# Neighborly situation **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 24, 2026, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighborly-situation/1031899 "2026-07-24T22:25:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2026, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighborly-situation/1031899/21 "2026-07-25T17:08:31Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > Helpful neighbors can absolutely be a PITA, even when they have all their faculties. I had to be blunt with my friendly neighbor to get him to stop cutting my lawn & snowblowing my driveway. He was apologetic but clearly annoyed I was turning down his “help”, but thankfully we’re OK now. As is often the case in these situations, the devil is in the details. Due to the way the houses are laid out, my front lawn is contiguous with part of my neighbour’s lawn. It used to bother me just on general principle when his nephew, who at that time did his lawnmowing, mowed part of my lawn, to the point that I had to show him where the property line was. It was kind of an innate territorial feeling – “you let them start mowing you lawn, pretty soon they think it’s their property”. Today things are different. He’s now hired the same kids that I use to mow my lawn, and they’re really enthusiastic about their work. They mow the entire front area even if I’m not around or tell them that the back yard doesn’t need mowing yet, and the neighbour pays them for it. Which means that even if I’m negligent and let the back yard get overgrown, the front of the house always looks neat and well maintained. I can’t complain about that! ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2026, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighborly-situation/1031899/22 "2026-07-25T17:55:42Z")
> [@ricepad](#): > > , but it seems pretty clear that the neighbor is in the midst of a pretty severe decline in mental faculties, and needs help before someone gets hurt. It’s more than likely to be him that gets hurt, too. Not to me. Older people after the kids are gone and they are retired yearn for something to do. ---
**Author:** ![chappachula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@chappachula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chappachula)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2026, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighborly-situation/1031899/23 "2026-07-25T18:03:41Z")
It seems like one important step to take is to document everything. Try to video him. If that doesn’t work,( because obviously it’s pretty awkward to hold your phone in his face)–then record audio. Drop your phone in the chest pocket of your shirt with the tape recorder running, every time you talk with him. It may be unacceptable (legally) in your jurisdiction, but you aren’t looking for courtroom-quality evidence. You just need social-worker-quality evidence.. ---
**Author:** ![ricepad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b38774/32.png) [@ricepad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ricepad)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2026, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighborly-situation/1031899/24 "2026-07-25T18:09:55Z")
Yearning for something to do is not an indicator. Screaming and throwing a fit is. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2026, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighborly-situation/1031899/25 "2026-07-25T18:50:53Z")
> [@chappachula](#): > > It may be unacceptable (legally) in your jurisdiction, but you aren’t looking for courtroom-quality evidence. It’s illegal to record audio without telling the other party in many states. (That’s why every service desk call starts by saying they are recording for training… to meet the legal requirement.) I’d advise that it’s a bad idea to violate your local laws. On the other hand, i think surveillance cameras on your own property are legal in all US states. And that would provide better evidence, too. Get a ring camera, or one of those wild life cameras, or something, and just leave it running if you want to record him. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2026, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighborly-situation/1031899/26 "2026-07-25T20:29:41Z")
As is refusing to accept other people’s boundaries. IME this has middling senility written all over it. The transition to ugly levels of social & practical obliviousness is imminent. ---
**Author:** ![ricepad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b38774/32.png) [@ricepad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ricepad)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2026, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighborly-situation/1031899/27 "2026-07-25T20:36:28Z")
Yes, exactly. It could easily go from, “He’s harmless, just trying to be helpful,” to “Why the fuck are you in my house rearranging my fridge at 3am, Bob?” ---
**Author:** ![Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sticks_and_scones/32/16951_2.png) [@Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sticks_and_Scones)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2026, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighborly-situation/1031899/28 "2026-07-28T16:53:22Z")
That’s a valid concern as far as I can see it. I wrote and sent the email over the weekend and I haven’t received any kind of communication back yet. I’ve got some things going on today. If the end of the day clears up, I may try to call them. ---
**Author:** ![Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sticks_and_scones/32/16951_2.png) [@Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sticks_and_Scones)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2026, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighborly-situation/1031899/29 "2026-07-28T17:38:19Z")
They just called me and said that it’s about 95% certain that they’re not the organization that I need to talk to. They suggested that I talk to the police. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2026, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighborly-situation/1031899/30 "2026-07-28T17:48:31Z")
In addition to police, there is the option of calling 911 and asking them to send an ambulance to deal with the demented person on your property. They may take him to the ER and then notify his next of kin. There are counselors at hospitals that advise families as to options with people suffering from dementia. If nothing is done, you have at least created a complaint or two somewhere if there is an altercation of some sort. The police may warn him, but if he has dementia, he’ll likely forget it or dismiss it, but a track record has been established in case you need to go to court. ---
