# Nerdy, Geeky Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 25, 2022, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-geeky-jokes/975532 "2022-11-25T15:23:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![mixdenny](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mixdenny/32/2962_2.png) [@mixdenny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mixdenny)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2022, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-geeky-jokes/975532/21 "2022-11-25T18:58:19Z")
> [@DCnDC](#): > > The statistician shouts, “We got him!” Now that’s clever. I’ll send it to my brother (statistic professor). ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-geeky-jokes/975532/22 "2022-11-26T04:08:11Z")
From Ronald Reagan’s remarks to students and faculty at Purdue University: > It seems an economist, a chemist, and an engineer were stranded on a desert island. And between them they had only a single can of beans, but no can opener. The engineer suggested that he climb a palm tree to a precise height, then throw the beans at a precise distance, at a precise angle. ‘And when the can hits,’ he said, ‘it will split open.’ ‘No,’ said the chemist. ‘We’ll leave the can in the sun until the heat causes the beans to expand so much the can will explode.’ ‘Nonsense,’ said the economist. ‘Using either method we’d lose too many beans. According to my plan, there will be no mess or fuss and not a single bean will be lost.’ Well, the engineer and the chemist said, ‘We’re certainly willing to consider it. What’s your plan?’ And the economist answered, ‘Well, first assume we have a can opener.’ ---
**Author:** ![scudsucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scudsucker/32/14101_2.png) [@scudsucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scudsucker)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-geeky-jokes/975532/23 "2022-11-26T06:19:16Z")
I was volunteered to run meetings at my software dev workplace. I admit to stealing lame jokes from the internet, but I did make two of my own: A software developer and a SCRUM master walk into a bar. The SCRUM master orders two beers. The developer says, “thanks, I’ll get the next iteration” A Quality Assurance engineer walks into a bar. The barman says, what would you like? The QA responds “I don’t know, I don’t have the acceptance criteria” Both could be a little niche… but my fellow developers sniggered. ---
**Author:** ![Nyvaak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Nyvaak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nyvaak)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-geeky-jokes/975532/24 "2022-11-26T07:04:54Z")
Argon walks into a bar. The bartender shouts, “Hey! We don’t serve noble gases here,” and Argon . . . doesn’t react. ---
**Author:** ![Nyvaak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Nyvaak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nyvaak)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-geeky-jokes/975532/25 "2022-11-26T07:07:16Z")
Q: What do you get when you cross a physicist with a gorilla? A: The magnitude of the physicist times the magnitude of the gorilla times the sine of the angle between them. ---
**Author:** ![Nyvaak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Nyvaak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nyvaak)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-geeky-jokes/975532/26 "2022-11-26T07:07:59Z")
Q: What do you get when you cross a physicist with a rock climber? A: You can’t. The rock climber’s a scaler. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-geeky-jokes/975532/27 "2022-11-26T07:50:27Z")
A programmer’s wife asks him, ‘Would you go to the shop and pick up a loaf of bread? And if they have eggs, get a dozen.’ The programmer goes to the store and returns home with 12 loaves of bread. ‘They had eggs,’ he explained. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-geeky-jokes/975532/28 "2022-11-26T11:19:42Z")
[![](https://barelybad.com/images/feature_bug01.jpg) ](https://barelybad.com/images/feature_bug01.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-geeky-jokes/975532/29 "2022-11-26T11:32:05Z")
How can a Jedi Clown tell his act is going badly? He senses a disturbance in the farce! P.S. Sorry, but I still don’t get the number plate AUNRULE … ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-geeky-jokes/975532/30 "2022-11-26T12:54:14Z")
> [@glee](#): > > P.S. Sorry, but I still don’t get the number plate AUNRULE … Au = gold + “N” + “RULE”. Say quickly. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-geeky-jokes/975532/31 "2022-11-26T13:30:32Z")
My husband has a T-shirt that says Fluorine Uranium Carbon Potassium * * * 16 sodium atoms walk into a bar, followed by Batman. Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na… BATMAN! ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-geeky-jokes/975532/32 "2022-11-26T13:54:14Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > Au = gold + “N” + “RULE”. Say quickly. Aha! Thank you. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-geeky-jokes/975532/33 "2022-11-26T13:59:41Z")
