# Neanderthal wife beaters deserve... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 13, 2009, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neanderthal-wife-beaters-deserve/496261 "2009-05-13T06:21:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lacunae\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neanderthal-wife-beaters-deserve/496261/21 "2009-05-13T14:50:31Z")
> [@Jimmy\_Joe\_Meager](#): > > No, it doesn’t. I could come up with at least 10 hypothetical situations to explain this, none of which involve domestic violence. > > Are you an Olympic caliber long-jumper? Because that’s quite a conclusion you’ve reached. I’m not saying that there are absolutely no other possible reasons for this lady to have left her house in the middle of the night, in her pajamas, with her daughter, in order to check into a hotel a mile away at 1:30 am. I am saying, however, that there are very few more likely than the conclusion I reached. And no, I didn’t call the law on anyone, I didn’t give the address where I suspected that the domestic incident took place, I didn’t do anything other than place the guests in the most sheltered area of the hotel and offer the lady any assistance she wished. The situation made me very sad and very angry, and I posted about it out of sheer frustration. ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neanderthal-wife-beaters-deserve/496261/22 "2009-05-13T14:52:02Z")
> [@Cicero](#): > > Wife beating is horrible and should be condemned. > > But before we tar and feather the husband (partner), shouldn’t we be certain? Absolutely. But if he is beating her, it’s time to take the advice of Medea and play some gritball. ---
**Author:** ![Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/soul_brother_number_two/32/3515_2.png) [@Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul_Brother_Number_Two)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neanderthal-wife-beaters-deserve/496261/23 "2009-05-13T15:35:47Z")
[quote=“Jimmy\_Joe\_Meager, post:19, topic:496261”] No, it doesn’t. I could come up with at least 10 hypothetical situations to explain this, none of which involve domestic violence. Let’s see them. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neanderthal-wife-beaters-deserve/496261/24 "2009-05-13T15:49:46Z")
> [@SHAKES](#): > > I remember once when my son was just born. My wife was playing with the Baby. Durring their play, baby managed to head butt my wife right square on the bridge of the nose. (Actually she droped baby as she was laying on the bed. He happened to land on her face head first.) > > The baby was unhurt but my wife was left with not one but two black eyes. Boy did I ever get the stink eye from people after that event occured. Kind of pissed me off that people automaticaly assumed I gave my wife the beat down instead of giving me the benifit of the doubt. Your story reminded me of [this Louis C.K. clip](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xv8HkEdTz2Q). ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neanderthal-wife-beaters-deserve/496261/25 "2009-05-13T15:56:10Z")
> [@Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](#): > > Let’s see them. Not to make excuses, but… Fire? Vermin? Flood? Noisy neighbors? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neanderthal-wife-beaters-deserve/496261/26 "2009-05-13T15:57:39Z")
> [@Missy2U](#): > > In any event, in certain jurisdictions, mine being one of them, charges can be and are pressed even if the victim doesn’t want them to be. It isn’t up to the victim anymore in some cases - if abuse occurred, someone is going to be prosecuted. And he was. Thank god. This really should be the case everywhere. It’s obvious to anyone with an ounce of common sense that even women (or men) who _do_ want out of an abusive relationship are very often going to be too intimidated to press charges because of what might happen when Abusive Hubby gets out of prison. Laws like the one you’re talking about, which take the decision (and thus the blame) from the victim are the only way to go. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neanderthal-wife-beaters-deserve/496261/27 "2009-05-13T16:01:24Z")
> [@SteveG1](#): > > But if he is beating her, it’s time to take the advice of Medea and play some gritball. Uh, yeah, she’s not exactly the one whose footsteps I’d recommend people follow in. But it’s not exactly like us criticizing this random person who we don’t know is going to do him any harm. To those of us on a message board, he is the abstract abuser, and we can be as mean as we want. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neanderthal-wife-beaters-deserve/496261/28 "2009-05-13T16:01:57Z")
> [@Missy2U](#): > > When my ex beat me up, I was one of those who weren’t going to press charges. There were a lot of reasons behind it, none of which I’m going into here now. > > In any event, in certain jurisdictions, mine being one of them, charges can be and are pressed even if the victim doesn’t want them to be. It isn’t up to the victim anymore in some cases - if abuse occurred, someone is going to be prosecuted. And he was. Thank god. Sorry, I didn’t mean to make it seem like it was scary that the police could press charges if the victim didn’t want to. Just that it was scary that his friend almost was arrested. The wondering about pressing charges was a separate thought…sorry if that wasn’t clear! ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neanderthal-wife-beaters-deserve/496261/29 "2009-05-13T16:03:17Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > I think the police _can_ still arrest the suspect/perpetrator if they have reasonable evidence that domestic battery has occurred. In [Virginia](http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+19.2-81.3) and many other states, when there appears to be probable cause that domestic violence has occurred, the police _must_ arrest. When my wife’s cold worsened over one weekend to the point where she pulled a muscle from coughing, we decided to go in to the clinic to get her looked at for cough medicine. Because of the pulled muscle, they asked my wife if she felt safe at home. They accepted her answer, though, and didn’t call the police. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neanderthal-wife-beaters-deserve/496261/30 "2009-05-13T16:25:23Z")
