# National Review: "Bomb Canada" **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 10, 2002, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-review-bomb-canada/136080 "2002-11-10T00:42:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-review-bomb-canada/136080/1 "2002-11-10T00:42:22Z")
With their beadly little eyes And flappin’ heads so full of lies. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-review-bomb-canada/136080/2 "2002-11-10T01:44:12Z")
Make sure you get West Edmonton Mall, the Canuck Navy has a secret base there, cleverly disguised as a shopping mall where they’ve hidden 6 state of the art submarines! (Officially, the Canadian Navy only has three. Riiiiiight, guys, and the US DOESN’T have anything in Area 51. :rolleyes:) ---
**Author:** ![stofsky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dfb087/32.png) [@stofsky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stofsky)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-review-bomb-canada/136080/3 "2002-11-10T01:54:50Z")
Yah, if you don’t mind, you’re going to have to come with us, eh? ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-review-bomb-canada/136080/4 "2002-11-10T02:58:51Z")
**Tuckerfan** – _Shhhh!_ You know what happened to those SCUBA divers that got too close to the truth. ---
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-review-bomb-canada/136080/5 "2002-11-10T03:03:07Z")
I’d say the OP is about, er…63% true. From a strictly US point of view. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-review-bomb-canada/136080/6 "2002-11-10T03:06:03Z")
Oh, great, now I notice that the hamsters ate my OP. Here it is again, for what it’s worth: (I feel much better now after a brisk walk.) From [The National Review’s Online Digest](http://www.nationalreview.com/preview/preview112502.asp): > [@](#): > > Bomb Canada > By Jonah Goldberg > > Canada is, quite simply, not a serious country anymore. It has internalized the assumptions of U.N.-ology: not just anti-Americanism but also the belief that Western nations don’t need military might. As a consequence, they are simply unarmed. If al-Qaeda launched a September 11-style attack from Canadian soil, we would have only two choices: ask Canada to take charge, or take charge ourselves. The predictable — and necessary — U.S. action would spark outrage. We certainly don’t need the burden of turning “the world’s longest undefended border” into one of the world’s longest defended ones. And that’s why a little invasion is precisely what Canada needs. In the past, Canada has responded to real threats with courage and conviction (some say more Canadians went south to enlist for war in Vietnam than Americans went north to dodge it). If the U.S. were to launch a quick raid, blow up some symbolic but unoccupied structure — Toronto’s CN Tower, or an empty hockey stadium — Canada would rearm overnight. This tongue-in-cheek suggestion is only slightly more hare-brained than existing U.S. foreign policy. Psst: There is no “anti-americanism” in the UN mandate. Just, you know, that whole pie-in-the-sky, “rule of law” thing, which can look like anti-americanism, if you squint at it, when you have a government that feels more and more comfortable playing the part of rogue state. Yeah, it’s really funny that the [Kiriabati folk took a parody article about an immenent US invasion at face value](http://news.independent.co.uk/world/australasia/story.jsp?story=348717). How could they not see the joke? You know why? It’s because once you get out from under the shadow of CNN, it looks more and more like the United States has pretty much gone bugshiat-crazy. > [@](#): > > In reading the history of nations, we find that, like individuals, they have their whims and their peculiarities; their seasons of excitement and recklessness, when they care not what they do. We find that whole communities suddenly fix their minds upon one object, and go mad in its pursuit; that millions of people become simultaneously impressed with one delusion, and run after it, till their attention is caught by some new folly more captivating than the first. We see one nation suddenly seized, from its highest to its lowest members, with a fierce desire of military glory; another as suddenly becoming crazed upon a religious scruple, and neither of them recovering its senses until it has shed rivers of blood and sowed a harvest of groans and tears, to be reaped by its posterity. > -Charles Mackay, _Extraordinary Popular Delusions And The Madness Of Crowds_, 1841 ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-review-bomb-canada/136080/7 "2002-11-10T03:11:08Z")
I _love_ it when the National Review or the National Post or someone insults Canada. It means we’re doing something right. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-review-bomb-canada/136080/8 "2002-11-10T03:17:03Z")
I _love_ it when the National Review or the National Post or someone insults Canada. It means we’re doing something right. ---
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-review-bomb-canada/136080/9 "2002-11-10T03:17:03Z")
And the Toronto take on the story: [http://www.globeandmail.com/servlet/ArticleNews/PEstory/TGAM/20021109/UREVUN/International/international/international\_temp/4/4/26/](http://www.globeandmail.com/servlet/ArticleNews/PEstory/TGAM/20021109/UREVUN/International/international/international_temp/4/4/26/) Among the highlights, I found amusing > [@](#): > > Challenged on his written assertion that the United States “came out ahead” in the War of 1812, Mr. Goldberg said he was speaking of a “diplomatic” victory. and > [@](#): > > Asked about his assertion that hospital parking lots in Michigan are “full of Canadian licence plates,” he said he had heard that from reliable sources. You get the idea. Another journalistic lightweight-cum-lately. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-review-bomb-canada/136080/10 "2002-11-10T05:45:17Z")
