# Naughty Kid Rhymes and Songs **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 15, 2004, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884 "2004-08-15T00:16:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Hyperelastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Hyperelastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hyperelastic)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/1 "2004-08-15T00:16:25Z")
I recently spent some quality time with my son, teaching him “Milk, milk lemonade, 'round the corner, fudge is made”. It got me thinking about some other stupid, “naughty” rhymes we used to say. * * * King Kong went to Hong Kong and played ping pong with your ding dong. * * * (To the tune of “Nick Nack Paddy-whack”) We Chinese We play jokes We go pee-pee in your Cokes * * * When you’re sliding into first and your pants begin to burst Uhh, uhh, diarrhea, uhh, uhh, diarrhea When you’re sliding into second and your pants become infected Uhh, uhh, diarrhea, uhh, uhh, diarrhea When you’re sliding into third and you feel a greasy turd Uhh, uhh, diarrhea, uhh, uhh, diarrhea When you’re sliding into home and your pants begin to foam Uhh, uhh, diarrhea, uhh, uhh, diarrhea Some kids think it’s gross, but it’s really great on toast Uhh, uhh diarrhea! * * * When you’re walking down the hall and your balls hit the wall That’s a rupture! When you’re sliding down a slide and your balls hit the side That’s a rupture! Post your favorite stupid naughty rhymes here! ---
**Author:** ![kellner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c2a13f/32.png) [@kellner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kellner)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/2 "2004-08-15T00:24:20Z")
This nice site collected rhymes from all over the world a while ago: [http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/cat\_global\_schoolyard\_rhyme\_project.html](http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/cat_global_schoolyard_rhyme_project.html) ---
**Author:** ![Marsie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Marsie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marsie)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/3 "2004-08-15T00:33:54Z")
Great big globs of greasy grimy gopher guts Dirty little birdy feet Mutilated monkey meat Great big globs of greasy grimy gopher guts Hangin’ on the outhouse door Hangin’ on the outhouse door Hangin’ on the outhouse doooooooorrrrrr Great big globs of greasy grimy gopher guts Hangin’ on the outhouse door Thank you very much! ---
**Author:** ![violacrane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c57346/32.png) [@violacrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/violacrane)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/4 "2004-08-15T01:27:10Z")
My brother Billy had a ten foot Willy, He showed it to the girl next door, She thought it was a snake And she hit it with a rake Now it isn’t ten foot anymore! I’m a little fairy, I don’t swear, Pee, po belly bum! I don’t care. ---
**Author:** ![saramamalana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/74df32/32.png) [@saramamalana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saramamalana)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/5 "2004-08-15T01:41:16Z")
**Marsie** , I know something that has a similar beginning. great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts mutilated monkey meat little birdies’ hairy feet all these things are very very good to eat but i forgot my spoon so they gave me ham sandwich, pus on top eagle eye and camel snot horse’s vomit, cow guts too eat it _(someone’s name)_, it’s good for you! ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/6 "2004-08-15T01:58:07Z")
Ink, pink, you stink, riding on a horse’s dink. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/7 "2004-08-15T03:49:33Z")
When we were kids we’d make fun of colors kids were wearing (even ourselves). Red, red wet the bed, wipe it up with gingerbread. Blue, blue you got the flue you just puked all over you. I’m sure there were others, but I can’t remember them. Not really naughty, but kinda gross. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/8 "2004-08-15T03:54:33Z")
Mary had a little lamb She thought him very silly She threw him up into the air and caught him by the Willy was a sheepdog Lying in the grass Down came a bumblebee and stung him on the Ask no questions Tell no lies I saw a policeman Doing up his Flies are annoying Wasps are worse That is the end of my silly little verse. ---
**Author:** ![Lisa-go-Blind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Lisa-go-Blind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lisa-go-Blind)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/9 "2004-08-15T05:12:06Z")
> [@Peter Morris](#): > > \ That has some similar parts to one I know: Miss Susie had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell Miss Susie went to heaven, the steamboat went to Hello operator, please give me number nine And if you disconnect me, I’ll kick you from Behind the 'frigerator, there was a piece of glass Miss Susie sat upon it and cut her little Ask me no more questions, I’ll tell you no more lies The boys are in the bathroom zipping up their Flies are in the meadow, bees are in the park Miss Susie and her boyfriend are kissing in the D-A-R-K, D-A-R-K, D-A-R-K Dark Dark Dark! Dark is like the movies, the movies’s like a show A show is like a TV set and that is all I know I know my Ma, I know I know my Pa I know I know my sister with the 40-acre, 40-acre, 40-acre Bra Bra Bra! * * * There’s a place in France where the naked ladies dance There’s a hole in the wall where the men can see it all There’s a king and a queen with a rubber ding-a-ling * * * And a couple of remembered alternate verses to the diarrhea song: When you’re sitting on a cushion and you feel something pushing, diarrhea! When you’re climbing up a ladder and you feel something splatter, diarrhea! * * * Sigh, I’m really embarrassing myself here. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Death](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecccb3/32.png) [@Evil\_Death](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Death)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/10 "2004-08-15T08:02:27Z")
