# Need help naming a boat.... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 12, 2000, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-naming-a-boat/22109 "2000-06-12T12:53:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![mojopitch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@mojopitch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mojopitch)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2000, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-naming-a-boat/22109/1 "2000-06-12T12:53:47Z")
A friend of mine just bought a 23 ft. searay speedboat. We’re trying to come up with a name for it. Do any doper’s have some creative names we could give it. Just so you know, a couple suggestions that we’re considering are: “Aquaholic”, “Patriot Games”(he’s a huge New Englend Patriots fan), and my favorite, “Cirrhosis of the River.” Any other suggestions? ---
**Author:** ![AWB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bb73d2/32.png) [@AWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AWB)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2000, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-naming-a-boat/22109/2 "2000-06-12T13:03:51Z")
“Patriot Games” is your best choice. I know around here (DC), the river police will pull you over (pull aside, rather) and check your sobriety. The other two choices would seem to be a magnet for the authorities to keep an eye on him. My friend named his “The Escape Key”, being a computer programmer. ---
**Author:** ![DVous\_Means](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@DVous\_Means](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DVous_Means)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2000, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-naming-a-boat/22109/3 "2000-06-12T13:24:14Z")
Paint some teeth on the bow and call it “Arsebiter”. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2000, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-naming-a-boat/22109/4 "2000-06-12T14:35:41Z")
How about the **IMHO** , to commemorate the trip this thread is about to make? ---
**Author:** ![SqrlCub](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SqrlCub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SqrlCub)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2000, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-naming-a-boat/22109/5 "2000-06-12T15:00:27Z")
What was the prior boat’s name? Old Yeller? Did it have to be put down. Poor Old Yeller. How about “The Quickie?” It has all the sounds of a porn movie about vibrators and all the speed of a speedboat? HUGS! Sqrl ---
**Author:** ![JimmyNipples](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/eb9ed0/32.png) [@JimmyNipples](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimmyNipples)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2000, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-naming-a-boat/22109/6 "2000-06-12T15:08:15Z")
How about my sig? ---
**Author:** ![Needs2know](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5e925/32.png) [@Needs2know](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Needs2know)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2000, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-naming-a-boat/22109/7 "2000-06-12T15:50:13Z")
When I was growing up my girlfriend’s dad had a boat named “The Other Woman”. It fit since he was always out fishing without the wife. Need2know ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2000, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-naming-a-boat/22109/8 "2000-06-12T16:21:55Z")
I LOVE Cirrhosis of the River. If not that “After You”. Then you can say, “I named my boat after you.” I know, I know, old joke. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2000, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-naming-a-boat/22109/9 "2000-06-12T16:51:28Z")
Capsize II ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2000, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-naming-a-boat/22109/10 "2000-06-13T01:35:19Z")
Ms. Understood. The Office But I like, Cirrosis of the River the best, if my two cents mean anything. ---
**Author:** ![Apollyon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apollyon/32/4238_2.png) [@Apollyon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apollyon)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2000, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-naming-a-boat/22109/11 "2000-06-13T01:46:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > UncleBeer: Capsize II > \*\* Old joke… calling in the hire boats on a lake: _“Come in number 6, your time is up…[pause]… oh, are you in trouble number 9?”_ 'Course if you called the boat **69** then it’d be right whichever way up it was. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2000, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-naming-a-boat/22109/12 "2000-06-13T02:04:38Z")
The Wife wanted us to name our new boat _ **Free and Clear** _ because we didn’t have to take out a loan for it. I was holding out for _ **Nuthin’ Fancy** _ because that describes the vessel. The Girls wanted the boat to be named after them, but _ **Stephanie Katharine** _ is too long to fit on the transom, and they balked at _ **Steffy-Kate** _. _ **Never Again III** _ was suggested, as was _ **Notice to Mariners** _ (you know you’ve really made it when the Coast Guard mentions you by name). _ **Hazard to Navigation** _ lasted for about fifteen minutes on the third time we took the boat out (engine trouble). We almost settled on _ **Finally** _ but decided to go with the _ **Clownfish** _. If you have a lot of time to waste, and like seeing that the average person is not as clever as they seem to think, you might be amused by these sites: [http://members.aol.com/gunnyrdj/boatnames.htm](http://members.aol.com/gunnyrdj/boatnames.htm) [http://www.marinegraphics.com/boatname/](http://www.marinegraphics.com/boatname/) > **[Boat Names](https://www.boatus.com/products-and-services/boat-lettering/boat-names)** > > Get inspiration for your next boat lettering design and we will create the perfect boat name for you. View other customer's lettering installations. [http://www.yachtnames.com/](http://www.yachtnames.com/) ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2000, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-naming-a-boat/22109/13 "2000-06-13T02:33:21Z")
Dr. F, thanks. I was about to go to bed at a reasonable time, but found myself compelled to look at some of the boat name lists. Here are a few that I liked: Comfortably Numb Berth Control Budget Surplus Bull Market Boat Potato Chicken of the Sea Mastconfusion Mafia Staff Boat Don’t Like Yours Either Here Fishee Fishee Fog Ducker (get drunk and say this one!) Forget me knot Four Bouys, no Gulls Hell Froze over Harvey Dockbanger ---
**Author:** ![aseymayo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e57/32.png) [@aseymayo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aseymayo)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2000, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-naming-a-boat/22109/14 "2000-06-13T02:40:59Z")
Well, if it were an outrigger, I’d go with _Bookin’ Dan-o_. According to one of Dr. Fi’s sites, _Serenity_ is always in the Top 10 - if your friend is something like Frank Costanza, he could call it _Serenity NOW!_ ---
**Author:** ![Fanny\_May](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3be4f8/32.png) [@Fanny\_May](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fanny_May)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2000, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-naming-a-boat/22109/15 "2000-06-14T03:03:59Z")
My son told me he was going to get me a flat boat and paint different names on all sides like the one Pogo had in the comics. Of course, the joke there was that by the time you’d read to the last panel, they had shown five different names. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2000, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-naming-a-boat/22109/16 "2000-06-14T17:40:51Z")
A friend who used to live in Key West told me there was a guy there who named his boat the _Miss Ogynist_. I’m not sure if that’s the way he spelled it or not. But when she told the story she’d always add, “and he was too!” ---
**Author:** ![Show\_Biz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/77aa72/32.png) [@Show\_Biz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Show_Biz)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2000, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-naming-a-boat/22109/17 "2000-06-15T14:28:13Z")
There’s the old joke, too long for a name, but still good as a motto: A boat is a hole in the water lined with payments. ---
**Author:** ![shimmery](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@shimmery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shimmery)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-naming-a-boat/22109/18 "2000-06-20T21:29:26Z")
You have to make sure he doesn’t name it something corny like freedom or patriotism or something. I like more original names, like my dad’s boat is named Jaws. I don’t why but I like that. It sounds mildly threatening but not like its gonna run you down or something. You know. ---
**Author:** ![SuaSponte](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/67e7ee/32.png) [@SuaSponte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuaSponte)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-naming-a-boat/22109/19 "2000-06-21T16:20:14Z")
I’ve always thought of naming my (future) boat “Anthony’s Song”. Screw the rat race, you’re on your boat, and you’re movin’ out! V. ---
**Author:** ![jcgmoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a9adbd/32.png) [@jcgmoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jcgmoi)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-naming-a-boat/22109/20 "2000-06-21T18:05:53Z")
I’ll assume “Pequod” and “Minnow” are out. I suggest your friend use some play on his name. My father-in-law named his “Tomfoolery”. Now if your friend’s name is Maurice… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-naming-a-boat/22109.md?page=2)