Yet another reason to stregthen economic ties with the EU and Asia. ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-review-bomb-canada/136080/11 "2002-11-10T06:33:19Z")
Do they still sell milk in fucking bags up there? Any country that has that going on should be nuked back to the stone age!😛 ---
**Author:** ![Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dread_pirate_jimbo/32/3897_2.png) [@Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dread_Pirate_Jimbo)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-review-bomb-canada/136080/12 "2002-11-10T06:49:30Z")
It is not the Canadians who need bombing, but the pinheads in charge who, inexplicably, continue to be elected by the voters in the east. The Liberal Party has systematically demolished our military over the last few years, remaining staunchly convinced that the task of protecting our country should be in the hands of the United States. Maybe it’s just sour grapes for American complicity in the dismantling of the AVRO Arrow project in the late 50s, or maybe the Liberals are actually that out of touch with what it means to be a sovereign nation. Believe me, there are plenty of people up here who consider our military (or lack thereof) to be an embarrassment and a disgrace (yes, **Tuckerfan** is right – we have more operating subs in a shopping mall than we have in our navy). On second thought, you’d probably be doing us a favour by blowing Toronto, the self-proclaimed centre of the universe, off the map, as well as Ottawa. Do your worst, please! And if a few separatist Québecois buy it in the process, so much the better. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-review-bomb-canada/136080/13 "2002-11-10T06:59:16Z")
We’re not a serious country anymore? When were we _ever_ a serious country? We laugh at everything (especially ourselves), and comedians are our biggest export. Good grief, with 30% taxation, a joke of a prime minister, 8 months of winter and a dollar that hasn’t been on par with the American dollar since the 70’s, you’re damn right we’re not a serious country. We’d all be blowing our brains out. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-review-bomb-canada/136080/14 "2002-11-10T07:14:51Z")
And btw, your sig is more appropriate than ever in this context, **Dread Pirate Poopsie**. ---
**Author:** ![Briny\_Deep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/briny_deep/32/17188_2.png) [@Briny\_Deep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briny_Deep)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-review-bomb-canada/136080/15 "2002-11-10T08:22:09Z")
I read NRO all the time, and Jonah Goldberg is the only columnist I specifically avoid. He’s just an asshole, and not nearly as clever as he thinks he is. I can’t understand why he’s been getting so much attention lately - unless because with remarks like the one about bombing Canada, he’s going the Ann Coulter route of actively seeking notoriety rather than renown. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Cheatem\_Undhow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/13edae/32.png) [@Dewey\_Cheatem\_Undhow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Cheatem_Undhow)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-review-bomb-canada/136080/16 "2002-11-10T14:15:13Z")
I’m quite the opposite of **masonite** : Jonah Goldberg is one of the few NRO columns I regularly read. Goldberg is not Ann Coulter (indeed, I think he and Rich Lowry were the key players in dropping her column from NRO). Anyone who’s read any decent quantity of his columns knows that he doesn’t take much very seriously – this is a guy who regularly peppers his column with Star Trek and Simpsons references. And I _like_ that about him – too many political pundits take themselves far too seriously. If Jonathan Swift lived right about now, I wonder if **Larry Mudd** would be upbraiding him over his modest proposal? ---
**Author:** ![bernse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@bernse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bernse)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-review-bomb-canada/136080/17 "2002-11-10T17:32:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \* > \*\*I _love_ it when the National Review or the National Post or someone insults Canada. It means we’re doing something right. \*\* Yeah, right. Our military funding is still way too high, isn’t it Matt? ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-review-bomb-canada/136080/18 "2002-11-10T18:12:24Z")
Hey, if you come after Canada, [we’re ready for you!](http://www.happyfunpundit.com/hfp/archives/000274.html#000274) ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-review-bomb-canada/136080/19 "2002-11-10T20:38:24Z")
Is it true Bush wants to annex Canada but is recalcitrant about it because that means he and Celine Dion would be in the same country? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2002, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-review-bomb-canada/136080/20 "2002-11-10T20:51:53Z")
> [@](#): > > If Jonathan Swift lived right about now, I wonder if Larry Mudd would be upbraiding him over his modest proposal? That’s a pretty poor analogy, **Dewey**. If Mr. Goldberg’s article is parody, intended to underscore the wrongheadedness of American policy with regard to Canada, I’ll eat a baby. Obviously the humourous intent is there, but it’s clearly not intended as satire. Goldberg really _does_ see a “Canadian Problem”: “How do we get our northern neighbors on side with our military agenda?” He’s no Swift, and your none-too-swift yourself. Neener neener. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/national-review-bomb-canada/136080.md?page=2)