# Need colonoscopy jokes!! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 25, 2012, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-colonoscopy-jokes/638854 "2012-10-25T19:17:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2012, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-colonoscopy-jokes/638854/41 "2012-11-13T16:35:56Z")
> [@Shayna](#): > > [Colonoscopy humor from Bernie Siegel, MD](http://berniesiegelmd.com/2011/07/colonoscopy-humor/). > > This reminds me of the [ancient thread where we put the word “anal” in front of various car model names](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=264742). Hilarity ensued. Somehow I forgot to read that thread before. I’m dying here :D. ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2012, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-colonoscopy-jokes/638854/42 "2012-11-14T01:12:14Z")
> [@Mama\_Zappa](#): > > Somehow I forgot to read that thread before. > > I’m dying here :D. Ha ha. Glad you enjoyed. You’ll never look at the model name on the back of a car as you drive, the same way again - LOL Can’t believe that thread was 8 years ago. Wow. ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-colonoscopy-jokes/638854/43 "2013-10-09T01:35:28Z")
I’ve been asked to schedule my 5-year follow-up. I’ve reported on precious ones here. Jokes: Doc, thanks for finding that tv remote. Doc, what’s your name? _Goldfinger_. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-colonoscopy-jokes/638854/44 "2013-10-09T02:17:51Z")
Ask your colonoscopist how long he’s been “scoping for dollars”. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2013, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-colonoscopy-jokes/638854/45 "2013-10-09T18:43:37Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > Innuendos. Those are Italian suppositories. ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2013, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-colonoscopy-jokes/638854/46 "2013-10-10T23:27:49Z")
> [@Ignatz](#): > > I’ve been asked to schedule my 5-year follow-up. I’ve reported on precious ones here. > > Jokes: > > Doc, thanks for finding that tv remote. > Doc, what’s your name? > > _Goldfinger_. DUH. I meant pre **v** ious ones. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2013, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-colonoscopy-jokes/638854/47 "2013-10-11T00:17:36Z")
Can’t believe no one has posted one of the very oldest jokes I know (I heard it and thought it was funny when I was about six…) There was this guy with a glass eye who had the somewhat icky habit of taking it out and popping it into his mouth to clean it. One day, he accidentally swallowed it. He shakily found his spare and put it in, and the next day went to a proctologist without being too specific about his problem. The doc sets him up, runs the sigmoidoscope up his backside… and screams. “What’s the matter, doc?” the guy asks. “I don’t know,” the proctologist gasps. “I’ve looked up a lot of butts, but never one that looked back at me!” ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2013, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-colonoscopy-jokes/638854/48 "2013-10-11T02:16:30Z")
> [@Ignatz](#): > > DUH. I meant pre **v** ious ones. Freudian slip? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2013, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-colonoscopy-jokes/638854/49 "2013-10-11T14:37:40Z")
Ask him if he can do it in the Imax format. Tell him you’re not worried cuz you know the camera loves you. ---
**Author:** ![The\_1\_Zeik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9a140/32.png) [@The\_1\_Zeik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_1_Zeik)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2017, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-colonoscopy-jokes/638854/50 "2017-10-16T07:19:59Z")
Well, I happen to be headed in to get the first violation tomorrow afternoon. Oh. Joy. I plan to ask the Doc how my molars checked out after I come out of the beloved anesthesia fog… ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2017, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-colonoscopy-jokes/638854/51 "2017-10-16T12:50:44Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > Those are Italian suppositories. You’re having an Upper US procedure. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2017, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-colonoscopy-jokes/638854/52 "2017-10-16T13:31:35Z")
And, of course, you need to review the [Lemmiwinks](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBJ3rkNq2ok)episode of “South Park”. ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2017, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-colonoscopy-jokes/638854/53 "2017-10-16T14:30:47Z")
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil. ---
**Author:** ![icantdraw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3ec8ea/32.png) [@icantdraw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/icantdraw)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2017, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-colonoscopy-jokes/638854/54 "2017-10-16T16:49:32Z")
What do you do with a dead gastroenterologist? Barium. ---
**Author:** ![icantdraw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3ec8ea/32.png) [@icantdraw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/icantdraw)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2017, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-colonoscopy-jokes/638854/55 "2017-10-16T16:50:35Z")
What is the definition of an endoscope? A long black tube with an asshole at both ends. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2017, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-colonoscopy-jokes/638854/56 "2017-10-17T01:13:32Z")
Doc gave me a choice between an invasion of my personal space and a smear of shit. Since she was neither doing the invasion nor buying me dinner first, the smear kit is in my car. A guy needs to maintain his standards. ---
**Author:** ![Kropotkin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kropotkin/32/18045_2.png) [@Kropotkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kropotkin)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2017, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-colonoscopy-jokes/638854/57 "2017-10-17T01:14:07Z")
The nice thing about my proctologist is his business is looking up. He has more time off and likes to get in 18 holes a day. ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2017, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-colonoscopy-jokes/638854/58 "2017-10-17T02:34:38Z")
> [@Kropotkin](#): > > The nice thing about my proctologist is his business is looking up. He has more time off and likes to get in 18 holes a day. That’s very cheeky of him. Of course, he’s no longer allowed at his local golf course because last time he went, he and his friends used two golf carts; they got drunk and rectum. ---
**Author:** ![Dobbs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Dobbs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dobbs)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2017, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-colonoscopy-jokes/638854/59 "2017-10-17T08:33:04Z")
…riding the python… Sorry, it’s all I got. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2017, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-colonoscopy-jokes/638854/60 "2017-10-17T12:19:02Z")
> [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](#): > > he and his friends used two golf carts; they got drunk and rectum. Rectum? Damn near killed 'em! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-colonoscopy-jokes/638854.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-colonoscopy-jokes/638854.md?page=4)