**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2026, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighborly-situation/1031899/31 "2026-07-28T17:49:04Z")
> [@Sticks\_and\_Scones](#): > > They suggested that I talk to the police. Try Adult Protective Services first, they look into neglect (the wife declining intervention) and self-neglect, not necessarily only traditional abuse. There is one in every state. It will be an anonymous 800 number phone call and it won’t be revealed that a neighbor called, much less which neighbor. It’s less aggressive than police showing up. These investigators are trained social workers, field police officers are not. > **[Help In Your Area - NAPSA](https://www.napsa-now.org/help-in-your-area/)** > > Are you concerned someone you love or care about may be the victim of abuse? Select where you reside to find specific contact information for your location. If that doesn’t work, then try the police non-emergency number. ---
**Author:** ![Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sticks_and_scones/32/16951_2.png) [@Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sticks_and_Scones)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2026, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighborly-situation/1031899/32 "2026-07-29T18:51:20Z")
I got a call today from another Area Agency on Aging person. They actually suggested that I called Adult Protective Services. She gave me the number and I started calling there and the number led me to a main number for Job and Family Services. Thing is, though, I’m pretty sure that’s where my neighbor worked at before she retired. Now I’m a bit hesitant to call…. Logical thoughts welcome. ---
**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2026, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighborly-situation/1031899/33 "2026-07-29T20:25:46Z")
As a community home health nurse I had to make these kind of calls, so I dug into this a bit. As weird as it sounds, in Ohio Adult Protective Services is indeed housed bureaucratically in Job and Family Services, so don’t let that put you off, it’s the right division (bizarrely, I agree: off putting, I agree.) Persevere. Here’s that hotline number: > **[Adult Protective Services | OCAPS](https://www.ocapsohio.org/adult-protective-services)** When you call first ask if the report will remain anonymous. If it isn’t, terminate the call, but I have never used one where it wasn’t guaranteed to be anonymous. I would also share with whoever takes your call that you are concerned because you think a family member of the adult might have connections in the office and you need reassurance of your anonymity. There needs to be some kind on intervention before property is damaged or someone is hurt. It sounds like threats have been made. Maybe being visited or at least interviewed by the Protective Services worker will get the wife’s attention and she’ll realize she needs to take her head out of the sand and stop with the comfortable path (for her) of no resistance. It’s either an encroaching dementia or a mental illness and everyone involved deserves to feel safe, so there needs to be some intervention. ---
**Author:** ![Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sticks_and_scones/32/16951_2.png) [@Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sticks_and_Scones)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2026, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighborly-situation/1031899/34 "2026-07-30T13:47:55Z")
I called APS and… It’s all on me. The lady was nice and was trying to help me come up with ways to talk to them and excuses I could make for no longer having them mow and/or be on my property. But basically she said I need to confront them and if it doesn’t go well that I need to contact the police. ---
**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2026, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighborly-situation/1031899/35 "2026-07-30T14:44:48Z")
Good on you for trying! That could have been a more palatable intervention for the neighbor-sorry it didn’t work out. I recently had to go through the eviction process in my county civil court for a homeless person who had set up an increasingly intrusive living situation in my backyard, which, like you, started with him doing yard work like mowing. It cost several hundred dollars for court fees and for the sheriff serving him but it was worth it. Now if he steps foot on my property the police can be called and he gets a misdemeanor and possible jail time. I no longer have to confront him, the police will deal with it. Worth every penny. The Victim Services dept of the local police steered me towards that since I was a vulnerable adult senior with reasonable fears for my safety. I did not need a lawyer. ---
**Author:** ![ricepad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b38774/32.png) [@ricepad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ricepad)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2026, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighborly-situation/1031899/36 "2026-07-30T15:59:38Z")
Looks like it’s time to talk to Neighbor and Neighbor’s Wife: “Please don’t mow my lawn anymore, or come onto my property to do anything else, either. I’m concerned for your welfare and don’t want the liability if you get hurt or something happens. Please stop.” Go to their house and have that conversation at their front door. If things go sideways, you can just leave. If you have it at your place and he goes apeshit, you have nowhere to go and getting rid of him will be tough. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2026, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighborly-situation/1031899/37 "2026-07-30T17:12:10Z")
And record it. ---
**Author:** ![Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sticks_and_scones/32/16951_2.png) [@Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sticks_and_Scones)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2026, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighborly-situation/1031899/38 "2026-08-02T21:57:44Z")
I decided to go have a conversation with the police about 90 minutes ago. I explained all of the happenings so far and basically they just said that I should call them if there’s a problem. I just sent a text to the wife (our normal form of communication). She just read it and replied, ‘ok’. I hope it’s smooth sailing from here. But, I confess I’ve still got my tennis shoes on… ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2026, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighborly-situation/1031899/39 "2026-08-03T15:41:23Z")
Good luck! Was the text just “please don’t cut the lawn or do any other work on our property” , or did you get into anything beyond that? ---
**Author:** ![Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sticks_and_scones/32/16951_2.png) [@Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sticks_and_Scones)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2026, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighborly-situation/1031899/40 "2026-08-04T10:33:23Z")
I kept it pretty short, but said that I appreciated what they had done for us. I haven’t spoken to the painters yet because I was gone for most of the day yesterday, but I did not spot him on the cameras. I’ll be home all day today, so I hope that it goes as well. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighborly-situation/1031899.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighborly-situation/1031899.md?page=3)