# Need advice regarding oversensitive neighbors **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 15, 2008, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-regarding-oversensitive-neighbors/437760 "2008-02-15T16:54:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2008, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-regarding-oversensitive-neighbors/437760/21 "2008-02-15T18:17:58Z")
Invite the landlord over on a typical evening for dinner. Wear shoes. Live a normal life. Let the landlord deal with the jerks. ---
**Author:** ![Jayn\_Newell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jayn\_Newell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jayn_Newell)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2008, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-regarding-oversensitive-neighbors/437760/22 "2008-02-15T18:18:42Z")
[QUOTE=The Cocky Watchman] Seriously, it is better to have it out with them then be walking on eggshells in your own home. [/QUOTE] The neighbours would probably complain about the crunching noises. Is this a normally quiet building? I find that I get irritated at what are really normal noises (kids playing, etc.), but it’s so quite the rest of the time that I can’t help but notice (and seriously, what do you say about a squeaky bed–stop having sex?). I’d be tempted to just tell them they need to stop this behaviour in the next four months, because you have a child coming and you don’t want the thumping to wake the baby. If they persist, let the thumping wake the baby 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2008, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-regarding-oversensitive-neighbors/437760/23 "2008-02-15T18:22:18Z")
Oh, I am all smiles and waves to them, believe me. I know I have the higher ground (so to speak). It especially seems to bug their son, who is in his twenties or thereabout, and really gives us the evil looks. Our entire apartment is already carpeted, with the exception of the kitchen and the bathrooms. The banging happens about once a week on average, maybe less. It is somewhat erratic. Sometimes they don’t bang for weeks, but this week they have already banged twice. These people may already hate us because when they first moved in, I complained about their dog. They would let it hang out in the front yard and yap, yap, yap - super high-pitched, super loud, for an hour or more at a time. I asked the landlord to say something to them. Well, it turned out they hadn’t told the landlord they even had a dog. Whoops. I haven’t seen the thing since. I honestly have no idea if it even still lives with them. It is a dog-friendly apartment building so I can’t imagine the landlord made them get rid of it. But that probably started things off on the wrong foot. I’m thinking a letter to them and the landlord with the following points: 1. Wait five minutes when there’s a noise. If it is still loud, then come upstairs and let us know. We will do what we can. 2. If it is later than 10 PM and perhaps they don’t want to go outside, wait five minutes to see if the noise continues before banging. 3. If there is more noise than we think, to let us know and let the landlord know to discuss further soundproofing. 4. If the unreasonable banging continues, I will call the police. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2008, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-regarding-oversensitive-neighbors/437760/24 "2008-02-15T18:26:46Z")
My suggestion would be to invite your landlord over and just do normal things for a little while, when they start banging let the landlord come to his own conclusions. Most likely it’s an acoustics thing. The landlord can then go and deal with them. Alternatively you could just start filing noise complaints on them. Hell, call the police. Tell then you were trying to sleep and they keep banging on the celiling. From what you explain, I’m willing to bet just the noise of one or two officers walking around (make sure you invite them in) will get them to start banging. The officer can then go and explain that all you guys were doing is walking around, NOT being noisy, not having a party etc… But I’m passive aggressive like that. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2008, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-regarding-oversensitive-neighbors/437760/25 "2008-02-15T18:39:00Z")
Do they know you’re pregnant? If they don’t, any possible solution you work on now will go right out the window when the baby is born. And realistically, when the baby is crying, you probably won’t even notice that when they start banging on your floor. BTW, are you planning on naming the baby Leto III? ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2008, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-regarding-oversensitive-neighbors/437760/26 "2008-02-15T18:44:25Z")
Tap-dancing lessons. Seriously, your downstairs neighbors have no business living in an apartment. Don’t be passive; tell them straight-up to stop the banging and behave like adults, and don’t mince words. I don’t know how your building works (before I owned, my landlord was a corporation and the super, while good about fixing stuff, couldn’t be bothered with neighbor complaints), but if you’ve got a landlord you can complain to, now is the time to start. Not in 4 months when the baby arrives. As an aside, if you have any speakers with a subwoofer on the floor, for the PC or TV, you may want to elevate them. For the rest, lay down the law, start your trail now (keep a diary). If they don’t change and you end up having to get outside help, at least you will have documentation about how you tried to settle issues. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2008, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-regarding-oversensitive-neighbors/437760/27 "2008-02-15T20:06:14Z")
[QUOTE=Ghanima] I’m thinking a letter to them and the landlord … [/QUOTE] As a general rule, I think such letters are a poor idea. Not to mention near impossible to write without coming off in a manner you may not intend. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2008, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-regarding-oversensitive-neighbors/437760/28 "2008-02-15T20:33:55Z")
Clog dancing is good but I found the 1812 Overture (with full cannon) to be effective as well. ---
