# Nebbish saves your life in exchange for promise of future sex. Do yu pay up? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 21, 2016, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nebbish-saves-your-life-in-exchange-for-promise-of-future-sex-do-yu-pay-up/760514 "2016-07-21T19:03:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nebbish-saves-your-life-in-exchange-for-promise-of-future-sex-do-yu-pay-up/760514/21 "2016-07-21T19:56:42Z")
This is the setup for a romantic comedy, in which, after a makeover and a boost of self-confidence, Sean turns out to be quite the hottie. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nebbish-saves-your-life-in-exchange-for-promise-of-future-sex-do-yu-pay-up/760514/22 "2016-07-21T19:56:57Z")
> [@gnoitall](#): > > Sorry, some of us take “'til death do us part” seriously. There are worse things than death. Think of your wife in all this. If you asked her how she felt about it, do you think she’d rather see you dead than buggered by Sean? Would you rather see your wife dead, than have her buggered by Sean? ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nebbish-saves-your-life-in-exchange-for-promise-of-future-sex-do-yu-pay-up/760514/23 "2016-07-21T19:57:44Z")
I’m still unsure if this is a man or woman we’re talking about. But if it is a woman and shes reasonably attractive then yes would bang, if not, then would not bang, it wouldn’t be the first lie I’ve told or promise I broke. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nebbish-saves-your-life-in-exchange-for-promise-of-future-sex-do-yu-pay-up/760514/24 "2016-07-21T19:59:32Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Where’s the line? The line is this: If I needed a bone marrow transplant or a kidney, and I was not under _imminent_ threat of death, and Sean offered a _quid pro quo_ - kidney for sex - then I could choose to accept the terms or reject them and try to find another option to save my life. A difficult situation, and Sean might still be an asshole, but not duress; and I’d feel an obligation to hold up my end if I had freely agreed to it. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nebbish-saves-your-life-in-exchange-for-promise-of-future-sex-do-yu-pay-up/760514/25 "2016-07-21T19:59:46Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > Sean still exploited my distressed emergency situation to extract a promise. He may not have stopped working to help me, but there was an implicit threat that he might do so if I did not comply. That’s duress. I would feel no more obligation to fulfill a promise made under these circumstances than a promise made while Sean held a gun to my head. > > After the fact, if the promise were for medical bills, I might feel Sean’s was an asshole for demanding this under such circumstances, but pay his medical bills anyway - as a voluntary gesture of kindness, not as _quid pro quo_ or through a sense of obligation. If his extracted promise were for sex, he could go and f\*\*\* himself. Say Sean is broke. He’s not badly hurt yet (or thinks he’s not), but saving you will injure him. If he says, “Unless you promise to pay my deductible and copay, I’m getting out while I can.” You agree and he does in fact get hurt while saving your life. Do you feel free to renge because you were under duress? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nebbish-saves-your-life-in-exchange-for-promise-of-future-sex-do-yu-pay-up/760514/26 "2016-07-21T20:03:42Z")
> [@pool](#): > > I’m still unsure if this is a man or woman we’re talking about. It’s someone you are not physically repulsed by the prospect of having sex with. If you’re a straight man or lesbian, Sean is a woman. If you’re a straight womanor gay man, Sean is male. In either case Sean is not especially good-looking but not hideous either. Think Amy Farrah-Fowler from BIG BANG THEORY, or the comic book owner from the same show. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nebbish-saves-your-life-in-exchange-for-promise-of-future-sex-do-yu-pay-up/760514/27 "2016-07-21T20:04:28Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Do you feel free to renge because you were under duress? Yes. If it’s genuine medical bills at stake, I’d do this: first tell Sean that I was reneging because his noble act was tainted by him behaving like an asshole to exploit me under duress, then let him stew for 24 hours to make clear my view on the matter. Then proceed to pay his medical bills anyway, because that’s just the right thing to do to for somebody if you can afford it and they are a friend in need. But if the promise that he extracted were about sexual gratification, then I’m just reneging full stop. That’s a bunch of bullshit. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nebbish-saves-your-life-in-exchange-for-promise-of-future-sex-do-yu-pay-up/760514/28 "2016-07-21T20:06:51Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > More serious now, he says yes, he’s serious. If you want him to continue risking his life to save yours, youhave to agree to make the beast with two backs with him. Lacking options, you agree. No. This seems to fall under the definition of blackmail, i.e. coercing someone into a course of action through threats. The threat is passive, rather than active (that is, to not save me rather than to make a building fall on me) but I think it still qualifies as a threat. If he had rescued me in this manner without saying anything, I would have felt so profoundly grateful that some romantic involvement might have been possible over time. But as it is, no. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nebbish-saves-your-life-in-exchange-for-promise-of-future-sex-do-yu-pay-up/760514/29 "2016-07-21T20:07:52Z")
