# National Masturbation Month **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 8, 2007, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-masturbation-month/403306 "2007-05-08T21:44:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2007, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-masturbation-month/403306/21 "2007-05-09T02:40:14Z")
But why May? Why not July? July was named after Julius Caesar, who, as quoted by [Mark Twain](http://www.ralphmag.org/onan.html) said: “To the lonely it is company; to the forsaken it is a friend; to the aged and impotent it is a benefactor; they that be penniless are yet rich, in that they still have this majestic diversion.” In another place this excellent observer has said, “There are times when I prefer it to sodomy.” ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2007, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-masturbation-month/403306/22 "2007-05-09T02:41:07Z")
We only get a month? ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2007, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-masturbation-month/403306/23 "2007-05-09T03:04:45Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > The website keeps timing out for me. Sad ☹ [QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever] “Website”? Is that what you’re calling it these days? [/QUOTE] Hell, I was going to say that if it keeps “timing out,” you might be doing something wrong. Or need new batteries. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2007, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-masturbation-month/403306/24 "2007-05-09T04:10:40Z")
[QUOTE=Wile E] **May has been designated National Masturbation Month.** The whole month? There’s going to be a lot of chafing come June. [/QUOTE] June should be declared a month of rest. No way anyone’s getting anything done after May. Not if they’re celebrating it properly. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2007, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-masturbation-month/403306/25 "2007-05-09T04:28:08Z")
If you’re not going to do it for yourself, then [do it for charity.](http://www.masturbate-a-thon.org/) Don’t be selfish-give till it hurts. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2007, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-masturbation-month/403306/26 "2007-05-09T12:08:36Z")
It’s National Masturbation Month? Wow, I didn’t even know I was celebrating in the shower this morning… ---
**Author:** ![The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_chao_goes_mu/32/3191_2.png) [@The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Chao_Goes_Mu)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2007, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-masturbation-month/403306/27 "2007-05-09T12:19:54Z")
I had better take the day off and celebrate! ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2007, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-masturbation-month/403306/28 "2007-05-09T12:43:58Z")
I wish I was not at work so I could check this out. But to all the committed participants out there, give yourselves a big hand! Oh, you already have. Is there a carpal tunnel syndrome month? ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2007, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-masturbation-month/403306/29 "2007-05-09T14:16:43Z")
I think it’s in June. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2007, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-masturbation-month/403306/30 "2007-05-09T14:48:14Z")
This is amusing, on the site’s front page: Quick Links - Sign up to be a masturbator ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2007, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-masturbation-month/403306/31 "2007-05-09T15:36:21Z")
I fail to understand how this sets May apart from the other 11 months. ---
**Author:** ![Ferd\_Burfel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecccb3/32.png) [@Ferd\_Burfel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferd_Burfel)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2007, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-masturbation-month/403306/32 "2007-05-09T15:48:15Z")
[QUOTE=Duke of Rat] Shoot, I’m 11 months ahead of you slackers. [/QUOTE] I’m good till the year 2313. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2007, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-masturbation-month/403306/33 "2007-05-09T15:55:41Z")
[QUOTE=The Chao Goes Mu] I had better take the day off and celebrate! [/QUOTE] You got the last word wrong. Close, but wrong. ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2007, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-masturbation-month/403306/34 "2007-05-09T16:09:29Z")
Obligatory Tom Waits quote: [QUOTE=intro from Nighthawks at the Diner] Well, usually about 2.30 in the morning you’ve ended up taking advantage of yourself and… there ain’t no way around that, you know. Yeah, making the scene with a magazine, there ain’t no way around… I’ll confess, you know, I’m no different, you know. I’m not weird about it or anything. I don’t tie myself up first, I just… you know. I just kind of… spend a little time with myself. [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2007, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-masturbation-month/403306/35 "2007-05-09T21:25:12Z")
:eek: couldn’t have come 😉 at a better time!!! ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2007, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-masturbation-month/403306/36 "2007-05-09T23:28:55Z")
[QUOTE=Wile E] **May has been designated National Masturbation Month.** The whole month? There’s going to be a lot of chafing come June. [/QUOTE] Either I’m not as clever as I hoped or not one wanted to take that straight line, so … There will be a lot of cum come June as well! Is the National Masturbation Month being sponsored by KY Jelly, by any chance? ---
**Author:** ![Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Full_Metal_Lotus)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2007, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-masturbation-month/403306/37 "2007-05-10T05:53:20Z")
wow… only 9 days into the month, and my vision has gotten really bad! The upside is that I can no longer see the hair on my palms… regards FML ---
**Author:** ![bbs2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e495f1/32.png) [@bbs2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bbs2k)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2007, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-masturbation-month/403306/38 "2007-05-10T06:12:11Z")
I can’t believe all you slackers are wasting your time posting on a message board. Get too it! ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2007, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-masturbation-month/403306/39 "2007-05-10T12:21:32Z")
[QUOTE=bigbabysweets2000] I can’t believe all you slackers are wasting your time posting on a message board. [/QUOTE] Some of us have _two_ hands. ---
**Author:** ![bbs2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e495f1/32.png) [@bbs2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bbs2k)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2007, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-masturbation-month/403306/40 "2007-05-10T12:27:52Z")
[QUOTE=Hypno-Toad] Some of us have _two_ hands. [/QUOTE] Fine then, I was referring to Opal. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-masturbation-month/403306.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-masturbation-month/403306.md?page=3)