# Need advice from the Y side on a problem! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 7, 2003, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-from-the-y-side-on-a-problem/206060 "2003-10-07T14:37:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-from-the-y-side-on-a-problem/206060/21 "2003-10-08T04:40:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SnoopyFan \* > \*\*HAH!!! > > SEE!!! \*\* You little **SnoopyVixen** you… 😉 Think you got us figured out now, huh? ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-from-the-y-side-on-a-problem/206060/22 "2003-10-08T05:41:24Z")
> [@](#): > > I don’t care what guys tell you, they do not want to be wooed. Piffle. The guys that are worth going for will take all the wooing that you can pitch. ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-from-the-y-side-on-a-problem/206060/23 "2003-10-08T06:18:20Z")
Yeah, Snoops, I’m going to have to disagree too. Us guys are the ones who tend to be straightforward. We’d just as soon hear a woman say “let’s jump in the sack” but a lot of us are too nervous and play it safe, so to speak, rather than risk being too forward. **AmericanMaid** , now that Bat Manuel has made physical contact with you, I think it shows that he’s probably interested. Or else he’s really eccentric :rolleyes:. So I’d say go for it. ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-from-the-y-side-on-a-problem/206060/24 "2003-10-08T12:40:30Z")
\<_ **SnoopyFan** steps out of her time capsule_\> Eureka! It worked! After fifty years in suspended animation, I’ve awakened! Oh, miracles of modern science, what marvelous adventures await me here in… _The Future?_ Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of… _ **SnoopyFan** In The Twenty-First Century!!!_ ---
**Author:** ![AmericanMaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@AmericanMaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AmericanMaid)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-from-the-y-side-on-a-problem/206060/25 "2003-10-08T17:45:47Z")
_Now we join the continuing saga of AmericanMaid and Bat Manuel_ He swung by my office this morning to borrow a pen. Haven’t seen him since. If we’re both playing hard to get at the same time, this could get a little ridiculous. ---
**Author:** ![Finnie\_the\_Pooh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@Finnie\_the\_Pooh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finnie_the_Pooh)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2003, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-from-the-y-side-on-a-problem/206060/26 "2003-10-10T01:27:01Z")
Maybe he is gay. ---
**Author:** ![Shrinking\_Violet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@Shrinking\_Violet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shrinking_Violet)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-from-the-y-side-on-a-problem/206060/27 "2003-10-11T19:09:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AmericanMaid \* > \*\* > He swung by my office this morning to borrow a pen. \*\* Okay - he goes out of his way to see you _on the skimpiest of excuses_ … and you’re still wondering? 😃 Julie ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-from-the-y-side-on-a-problem/206060/28 "2003-10-11T22:22:12Z")
This guy is throwing you mixed messages like crazy. When you suggested a comedy show and he couldn’t make it, if he wanted to date you, he would have made another suggestion at that point. The ball is in his court now, but I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for him to return your serve. Sorry - not getting a good vibe from this guy at all. In my opinion, your best bet would be to forget about him until he comes to _you_ with declarations of undying love. Of course, to remove all doubt and “what-ifs”, you can just tell him flat out that you like him and want a date and see what he says. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-from-the-y-side-on-a-problem/206060/29 "2003-10-12T13:30:22Z")
I’m with **featherlou** on this one. For whatever reason, this guy is jerkin’ your chain. Maybe he thinks it’s fun. Call his hand. If you _must_, invite him out one more time. If he declines, write him off, and do it immediately. This _IS_ IMHO, right? ---
**Author:** ![ParentalAdvisory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-from-the-y-side-on-a-problem/206060/30 "2003-10-12T13:54:14Z")
I think he’s interested and at the same time nervous. If a woman started making moves on me, I’d be curious. Just because _that_ does not happen to me. Maybe that doesn’t happen to him and he’s confused as to why you’d be making moves on him. This happened to me once, but because I was an idiot, I did not recognize the signals. I agree with **featherlou** , let him know how you feel because maybe he doesn’t know _exactly_ how you feel. I wished the girl that went after me told me that, because I really had know idea. :smack: :smack: :smack: ---
**Author:** ![ParentalAdvisory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-from-the-y-side-on-a-problem/206060/31 "2003-10-12T13:55:22Z")
…no idea. ---
**Author:** ![Susanann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@Susanann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Susanann)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-from-the-y-side-on-a-problem/206060/32 "2003-10-12T14:10:18Z")
Forget him , he is either a terribly insecure “male”, or he is not interested. If he was interested, and if he was worthy of his xy genes, you would be with him by now. ---