> [@yellowjacketcoder](#): > > Fortunately there’s not likely to be much fallout. What is Sean going to say? “Hey everyone! This person promised me sex if I didn’t let them die! Now they’re reneging! Why are you all looking at me like that?” Sean could consider him/herself justified in taking revenge, up to, um, un-saving your life. You could have a dangerous enemy. On the other hand, “paying up” could encourage Sean into thinking he/she has a shot at more than just a one-time thing. You could have a romantic stalker. For me, the “fallout” would be that it would seriously bother me to break a promise or refuse to do something I said I was going to do. It’s an issue of personal integrity. There’d also be the pity I’d feel for someone who was so desperate as to try to get sex by such means. Weighing on the other side would be, as you say, the creepiness factor. And, in this hypothetical, am I single, or do I have a wife or SO, and if so, how does she feel about all this? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nebbish-saves-your-life-in-exchange-for-promise-of-future-sex-do-yu-pay-up/760514/30 "2016-07-21T20:11:09Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > Yes. > > If it’s genuine medical bills at stake, I’d do this: first tell Sean that I was reneging because he’s an asshole and he should not try to exploit people under duress, then let him stew for 24 hours to make clear my view on the matter. Then proceed to pay his medical bills anyway, because that’s just the right thing to do to for somebody if you can afford it and they are a friend in need. > > But if the promise that he extracted were about sexual gratification, then I’m just reneging full stop. That’s a bunch of bullshit. You’re in the basement. Sean makes his suggestion. You decline… Sean drops whatever tool he was using to free you and walks away. OUtside he calls for help, which arrives too late to save you. Is Sean an asshole? ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nebbish-saves-your-life-in-exchange-for-promise-of-future-sex-do-yu-pay-up/760514/31 "2016-07-21T20:11:14Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > It’s someone you are not physically repulsed by the prospect of having sex with. […] In either case Sean is not especially good-looking but not hideous either. Think Amy Farrah-Fowler from BIG BANG THEORY, or the comic book owner from the same show. _googles Amy Farrah-Fowler_ In this case, why _wouldn’t_ I bonk them? Heck, why didn’t I take them up on it the first time they asked? No earthquake required. Is that fighting the hypothetical? Presumably, I have some other reason not to want to bonk them. As of right now, there’s no downside for me. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nebbish-saves-your-life-in-exchange-for-promise-of-future-sex-do-yu-pay-up/760514/32 "2016-07-21T20:12:47Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > More serious now, he says yes, he’s serious. If you want him to continue risking his life to save yours, youhave to agree to make the beast with two backs with him. Lacking options, you agree. No. This seems to fall under the definition of blackmail, i.e. coercing someone into a course of action through threats. The threat is passive, rather than active (that is, to not save me rather than to make a building fall on me) but I think it still qualifies as a threat. If he had rescued me in this manner without saying anything, I would have felt so profoundly grateful that some romantic involvement might have been possible over time. But as it is, no. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nebbish-saves-your-life-in-exchange-for-promise-of-future-sex-do-yu-pay-up/760514/33 "2016-07-21T20:13:05Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Say Sean is broke. He’s not badly hurt yet (or thinks he’s not), but saving you will injure him. If he says, “Unless you promise to pay my deductible and copay, I’m getting out while I can.” You agree and he does in fact get hurt while saving your life. > > Do you feel free to renge because you were under duress? Yes. In fact, I may be totally broke and currently undergoing bankruptcy, and will happily and without qualm lie about my ability to pay that deductible and copay so that Sean will help me. In all of the permutations of this situation you’ve listed, the stakes (mmmm, steaks) for me are life, and the stakes for Sean are an element of risk that she considers worth a night of sex, or a $5k deductible. I am not in a position to bargain and she knows it. Who is going to say, “No, Sean, I won’t have sex with you, let me die.”? If you’re holding a gun to my head, then it’s not real bargaining; I have no option to walk away from the table. So, Sean’s offer is not in good faith, as I have no option to refuse and she knows it. If she wants to extort promises (again, this is really extortion and not bargaining in any true sense of the word), then I’m willing to depend on her credulity to ensure that I live. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nebbish-saves-your-life-in-exchange-for-promise-of-future-sex-do-yu-pay-up/760514/34 "2016-07-21T20:13:58Z")
