# Need a laugh? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 14, 2007, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-laugh/408008 "2007-06-14T16:44:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![RyJae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9d8465/32.png) [@RyJae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RyJae)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-laugh/408008/21 "2007-06-14T18:28:34Z")
[QUOTE=gigi] Your Name/Username: gigi You are a: Colossal Arachnid As a result of… A scientific experiment gone horribly wrong Offensive Ability: Ocular Energy Blast Secondary Ability: Enhanced Strength Achilles Heel: Extreme Cold Resistance to heavy artillery: Low Primary motivation? Delusions of Godhood The first location you attack: Los Angeles, U.S.A 😃 Look out, left coast. [/QUOTE] Hmmm you’re headed the right way with your _coughwussinesscough_ Achilles heel being extreme cold. But low resistance to heavy artillery? You better take backup. I’m by far the most fearsome monster yet! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-laugh/408008/22 "2007-06-14T18:28:45Z")
Your Name/Username: Missy2U You are a: Gargantuan Cephalopod As a result of… Your creation by an ancient, mysterious civilization Offensive Ability: Projectile Venom Secondary Ability: Water-breathing Achilles Heel: Knockout Gas Resistance to heavy artillery: Above Average Primary motivation? Battling other monsters The first location you attack: Tokyo, Japan Cool. I’ve never been to Japan! ---
**Author:** ![RyJae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9d8465/32.png) [@RyJae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RyJae)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-laugh/408008/23 "2007-06-14T18:33:07Z")
Oh you cute little cuttlefish , let me put you in my monster aquarium. I think I’ll call you Missy4me. sincerely the worlds most fearsome monster, Ryjae ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-laugh/408008/24 "2007-06-14T21:10:56Z")
[QUOTE=RyJae] I’m by far the most fearsome monster yet! 😛 [/QUOTE] Nonsense. I’ve got a MASER cannon hidden in my bag. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-laugh/408008/25 "2007-06-14T21:34:36Z")
Where are you guys getting these profiles from? I only see Monster Movie Inspirational Posters. ---
**Author:** ![Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4da419/32.png) [@Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gala_Matrix_Fire)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-laugh/408008/26 "2007-06-14T23:11:52Z")
yeah, what Autolycus said. ---
**Author:** ![DiggitCamara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/df788c/32.png) [@DiggitCamara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiggitCamara)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2007, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-laugh/408008/27 "2007-06-14T23:22:34Z")
[QUOTE=Autolycus] Where are you guys getting these profiles from? I only see Monster Movie Inspirational Posters. [/QUOTE] Asked and answered in [post 14](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=8679488&postcount=14) ---
**Author:** ![Madd\_Maxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Madd\_Maxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Madd_Maxx)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2007, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-laugh/408008/28 "2007-06-15T00:33:29Z")
Your Name/Username: Madd Maxx You are a: Colossal Arachnid As a result of… Mutation after awaking from your prehistoric slumber Offensive Ability: Ocular Energy Blast Secondary Ability: Toxic Skin Achilles Heel: Extreme Cold Resistance to heavy artillery: Near Indestructible Primary motivation? Protecting Mother Earth The first location you attack: Berlin, Germany I kick ass! ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2007, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-laugh/408008/29 "2007-06-15T01:36:36Z")
Your Name/Username: You are a: Colossal Arachnid As a result of… Your creation by an ancient, mysterious civilization Offensive Ability: Breath Weapon (Heat/Fire) Secondary Ability: Enhanced Agility/Speed **Achilles Heel: High-Frequency Sound** Resistance to heavy artillery: High Primary motivation? Absorbing atomic energy sources The first location you attack: Rome, Italy It’s all over for me when the fat lady sings. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mouse\_Maven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@Mouse\_Maven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mouse_Maven)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2007, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-laugh/408008/30 "2007-06-15T01:46:15Z")
OMG! I’ve created a _bunch_ of monsters! :eek: Looks like its going to really suck for Berlin once the Giant Mutated Dopers hit. [QUOTE=dogbutler] The first location you attack: Rome, Italy [/QUOTE] Hey, I’m going your way. Wanna car pool? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rysto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ecccb3/32.png) [@Rysto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysto)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2007, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-laugh/408008/31 "2007-06-15T01:57:51Z")
[QUOTE=Kythereia] Your Name/Username: Kythereia You are a: Shapeless Blob As a result of… Hailing from an alternate dimension Offensive Ability: Projectile Venom Secondary Ability: Enhanced Strength Achilles Heel: Love Resistance to heavy artillery: Above Average Primary motivation? To be left alone The first location you attack: Vancouver, Canada FEAR ME, VANCOUVER! MWHAHAHAHAHAHA! [/QUOTE] Not if I get there first! Your Name/Username: You are a: Monstrous Avian As a result of… Alien experimentation Offensive Ability: Psychic Blast Secondary Ability: Water-breathing Achilles Heel: Love Resistance to heavy artillery: Low Primary motivation? Defending your perceived territory The first location you attack: Vancouver, Canada Oh, and SDMB’s resident goddess of love’s Achilles heel is love? ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2007, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-laugh/408008/32 "2007-06-15T02:01:58Z")
