# Nerd/intelligent put-downs/jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 12, 2005, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerd-intelligent-put-downs-jokes/303554 "2005-05-12T13:04:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2005, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerd-intelligent-put-downs-jokes/303554/21 "2005-05-21T01:55:06Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > Well, I’m sorry to say I don’t either. What’s the deal? I didn’t get it either, so I [Googled it.](http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&ie=ISO-8859-1&c2coff=1&q=Zap+pram&btnG=Search) Guess you don’t have a Mac either… ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2005, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerd-intelligent-put-downs-jokes/303554/22 "2005-05-21T02:07:46Z")
I see. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![sewalk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@sewalk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sewalk)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2005, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerd-intelligent-put-downs-jokes/303554/23 "2005-05-21T11:42:24Z")
> [@TheOnlySaneOne](#): > > “Man, he is slower than a 56K modem…” Your newbieness is showing (or my geekness is about to show). For a long time now friends and I have been known to use “he’s transferring at 300baud” for someone who was slow. I’ve even heard “His Courier is stuck at 300baud in both directions, isn’t it?” That second one is really obscure in this day and age, isn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Shalmanese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shalmanese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shalmanese)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2005, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerd-intelligent-put-downs-jokes/303554/24 "2005-05-21T12:37:06Z")
If someone says something incomprehensibe, thats “Parse error on input”. If your overwhelmed with work and someone asks you to do one more thing, thats “Stack overflow”. If you run into a door/wall, thats “Array index out of bounds”. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2005, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerd-intelligent-put-downs-jokes/303554/25 "2005-05-21T20:17:41Z")
> [@MacTech](#): > > PEBKAC error (Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair) > > the “loose nut” on the keyboard > > ESO error (Equipment Smarter than Operator) In the same vein - PEIM (Problem Exists In Meatware). Substitute for Wetware if wanted. ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2005, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerd-intelligent-put-downs-jokes/303554/26 "2005-05-21T21:01:28Z")
Good one’s, **Shalmanese**. Out of bounds… _snicker_ He’s so dense light bends around him. And because golf is kinda nerdy (and because this joke only works in text…) What do you call a golf course worker who chooses really difficult pin positions? Marquis de Sod ---
**Author:** ![Martin\_Hyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/47e85d/32.png) [@Martin\_Hyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martin_Hyde)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2005, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerd-intelligent-put-downs-jokes/303554/27 "2005-05-21T21:13:52Z")
I actually get maybe 2/3 of these jokes… these jokes are just supposed to be “heh” funny, right? If they’re actually intended to be “haha” funny then I’ll have to continue feeling very sorry for engineers and computer people in general :(. ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2005, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerd-intelligent-put-downs-jokes/303554/28 "2005-05-22T12:26:34Z")
> [@Martin Hyde](#): > > I actually get maybe 2/3 of these jokes… these jokes are just supposed to be “heh” funny, right? If they’re actually intended to be “haha” funny then I’ll have to continue feeling very sorry for engineers and computer people in general :(. Hey! Geek is _for_ everyone. Geek is _in_ everyone. Don’t try to fight your inner geek. ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2005, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerd-intelligent-put-downs-jokes/303554/29 "2005-05-23T20:24:09Z")
> [@Martin Hyde](#): > > I actually get maybe 2/3 of these jokes… these jokes are just supposed to be “heh” funny, right? If they’re actually intended to be “haha” funny then I’ll have to continue feeling very sorry for engineers and computer people in general :(. Too bad the emphasis is all on “nerd” and none on “intelligent.” A witty, scathing response will always win hearts and minds. Most of these will just make the insulted person that much happier not to be you. I mean, I guess if your goal is making the person being put-down look better by comparison . . . ---
**Author:** ![Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bambi_Hassenpfeffer)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerd-intelligent-put-downs-jokes/303554/30 "2005-05-24T06:47:48Z")
> [@OtakuLoki](#): > > What’s wrong with simply asking someone, “With your brains, why aren’t you working customer service?” Because not everyone who works in customer service positions (like me – two college degrees, an extremely high SAT score, graduated w/honors from a fairly advanced magnet high school) is an idiot. Some of us do it because we _like_ helping people. :mad: BTW, I got all the jokes in this thread. Even the PRAM one (Yay Open Apple-Option-P-R!) cause it got me out of a lot of trouble when I used to screw up the Quadras and Centrises in school. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerd-intelligent-put-downs-jokes/303554/31 "2005-05-24T17:52:41Z")
