# Need-a-smile thread: Quips, One-liners, Deep Thoughts ... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 17, 2008, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-smile-thread-quips-one-liners-deep-thoughts/456834 "2008-07-17T15:38:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Karen\_Lingel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/karen_lingel/32/18649_2.png) [@Karen\_Lingel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karen_Lingel)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2008, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-smile-thread-quips-one-liners-deep-thoughts/456834/41 "2008-07-19T01:36:48Z")
Some people are like Slinkies – not really good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs. ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2008, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-smile-thread-quips-one-liners-deep-thoughts/456834/42 "2008-07-19T01:52:33Z")
Did you hear about the explosion at the boarding house? Roomers were flying! What do you get when you throw a grenade into a kitchen in France? Linoleum Blownapart Why are fire trucks red? Because fire trucks have four wheels and 4 x 3 is 12 and there are 12 inches in a ruler and Queen Mary was a ruler but Queen Mary was also a ship and ships sail on the seas and seas have fishes and fishes have fins and the Finns fought the Russians and the Russians are red so fire trucks are red because they’re always rushin’. ---
**Author:** ![Jayn\_Newell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jayn\_Newell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jayn_Newell)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2008, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-smile-thread-quips-one-liners-deep-thoughts/456834/43 "2008-07-19T02:04:35Z")
When words can’t express your feelings, a machete usually can. ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2008, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-smile-thread-quips-one-liners-deep-thoughts/456834/44 "2008-07-19T02:46:09Z")
Some of my favorite books: \*\* Under the bleachers\*\*, by I.P Freely **Pay lower taxes** , by Hugh G. Rection **Adult Diapers: An Analysis** , by Seymore Butz **The truth about male enhancement** , by Harry Sachs **Erotic Shaving: Clean Family Fun** , by Ivanna Cheat Or something like that. 😃 SSG Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2008, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-smile-thread-quips-one-liners-deep-thoughts/456834/45 "2008-07-19T03:14:57Z")
[QUOTE=SSG Schwartz] Some of my favorite books: \*\* Under the bleachers\*\*, by I.P Freely **Pay lower taxes** , by Hugh G. Rection **Adult Diapers: An Analysis** , by Seymore Butz **The truth about male enhancement** , by Harry Sachs **Erotic Shaving: Clean Family Fun** , by Ivanna Cheat Or something like that. 😃 SSG Schwartz [/QUOTE] Sorry to correct you, but Seymore Butz wrote **Under the Bleachers**. I. P. Freely wrote **Yellow River.** I shall also add this classic to\*\* SSG’s\*\* list: **Tiger Attack** by Claude Balz. ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2008, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-smile-thread-quips-one-liners-deep-thoughts/456834/46 "2008-07-19T03:20:20Z")
**freckafree** , wait, listen for it, WOOSH!!! :smack: Like the tiger book though. SSG Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![Cherry2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cherry2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cherry2000)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2008, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-smile-thread-quips-one-liners-deep-thoughts/456834/47 "2008-07-19T03:30:16Z")
Q: Why don’t blind people skydive? A: Scares the hell out of their dog. ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2008, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-smile-thread-quips-one-liners-deep-thoughts/456834/48 "2008-07-19T11:31:01Z")
Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory? It was awful. 4000 soles were lost. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2008, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-smile-thread-quips-one-liners-deep-thoughts/456834/49 "2008-07-19T16:58:11Z")
Thou sh lt not steaal! Set thine house in ordre. Lest we fo get… -from _The MAD Book of Word Power_ (1973) ---
**Author:** ![Crawlspace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Crawlspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crawlspace)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2008, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-smile-thread-quips-one-liners-deep-thoughts/456834/50 "2008-07-19T22:17:50Z")
[QUOTE=KRC] Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory? It was awful. 4000 soles were lost. [/QUOTE] I bet some heel started it. And a current favorite: **Jesus loves me but he only loves you because he feels sorry for you.** ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2008, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-smile-thread-quips-one-liners-deep-thoughts/456834/51 "2008-07-20T03:36:14Z")
Dja hear the one about the constipated mathematician? _He worked it out with a pencil! HAW HAW_ ---
**Author:** ![Satellite\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Satellite\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satellite_Guy)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2008, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-smile-thread-quips-one-liners-deep-thoughts/456834/52 "2008-07-20T05:19:13Z")
Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you’re an asshole. Jesus is coming. Quick, everybody look busy! [For all those things you said you’d do when you got around to it.](http://www.passco.com/tuit.htm) S^G ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2008, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-smile-thread-quips-one-liners-deep-thoughts/456834/53 "2008-07-20T06:14:29Z")
Did you hear about the drummer with deja vu? Word is that there were some serious repercussions. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2008, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-smile-thread-quips-one-liners-deep-thoughts/456834/54 "2008-07-20T06:50:08Z")
Jesus loves you, everybody else thinks you’re an asshole. Don’t worry about what people think of you. They _aren’t_ thinking of you. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2008, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-smile-thread-quips-one-liners-deep-thoughts/456834/55 "2008-07-20T07:52:21Z")
[QUOTE=Beware of Doug] Dja hear the one about the constipated mathematician? _He worked it out with a pencil! HAW HAW_ [/QUOTE] It was the one who was even more constipated you have to feel sorry for, though. He worked it out with logs. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-a-smile-thread-quips-one-liners-deep-thoughts/456834.md?page=2)