Your Name/Username: Terrifel You are a: Huge Primate As a result of… Atomic fallout Offensive Ability: Projectile Venom Secondary Ability: Enhanced Strength Achilles Heel: Electromagnetic Fields Resistance to heavy artillery: Above Average Primary motivation? Eradication of the human race The first location you attack: Moscow, Russia _ **KREEGAH! BUNDOLO!** _ On to Moscow! …At night, that is… after the lights are out. I’m not too sure just how susceptible I am to electromagnetic fields. Are we talking orbital pulse cannons, refrigerator magnets, or what? In fact, what if I don’t even want to attack Moscow? Who’s going to tell the GIANT RADIOACTIVE PRIMATE which city to attack first? You are not the boss of me. Yes: ultimately, as a child of the Atomic Era, I acknowledge that it is my responsibility to attack Moscow. But when I do, it’ll be because _I want to._ ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2007, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-laugh/408008/33 "2007-06-15T04:32:03Z")
Your Name/Username: Autolycus You are a: Monstrous Avian As a result of… Alien experimentation Offensive Ability: Psychic Blast Secondary Ability: Water-breathing Achilles Heel: Love Resistance to heavy artillery: Low Primary motivation? Defending your perceived territory The first location you attack: Vancouver, Canada It looks like I’m will be defeated by a school-girl ☹ Everything else though is so fucking pwned. Down with Canada! ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2007, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-laugh/408008/34 "2007-06-15T04:45:27Z")
Your Name/Username: You are a: Giant, Flightless Insect As a result of… Genetic/molecular alteration Offensive Ability: Ocular Energy Blast Secondary Ability: Radioactive Aura Achilles Heel: High-Frequency Sound Resistance to heavy artillery: Above Average Primary motivation? To be left alone The first location you attack: Sydney, Australia I WILL CRUSH YOU BENEATH MY many BOOT HEELs!!! EAT IT, SYDNEY! EEEEEAT IT!!! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Blue-Sighted\_Shadow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecae2f/32.png) [@The\_Blue-Sighted\_Shadow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Blue-Sighted_Shadow)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2007, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-laugh/408008/35 "2007-06-15T05:34:14Z")
Your Name/Username: Jahdra You are a: Gigantic Human As a result of… Alien experimentation Offensive Ability: Breath Weapon (Heat/Fire) Secondary Ability: Toxic Skin Achilles Heel: Electricity Resistance to heavy artillery: Near Indestructible Primary motivation? Eradication of the human race The first location you attack: Paris, France **50 Foot Woman Attacks Paris!** Woo hoo! I’ve never been to Paris. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2007, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-laugh/408008/36 "2007-06-15T13:25:13Z")
[QUOTE=DiggitCamara] Wouldn’t **RyJae** ’s toxic skin kill you, **swampbear**? [/QUOTE] The way I see it, the fact that I’m nearly indestructible and my secondary power is energy absorption and redirection, **RyJae’s** toxic skin wouldn’t bother me. Besides, hey, free ride to Berlin! 😃 Ok, since **Jahdra’s** got Paris by herself so far, I say we head there afterwards since there’s three of us attacking Berlin, so that shouldn’t take too long. Plus, I do love me some French pastries! Or maybe we could go on over to Copenhagen… Danish… yumm! Then over to Oslo and Stockholm to finish off Scandanavia! ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2007, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-laugh/408008/37 "2007-06-15T13:32:53Z")
Your Name/Username: Nava You are a: Giant, Flightless Insect As a result of… Alien experimentation Offensive Ability: Sonic Scream Secondary Ability: Enhanced Agility/Speed Achilles Heel: Electricity Resistance to heavy artillery: High Primary motivation? Protecting Mother Earth The first location you attack: Mexico City, Mexico But I was looking for a good organic burrito, señooooor! ---
**Author:** ![Carl\_Corey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Carl\_Corey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carl_Corey)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2007, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-laugh/408008/38 "2007-06-15T13:41:21Z")
Your Name/Username: Carl Corey You are a: Bipedal Humanoid that Defies Classification As a result of… A ritualistic summoning to this plane of existence Offensive Ability: Breath Weapon (Acid) Secondary Ability: Radioactive Aura Achilles Heel: Extreme Heat (strangely, this one is kind of true) Resistance to heavy artillery: High Primary motivation? Delusions of Godhood (as is this one 😃 ) The first location you attack: Paris, France (Mmmmm…two-legged escargot) ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2007, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-laugh/408008/39 "2007-06-15T14:02:11Z")
Your Name/Username: You are a: Reptilian Monstrosity As a result of… Atomic fallout Offensive Ability: Psychic Blast Secondary Ability: Reactive Adaptation/Evolution Achilles Heel: Love Resistance to heavy artillery: Moderate Primary motivation? Delusions of Godhood The first location you attack: New York, U.S.A _Delusions_ of Godhood? I’m taking out New York City for that baseless slur against my divinity! ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2007, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-laugh/408008/40 "2007-06-15T14:46:44Z")
Your Name/Username: Rico You are a: Terrifying Automaton As a result of… Alien experimentation Offensive Ability: Ocular Energy Blast Secondary Ability: Water-breathing Achilles Heel: Extreme Cold Resistance to heavy artillery: Near Indestructible Primary motivation? Defending your perceived territory The first location you attack: Sydney, Australia Yep, sounds like a Moderator to me. Terrifying, flameproof, heavy artillery resistant, can shrivel mere posters with a withering look from their ocular energy blast… But what’s with this Sydney, Australia shit? 😃😃😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-laugh/408008.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-laugh/408008.md?page=3)