# Naughty Kid Rhymes and Songs **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 15, 2004, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884 "2004-08-15T00:16:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/41 "2004-08-16T13:54:51Z")
Another morbid as opposed to “naughty” one: When you see a hearse drive by You know that you are next to die They wrap you up in bloody sheets and put you down about 6 feet deep For days and days and weeks and weeks untill your coffin springs a leak. The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out The worms play pinochle on your snout. One worm that is not too shy crawls in your ear and out your eye and puss comes out like pink whipped cream oh me without my spoon The version of “One and One” that I grew up with is basically represented by these [2livecrew lyrics](http://www.hottest-lyrics.com/0-9/2livecrew-lyrics-9/oneone-lyrics-639.html) ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/42 "2004-08-16T16:11:34Z")
A whole ton of these sound familiar. Does anyone remember the spoof about the Titanic - the real song when something like So Sad (so sad) so Sad (so sad) it was sad when the gre-eat ship went down (something about the) husbands and wives - even children lost their lives it was sad went the great ship went down. When I moved to a new town, they sang a spoof of this song and, as an 8-year-old oh man was I not cool for not knowing it - it went something like So great (so great) so great (so great) it was great when when the sad ship went down (something about the) uncles and aunts - even children lost their pants it was great when the sad ship went down a pathetic little tune, I know, but darn it - it mattered back then… I remember this rhyme - it started with “I was walking through the jungle with my c\*ck in my hand” that basically served no purpose other than to say swear words - little boys are so easy to please…but this particular rhyme invoked racist phrases, too, so i’m not going to dignify it (_snort!_) by stating the whole thing here… ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/43 "2004-08-16T16:50:29Z")
> [@Astacey](#): > > Grandmas in the cellar > Golly can’t ya smell 'er? My Father taught us a variation of that one: Gandma’s in the cellar Mercy, can’t you smell her Makin’ biscuits on that darned ol’ dirty stove? (Dirty stove) In her eye there is a matter Which keeps drippin’ in the batter And she whistles while the \ runs down her nose He also taught us: I know a girl named Sassafras She has pimples on her ass Some are big Some are small Some you can’t even see at all. Needless to say, he did not teach us these songs while my mother was around. Just as Pinky will not learn these songs anywhere within earshot of my Wife. ---
**Author:** ![fusoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecccb3/32.png) [@fusoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fusoya)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/44 "2004-08-16T17:09:28Z")
Joy to the world the teacher’s dead we barbequed her head they’re looking for the principal he’s hanging by the flagpole with a rope around his neck with a rope around his neck Joy-oy to the world the school burned down (segue into the already posted Deck the Halls with gasoline) my elementary school’s principal actually found that one amusing. I find it amazing just how many of these songs I knew when I was 9 years old…this was the pre-internet day and we certainly didn’t learn these from TV, so how did they manage to get so widespread? ---
**Author:** ![TwoTrouts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a9adbd/32.png) [@TwoTrouts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwoTrouts)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/45 "2004-08-16T17:22:56Z")
Tarzan swings Tarzan falls Tarzan breaks his mighty balls. Tarzan scream Tarzan yell Tarzan’s sack begins to swell. One that made little sense, probably a fragment of a longer song… She was comin’ round the mountain when it broke, She was comin’ round the mountain when it broke, Well, they found her in the grass with the muffler up her ass, And her tits playing _Dixie_ on the spokes! And the classic dirty sea-chanty: It was on the good ship Venus, by Christ ya shoulda seen us The figurehead was a whore in bed, a-suckin’ on a penis! The captain of this lugger, he was a filthy bugger He wasn’t fit to shovel shit from one end to another! _Chorus_: Friggin’ in the riggin’, friggin’ in the riggin’ friggin’ in the riggin’ There was fuck-all else to do! The first mate’s name was Andy, by Christ he had a dandy ‘Till they crushed his cock with a jack and block for comin’ in the brandy! The cabin boy was Chipper, he was a little nipper He stuffed his ass with a broken glass, and circumsized the skipper! _Chorus_ and many, many more verses. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/46 "2004-08-16T17:47:36Z")
