# Nerdy jokes
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [August 17, 2005, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430 "2005-08-17T13:49:44Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 4
### Author:  [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2005, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/61 "2005-08-19T14:48:30Z")
> [@DocCathode](#):
>
> Last week, my kids decided they wanted the new X Box. They handed me a note that said
>
> 10 PRINT “CAN WE HAVE A NEW XBOX, DAD?”
> 20 GOTO 10
>
> I just handed them a note that said
>
> 15 PRINT “NO.”
> 16 END
>
> Still, I couldn’t be prouder.
I think I’m aging myself here, but what was the command in BASIC that was a question mark? Was that _print_? As in
15 ?“NO”
Or am I mis-remembering? I can barely tell my peeks from my pokes, it’s been so long …
---
### Author:  [@Chance\_the\_Gardener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chance_the_Gardener)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2005, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/62 "2005-08-19T14:51:05Z")
> [@Daithi Lacha](#):
>
> I think I’m aging myself here, but what was the command in BASIC that was a question mark? Was that _print_? As in
> 15 ?“NO”
>
> Or am I mis-remembering? I can barely tell my peeks from my pokes, it’s been so long …
Where computers go, I’m largely outgeeked, but I’m pleased to report that I know this one: the question mark command is indeed the same as the PRINT command. Ha! I knew this one! I knew this one!
---
### Author:  [@Chance\_the\_Gardener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chance_the_Gardener)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2005, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/63 "2005-08-19T14:53:20Z")
> [@GrizzRich](#):
>
> GrizzWife tell this one…
>
> Q-Why did Mitterand receive the Nobel Peace Prize?
>
> A-Because France is the only Arab country not at war.
That’s not a geek joke. It doesn’t even make sense.
---
### Author:  [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2005, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/64 "2005-08-19T14:55:33Z")
> [@Chance the Gardener](#):
>
> Where computers go, I’m largely outgeeked, but I’m pleased to report that I know this one: the question mark command is indeed the same as the PRINT command. Ha! I knew this one! I knew this one!
This swift response proves the ancient wisdom-
ASCII and you shall receivey
---
### Author:  [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2005, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/65 "2005-08-19T14:58:35Z")
> [@Chance the Gardener](#):
>
> That’s not a geek joke. It doesn’t even make sense.
I agree that it’s not a geek joke, but it does make sense if you accept the view that France kow-tows to the Middle East. (Gods, I hope this thread doesn’t turn into a political one!)
> [@DocCathode](#):
>
> ASCII and you shall receivey
\*_Secant_ ye shall find.
---
### Author:  [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2005, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/66 "2005-08-19T14:59:50Z")
Still posting without enough coffee…
**Secant** ye shall find.
It wasn’t even that good a joke. Oh, well.
---
### Author:  [@Chance\_the\_Gardener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chance_the_Gardener)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2005, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/67 "2005-08-19T15:04:59Z")
> [@Johnny L.A.](#):
>
> I agree that it’s not a geek joke, but it does make sense if you accept the view that France kow-tows to the Middle East. (Gods, I hope this thread doesn’t turn into a political one!)
Mm. That’s what they’re going for there? Yeesh. I guess the joke is lost on me, what with the anti-Arab violence I remember from when I lived in France, which is still regularly reported in French papers. And as to France kowtowing to the Middle East… well, good lord, I read the papers, and I’ve seen nothing to back _that_ up. I was hoping there was maybe something deeper to the joke, but I’m afraid you might be right about its intent.
---
### Author:  [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2005, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/68 "2005-08-19T15:07:39Z")
A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician were talking together outside a building on campus when they noticed two people entering the building. Some time later three people exited.
The biologist said, “The must have procreated.”
The physicist said, “My initial observation must have been incorrect.”
The mathematician said, “If one more person enters that building there will be zero people inside.”
* * *
A biologist, a engineer and mathematician are vacationing in Britain. They see a black sheep in a field.
The biologist says, “The sheep in Britain are black!”
The engineer says, “At least one kind of sheep in Britain is black.”
The mathematician says, “There is at least one sheep in Britain that is black on at least one side.”
---
### Author:  [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2005, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/69 "2005-08-19T17:00:58Z")
> [@Chance the Gardener](#):
>
> What did the centurion say when he walked into the sushi bar?
>
> O, tempura! O morays!
>
> I made that up myself! Can you tell?
No, I couldn’t, actually – pretty funny. 😃
---
### Author:  [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2005, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/70 "2005-08-19T17:07:32Z")
> [@laina\_f](#):
>
> A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician were talking together outside a building on campus when they noticed two people entering the building. Some time later three people exited.
>
> The biologist said, “The must have procreated.”
>
> The physicist said, “My initial observation must have been incorrect.”
>
> The mathematician said, “If one more person enters that building there will be zero people inside.”
This one just got emailed to a slew of people. See ! Y’all aren’t the only nerds I know!
