# Neighbors Silly "Squabble" **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 1, 2018, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighbors-silly-squabble/823848 "2018-11-01T17:28:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighbors-silly-squabble/823848/1 "2018-11-01T17:28:32Z")
We live in the boonies on a private road with two neighbors. Chuck and his wife are retired, as are Rick and his wife. As some retired folks are prone to do, they spend much of their time caring for their yards. We all get along, but sometimes there are minor skirmishes that can be funny. Driving down the lane to our house, we first pass Chuck’s place on the left. He has a perennial decorative grass along his side of the lane that tends to lean over toward the lane ([Exhibit One](https://imgur.com/a/Iw0EFTd) ). The leaning is worse during wet fall days. I just drive through the grass, but UPS trucks and the like tend to veer away, taking them toward Rick’s yard and smooshing the edge of his grass. Rick responded this year by putting up yellow reflective driveway markers ([Exhibit Two](https://imgur.com/a/Iw0EFTd)). This kept trucks from damaging his grass, but the drivers tended to overcompensate and swerve toward Chuck’s property, smooshing\* his \*grass. Soooo, Chuck put up his own red reflective driveway markers. I feel like I’m skiing a slalom course every time I drive our lane. Last week, never one to leave well enough alone, I crept down the lane one night on foot and switched Chuck’s and Rick’s markers. I told my gf and she cracked up when she drove by. She laughed even harder when she returned home that night and saw that the poles had been _switched back_. I have no idea who switched them, and neither of them has approached me with questions yet.😃 ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighbors-silly-squabble/823848/2 "2018-11-01T17:31:12Z")
You realize now that the only thing to do next is to replace the driveway markers with pink flamingos. Nothing else will do. And it must be done under the cover of night so nobody knows who did it. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighbors-silly-squabble/823848/3 "2018-11-01T17:33:49Z")
> [@Athena](#): > > You realize now that the only thing to do next is to replace the driveway markers with pink flamingos. Nothing else will do. And it must be done under the cover of night so nobody knows who did it. I also vote for this. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighbors-silly-squabble/823848/4 "2018-11-01T17:37:11Z")
Alternate red and yellow. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighbors-silly-squabble/823848/5 "2018-11-01T17:42:17Z")
> [@Athena](#): > > You realize now that the only thing to do next is to replace the driveway markers with pink flamingos. Nothing else will do. And it must be done under the cover of night so nobody knows who did it. Unless **kayaker** ’s real life persona is the _exact opposite_ of his Dope persona, they’re going to know who did it… ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighbors-silly-squabble/823848/6 "2018-11-01T17:47:47Z")
I predict the most likely outcome is Rick and Chuck forget whatever disagreement they had with each other, and instead, direct their united venom towards **kayaker**! ---
**Author:** ![Noelq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noelq/32/16438_2.png) [@Noelq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noelq)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighbors-silly-squabble/823848/7 "2018-11-01T18:10:56Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > I also vote for this. Thirded. With the magnetic Christmas lights attached to them… ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighbors-silly-squabble/823848/8 "2018-11-01T18:28:34Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > I predict the most likely outcome is Rick and Chuck forget whatever disagreement they had with each other, and instead, direct their united venom towards **kayaker**! The friend of my enemy…the enemy of my friend…no, no, wait a minute… ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighbors-silly-squabble/823848/9 "2018-11-01T19:01:00Z")
I’d put little signs on each side that says ‘get off my lawn!’ ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighbors-silly-squabble/823848/10 "2018-11-01T19:16:02Z")
Take it all down with your new snowplow. ---
**Author:** ![chappachula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@chappachula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chappachula)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighbors-silly-squabble/823848/11 "2018-11-01T19:27:53Z")
This situation calls for serious ,full-time sentries on guard to protect their property. You need garden gnomes! Put up 2 parallel rows, standing at attention, facing each other from opposite sides across the Demilitarized Zone. Dress them in camo gear. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighbors-silly-squabble/823848/12 "2018-11-01T20:07:45Z")
> [@chappachula](#): > > This situation calls for serious ,full-time sentries on guard to protect their property. > You need garden gnomes! > > Put up 2 parallel rows, standing at attention, facing each other from opposite sides across the Demilitarized Zone. > Dress them in camo gear. If they could hold those red and yellow poles, perhaps with red and yellow pennants attached, it would be extremely cool. ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighbors-silly-squabble/823848/13 "2018-11-01T20:22:39Z")
I think this is an excellent opportunity to get that tank you’ve always wanted. A few trips up the lane in that baby, and a UPS truck smooshing grass will seem quaint. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2018, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighbors-silly-squabble/823848/14 "2018-11-01T20:29:18Z")
> [@Athena](#): > > You realize now that the only thing to do next is to replace the driveway markers with pink flamingos. Nothing else will do. And it must be done under the cover of night so nobody knows who did it. this, and for halloween switch out for zombie flamingos =) ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2018, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighbors-silly-squabble/823848/15 "2018-11-02T01:31:47Z")
> [@chappachula](#): > > This situation calls for serious ,full-time sentries on guard to protect their property. > You need garden gnomes! > > Put up 2 parallel rows, standing at attention, facing each other from opposite sides across the Demilitarized Zone. > Dress them in camo gear. I was thinking gnomes too, but you went me one better. Good job! ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2018, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighbors-silly-squabble/823848/16 "2018-11-02T04:20:02Z")
I was thinking along the lines of heads on pikes. ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2018, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighbors-silly-squabble/823848/17 "2018-11-02T04:58:43Z")
> [@chappachula](#): > > This situation calls for serious ,full-time sentries on guard to protect their property. > You need garden gnomes! > > Put up 2 parallel rows, standing at attention, facing each other from opposite sides across the Demilitarized Zone. > Dress them in camo gear. > [@needscoffee](#): > > I was thinking along the lines of heads on pikes. Combine these 2. Parallel rows of gnomes, facing each other, with some gaps in the rows. Opposite those gaps, a gnome head on a pike. ---
**Author:** ![mistymage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mistymage/32/459_2.png) [@mistymage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mistymage)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2018, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighbors-silly-squabble/823848/18 "2018-11-02T05:23:35Z")
Must be some shallow ditches to allow the grass to lean into the road (people around here have Buffalo Grass: gorgeous 6’ tall grass with really pretty Fall seedheads) and a driveway vs a road to allow the grass to fall over far enough to have anyone drive away from it. _looks at picture_ Oh… I, personally, would just drive over whatever was laying in the drive simply because driving on grassy areas (not the fallen over stuff… yard stuff) ends up with me leaving huge ruts and getting Son #2 to come move the 4 wheel drive truck the last 10’ for me after the wheels stopped spinning because I wasn’t going anywhere. He knew how to put the truck into 4 wheel drive and moved it the 10’. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2018, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighbors-silly-squabble/823848/19 "2018-11-02T14:49:29Z")
Do fire departments still make practice runs? See if you can get them to come blasting up your lane (definitely with siren howling). Should clear out the entire problem, leaving you blameless. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![BeenJammin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beenjammin/32/448_2.png) [@BeenJammin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BeenJammin)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2018, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighbors-silly-squabble/823848/20 "2018-11-02T15:24:05Z")
Get a building permit to install a standard 12-foot concrete lane with matching high-strength DOT-approved guardrails on both sides. Then ask if they’d like to see it put to good use. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/neighbors-silly-squabble/823848.md?page=2)