# NEEDED: Some short, ridiculous Spanish phrases (think "hovercraft...eels") **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 3, 2010, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/needed-some-short-ridiculous-spanish-phrases-think-hovercraft-eels/552533 "2010-09-03T20:49:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ximenean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/aca169/32.png) [@Ximenean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ximenean)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2010, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/needed-some-short-ridiculous-spanish-phrases-think-hovercraft-eels/552533/21 "2010-09-05T08:14:16Z")
I would love to know the Spanish for “hold the newsreader’s nose squarely, waiter, or friendly milk will countermand my trousers.” 2:00 in [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHQ2756cyD8](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHQ2756cyD8) ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2010, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/needed-some-short-ridiculous-spanish-phrases-think-hovercraft-eels/552533/22 "2010-09-05T08:20:13Z")
Sujeta la nariz del presentador de los informativos directamente, camarero, o leche agradable revocara mis pantalones? ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2010, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/needed-some-short-ridiculous-spanish-phrases-think-hovercraft-eels/552533/23 "2010-09-05T14:53:00Z")
My favorite word in Spanish is “estacionamiento,” which means “parking lot,” with a close second to “chicharones” which means pork rinds. So here you go: _Me gusta bailar con mis chicharones en el estacionamiento._ I like to dance with my pork rinds in the parking lot. (or more literally, “It pleases me to dance with my pork rinds in the parking lot.”) Also, my brother’s favorite (he doesn’t speak Spanish, but knows this phrase) is: _Tengo chicle in mis pantalones._ I have gum in my pants. ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2010, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/needed-some-short-ridiculous-spanish-phrases-think-hovercraft-eels/552533/24 "2010-09-05T16:24:49Z")
¡Espárragos! ¿Es amor? Me doy cuenta amor no es Espárragos. ¿Por qué? ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2010, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/needed-some-short-ridiculous-spanish-phrases-think-hovercraft-eels/552533/25 "2010-09-05T19:54:36Z")
Peru, you say? “Where is the birthplace of Cole Porter?” ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/needed-some-short-ridiculous-spanish-phrases-think-hovercraft-eels/552533/26 "2010-09-07T08:56:36Z")
Just correcting the general case of spelunkin’… > [@Valgard](#): > > “iAy Dios mio! Hay una hacha en mi cabeza!” ¡Dios mío, tengo un hacha en la cabeza! > [@yams](#): > > Si no hace bien trabajo, se enserrera acqui con los cucarachas, por dose semannas, sin agua, y sin comida! > Another good quote, if someone wanted to tranate it, is “I’m not afraid of you, I’ve got chunks of guys like you in my stool’” Double points for that one. Si no hace un buen trabajo, le encerraremos aquí con las cucarachas, dos semanas a pan y agua. (That’s actually “with only bread an water”, but the thing is, nobody would threaten with no bread and no water) No me das miedo, cago cachos de tíos como tú. > [@Chefguy](#): > > Hay dos gatos en me pantalones! > > Da me el piano, por favor. ¡Tengo dos gatos en los pantalones! Dame el piano, por favor. > [@Tortuga](#): > > El queso es viejo y putregado. El queso está viejo y podrido. And by the way, and someone might actually catch the reference, el gato está triste y azul. (the cat is sad and blue) > [@devilsknew](#): > > ¡Aiiii, LOS DIOS MIOS! ¡Ay Dios mío! > [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > Tu madre ha comido las uvas mias. > > Your mother has eaten my grapes. > > Las ardillas conquistaran todo del mundo pronto. > > The squirrels will conquer all the world soon. Tu madre se ha comido mis uvas. Dentro de poco, las ardillas habrán conquistado el mundo entero. > [@robert\_andrews](#): > > Mis herramientos ya tienen bastante habanos. > > "My tools already have enough Havanas (that is, Cuban cigars). > > A mi hermana le gustan tus bacterias excelentes. > > “Your excellent bacteria pleases my sister.” Mis herramientas ya tienen bastantes habanos. > [@Serenata67](#): > > My favorite word in Spanish is “estacionamiento,” which means “parking lot,” with a close second to “chicharones” which means pork rinds. > > So here you go: > _Me gusta bailar con mis chicharones en el estacionamiento._ > > I like to dance with my pork rinds in the parking lot. (or more literally, “It pleases me to dance with my pork rinds in the parking lot.”) > > Also, my brother’s favorite (he doesn’t speak Spanish, but knows this phrase) is: > _Tengo chicle in mis pantalones._ > > I have gum in my pants. Chicharrones, that one actually has one of those hard Rs. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/needed-some-short-ridiculous-spanish-phrases-think-hovercraft-eels/552533/27 "2010-09-07T12:40:35Z")
“Mi tio es enfermo, pero la carretera es verde!” ---
**Author:** ![grimpixie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@grimpixie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grimpixie)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/needed-some-short-ridiculous-spanish-phrases-think-hovercraft-eels/552533/28 "2010-09-07T13:30:08Z")
From _Cheers_: “Help me! I have been hideously mangled in a locomotive accident!” And the ever classic “My postillion has been struck by lightning” Can’t help you with the Spanish versions though… ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/needed-some-short-ridiculous-spanish-phrases-think-hovercraft-eels/552533/29 "2010-09-07T13:32:36Z")
> [@](#): > > “Mi tio es enfermo, pero la carretera es verde!” Curse you! I came in to suggest this one. From here: > **[Doug Gilford's Mad Cover Site - 43-Man Squamish](https://www.madcoversite.com/quiz_olympics.html)** (second panel on second page. A classic!) ---
