# Naughty Kid Rhymes and Songs **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 15, 2004, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884 "2004-08-15T00:16:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2023, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/61 "2023-04-05T21:50:09Z")
My Bonnie has tuberculosis, My Bonnie has one rotten lung, My Bonnie spits blood in a bucket, And dries it and chews it for gum. Then there was the parody of the _Branded_ theme song Stranded! Stranded on the toilet bowl! What do you do when you’re stranded? Without a roll? Stranded! Will you be a man? What do you do when you’re stranded? Will you use your hand? ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2023, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/62 "2023-04-05T22:20:35Z")
And Spongebob’s version: > **[SpongeBuddy Mania - SpongeBob Lyrics - Jingle Bells](https://www.sbmania.net/music.php?id=190)** > > SpongeBuddy Mania, the ultimate SpongeBob SquarePants fansite! Content for true SpongeBob fans. > SpongeBob News, SpongeBob Forums, SpongeBob Episode Info, SpongeBob Pictures, and so much more! Learned at Girl Scout camp: Re-re-regurgitate Throw up all the food you ate V-O-M-I-T Everybody barf on the count of three! One-one-one-two-three! BLEEEEECCHCHHCGGCCHH p.s. For some reason, it wouldn’t let me post a YT clip. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2023, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/63 "2023-04-05T22:22:06Z")
I remember an old “Dennis the Menace” cartoon where he and his parents were in church, and the caption is “Because I knew ‘Yankee Doodle’ better, that’s why.” Hope he didn’t sing THIS version! ---
**Author:** ![Mallard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Mallard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mallard)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2023, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/64 "2023-04-05T22:54:19Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > Good lord, it’s like my childhood has come back to haunt me. > > Looking back, I hope my first grade teacher Miss Picchini never heard us singing this one: > > _Whistle while you work > Hitler is a jerk > Miss Picchini > Bit my weenie > Now it doesn’t work._ I heard it slightly differently: Whistle while you work, Hitler is a jerk, Mussolini bit his weenie, Now it doesn’t squirt. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2023, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/65 "2023-04-06T01:31:42Z")
How about kids books - [Brenda’s Beaver needs a barber](http://www.reacharoundbooks.com/brendas-beaver-needs-a-barber-free-ebook.php); yes, they are _real_ books! ---
**Author:** ![Mallard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Mallard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mallard)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2023, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/66 "2023-04-06T08:11:49Z")
My late mother was an elementary school teacher during WW2. She claimed a song kids would sing went like this: "Hitler, has only got one ball, Goering, has two but their small, Himmler…has something simmlar, And Goebels, has no balls at all! It was sung to the tune of a well known marching band song but unfortunately I don’t recall the name of it ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2023, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/67 "2023-04-06T08:19:47Z")
[Colonel Bogey March](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuVYS4uw0as) Which gives me an excuse to [link to Dudley Moore’s excellent take on it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIFzbLE6bHU). ---
**Author:** ![Mallard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Mallard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mallard)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2023, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/68 "2023-04-06T08:37:50Z")
That’s the one! ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2023, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/69 "2023-04-06T10:11:01Z")
A dirty bugle call: _There’s a soldier in the grass_ _with a bullet up his ass._ _“Take it out, take it out!”_ _said a Girl Scout._ The first dirty limerick I remember learning: _There was a young man from Nantucket_ _whose cock was so long he could suck it._ _He said with a grin_ _as he wiped off his chin,_ _“If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it!”_ ---
**Author:** ![Mallard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Mallard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mallard)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2023, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/70 "2023-04-06T13:35:52Z")
“There was a young man from Boston, Who drove a mini Austin, There was room for his ass, And a gallon of gas, But his balls hung out so he lost 'em” ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2023, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/71 "2023-04-06T17:18:21Z")
> [@Mallard](#): > > My late mother was an elementary school teacher during WW2. She claimed a song kids would sing went like this: > > "Hitler, has only got one ball, > Goering, has two but their small, > Himmler…has something simmlar, > And Goebels, has no balls at all! The Perfect Master [confirmed your mother’s claim](https://www.straightdope.com/21342044/did-hitler-have-only-one-testicle) some 36 years ago! ---
**Author:** ![themapleleaf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/themapleleaf/32/14349_2.png) [@themapleleaf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/themapleleaf)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2023, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/72 "2023-04-06T17:36:35Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > The first dirty limerick I remember learning: > > _There was a young man from Nantucket_ > _whose cock was so long he could suck it._ > _He said with a grin_ > _as he wiped off his chin,_ > _“If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it!”_ Oh yes - this one was actually taught to me by a girl at high school. S. C., actually a very nice person. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2023, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/73 "2023-04-06T20:33:31Z")
About the same time I heard this one: _There once was a young girl named Jill_ _[who] used a dynamite stick for a thrill._ _They found her vagina in North Carolina,_ _and bits of her tits_ _in Brazil._ ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2023, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/74 "2023-04-06T20:39:28Z")
_Hitler_ _has only got one ball._ _Goering_ _has two,_ _but they are small._ _Himmler_ _is somewhat sim’ler._ _And Goebbels_ _hasn’t_ _got any_ _at all._ ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2023, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/75 "2023-04-06T20:44:22Z")
_Stranded,_ _struck on a toilet bowl!_ _What do you do when you’re stranded,_ _and you can’t find a roll?_ _To prove you’re a man_ _you must use your hand,_ _when you’re stranded on a toilet bowl!_ ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2023, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/76 "2023-04-06T21:02:48Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > _And Goebbels_ > _hasn’t_ > _got any_ > _at all._ I heard it as “And Joseph Goebbels . . . has no balls . . . at all!” Slightly twisting the pronunciation of “Goebbels” to make it rhyme with “no balls”. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2023, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/77 "2023-04-06T22:14:22Z")
The best variation of THAT was: There once was a man from Nantucket Who took an IQ test; with luck it Turned out that he Had the brilliance to be A droplet within Mensa’s bucket. I, too learned that “gopher guts” song at Girl Scout camp, much to the chagrin of the adults in our lives. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2023, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/78 "2023-04-06T23:59:28Z")
> [@themapleleaf](#): > > Deck the halls with poison Ivy > Fa la la la la la la la la > Break the window, pop the tire > Fa la la la la la la la la > Set the teacher’s hair on fire > Fa la la la la la la la la I tried to sing it, and it felt off. Is this missing a line, or is there no line that rhymes with “ivy”? ---
**Author:** ![themapleleaf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/themapleleaf/32/14349_2.png) [@themapleleaf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/themapleleaf)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2023, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/79 "2023-04-07T00:02:20Z")
Sorry, I missed a line. After the first “Fa la la…”, insert these lines: 'Tis the season to be naughty Fa la la la la la la la la ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2023, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884/80 "2023-04-07T16:07:51Z")
i heard this but it was "one eye the lonesome cowboy " and removed reindeer for cowboy and has a line about the penitentiary but he sea chanty song I is also known as "friggin in the riggin " bu the sex pistols [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/naughty-kid-rhymes-and-songs/259884.md?page=5)