Oooo, another one: (Sung to the theme of circa 1980 animated cartoon “Godzilla”) Up from the tub Naked and high Breathing ganja\* She’s got a glass eye! Aunt Mathilda! (dum-da-da-dum!) Aunt Mathilda! (dum-da-da-dum!) Aunt Mathildaaaa! \*[or “marijuana” instead of “ganja”…but this kinda breaks the meter] ---
**Author:** ![ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/47 "2004-08-16T17:55:40Z")
Do your tits (balls, ears) hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow? Can you throw 'em over your shoulder, Like a Continental Soldier? Do your tits… hang… low? ---
**Author:** ![TwoTrouts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a9adbd/32.png) [@TwoTrouts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwoTrouts)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2004, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/48 "2004-08-16T17:57:47Z")
Do your balls hang high? Can you fly them in the sky? Can you beat your meat on an airplane seat? Can you swing them through the breeze Like the monkeys in the trees? Do your balls hang high? ---
**Author:** ![HyperactiveShinigami](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/43a26b/32.png) [@HyperactiveShinigami](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HyperactiveShinigami)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2012, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/49 "2012-11-30T08:47:25Z")
I do remember the “bowlegged women” version. But I also remember this: # I’m Popeye the sailor man. I live in a frying pan. I step on the gas And blow up my ass I’m Popeye the sailor man. # Heigh ho, Heigh ho, It’s off to work we go With a bottle of beer and a boot in the rear Heigh ho, heigh ho. Jack and Jill went up the hill To do some hanky panky Jill forgot to take her pill and out came little Frankie. This was one that my nephew made up after listening to the theme from the Hulk cartoon Doctor Banner Bite my banana. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2012, 9:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/50 "2012-11-30T09:34:44Z")
We had a lot of those too. Our version of Jesus Christ Superstar had him “wearing a ladies’ bra.” Unlike all those other kinds of bras, of course. Our version of ip dip was extremely sweary. Even as an adult, it’s the only version that comes to mind when I need to do ip-dip: Ip dip dog shit Fucking bastard, dirty git You are not it. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2012, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/51 "2012-11-30T11:04:03Z")
Good lord, it’s like my childhood has come back to haunt me. Looking back, I hope my first grade teacher Miss Picchini never heard us singing this one: _Whistle while you work Hitler is a jerk Miss Picchini Bit my weenie Now it doesn’t work._ ---
**Author:** ![Grachie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Grachie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grachie)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2023, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/52 "2023-04-04T12:48:41Z")
The diarrhoea song- we had some others: When you’re climbing up a ladder & suddenly loose you bladder… uhh uhh Diarrhoea uhh uhh Diarrhoea When you’re sitting on the grass & something slops out your ass… uhh uhh Diarrhoea When you’re sitting on the dunny & feel something funny… Diarrhoea uhh uhh Diarrhoea When the teacher in your class hears an explosion from your ass… Diarrhoea uhh uhh Diarrhoea Hahaha ahhh the good old days. Fun times. ---
**Author:** ![2\_More\_Bits](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2_more_bits/32/4148_2.png) [@2\_More\_Bits](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2_More_Bits)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2023, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/53 "2023-04-04T19:57:37Z")
Great big globs of greasy grimy gopher guts Concentrated birdy feet Mutilated monkey meat Three large jars of all-purpose porpoise pus to eat without a spoo-o-o-on ---
**Author:** ![Paintcharge](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/paintcharge/32/7946_2.png) [@Paintcharge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paintcharge)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2023, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/54 "2023-04-04T21:31:22Z")
Interesting little variations of the way I remember a lot of these. Ours was: Great big jars of all-purpose porpoise pus and I forgot my straw. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2023, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/55 "2023-04-05T03:43:12Z")