---
### Author:  [@Plynck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plynck)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2005, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/71 "2005-08-19T18:15:03Z")
> [@SisterCoyote](#):
>
> Another Humanities Joke (and one I came up with on my own, so it’s probably not that funny)
Au contraire… 🙂
As for my contribution to this thread:
I have discovered a truly remarkable joke that the margin of this page is too small to contain.
---
### Author:  [@Plynck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plynck)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2005, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/72 "2005-08-19T18:19:41Z")
Q: What is a microHelen?
A: The amount of beauty that will launch one ship.
(Of course, that is using metric terminology to define Troy units.)
---
### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2005, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/73 "2005-08-19T18:27:51Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Q: What is a microHelen?
> A: The amount of beauty that will launch one ship.
>
> (Of course, that is using metric terminology to define Troy units.)
That’s a _milliHelen_, since she “the face that launched a thousand ships”. I don’t know anyone who launched a million ships, or any need to subdivide beauty into units that small.
---
### Author:  [@Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crowbar_of_Irony_3)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2005, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/74 "2005-08-19T18:31:17Z")
Bill and James, who were two students at a technical college, found themselves arguing about Calculus over their lunch. Bill insisted that the teaching of mathematics had became so deplorable that most college students know next to nothing about Calculus.
James disagreed. While Bill went to the restrooms, James called away a young, pretty, blond waitress. He gave her five dollars to play a joke on Bill - When she brought the dessert, he will ask her a question. He didn’t tell her the question, but instructed her to answer “one third _x_ cubed”. The waitress agreed, smiled and pockected the money.
When Bill returned, James proposed a bet. He will ask their waitress about an intergal. If she responded correctly, then James would win the bill. Bill agreed.
So when the waitress came to the table, Joe asked, “What is the intergal of _x_ squared?”
“One third _x_ cubed,” she replied. And as she walked away, she said over the shoulder, “plus a constant”.
…
_And a couple of my favourites from the Tao of Programming_
A master programmer passed a novice programmer one day. The master noted the novice’s preoccupation with a hand-held computer game. "Excuse me,’’ he said, "may I examine it?’’
The novice bolted to attention and handed the device to the master. "I see that the device claims to have three levels of play: Easy, Medium, and Hard,’’ said the master. "Yet every such device has another level of play, where the device seeks not to conquer the human, nor to be conquered by the human.’’
"Pray, great master,’’ implored the novice, "how does one find this mysterious setting?’’
The master dropped the device to the ground and crushed it underfoot. And suddenly the novice was enlightened.
…
Hardware met Software on the road to Changtse. Software said: "You are Yin and I am Yang. If we travel together we will become famous and earn vast sums of money.’’ And so the set forth together, thinking to conquer the world.
Presently they met Firmware, who was dressed in tattered rags and hobbled along propped on a thorny stick. Firmware said to them: "The Tao lies beyond Yin and Yang. It is silent and still as a pool of water. It does not seek fame, therefore nobody knows its presence. It does not seek fortune, for it is complete within itself. It exists beyond space and time.’’
Software and Hardware, ashamed, returned to their homes.
---
### Author:  [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2005, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/75 "2005-08-19T18:35:10Z")
Costello- Hey, I’m doing a crossword and I can’t think of one of the answers. What do you call a one with a hundred zeroes after it?
Abbot-Googol
Costello- Sure I could a done that. But, I figure why use the computer when I got a smart friend who probably knows the answer.
Abbot- I told you “Googol”.
Costello-Fine, I’ll go search on the computer.
Abbot-You don’t need to use the computer.
Costello- I can’t search on my cell phone. My big thumbs don’t work with the tiny buttons.
Abbot-You don’t need to use your cell phone!
Costello-But you said you didn’t have the answer.
Abbot-I do have it! Googol is the answer!
Costello- Hey, even I know Google is the answer.
Abbot- Then why did you ask me in the first place?
---
### Author:  [@The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Chao_Goes_Mu)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2005, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/76 "2005-08-19T18:44:48Z")
Graffito on the bathroom door latch in the philosophy department at my old professor’s school.
“John Locke”
---
### Author:  [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2005, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/77 "2005-08-19T19:04:25Z")
Q: What is Hilton + Wilding + Todd + Fisher + Burton + Burton + Warner + Fortensky + . . .
A: A Taylor series.
---
### Author:  [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2005, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/78 "2005-08-19T20:04:43Z")
> [@Plynck](#):
>
> I have discovered a truly remarkable joke that the margin of this page is too small to contain.
Excellent, but you’re never allowed to make another joke.
–Cliffy
---
### Author:  [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2005, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/79 "2005-08-19T20:10:22Z")
> [@Saltire](#):
>
> There are 10 kinds of people in the world: Those that understand binary, and those that don’t.
There are 10 kinds of people in the word: Those who understand trinary. Those who don’t. And those who think it’s binary.
---
### Author:  [@missdavis102](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missdavis102)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2005, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/80 "2005-08-20T00:07:06Z")
Nothing of my own to add here, but a link to some I enjoy.
[http://consc.net/phil-humor.html](http://consc.net/phil-humor.html)
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