**Author:** ![sugar\_and\_spice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2008, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-regarding-oversensitive-neighbors/437760/29 "2008-02-15T20:40:39Z")
[QUOTE=Dinsdale] As a general rule, I think such letters are a poor idea. Not to mention near impossible to write without coming off in a manner you may not intend. [/QUOTE] I agree. ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2008, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-regarding-oversensitive-neighbors/437760/30 "2008-02-15T21:04:27Z")
Here’s a draft of the letter I wrote. I’d like to get some opinions: > [@](#): > > February 15, 2008 > > To: Apartment B > 123 Our Ave. > Our Town, USA, 12345 > > Dear Neighbors, > > We are writing to you to address the noise situation. The pounding on the ceiling needs to stop. We’d like to try and address this so that we all can feel happy with the outcome. > > The previous neighbors had never once said a thing to us about noise. But obviously you feel differently, and bang on the ceiling when you feel we are being loud. Sometimes it’s when we are playing with the dog on the floor. Once you did it when we were putting the pots and pans away in the kitchen. One weekend we had a friend come over, with her two kids (ages 2 and 4) and their babysitter. The next day the landlord called us and said that you had reported us as having a wild party. This was at about 2 PM on a Saturday. One time you banged when we were using a foot pump to blow up an exercise ball. > > By and large, we are very quiet people. On a typical weekday day we come home around 5:30, make dinner, watch TV, maybe do some reading or computer stuff and then we are usually in bed or reading quietly by 11 PM. We have NEVER had a party. We rarely even have guests. We don’t do jazzercise or dance. We hardly ever even play music. > > You often don’t give us a reasonable amount of time before you get upset. Like wrestling with the dog - we might be laughing and on the floor thumping around for 20 seconds before you start banging. When we were putting pots and pans away we couldn’t have been doing that for more than 2 or 3 minutes at the most. One night you banged when (husband) turned off his computer - his volume was up a bit and he hadn’t realized it, so that Microsoft “shutting down” music was a bit loud - but it lasts for 4 seconds at the most! Most of the time, by the time you start banging we are already done with whatever we were doing. We are asking you, when we are making noise, to please wait 5 minutes. If the noise continues, PLEASE come upstairs, knock on the door, and let us know. > > We often take off our shoes when we get home. We truly do not wish to disturb you. But we also feel that you are being unreasonable in your expectations. You live in an apartment building, with an apartment above you. We don’t begrudge you peaceful living in your own apartment. But noise complaints after one minute or less of disturbance are NOT reasonable. > > Ghanima is 5 months pregnant. Soon we will have a screaming baby to deal with at all hours of the night. What happens when the baby won’t stop crying? Normal people stay up until 11 PM walking around the house, normal people have friends over, and normal people have kids playing in their house. Normal people play music every day, and normal dogs run and play. We rarely do any of these things. But when we do, we deserve quiet enjoyment of our residence. You need to adjust your expectation of what it sounds like to live in the lower floor of an apartment building. > > In conclusion, we are asking the following: > > 1. When there is noise, please wait 5 minutes. If the noise continues, please come upstairs and knock on the door and let us know. We will do our best to take care of it. > > 2. If it later than 10 PM, then banging is more understandable, as you may not want to get dressed to go outside. But please do so only after waiting a reasonable amount of time for the noise to stop. (Perhaps two minutes?) > > 3. If there is a noise problem other than the occasional disturbance, please let us know. If there is a particular activity or noise that occurs repeatedly, we can do something about it. Our experience is that you bang when there is something specific happening. But if there is more noise than we are currently aware of, we will never know unless you communicate with us. If the situation is that bad, perhaps you also need to contact Landlord regarding soundproofing. > > We would like to resolve this situation between ourselves, but if we continue to feel harassed, we will begin to involve the authorities. > > Sincerely, > > Ghanima and Husband > Apartment D > 123 Our Ave. > Our Town, USA 12345 > > Cc: Landlord ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2008, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-regarding-oversensitive-neighbors/437760/31 "2008-02-15T21:12:33Z")
I sure wouldn’t want them coming to knock on my door “because it is too loud” after five minutes! Especially not with a baby! (Whom you might have just gotten to sleep, as the knock on the door startles them back wide awake.) I dunno what I’d do instead, but I wouldn’t ask them to “come knock on our door” if it is too loud. Is there a way that you can have your husband walk around up in your apartment with his shoes on, while you are down there and hear him to better gauge if the problem is crappy flooring transmitting sound? They might think you are a herd of elephants, and not realize you are really churchmice. ---
**Author:** ![gfloyd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d2c977/32.png) [@gfloyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gfloyd)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2008, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-regarding-oversensitive-neighbors/437760/32 "2008-02-15T21:14:32Z")
Until I looked at your location, I wondered if the people below you were the people above us. One evening (I don’t think it was past 10), my husband and I were talking. In bed, ie close to each other. In normal voices. And they started banging on the ceiling. Similar things have happened, but not as bad as you have it. I would see if your city/state/municipality has an tenant laws regarding reasonable levels of noise. I know that something I was looking at for somewhere (clear, I know) quoted allowable decibels for certain times of day. City noise ordinances might also contain that information. I’d know the facts before you talk to your landlord. I will never understand while people that picky live sandwiched between other people. It would have to be jackhammering at 3 am to make me knock on the ceiling, and probably only if I was feeling bitchy. ---
