# Naughty Kid Rhymes and Songs **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 15, 2004, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884 "2004-08-15T00:16:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/21 "2004-08-15T19:31:39Z")
Well, I see Revtim must have gone to the same school I did. ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/22 "2004-08-15T19:49:04Z")
> [@Krokodil](#): > > Fern Forest, > I learned it in the Scouts too, but the first verse in our troop was “Walkin’ down Canal Street, Going door to door…” That defiantely makes the rhyming better. Ah scouts. They also taught me to cuss too. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Death](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecccb3/32.png) [@Evil\_Death](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Death)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/23 "2004-08-15T19:49:24Z")
> [@Fern Forest](#): > > Ummm, how naughty is too naughty? I learned this in Boy Scouts so it’s really REALLY naughty. A famous one, that. The original lyrics begin: My brother Jack, he went knocking every door continue suitably modified for person and end: The moral of the story is - never +++NO CARRIER+++ Here’s a classic: Down in the jungle, under a tree Condoms on sale for 50p [1] Some are a pound, some are ten bob [2] It all depends on the size of your knob. [1] Fifty pence, if you were wondering. [2] Ten shillings, or 50 pence in new money. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/24 "2004-08-15T22:47:59Z")
> [@KRC](#): > > The “Popeye” song I remember had the verse: > > I loves to go swimmin’ > With bare nekkid wimmen And swim between their legs… I have no idea how I know that. ---
**Author:** ![E.Thorp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@E.Thorp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E.Thorp)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2004, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/25 "2004-08-15T23:55:51Z")
Sung to “The Battle Hymn of the Republic”: Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burnin’ of the school We have tortured every teacher, we have broken every rule Now we’re marching down the hall to barbecue the principal Us kids are marching on Glory, glory hallelujah Teacher hit me with a ruler Met her at the door With a loaded .44 And she ain’t my teacher no more (She’s on the floooor…) ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/26 "2004-08-16T00:21:39Z")
Sung to the tune of “Alouette” Suffocation takes coordination Suffocation, a game we all can play First you take a plastic bag Then you put it on your head Go to bed, wake up dead, ohhh-ohh! Suffocation takes coordination Suffocation, a game we all can play Sung to the tune of “The Addams Family” The Addams Family started When Uncle Fester farted They all came out retarded The Addams Family! Driving down the highway Down highway #4 Loopy cut a fart And blew me out the door The wheels started shaking The motor fell apart All because of Loopy’s Supersonic fart! This is a story of a man named Jed Bit his dink and now he’s dead Tah-rah-rah-boom-de-ay They took your pants away And while you’re standing there They stole your underwear They threw them in the bay Which scared the sharks away And when they pulled them out They smelled like sauerkraut Do your balls hang low? Do they wobble to-and-fro? Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow? Can you throw them over your shoulder Like a continental soldier? Do your balls hang low? (substitute “boobs” for “balls” to sing the female version) Over the hill came piss pot Pete With fifty pounds of swinging meat Over the hill came Sally Grass He stuck his weenie up her ass Sally Grass, she cut a fart And blew ole’ Peter’s balls apart! They just go on and on…filthy kids, we were… ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/27 "2004-08-16T00:43:50Z")
The Popeye versions popular when I was a kid was I’m Popeye the sailor man. I live in a pot of jam. The jam was so sticky It stuck to my dicky I’m Popeye the sailor man. I’m Popeye the sailor man I live in a caravan I sleep with my granny And tickle her fanny I’m Popeve the sailor man. [I don’t think ‘fanny’ means the same thing in the USA as it does here in the UK] ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/28 "2004-08-16T00:57:21Z")