> [@pool](#): > > I’m still unsure if this is a man or woman we’re talking about. But if it is a woman and shes reasonably attractive then yes would bang, if not, then would not bang, it wouldn’t be the first lie I’ve told or promise I broke. So the most important aspect of this hypothetical for you is that you want to emphasize that you’re definitely not gay, that you won’t risk getting even a hypothetical pronoun’s worth of gay on you, and that just to be completely clear on this point you only f\*\*\* attractive women? ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nebbish-saves-your-life-in-exchange-for-promise-of-future-sex-do-yu-pay-up/760514/35 "2016-07-21T20:15:13Z")
Out of gratitude, I’ll buy Sean a vibrator and a pile of batteries. She can go fuck herself. This is definitely coercive/manipulative behavior and nice people don’t operate that way. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nebbish-saves-your-life-in-exchange-for-promise-of-future-sex-do-yu-pay-up/760514/36 "2016-07-21T20:15:29Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Because…? > > Sean didn’t put you under duress; Mother Nature did. Sean was in no less danger than you and was already working to help you before making the suggestion. And Sean was injured in providing your salvation. > > Do you think Sean was obliged to nearly die in order to save you? > > If you had promised to pay Sean’s medical bills if Sean saved you, would you feel free to renege? " If you want him to continue risking his life to save yours, youhave to agree to make the beast with two backs with him. " An agreement that I have no choice but to make in order to continue living is made under duress. It doesn’t have to be Sean that put me in duress. Nobody should require promises to save a life. It’s extortion. It’s not like I’d outright refuse to honor the agreement either. Sean was under duress also, I don’t have to teach Sean a lesson by not following through, but I’m not obligated to fulfill a promise made under these circumstances. If I don’t want to have sex with Sean then I don’t have any moral, ethical, or legal reason to do so. I would express my gratitude in any way suitable since I’m assuming Sean had no evil intent. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nebbish-saves-your-life-in-exchange-for-promise-of-future-sex-do-yu-pay-up/760514/37 "2016-07-21T20:17:25Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > _googles Amy Farrah-Fowler_ > > In this case, why _wouldn’t_ I bonk them? Heck, why didn’t I take them up on it the first time they asked? AFF’s long virginity was due to her personality, not her appearance. Her problem was hat she was very weird and off-putting; she had as much trouble getting platonic friends as lovers. But yes, while she’s not as hot as Bernadette or even Penny, she’s not bad looking. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nebbish-saves-your-life-in-exchange-for-promise-of-future-sex-do-yu-pay-up/760514/38 "2016-07-21T20:19:54Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > It’s extortion. IS this extortion? The scenario is “If you don’t have sex with me, then I will do nothing” How can you extort someone based on doing nothing if they don’t comply? ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nebbish-saves-your-life-in-exchange-for-promise-of-future-sex-do-yu-pay-up/760514/39 "2016-07-21T20:22:50Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > You’re in the basement. Sean makes his suggestion. You decline… Sean drops whatever tool he was using to free you and walks away. OUtside he calls for help, which arrives too late to save you. > > Is Sean an asshole? Incidentally, I wouldn’t decline - I’d just make the promise, and renege later. Sean’s only an asshole if his decision about whether to help is based on some _quid pro quo_ under duress. If Sean is just making a decision about whether to risk his life to save me – well, I’d call him heroic and exceptional if he did it; just a normal human being if he didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nebbish-saves-your-life-in-exchange-for-promise-of-future-sex-do-yu-pay-up/760514/40 "2016-07-21T20:25:13Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > IS this extortion? The scenario is “If you don’t have sex with me, then I will do nothing” > > How can you extort someone based on doing nothing if they don’t comply? Because doing nothing leads to death. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nebbish-saves-your-life-in-exchange-for-promise-of-future-sex-do-yu-pay-up/760514.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nebbish-saves-your-life-in-exchange-for-promise-of-future-sex-do-yu-pay-up/760514.md?page=3)