# Need advice: Should I tell my brother's girlfriend he's cheating on her? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 31, 2011, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-should-i-tell-my-brothers-girlfriend-hes-cheating-on-her/594701 "2011-08-31T00:37:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-should-i-tell-my-brothers-girlfriend-hes-cheating-on-her/594701/101 "2011-08-31T20:03:15Z")
> [@Feyrat](#): > > …You know what? Bullshit. I’ve never understood this weird obsession people have with blood relationships. > > If someone is an asshole, and your brother, then they’re your asshole brother. It doesn’t makes them less of an asshole and it in no way obligates you to “back their play” if that play is an asshole one. > > I can’t imagine anyone in my family standing for this shit if my brother decided to pull it. My mother would CERTAINLY not let him dictate whether or not she could answer the phone, and she’d never cover for this level of douchebaggery. Your brother is acting like he was raised by hyenas - why would you want to support that and make it clear that was true? I never used the term “back their play” and I don’t think I have ever heard that term before. I think it is weird to inject oneself into the private lives of what I assume are all adults. While the women involved might come and go, the OP will have to live with his brother for the rest of one of their lives. The whole thing is a big swirling mess of disfunction and enabling behavior, stay out of it and be happier. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-should-i-tell-my-brothers-girlfriend-hes-cheating-on-her/594701/102 "2011-08-31T21:20:19Z")
> [@madmonk28](#): > > I never used the term “back their play” and I don’t think I have ever heard that term before. I think it is weird to inject oneself into the private lives of what I assume are all adults. While the women involved might come and go, the OP will have to live with his brother for the rest of one of their lives. > > The whole thing is a big swirling mess of disfunction and enabling behavior, stay out of it and be happier. The mess has already spread; Girl A is calling bro’s relatives asking what’s happening. It isn’t injecting yourself into somebody’s private life if they approach you first and ask questions. It would be enabling behavior if **Idle** does what bro is begging them to do which is not answer her. Why does \*\*Idle \*\*have to let his bro control his personal interactions? ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-should-i-tell-my-brothers-girlfriend-hes-cheating-on-her/594701/103 "2011-08-31T21:26:22Z")
If girl B may get brother to move out, you need to protect that. You need to help that. Get girl A out of the picture now. ---
**Author:** ![Crazyhorse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazyhorse/32/31_2.png) [@Crazyhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazyhorse)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-should-i-tell-my-brothers-girlfriend-hes-cheating-on-her/594701/104 "2011-08-31T21:30:08Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > If girl B may get brother to move out, you need to protect that. You need to help that. > > Get girl A out of the picture now. Maybe, maybe not. The brother, Girl B, and baby make three. Maybe they will just ask for another wing of Mom’s house for their future expansion. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-should-i-tell-my-brothers-girlfriend-hes-cheating-on-her/594701/105 "2011-08-31T21:54:36Z")
> [@madmonk28](#): > > I never used the term “back their play” and I don’t think I have ever heard that term before. I think it is weird to inject oneself into the private lives of what I assume are all adults. How is he “injecting himself” in the lives of people he’s already facebook friends with and who are calling his mother about his brother? > [@](#): > > While the women involved might come and go, the OP will have to live with his brother for the rest of one of their lives. No, he doesn’t. If my brother had that pattern of behavior, I’d disown him. And if my parents enabled it, I’d give serious thought to just not going to family events. Blood is utterly meaningless compared to the social bonds you choose to forge. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-should-i-tell-my-brothers-girlfriend-hes-cheating-on-her/594701/106 "2011-08-31T21:58:27Z")
I don’t get the angst. Who cares if your brother gets mad at you? He’s a calloused asshole. Besides, If he wants this long distance chick back in a few months, I guarantee you that she’ll come running back. Losers attract the most ardent supporters for some reason. She’s already sacrificed her pride by continuing to call him and his mother. She’ll be back for more abuse. The next time she calls your mom’s phone, pick it up, say, “He doesn’t want to talk to you any more.” and hang up. ---
**Author:** ![Sodalite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@Sodalite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sodalite)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-should-i-tell-my-brothers-girlfriend-hes-cheating-on-her/594701/107 "2011-08-31T22:26:43Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > If girl B may get brother to move out, you need to protect that. You need to help that. > Get girl A out of the picture now. You don’t really think he’s going to move out of the comfy, rent-free, maid service included place he’s got now, do you? He’s bullshitting this girl, too. He talked her into moving in with him on the basis that it would just be a temporary thing. The truth is he meant that the _relationship_ would be temporary. If he thought this was anything serious he would have cut ties with all of his other women which he obviously has not. He’s not going anywhere. When she asks he’ll come up with excuse after excuse. “I still don’t have a job.” “The economy is unstable.” “We should save the money we’d spend on rent for a house :).” When she gets sick of him and leaves he’ll pick up where he left off with one of his other flings. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-should-i-tell-my-brothers-girlfriend-hes-cheating-on-her/594701/108 "2011-08-31T23:49:47Z")
> [@Idle\_Thoughts](#): > > He knows her password. All he’d have to do (if he suspects I told her what’s up) is log into her account and block me from it (at the same time, he could delete the message I sent her). Ok, that’s one method he could interfere with if he’s lucky enough to see the message before she does. But there are dozens of ways to contact someone if you know who they are. There’s simply no reasonable way he could stop you from telling her something unless you kowtow to his wishes. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-should-i-tell-my-brothers-girlfriend-hes-cheating-on-her/594701/109 "2011-08-31T23:53:11Z")
Being as her FB and Google Plus are the only ways I have to contact her, I’d say if I couldn’t through those means, I couldn’t at all. But it’s probably a non issue by now. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-should-i-tell-my-brothers-girlfriend-hes-cheating-on-her/594701/110 "2011-08-31T23:54:19Z")
CONGRATULATIONS on doing the right thing. I am glad that you realize that even though you can’t change your brother’s behavior or how your mom enables him to act like an ass, you CAN change how you respond to it. Hopefully this will show him that you won’t tolerate his behavior the way your mom will. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2011, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-should-i-tell-my-brothers-girlfriend-hes-cheating-on-her/594701/111 "2011-09-01T20:19:39Z")
Tell Girl A. Let hilarity ensue. Tell your brother not to drag you into his bullshit. Tell Girl B too. ---
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2011, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-should-i-tell-my-brothers-girlfriend-hes-cheating-on-her/594701/112 "2011-09-01T22:04:30Z")
Update please! ~VOW ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2011, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-should-i-tell-my-brothers-girlfriend-hes-cheating-on-her/594701/113 "2011-09-01T22:19:37Z")
No message/reply from Girl A yet. For all I know she might not even check Facebook that often. Her last updates were about the middle of the last month. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2011, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-should-i-tell-my-brothers-girlfriend-hes-cheating-on-her/594701/114 "2011-09-01T22:32:40Z")
Also tell her that she needs to change her passwords. And it shouldn’t be your brother’s name or their favorite movie or something they did together. ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2011, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-should-i-tell-my-brothers-girlfriend-hes-cheating-on-her/594701/115 "2011-09-01T22:39:57Z")
Your brother is a G-D coward, and if this relationship really was “serious”, you absolutely did the right thing. My sister had a long term BF of 4 years dump her in exactly the same fashion (completely ignoring her, pretending she didn’t exist) and it was very painful for her. On the one hand, I wanted to smash the guy’s face in with my fist, but on the other hand, I was very thankful that with his true character revealed, I would never end up with the asshole as a brother in law. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-advice-should-i-tell-my-brothers-girlfriend-hes-cheating-on-her/594701.md?page=5)