[quote=“Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two, post:23, topic:496261”] > [@Jimmy\_Joe\_Meager](#): > > No, it doesn’t. I could come up with at least 10 hypothetical situations to explain this, none of which involve domestic violence. > > Let’s see them. She was assaulted during a home invasion robbery, and thus left to stay at a hotel as home no longer felt safe. And, remember that wives also physically abuse their husbands. “Spousal abuse” is by no means a 100% male on female crime. ---
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neanderthal-wife-beaters-deserve/496261/31 "2009-05-13T17:17:44Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > She was assaulted during a home invasion robbery, and thus left to stay at a hotel as home no longer felt safe. But for some reason did not call the police and get her daughter dressed while they had the location secured? I agree robbery is the most plausible alternative, but it’s not that convincing. And… **tdn** , vermin? What size are those vermin that they’re giving this lady a black eye? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neanderthal-wife-beaters-deserve/496261/32 "2009-05-13T17:18:29Z")
On that note, I have a good story. One of my coworkers’ husbands is a cabinetmaker and worked in a wood shop for many years. Years went by without any accidents, and then one year, he opened up his thumb on a table saw, or something. Off to the hospital. Two years later, almost to the month, he incurred another injury - the other hand this time. Same hospital…and the nurse came out and sat down next to him and put her hand on his arm and said, “Timothy\*? Is someone hurting you at home?” But his wife - my coworker - was sitting right there! So I don’t know what that was supposed to accomplish…still amusing. \*Name changed to protect the innocent. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neanderthal-wife-beaters-deserve/496261/33 "2009-05-13T17:35:23Z")
> [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](#): > > And… **tdn** , vermin? What size are those vermin that they’re giving this lady a black eye? [Well…](http://www.nonstick.com/wpics/hopper.jpg) Although maybe **tdn** just meant that the black eye was incidental (like she really did just walk into a wall) and they had to get out of the house as soon as possible due to vermin or a flood. And maybe the teenage daughter being developmentally disabled made it easier for the woman to just get her out in her PJs than wait for her to change. Though to be honest, domestic abuse was the first situation that sprung to my mind. Either way, it doesn’t sound like a great situation. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neanderthal-wife-beaters-deserve/496261/34 "2009-05-13T18:12:48Z")
> [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](#): > > And… **tdn** , vermin? What size are those vermin that they’re giving this lady a black eye? [This kind?](http://www.videodetective.net/photos/103/004329_24.jpg) “I gave a lady a black eye once…” ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neanderthal-wife-beaters-deserve/496261/35 "2009-05-13T18:19:23Z")
> [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](#): > > And… **tdn** , vermin? What size are those vermin that they’re giving this lady a black eye? You really just don’t want to know. You’ll sleep better that way. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neanderthal-wife-beaters-deserve/496261/36 "2009-05-13T18:47:23Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > When my wife’s cold worsened over one weekend to the point where she pulled a muscle from coughing, we decided to go in to the clinic to get her looked at for cough medicine. Because of the pulled muscle, they asked my wife if she felt safe at home. They accepted her answer, though, and didn’t call the police. I went in with my eye bothering me (probably allergies) and they asked me that. It must be a standard intake question now, and not based on what you come in with. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neanderthal-wife-beaters-deserve/496261/37 "2009-05-13T18:59:02Z")
Based on some of the answers above, I think the appropriate answer to the question “What do Neanderthal wife beaters deserve?” is “Due process of law”. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neanderthal-wife-beaters-deserve/496261/38 "2009-05-13T19:13:01Z")
I find the “Do you sometimes feel unsafe at home?” question to be really misleading. I once lived with someone who could honestly answer yes to that question. The thing was, she felt unsafe when I wasn’t there. She didn’t deal well with being alone. It freaked her out. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neanderthal-wife-beaters-deserve/496261/39 "2009-05-13T19:14:50Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Although maybe **tdn** just meant that the black eye was incidental (like she really did just walk into a wall) and they had to get out of the house as soon as possible due to vermin or a flood. I could see that. Crazy rats/raccoon/possum is running around the house. Mom and teenager get freaked out. Mom trips feeling rats/raccoon/possum or gets bashed in the eye by teenager swinging broom at vermin. Both refuse to set foot in the house until the exterminator comes. Or else the black eye was completely unrelated to the event and happened from a silly workplace accident, then their apartment building had to be evacuated for some reason and they really don’t feel like waiting around for who-knows-how-long for the all-clear. Endless possibilities. Personally, I think chances are in the OP’s circumstance, his gut instincts are probably accurate. IMHO, you get a different vibe from someone who is just having a shitty day and someone who is in trouble. ---
**Author:** ![Pleonast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pleonast/32/1183_2.png) [@Pleonast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pleonast)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2009, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neanderthal-wife-beaters-deserve/496261/40 "2009-05-13T19:18:11Z")
I think anyone who tries to beat his Neanderthal wife is in for a surprise whooping himself. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neanderthal-wife-beaters-deserve/496261.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neanderthal-wife-beaters-deserve/496261.md?page=3)