**Author:** ![jacquilynne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/67e7ee/32.png) [@jacquilynne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jacquilynne)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2008, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-regarding-oversensitive-neighbors/437760/33 "2008-02-15T21:55:22Z")
tl;dr Kidding, but really. Too long. And you use words like ‘harassed’ which are overblown. If you have to write to them, rather than talking to them, be brief, offer only one or two examples and try not to mention ‘screaming baby’ because that’s not going to get anyone on your side. ---
**Author:** ![THespos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8c91f0/32.png) [@THespos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/THespos)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2008, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-regarding-oversensitive-neighbors/437760/34 "2008-02-15T22:12:28Z")
I like the letter. When I lived on the fourth floor of a walk-up building in Manhattan, I had an unreasonable neighbor move in downstairs. I can be loud, but not usually after 10 PM or before 9 AM. And I rarely threw parties at that place - usually I’d throw them at my place on Long Island where I had more space. After the first few bangs, I went downstairs. I was very polite. I installed thicker carpeting than what I had. After that, all bets were off. “Sorry, dude. You live in an old apartment building in New York. Call the landlord or call a cop.” Whenever Mr. Oversensitive banged on his ceiling, I’d simply turn the music on to drown him out. He came upstairs once to scream at me to stand in his apartment and listen to hear how badly I was torturing him with my noise. I did. All I could hear was a quiet muffled sound coming from upstairs - less than what I thought was making it down to his place. So I called him an effing baby and told him to call the cops if he was so pissed off. Never heard from him again, and I never heard anything from the landlord. So either he got tough or he got out. ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2008, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-regarding-oversensitive-neighbors/437760/35 "2008-02-15T22:14:33Z")
I think part of my problem is that I am really pissed off and so I am writing an epic saga rather than trying to be concise. I also don’t really want them to come knock on our door, but I feel like that’s better than the passive-agressive banging! Also, I think if they wait five minutes every time, they will NEVER come to the door because we never do anything loud for that long. The baby thing is an unknown. If the baby is screaming and they knock on the door, at least I can say “I’m really sorry, we’re doing our best, what more do you want?” Right now that seems preferable to what is currently going on. Maybe someone can suggest a shortened version? Believe me, if it were up to me right now this letter would be five pages long and laced with expletives. My husband is doing his best to keep his angry, rabid, pregnant wife from beating down their door and spitting in their faces. And on top of all that, he won’t let me name the baby Leto! What am I doing with this guy? ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2008, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-regarding-oversensitive-neighbors/437760/36 "2008-02-15T22:34:27Z")
I think that letter shoud be replaced by a talk in person. Such a talk is way overdue. But do it at a moment when nobody is irritated or cranky. On another note, [here is my own experience with soundproofing your apartment.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=9312734&postcount=3) We were in a situation very similar to yours. The soundproofing solved all problems for a measly 2000 dollars a person. Moving alone is probably more expensive. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2008, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-regarding-oversensitive-neighbors/437760/37 "2008-02-15T23:26:22Z")
I’m surprised that nobody has raised an eyebrow at the dog-wrestling. This is the _one_ area where I have an iota of sympathy for your downstairs neighbours. That’s kinda not cool when you live on top of someone, no? Doesn’t justify wall-banging, of course. For sure try to get your landlord involved as an arbitrator. I understand that San Francisco has a rent-reduction recourse for unreasonable noise. Dog-wrestling aside, I think the kind of noise that is drawing the most complaints is reasonable, unavoidable apartment-living type noise. It’s in your landlord’s interest to get your downstairs neighbours to come to terms with this. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2008, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-regarding-oversensitive-neighbors/437760/38 "2008-02-16T00:00:00Z")
Dear Neighbor, Fuck off. If you don’t like the noise, move. Ghanima, Mr. Ghanima and soon to be three ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2008, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-regarding-oversensitive-neighbors/437760/39 "2008-02-16T01:00:02Z")
[QUOTE=Dinsdale] Yeah, as unpleasant as the prospects, I agree that your only options are confront them or move. [/QUOTE] No, there is a very obvious option. The OP should start complaining about the neighbors. Their behavior is aggressive and very noisy. Mediating tenant disputes is part of a landlord’s job. You have to know when to say, ‘I’ll get rid of them’, ‘I’ll talk to them’, or ‘Hey, you have neighbors; suck it up and deal, or buy ten acres somewhere else.’ Well, you want to be a bit more tactful with a ‘good’ tenant, but you just can’t let one tenant try to play alpha wolf in the building. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2008, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-regarding-oversensitive-neighbors/437760/40 "2008-02-16T01:44:42Z")
[QUOTE=Larry Mudd] I’m surprised that nobody has raised an eyebrow at the dog-wrestling. This is the _one_ area where I have an iota of sympathy for your downstairs neighbours. That’s kinda not cool when you live on top of someone, no? [/QUOTE] :dubious: Get real. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-regarding-oversensitive-neighbors/437760.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-regarding-oversensitive-neighbors/437760.md?page=3)