with kindness” approach. We’d often have supervisors listening in for QA purposes, and I wanted to make sure they knew I was doing my best. However, every once in awhile, I’d lose it. The scary thing is, sometimes that would work to calm them down. One time, when I was working for Amoco Motor Club, I had a customer in need of tow service (you’d think they’d be nicer… they’re stuck there, and I’m the one that can get them out!). He tried to insist that there were no cross-streets on the road he was on. After patiently trying to explain to him that every street has a cross street, and him getting more belligerent, I final lost it and said “Then how did you manage to get on the road? Fly your car there?” He stopped for a moment, and then, very contritely said “You’re right. But I don’t know what the cross streets are!”
The perv situations are a little different (for whoever may get them in their jobs). If they start drifting a bit toward the sexual topic, I would just tell them I wasn’t allowed to discuss those things (like the woman that wanted to know if the Alexandria Sugaring kit was safe to be used in the female’s private areas, and then wanted to know if I shaved down there. I guess she didn’t like my polite brushoff, because she called me a bitch before she hung up - of course, I thanked her for the compliment. :p) If they’re out and out nasty (like the guy that insisted I go home that night and masturbate), I just hung up on them.
But the harmless sexual ones, they’re the ones that you can have real fun with. My favorite story is from when I first started at Home Shopping. We were selling a sea green dress on the screen when my phone activated. I went through the usual greeting, when he asked me “Do you think that sea green dress will go with my panties?” The only response I could think of was “Well, sir, I don’t know what color your panties are.” He was fairly quick on the uptake, and responded that they matched his bra. Ever trying to make the sale (and not let this guy get the best of me), I told him “Well, sir, if your bra and panty set is sea green, then it should match wonderfully.” He hung up instantly.
Well, that’s the literal translation, but it means something more like “twit” and is not especially taboo (think “Le Dîner des cons”). Also it can be used for both sexes.
Oh, the other day, this guy wanted some kind of candy sprinkled on his ice-cream cone and then to have it dipped in chocolate. We cannot do this. The only thing we can put on an ice cream cone is chocolate dip. Candace explained this to him five times but he just kept insisting. Finally, I just said firmly, “I’m sorry, sir, but it cannot be done. You can have your ice cream dipped in chocolate, but not in anything else. I’m sorry.”
He assented.
Now what really browned me off was trying to figure out why he figured that I and not she was telling the truth. Is it because I’m male? Because I’m white (she’s black)? Because I’m tall? What?
Whatever it was, he’s an asshole. Grrr.
Matt, it may have just been because a second person was telling him the same thing. With one person he can believe the person is just be stubborn. Two people telling him the same thing, he’s more likely to accept that it’s store policy.
Yeah…but I wouldn’t be surprised if “tall white male” had something to do with it. I once had an altercation with a customer, which the short, female Asian manager tried to negotiate, and the guy kept barking “You’re not the manager! Let me talk to the manager!”
At the cafe where I work a guy came in last week and walked through the kitchen door to our work area. He carried a notepad and pens, so I thought he might be a salesman. He barked out “I want to talk to the manager!” Well, the owner and the head kitchen manager were both out so I nodded over to the asst. kitchen manager, Karen, and told him he needed to talk to her. He said “I want to talk to the MALE manager!” I said, “He isn’t here now, you need to talk to her.” and turned away abruptly so I didn’t get rude. So he went back outside and I could hear him interrupting her while she tried to serve the other customers already at the register. I asked Karen later what he wanted and she said she couldn’t figure it out, as he refused to deal with a female manager. Jerk. Even in this day and age. I tell you, the Straight Dope has been fighting ignorance for 28 years and still we get bozos like that.
Smile And Act Nice 
I see!