On viewing an enormously overweight person, I told my wife that I was in danger of being physically torn to shreds by the differential gravitational forces being exerted, on the near and far sides of my body. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerd-intelligent-put-downs-jokes/303554/32 "2005-05-24T19:15:23Z")
> [@Bambi Hassenpfeffer](#): > > Because not everyone who works in customer service positions (like me – two college degrees, an extremely high SAT score, graduated w/honors from a fairly advanced magnet high school) is an idiot. Some of us do it because we _like_ helping people. > > :mad: \ Believe it or not, I did have some qualms about that crack. I don’t, personally, think that there is anything demeaning about service work. However, customer service skills are not those that are usually considered ‘smart’ skills. This isn’t to imply that they aren’t skills. Nor that there isn’t a world of difference between good customer service and bad customer service. Just that it’s not normally a field where people are expected to be there because of their intelligence. Let me add, like all insults, this one was crafted for a specific audience - and the assumption wasn’t that the person recieving the insult was in customer service, but in some other field. In other words - someone with the attitude that customer service work **is** for mindless peons. Certainly I’ve known a number of people in all sorts of tech fields who have wildly innaccurate views of the requirements and difficulty involved with customer service work. (And who could never succeed in customer service because they do not have any patience - the single most important customer service skill.) I crafted my insult to take advantage of this perception - not to actually state an opinion about anyone in customer service. If you’re doing work that satisfies you, you’ve already made a more intelligent choice about your work than most ‘smart’ people ever do, IMNSHO. \ ---
**Author:** ![DogMom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9c0ed/32.png) [@DogMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DogMom)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerd-intelligent-put-downs-jokes/303554/33 "2005-05-24T20:24:26Z")
> [@Excalibre](#): > > Too bad the emphasis is all on “nerd” and none on “intelligent.” A witty, scathing response will always win hearts and minds. Most of these will just make the insulted person that much happier not to be you. I mean, I guess if your goal is making the person being put-down look better by comparison . . . Hm…does this one count? DogDad used to work for a popular pizza chain. One of his fellow delivery dudes was a Real Jerk. [TM] Not sometimes, not occasionally - ALL the time. In addition, Jerk Dude was a sandbagger of the worst degree. One day when Jerk Dude was _really_ getting on everyone’s nerves, DogDad finally had it. He marched up to Jerk Dude, glared at him and said, in front of everyone, “So tell me, if you had a radical colostomy, would there be ANYTHING left of you?” I’ve been dreaming of a chance to use that one on someone ever since. ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2005, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerd-intelligent-put-downs-jokes/303554/34 "2005-05-24T20:29:08Z")
> [@DogMom](#): > > Hm…does this one count? > DogDad used to work for a popular pizza chain. One of his fellow delivery dudes was a Real Jerk. [TM] Not sometimes, not occasionally - ALL the time. In addition, Jerk Dude was a sandbagger of the worst degree. > One day when Jerk Dude was _really_ getting on everyone’s nerves, DogDad finally had it. He marched up to Jerk Dude, glared at him and said, in front of everyone, > “So tell me, if you had a radical colostomy, would there be ANYTHING left of you?” > > I’ve been dreaming of a chance to use that one on someone ever since. _That_ is insult magic to the highest degree. The greatest insults are the ones that make the insultee realize they’ve been insulted, but render them unable to figure out exactly how. ---
**Author:** ![DogMom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9c0ed/32.png) [@DogMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DogMom)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2005, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerd-intelligent-put-downs-jokes/303554/35 "2005-05-25T19:03:02Z")
Well, thanks. I’ve given your comment to DogDad, whose favorite term is now “insult magic”. Now I just have to figure out how to get his head down to normal size again. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Improv\_Geek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b3f665/32.png) [@Improv\_Geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Improv_Geek)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2005, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerd-intelligent-put-downs-jokes/303554/36 "2005-05-25T19:37:58Z")
Well, when I was about eight I called another kid a “paramecium brain” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerd-intelligent-put-downs-jokes/303554.md?page=1)