> [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](#): > > [I don’t think ‘fanny’ means the same thing in the USA as it does here in the UK] Nope 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/29 "2004-08-16T01:40:49Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > And swim between their legs… That’s not part of the Popeye parody. I only know that one from M_A_S\*H, when Col. Potter sang “I love to go swimmin’ with bowlegged women and swim between their legs!” But the one I remember went like this: Once I went out swimmin’ Where there were no women Down by the deep blue sea Seeing no one there I hung my underwear Upon a willow tree Dove into the water Just like Pharaoh’s daughter Dove into the Nile Someone beat me there And stole my underwear And left me with a smile! Another underwear song: Tarzan, Tarzan in the air Tarzan lost his underwear Tarzan say, “Me no care! Jane buy me another pair!” Jane, Jane in the air Jane lost her underwear Jane say, “Me no care! Boy buy me another pair!” Boy, Boy in the air Boy lost his underwear Boy say, “Me no care! Cheetah buy me another pair!” Cheetah, Cheetah in the air Cheetah lost his underwear Cheetah say, “Me no care! _Monkeys don’t wear underwear!_” When I was a kid in the '60s, some of our schoolyard ditties still referenced World War 2: Whistle while you work Hitler is a jerk Mussolini broke his weenie Now it doesn’t squirt! [To the tune of a bugle call I don’t know the name of] There’s a German in the grass With a bullet in his ass Take it out, take it out Like a good Girl Scout! And not very naughty, but worth mentioning: Tramp tramp tramp, the boys are marching Here comes Hitler at the door If I only had the chance I would kick him in the pants Then there wouldn’t be a Hitler anymore! ---
**Author:** ![Astacey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f05b48/32.png) [@Astacey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astacey)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/30 "2004-08-16T03:25:52Z")
> [@Loopydude](#): > > Sung to the tune of “Alouette” > > Suffocation takes coordination > Suffocation, a game we all can play > First you take a plastic bag > Then you put it on your head > Go to bed, wake up dead, ohhh-ohh! > Suffocation takes coordination > Suffocation, a game we all can play \ Next you take a water hose Stick it up your nose Turn it on Then you’re gone, ohhh, ohh! Also: (can’t think of the tune) Grandmas in the cellar Golly can’t ya smell 'er? Making greasy buscuits with her toes. Her eyes are full of batter But it doesn’t really matter ‘Cause the \ is runnin’ down 'er nose. Down 'er nose! Down 'er nose! ‘cause the \ is runnin’ down 'er nose! ---
**Author:** ![LilCutie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@LilCutie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LilCutie)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/31 "2004-08-16T03:46:41Z")
> [@Lisa-go-Blind](#): > > That has some similar parts to one I know: > > Miss Susie had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell > Miss Susie went to heaven, the steamboat went to > Hello operator, please give me number nine > And if you disconnect me, I’ll kick you from > Behind the 'frigerator, there was a piece of glass > Miss Susie sat upon it and cut her little > Ask me no more questions, I’ll tell you no more lies > The boys are in the bathroom zipping up their > Flies are in the meadow, bees are in the park > Miss Susie and her boyfriend are kissing in the > D-A-R-K, D-A-R-K, D-A-R-K > Dark Dark Dark! > Dark is like the movies, the movies’s like a show > A show is like a TV set and that is all I know > I know my Ma, I know I know my Pa > I know I know my sister with the > 40-acre, 40-acre, 40-acre > Bra Bra Bra! > > * * * Very eerie. We used to sing the same thing while playing a hand clap game. Strange. ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/32 "2004-08-16T03:53:20Z")
Denny Darty had a party Tutti Frutti was there Tutti Frutti cut a beauty And they had to go out for air. In the “Glory Hallejujah” song there were several different ways of getting rid of the teacher: Knocked her on the bean With a rotten tangerine Hit her in the butt With a rotten coconut Found a .22 And put in in her shoe Met her at the bank With a loaded Russian tank Found a hand grenade And put it in her lemonade (Yeah, that last verse doesn’t scan.) And of course there is: On top of old Smokey All covered with sand I shot my poor teacher With a green rubber band I shot her with pleasure I shot her with pride How could I miss her She was 40 feet wide I went to her fun’ral I went to her grave Instead of throwing flowers I threw hand grenades. ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/33 "2004-08-16T05:56:18Z")