> [@Loopydude](#): > > This is a story of a man named Jed > Bit his dink and now he’s dead Come listen to a story ‘bout a man named Jed Had a lot of hair but it wasn’t on his head Then one day he was shootin’ at some food When up from the ground came a redhead, nude Bare ass. Buck naked. Well, the next thing you know, ol’ Jed’s in bed Screwing the shit out of ol’ redhead Here comes Granny with a hickory stick Gonna beat the shit out of ol’ Jed’s dick ---
**Author:** ![Author\_Balk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Author\_Balk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Author_Balk)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2023, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/56 "2023-04-05T19:19:31Z")
> [@Rhiannon8404](#): > > When we were kids we’d make fun of colors kids were wearing (even ourselves). I still think of this from time to time. Our version appears to be a little different. Red, red, you wet the bed Pink pink, you stink blue blue, you got the flu. Green had something to do with a washing machine. And that’s all I remember. ---
**Author:** ![WildaBeast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wildabeast/32/6_2.png) [@WildaBeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WildaBeast)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2023, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/57 "2023-04-05T19:32:32Z")
The version I learned was: Great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts Mutilated monkey meat Chopped up birdies feet French fried eyeballs soaked in kerosene And me without a spoon Have we done this one yet? This land is my land, this land ain’t your land I’ve got a shotgun, and you don’t got one If you don’t get off, I’ll blow your head off This land is made for only me ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2023, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/58 "2023-04-05T19:48:41Z")
My Daddy lies over the ocean My Daddy lies over the sea My Daddy lies over my Mommy And that’s the beginning of me ---
**Author:** ![themapleleaf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/themapleleaf/32/14349_2.png) [@themapleleaf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/themapleleaf)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2023, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/59 "2023-04-05T20:16:46Z")
Here’s the ones I remember. I added spoiler blurs to the _really_ offensive / raunchy ones. Some of these are partially reconstructed from Internet sources but I wrote the parts I do remember in the form in which I remember them. Learned this at the age of 6 at school: Deck the halls with poison Ivy Fa la la la la la la la la Break the window, pop the tire Fa la la la la la la la la Set the teacher’s hair on fire Fa la la la la la la la la Learned this really sick one at the age of 7 at day camp: On top of the schoolhouse All covered with sand I shot my poor teacher With a red rubber band I went to her funeral I went to her grave All the people threw flowers I threw a grenade The following day She wasn’t quite dead I took a machete And sliced off her head I put her in stew And ate her up And now my poor teacher Is nothing but mush We would sing this one in the school bus when I was 9 when some kid actually or allegedly broke wind: Going down the highway, Highway 44, (kid’s name) blew a big one and knocked us out the door. The wheels couldn’t take it, the engine fell apart, All because of (said kid) and his supersonic fart. In Grade 9, I was delighted to find the following two written on the wall of a washroom at school: O thou cunt, thou dark and dismal slit, Covered with hair and smelling of shit Like a cat’s ass thou dost smell bad But o thou cunt, thou must be had And I sat with the duchess at tea She asked: “Do you fart when you pee?” I answered with wit: “Do you belch when you shit?” And I thought it was one-up for me I also remember a rather weird one, “When Pebbles was a Baby”, one version can be found [here](http://pancocojams.blogspot.com/2013/11/when-pebbles-was-baby-hand-game-part-i.html). I never memorized most of it, much of it, though, is not particularly raunchy. I do remember this line though: “Ooh, aah! I lost my bra! I left it in my boyfriend’s car!” ---
**Author:** ![Jaycat.again](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat.again/32/11525_2.png) [@Jaycat.again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaycat.again)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2023, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/60 "2023-04-05T21:39:06Z")
My ex-wife and I were babysitting our three-year-old nephew when he broke out in song: Yankee Doodle came to town Riding on a baby Turned the corner just in time To see a naked lady. Cracked us up, especially the ‘riding on a baby’ part. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884.md?page=4)