> [@Lisa-go-Blind](#): > > And a couple of remembered alternate verses to the diarrhea song: > > When you’re sitting on a cushion and you feel something pushing, diarrhea! > When you’re climbing up a ladder and you feel something splatter, diarrhea! One more, which is all I can still remember of it: I woke up this morning and my teddy bear was dead, diarrhea! ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/11 "2004-08-15T08:11:53Z")
To the tune of “Turkey in the Straw”: Old man Whiskers, sittin’ on a rock Shavin’ the whiskers off his cock Razor slipped and he cut off his balls Peed all over his overalls. And of course the classic: Comet, it tastes like gasoline Comet, it makes your mouth turn green Comet, it makes you vomit So get some Comet, and vomit today ---
**Author:** ![Ultraviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/c77e96/32.png) [@Ultraviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ultraviolet)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/12 "2004-08-15T15:52:39Z")
**Larry Mudd** stole mine! It must be a BC thing, I thought no one else would have heard of that one! Anyway, I’ll add: In the land of Oz, the women wear no bras But the men don’t care, 'cause they don’t wear underwear and Popeye the Sailorman, lived in a frying pan Turned on the gas and burned his ass, Popeye the Sailorman. ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/13 "2004-08-15T17:36:22Z")
I’m Popeye the sailor man. I lives in a garbage can. I eat all dem wurms and I spits out dem germs. I’m Popeye the sailor man. ---
**Author:** ![Hyperelastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Hyperelastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hyperelastic)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/14 "2004-08-15T18:08:05Z")
> [@Ultraviolet](#): > > **Larry Mudd** stole mine! It must be a BC thing, I thought no one else would have heard of that one! Anyway, I’ll add: > > In the land of Oz, the women wear no bras > But the men don’t care, 'cause they don’t wear underwear Man, this is bringing back some memories. We sang it: There’s a place in France where the naked ladies dance But the men don’t care, cause they wear their underwear. Also in the underwear theme, (to the tune of “Fanfare for the Common Man” by Copland, which we learned from the Olympics) Jesus Christ Superstar Ridin’ down the beach on his Yamaha Cops are there I don’t care Cause I’ve got my bull-proof underwear ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/15 "2004-08-15T18:36:24Z")
Hmm one alternate that we sang about Rudolph… Rudolph the red nosed reindeer reindeer Had a very shiny pistol pistol And if you ever saw it saw it You would drop your pants and run A favourite of mine sung to the tune of [Barges](http://www.bc-girlguides.org/02members/02music/02musicpopup.html) (which is officially banned though it still pops up) Out of my window looking in the night I can see the leaders cigarette light Silently flows the whiskey to the flask As I see the leaders are having a blast Leaders I would like to go with you I would like to share your whiskey too Leaders have you scouters in your beds Are you planning for 9 months ahead? ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/16 "2004-08-15T18:47:20Z")
Ummm, how naughty is too naughty? I learned this in Boy Scouts so it’s really REALLY naughty. Spoiler boxed for your protection. Went into town, looking for a whore God damn son of a bitch, couldn’t find a whore. Finely found a whore, she was small and thin God damn son of a bitch, couldn’t get it in Finely got it in, moved it all about God damn son of a bitch, couldn’t get it out Finely got it out, it was red and sore God damn son of a bitch, never fuck a whore. ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/17 "2004-08-15T18:54:41Z")
> [@Fern Forest](#): > > Ummm, how naughty is too naughty? I learned this in Boy Scouts so it’s really REALLY naughty. Fern Forest, I learned it in the Scouts too, but the first verse in our troop was “Walkin’ down Canal Street, Going door to door…” A great book on the subject is One Potato Two Potato by Mary Knapp. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/18 "2004-08-15T18:58:20Z")
Here’s the definitive work on the subject: [Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0874834449/qid=1092596154/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl14/103-5125033-0647037?v=glance&s=books&n=507846) by Josepha Sherman and T. K. F. Weisskopf. Highly recommended. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/19 "2004-08-15T19:23:34Z")
> [@Flutterby](#): > > Hmm one alternate that we sang about Rudolph… > > Rudolph the red nosed reindeer reindeer > Had a very shiny pistol pistol > And if you ever saw it saw it > You would drop your pants and run I heard it as “had a very shiny **gun** ”, to rhyme with ‘run’. And it had the verse: Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa came to say: “Rudolph with your gun so bright, why don’t you shoot my wife tonight…” ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/20 "2004-08-15T19:29:22Z")
The “Popeye” song I remember had the verse: I loves to go swimmin’ With bare nekkid wimmen The “Rudolph” song went: Rudolph the red gunned cowboy Had a very shiny gun And if you ever saw it You would drop your pants and run All of the other cowboys Used to laugh and call him names They wouldn’t let poor Rudolph Join in any cowboy games Then one foggy Christmas Eve Santa came to say Rudolph with your gun so bright Won’t you shoot my wife tonight Then all the cowboys loved him And they shouted out with glee Rudolph the red gunned cowboy You’ll go down in history! There were a couple of songs we knew containing drug references, but they were more middle-school things and maybe not appropriate for the thread anyway. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884.md?page=2)