**Author:** ![Balthisar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/balthisar/32/2825_2.png) [@Balthisar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balthisar)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/needed-some-short-ridiculous-spanish-phrases-think-hovercraft-eels/552533/30 "2010-09-07T15:04:15Z")
This my favorite to use on newbies: [ul] [li]Explain that “como” equals “how.” Examples: “Como estas?” “Como te llamas?”[/li][li]Explain that “mucho” equals “much.” Examples: “Mucho gusto!” “Tengo mucho hambre.”[/li][li]Explain that naturally, “como mucho?” means “how much?”[/li][/ul] Then set the person off to a local market area and hilarity ensues. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/needed-some-short-ridiculous-spanish-phrases-think-hovercraft-eels/552533/31 "2010-09-07T15:08:15Z")
Donde estan mis zapatos fritos. Where are my fried shoes. ---
**Author:** ![Randy\_Seltzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ee7513/32.png) [@Randy\_Seltzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Randy_Seltzer)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/needed-some-short-ridiculous-spanish-phrases-think-hovercraft-eels/552533/32 "2010-09-07T18:42:15Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Just correcting the general case of spelunkin’… I was hoping you’d show up. Thanks **Nava**! ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/needed-some-short-ridiculous-spanish-phrases-think-hovercraft-eels/552533/33 "2010-09-07T19:26:33Z")
> [@Tortuga](#): > > El queso es viejo y putregado. **Nava** ’s already come in and corrected both of us, but I knew this one as “el queso esta viejo y mouldy.” Probably because we didn’t know the Spanish word for “moldy.” ---
**Author:** ![Randy\_Seltzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ee7513/32.png) [@Randy\_Seltzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Randy_Seltzer)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/needed-some-short-ridiculous-spanish-phrases-think-hovercraft-eels/552533/34 "2010-09-10T07:46:44Z")
In case anyone’s wondering, here’s what I ended up sending her: > [@](#): > > **¡Dios mío, tengo un hacha en la cabeza!** — We can’t be late for the tour! > > **No me das miedo, cago cachos de tíos como tú.** — Don’t put anything too spicy in my meal. > > **Tu madre se ha comido mis uvas.** — You have a beautiful home. > > **¿Sabe usted tocar la flauta, señor?** — Where is the bathroom, sir? > > **Mi tortuga no tiene pelo.** — I have eaten too much. Thanks for the help, y’all! I suppose that if these go over well, I might send another batch a little later, so feel free to keep thinking up more. And if anyone’s interested in translating any of the proposals so far in the thread, I’m sure that would go over well. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/needed-some-short-ridiculous-spanish-phrases-think-hovercraft-eels/552533/35 "2010-09-10T14:20:44Z")
> [@Lucky\_13](#): > > I remember this one from some stand-up comedy show I saw on TV years ago: > > “Hay dos chicas en mi cocina” - There are two girls in my kitchen. I remember that routine! The only Spanish phrases he could remember from two years of college Spanish were: “Mi tocadisco esta descompuesto.” – “My record player is broken.” “Que lastima, hay dos chicas en la cocina.” – “What a pity, there are two girls in the kitchen.” As I recall, he later also remembered: “Donde esta la playa nudista?” – “Where is the nude beach?” ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/needed-some-short-ridiculous-spanish-phrases-think-hovercraft-eels/552533/36 "2010-09-10T14:52:33Z")
> [@Randy\_Seltzer](#): > > In case anyone’s wondering, here’s what I ended up sending her: > > **Mi tortuga no tiene pelo.** — I have eaten too much. This is a good follow up to this one: Tengo que vomitar. I have to vomit. ---
**Author:** ![mufatango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6a8cbe/32.png) [@mufatango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mufatango)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/needed-some-short-ridiculous-spanish-phrases-think-hovercraft-eels/552533/37 "2010-09-10T14:54:48Z")
La gente está ansiosa. Dentro de poco, se alborotan y empiezan a tirar chorchadas. Bueno, voy a entretenerlos con mis chistes de Polacos. ?A cuantos Polacos les toma a comerse un burrito? ---
**Author:** ![Tortuga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c4cdca/32.png) [@Tortuga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tortuga)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/needed-some-short-ridiculous-spanish-phrases-think-hovercraft-eels/552533/38 "2010-09-10T15:07:56Z")
> [@Snickers](#): > > > [@Tortuga](#): > > > > El queso es viejo y putregado. > > **Nava** ’s already come in and corrected both of us, but I knew this one as “el queso esta viejo y mouldy.” Probably because we didn’t know the Spanish word for “moldy.” So from the sincerity of corrections, am I to assume I am the only person who remembers “Encino Man?” Probably for the best. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/needed-some-short-ridiculous-spanish-phrases-think-hovercraft-eels/552533/39 "2010-09-10T16:02:25Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > You could order breakfast like a colleague of mine did in Guatemala: > > Quiero dos jueves frias, por favor! (I’d like two cold Thursdays, please!) He meant to say “Quiero dos huevos fritos”, which is ‘two fried eggs’. Back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and I took high school Spanish, my teacher took great delight in warning us about stuff like this. His favorite example was ordering a glass of milk in a restaurant. If you asked the waitress “Tiene leche?”, the connotation was “Do you (personally) have milk?”, and you were asking her if she was breastfeeding. The proper way was “Hay leche?”, “Is there milk?” I’m too lazy to figure out how to code the upside down question marks. ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/needed-some-short-ridiculous-spanish-phrases-think-hovercraft-eels/552533/40 "2010-09-10T17:00:40Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Just correcting the general case of spelunkin’… > > And by the way, and someone might actually catch the reference, el gato está triste y azul. (the cat is sad and blue) El gato que estaaa, triste y azul, nunca se olvida, que fuiste miaaaaa [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/needed-some-short-ridiculous-spanish-phrases-think-hovercraft-eels/552533.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/needed-some-short-ridiculous-spanish-phrases-think-hovercraft-eels/552533.md?page=3)