# Need Some Back-Rub Advice, Please **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 3, 2003, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-some-back-rub-advice-please/186049 "2003-07-03T15:51:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2003, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-some-back-rub-advice-please/186049/21 "2003-07-06T00:52:17Z")
My own mother doesn’t understand my problem with this. Am I REALLY that weird??? And I know you’re not talking about yanking. It’s just one of those…things. As for the farting thing, I learned what that one meant on these very boards. Sometimes I wish I COULD fart on cue. It’d be useful! ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2003, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-some-back-rub-advice-please/186049/22 "2003-07-06T01:05:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Salem \* > \*\*Gee, **Quasi** , I never thought of bringing _markers_ in to it. Hmmm…body art. Do you think you could expand the choice of colors though? 😃 \*\* **Mark_et_**! Or if you wanna leave it at markers, **Salem** , you come and let me give you a back rub and I’ll take your “marker” as payment until you give **me** one!😉 Q ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2003, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-some-back-rub-advice-please/186049/23 "2003-07-06T12:05:58Z")
:eek: 😃 Can I bring my guitar?😉 I’m going to be struck down by the smiley police, I just know it ---
**Author:** ![indecisive1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/41988e/32.png) [@indecisive1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/indecisive1)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2003, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-some-back-rub-advice-please/186049/24 "2003-07-06T12:42:19Z")
Ehhhhem! **Salem** I do believe I was first in line for **Quasi’s** training. You will simply have to wait your turn. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-some-back-rub-advice-please/186049/25 "2003-07-07T13:52:58Z")
Hey! I’ll use one hand on both of ya at the same time! 😃 I’m sure **Zenster** has a technique for that. 😉 But one thing’s for sure, **Quasi** needs lots of training, uh-huh! **Salem** , sure, bring your Git-tar! Afterward you and I can sit cross-legged (like in our “hippie-days”) and sing _The Twelfth Of Never_ together! 😃 Q ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-some-back-rub-advice-please/186049/26 "2003-07-07T14:01:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by whiterabbit \* > \*\*My own mother doesn’t understand my problem with this. Am I REALLY that weird??? > > And I know you’re not talking about yanking. It’s just one of those…things. > > As for the farting thing, I learned what that one meant on these very boards. Sometimes I wish I COULD fart on cue. It’d be useful! \*\* Reminds me of an old joke: This busty blonde comes out of the ladies’ and beckons to the bar-tender to come to her table. He approaches and she indicates she wants him to bend down and she takes his hand and begins rubbing it suggestively over her breasts. “Are you the manager?”, she asks. The guy, beginning to breathe heavily tells her no, he isn’t but is there something he can help her with? She continues the rubbing thing, and then she takes her hand and one by one, sticks her fingers into his mouth and he begins sucking them greedily. When he’s done with all ten, and cain’t hardly stand it no more, she tells him sweetly: “Well when the manager returns, will you please let him know that his ladies room is all out of soap, paper towels and toilet tissue?” I know that has nothing to do with what you posted, **whiterabbit** , but I’ve always liked that joke and have been waiting for an excuse to tell it. 😃 Q ---
**Author:** ![Rapunzel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/cc9497/32.png) [@Rapunzel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rapunzel)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-some-back-rub-advice-please/186049/27 "2003-07-08T13:11:01Z")
Not too much more to add to all this great advice, except to regulate the speed of your massage stroke and keep it fairly even and consistent. A lot of people go far too fast and don’t even realise it, IMHO. Also, try not to just squirt lots of oil on at the beginning - it goes everywhere 😃 Oh and finally, avoid going hard on the backs of the knees - it can be dangerous. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/need-some-back-rub-advice-please/186049.md?page=1)