# Need help with Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 25, 2008, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-with-snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/474477 "2008-11-25T20:12:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-with-snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/474477/1 "2008-11-25T20:12:31Z")
We’re moving soon, and we’re getting some strange questions from relatives. The really strange thing is that they seem to be serious. For example, when one relative heard we were moving, her first question was, “Are you taking your piano?” Shortly after, another faraway relative asks if we’re taking our cats. Of course we’re taking our piano and our cats–they are much loved; are we expected to leave them behind? Then it occurred to me–I need retorts such as used to be found in the “Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions” feature that was in Mad Magazine. I’d like to come up with a witty retort, but I can never think of one in time. And so, Dopers, I’m looking for your help. What “Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions” can I use the next time a friend or relative asks if we’re taking something that most people own and would never think of moving without? Furniture, mementoes, knick-knacks, appliances, car–whatever Snappy Answer you can come up with for household objects would be much appreciated. I want to be prepared the next time I get a call asking if we’re taking \_\_\_ on our move. ---
**Author:** ![Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dread_pirate_jimbo/32/3897_2.png) [@Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dread_Pirate_Jimbo)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-with-snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/474477/2 "2008-11-25T21:16:00Z")
Q: Are you taking your cats? A: Of course! They’re such good eating, it’d be a waste to just throw 'em in the river! A: They wouldn’t accept Jesus as their personal Lord and Saviour, so we had to burn them all at the stake as little furry witches. A: We have to bring them – who else is gonna wash the dishes around here? Q: Are you taking your piano? A: No, just the strings. A: Only if the ogre who lives under the piano wishes it. (You knew I have a sick sense of humour, right? :D) ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-with-snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/474477/3 "2008-11-25T21:56:46Z")
Q: Are you taking your piano? A. No, we thought we’d play it by remote control. ---
**Author:** ![jali](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecae2f/32.png) [@jali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jali)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-with-snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/474477/4 "2008-11-25T21:58:20Z")
Are you taking your piano? No - it doesn’t play in the new house. It’s tuned for this address. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-with-snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/474477/5 "2008-11-25T22:01:43Z")
Q. Are you taking your piano? A. No, it’s coming along on its own. It has legs, you know. A. Why, do you want it? Q. Are you taking your cats? A. No. We’ll just get a new batch at our new location. A. That depends. THEY know on what. (Said with a telling look at the aforementioned felines.) (While you’re at it, do you want to take one of mine, too? She’s a good cat, but way too whiney.) ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-with-snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/474477/6 "2008-11-25T22:05:03Z")
Q: Are you taking your piano? A: Sadly we can’t, the room was built around the piano so there’s no way to move it. Q: Are you taking your cats? A: What cats? ---
**Author:** ![whole\_bean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/96bed5/32.png) [@whole\_bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whole_bean)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-with-snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/474477/7 "2008-11-25T22:06:15Z")
Q: are you taking the piano? A: no, the cats like it. Q: you’re not taking your cats?! A: then who would play the piano? ---
**Author:** ![audient](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@audient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/audient)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-with-snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/474477/8 "2008-11-25T22:30:44Z")
Q: are you taking your cats? A: Of course not. Everyone knows you can’t move cats. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-with-snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/474477/9 "2008-11-25T23:28:53Z")
Q: Are you taking your piano? A: No, it’s great - the new place comes with an identical one. Q: Are you taking your cats? A: No, they’ll find us eventually ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-with-snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/474477/10 "2008-11-25T23:58:21Z")
> [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](#): > > Q: Are you taking your cats? > A: No, they’ll find us eventually Heh, I was just thinking: Q: Are you taking your cats? A: No, we’re going to see if they can pull off one of those “Incredible Journey” things. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-with-snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/474477/11 "2008-11-26T00:10:25Z")
> [@Cluricaun](#): > > Q: Are you taking your cats? > A: What cats? I can’t begin to guess why this strikes me as so hysterically funny. ---
**Author:** ![BrightNShiny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@BrightNShiny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrightNShiny)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-with-snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/474477/12 "2008-11-26T00:38:12Z")
Q: Are you taking your cats? A: We have to get our milk from somewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-with-snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/474477/13 "2008-11-26T00:44:42Z")
Q: Are you taking the piano? A: Yes. It’ll be very helpful on the road, in case we get a flat. Q: Are you taking the cats? A: We have to take the cats. They co-signed our lease. ---
**Author:** ![ASAKMOTSD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/919ad9/32.png) [@ASAKMOTSD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASAKMOTSD)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-with-snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/474477/14 "2008-11-26T00:48:17Z")
Q: Are you taking the piano? A: We were just WAITING for a caring person to ask. Thank you for offering to help with it. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-with-snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/474477/15 "2008-11-26T00:58:57Z")
Q: Are you taking the cats? A: What?! What kind of sick bast- OH! You mean _taking them with us_! Yes. Yes. We _love_ our cats. ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-with-snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/474477/16 "2008-11-26T01:02:45Z")
Well, there’s always the obvious, “why do you ask?” Because really, I want to know. . . why are they asking? And why do you seem to be so sure that they’ll ask these questions? How do you know? Maybe they want all your stuff. If that’s the case, you can just answer. . no, you can’t have it. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-with-snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/474477/17 "2008-11-26T01:19:53Z")
Q: Are you taking the piano? Nah, after all the strangulations, there’s no wires left. Well, we’re certainly taking our pee. and I have no idea what you mean by “and Oh”. ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-with-snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/474477/18 "2008-11-26T01:25:56Z")
Q: Are you taking the cats? A: You mean biblically? A: What do you mean “taking?” That’s sick! ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-with-snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/474477/19 "2008-11-26T01:32:31Z")
Q: Are you taking your cats? A: We’re done with cats. We’re going to adopt some feral hogs. Q: Are you taking your piano? A: Yes, but since it’s a new house we’ll need to get it re-keyed. ---
**Author:** ![laughingboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@laughingboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/laughingboy)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-with-snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/474477/20 "2008-11-26T01:34:52Z")
Q: Are you taking your piano? A: Nah, we just [dumped it in the woods.](http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/11/23/massachusetts.piano/index.html) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-help-with-snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/474477.md?page=2)