We had: On top of ol’ Smokey, All covered with snow I saw Annie Oakley Take off all her clothes Along came Gene Autry And took off his vest And when he saw Annie He took off the rest! * * * Tah rah rah boom dee yay Tah rah rah boom dee yay There was a boy next door He got me on the floor He said it wouldn’t hurt He stuck it up my skirt And then my tummy grew Now I’m a mommy too. * * * And one that’s not a song, but for some reason we all said it to one another constantly: “You’re a supersonic, idiotic, disconnected, brain-infected DUMBBELL!” ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/34 "2004-08-16T06:57:48Z")
Deck the halls with gasoline, fa lala… Light a match and watch it gleam, fa lala… Watch the schoolhouse burn to ashes, fa lala… Aren’t you glad you played with matches, fa lala… Several nasty variations of Barney’s “I Love You” theme song. Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg Batmobile lost its wheel and Joker got away (Not nasty, but silly anyway) ---
**Author:** ![cmason32](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@cmason32](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmason32)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/35 "2004-08-16T07:13:01Z")
Here’s one from camp: > [@](#): > > 1 by 1 > we’re having some fun > in the bedroom, uh huh, on a saturday night > > 2 by 2 > she took off her shoe > in the bedroom, uh huh, on a saturday night > > 3 by 3 > she was looking at me > in the bedroom, uh huh, on a saturday night > > 4 by 4 > our clothes hit the floor > in the bedroom, uh huh, on a saturday night > > 5 by 5 > i felt so alive > in the bedroom, uh huh, on a saturday night > > 6 by 6 > the chemicals mixed > in the bedroom, uh huh, on a saturday night > > 7 by 7 > it felt like heaven > in the bedroom, uh huh, on a saturday night > > 8 by 8 > she said she was late > in the bedroom, uh huh, on a saturday night > > 9 by 9 > now we’re drinking some wine > in the bedroom, uh huh, on a saturday night > > 10 by 10 > we’re at it again > in the bedroom, uh huh, on a saturday night ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/36 "2004-08-16T07:46:07Z")
[OLD SEASAME STREET SONG] Oh, the crack dealer is a person in your neighborhood. in your neighborhood, in your neigh-bor-hoo-ood! Oh, the crack dealer is a person in your neighborhood. in your neighborhood, in your neigh-bor-hoo-ood! He’s a person that you meet when you’re walking down the street, Each day. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/37 "2004-08-16T07:53:59Z")
OK how wrong is it that I’m thiryfour and some of these still crack me up? Good thread topic! ---
**Author:** ![Kidd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/74df32/32.png) [@Kidd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kidd)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/38 "2004-08-16T11:09:15Z")
I really, really wish I could remember even half the lyrics to my favorite morbid-song-parody-to-annoy-adults-with ever, but alas, it’s unlikely I’ll ever find out how it went. Psychiatric hospital, in the 'tweens ward. Parody of the “Toys R Us Kid” jingle that spanned several repetitions of the actual song, going on and on about how great it was to be there. I remember it as a thing of beauty, though the bit I remember (replacing ‘I don’t want to grow up’ with ‘I don’t want to get out…’) is pretty damn depressing in hindsight. Of course, I remember being just absolutely horrified at 9 years old when I first heard “Miss Suzie had a steamboat…” After all, it was almost like you were saying _those_ words. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/39 "2004-08-16T12:22:58Z")
Mary had a little sheep and with the sheep she went to sleep the sheep turned out to be a ram Mary had a little lamb. ---
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/40 "2004-08-16T13:33:48Z")
My grandpa taught me this one: The monkey and the baboon Playin’ in the grass, The monkey stuck his finger Up the baboon’s ass. The baboon said “Well, bless my soul! Get your dirty finger Out of my asshole.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884.md?page=3)