> [@Skywatcher](#): > > What does a Greek cow say? > > μ Aside: I learned only recently that modern Greek gives different names to the letters than the classical Greek that non-Greek nerds learn about. In modern Greek, that letter is called “mi”. > [@Nyvaak](#): > > Q: What do you get when you cross a physicist with a rock climber? > > A: You can’t. The rock climber’s a scaler. I heard this one with a tsetse fly and a mountain climber. ---
**Author:** ![Toxgoddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Toxgoddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toxgoddess)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-geeky-jokes/975532/34 "2022-11-26T15:04:57Z")
My brother the engineer says that is a perfectly reasonable interpretation. And he has inadvertantly (I think) done a similar thing to his own wife. He’s lucky she loves him. ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-geeky-jokes/975532/35 "2022-11-26T15:29:46Z")
[Assume a spherical cow](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spherical_cow) > The phrase comes from a joke that spoofs the simplifying assumptions sometimes used in theoretical physics.[[3]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spherical_cow#cite_note-3) > > > Milk production at a dairy farm was low, so the farmer wrote to the local university, asking for help from academia. A multidisciplinary team of professors was assembled, headed by a theoretical physicist, and two weeks of intensive on-site investigation took place. The scholars then returned to the university, notebooks crammed with data, where the task of writing the report was left to the team leader. Shortly thereafter the physicist returned to the farm, saying to the farmer, “I have the solution, but it works only in the case of spherical cows in a vacuum.” > > It is told in many variants,[[4]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spherical_cow#cite_note-4) including a joke about a physicist who said he could predict the winner of any race provided it involved spherical horses moving through a vacuum.[[5]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spherical_cow#cite_note-HefleyHefley2008-5)[[6]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spherical_cow#cite_note-Birattari2009-6) A 1973 letter to the editor in the journal _[Science](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Science_(journal))_ describes the “famous story” about a physicist whose solution to a poultry farm’s egg-production problems began with “Postulate a spherical chicken”.[[7]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spherical_cow#cite_note-from1973-7) ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-geeky-jokes/975532/36 "2022-11-26T15:42:52Z")
Why does a burger have less energy than a steak? A burger is in its ground state. ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-geeky-jokes/975532/37 "2022-11-26T15:43:35Z")
The owner of a speakeasy suspected that his bootlegger was cheating him. He sent a sample of moonshine to a laboratory for analysis. The laboratory responded with a letter that said, “Dear Sir: We regret to inform you that your horse has diabetes.” ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-geeky-jokes/975532/38 "2022-11-26T15:44:59Z")
Two bears jump into lakes at the same time, one in Montana and the other in Alaska. Which one dissolves first? The one in Alaska, because it’s polar ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-geeky-jokes/975532/39 "2022-11-26T15:57:08Z")
I have to agree with that vanity plate, inasmuch as the vehicle clearly doesn’t have an air-cooled, rear-mounted engine. ---
**Author:** ![Ponderoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponderoid/32/19221_2.png) [@Ponderoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponderoid)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-geeky-jokes/975532/40 "2022-11-26T17:19:42Z")
There was a mad scientist who kidnapped three colleagues, an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician, and locked each of them in seperate cells with plenty of canned food and water but no can opener. A month later, returning, the mad scientist went to the engineer’s cell and found it long empty. The engineer had constructed a can opener from pocket trash, used aluminum shavings and dried sugar to make an explosive, and escaped. The physicist had worked out the angle necessary to knock the lids off the tin cans by throwing them against the wall. She was developing a good pitching arm and a new quantum theory. The mathematician had stacked the unopened cans into a surprising solution to the kissing problem; his dessicated corpse was propped calmly against a wall, and this was inscribed on the floor in blood: ``` Theorem: If I can't open these cans, I'll die. Proof: assume the opposite... ``` [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-geeky-jokes/975532.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-geeky-jokes/975532.md?page=3)