**Author:** ![cherry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cherry)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-from-the-y-side-on-a-problem/206060/33 "2003-10-12T15:15:32Z")
what\*\* ParentalAdvisory\*\* said, sometimes when a girl pursues a guy, it confuses them, at least that’s what happened in my case and after the fact he said maybe he was insecure and didn’t understand why I wanted to spend time with him. But if he didn’t get the hint pretty fast or after the first outing, I’d take the hint that he is not interested, or involved. And in my experience, I agree with **Snoopyfan** , although I’ve always done the pursuing, I don’t think it really works. Be approachable and if the timing is right he’ll hopefully ask you out. ---
**Author:** ![gex\_gex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/94ad74/32.png) [@gex\_gex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gex_gex)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-from-the-y-side-on-a-problem/206060/34 "2003-10-12T15:44:54Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by SnoopyFan I am not a guy. … I don’t care what guys tell you, they do not want to be wooed. At least not in the way women want to be wooed. And they DEFINITELY don’t want to be babied. [/quote] I’m a guy. But, and maybe you seem to have missed this point, all us guys human beings before we are guys. We’re not another species. We’re not weird, incomprehensible beings who all think identically. I’m sure there are some guys who get all uppity if a woman thinks she can pursue him in a relationship, but there are just as many guys, like me, who really don’t mind at all (and actually like it). I am an individual. I don’t engage in male groupthink. > [@](#): > > I think he likes you, seriously. Just let him pursue you. Or maybe he’s like me and loses interest if he feels like he’s having to do all the work (which, he certainly isn’t, **AmericanMaid** seems to be putting in the hard yards\* for him) \*This may be a sporting analogy. It may shock and concern you to discover that I’m not a big fan of sports. That’s so weird, isn’t it, that all us men aren’t the same? **AmericanMaid** , I have no idea what the guy wants. I’m of the same gender as he is, but that doesn’t mean I can explain his behaviour any better than you can. Perhaps he’s insecure. Perhaps he’s not interested. Perhaps he’s a jerk. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-from-the-y-side-on-a-problem/206060/35 "2003-10-12T17:31:57Z")
Speaking as a definite hetero guy, I do not mind gestures of affection, but they have to be appropriately portioned. A relationship goes out of balance when one party gives more than the other, and the offering is not understood or accepted in the manner in which it is presented. I’ve been in relationships where more was offered than I was comfortable receiving, and also where the converse was true. If this person has been in other relationships, they may be wary of accepting your pleasantries, regardless of how pure or absent of motive they may be. Pressure usually=running. If you’re ahead of him, let him know your feelings in a subtle way, and await a response, with patience! Banging on the monitor won’t make that email show up. Good luck, and don’t get hurt. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-from-the-y-side-on-a-problem/206060/36 "2003-10-12T17:52:09Z")
Geeze, I forgot that XX is girl and XY is guy. Well, you have my response anyway, **American Maid**. From one girl who was in unrequited lust for many, many guys to another. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-from-the-y-side-on-a-problem/206060/37 "2003-10-12T17:52:47Z")
Were I not married, _I’d_ be asking **AmericanMaid** out right now, based solely on her casual use of ‘solicitude’ and ‘recouped’ in her OP. So. Just thought I’d share that. - Rick ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-from-the-y-side-on-a-problem/206060/38 "2003-10-12T18:14:30Z")
AmericanMaid, have you considered that he, like many men compared with women, may have the emotional sensitivity of a spanner? As others have said, men are **different**. Simply go up to him and **say what you feel**. Either that or go to his cublicle and strip off and jump his bones. ---
**Author:** ![Shepherdless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/85f322/32.png) [@Shepherdless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shepherdless)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-from-the-y-side-on-a-problem/206060/39 "2003-10-13T03:47:33Z")
**American Maid** , are you working in the same office as this guy? If he’s allowed to visit you at your desk, you must work for the same company, right? I’m bringing this up because I think it would be unwise to force the issue if you work together. You’ve dropped obvious hints (i.e. “So, I recouped by saying he can pick a movie. I’m always up for a movie”) and if he’s to shy/scared/stupid to respond, well there nothing you can do, except remain friendly. You’ve been candid enough, any more and it could result in a very awkward situation at work. ---
**Author:** ![AmericanMaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@AmericanMaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AmericanMaid)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-from-the-y-side-on-a-problem/206060/40 "2003-10-13T18:02:37Z")
Hey, I’m back from a mini-vacation amongst the leaf peepers. All the points mentioned here are so darn valid! With this time away, I developed a plan of action. I’m going to continue being nice to him, getting to know him, and actually letting him get to know me with no end goal in mind. If it leads to dating, that’s be nice but if it leads to a great friend that would be just as nice. I think listening to what my peers thought and getting wrapped up in my hopes and dreams lead to this feeling of urgency. If he wants to chat or take me to the movies, he knows where I am. Just to answer some questions, he isn’t a co-worker. He’s a fellow student. And I know my topic is asking advice from the Y side but women are welcome too. Insights are always helpful no matter the source! And **Bricker**? Back at you 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-from-the-y-side-on-a-problem/206060.md?page=1)