# Nerdy jokes
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [August 17, 2005, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430 "2005-08-17T13:49:44Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 5
### Author:  [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2005, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/81 "2005-08-20T00:43:52Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#):
>
> That’s a _milliHelen_, since she “the face that launched a thousand ships”. I don’t know anyone who launched a million ships, or any need to subdivide beauty into units that small.
The Millihelen is but one of the zillions of hilarious things in **Science Made Stupid** by Tom Weller.
---
### Author:  [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2005, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/82 "2005-08-20T01:07:45Z")
Let’s not forget its lesser known sequel, **_Cvltvre Made Stupid_/** , source of such wisdom as Three Composers Whose Names You Can Teach Your Dog (Bach; Orff; Bartok); Frank Lloyd Wrong’s Fallinghouse; and _The Battered Bride_, played by the Vienna State Opera for the Criminally Insane.
Oh, by the way. The correct answer to:
> [@](#):
>
> How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
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### Author:  [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2005, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/83 "2005-08-20T01:23:18Z")
Excuse please. The correct title of the book is _ **Cvltvre Made Stvpid** _.
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### Author:  [@wheelie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wheelie)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2005, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/84 "2005-08-20T04:31:52Z")
Hw many people can read hex if only you and dead people can read hex?
57006
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### Author:  [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2005, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/85 "2005-08-20T05:07:38Z")
Biology-
What does the “H.” in Jesus H. Christ stand for?
Haploid
(I believe Cecil has used this one in a column.)
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### Author:  [@enigmatic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enigmatic)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2005, 10:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/86 "2005-08-20T10:03:23Z")
A guy is stuck on a desert island with his two cats “One two three” and “Un deux Troi”. After a period of time he runs out of coconuts and realises his only chance is to send one of his cats swimming for help with a message. Which cat should he choose?
answer - He should send “One two three” because un deux troi quatre cinq
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### Author:  [@Chance\_the\_Gardener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chance_the_Gardener)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2005, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/87 "2005-08-20T15:11:39Z")
> [@enigmatic](#):
>
> A guy is stuck on a desert island with his two cats “One two three” and “Un deux Troi”. After a period of time he runs out of coconuts and realises his only chance is to send one of his cats swimming for help with a message. Which cat should he choose?
>
> answer - He should send “One two three” because un deux troi quatre cinq
C’est rigolo, ça! While we’re doing French jokes: What common misconception do Americans have about the French taste in cinema? _Tu m’haine-y j’ai rit loue y ce mou vise!_
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### Author:  [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2005, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/88 "2005-08-20T17:01:12Z")
[QUOTE=Colibri]
Biology-
What does the “H.” in Jesus H. Christ stand for?
Haploid
Another answer to this is Harold. As in Jesus H. Christ, Harold be thy name.
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### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2005, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/89 "2005-08-20T17:35:18Z")
[quoe]
The Millihelen is but one of the zillions of hilarious things in Science Made Stupid by Tom Weller.
[/quote]
Yeah, but unlike many things in Weller’s wonderful books, this joke isn’t original with him. I recall it from years (probably decades) earlier. It’s in **a Random Walk THrough Science** and **Stress Analysis of a Strapless Evening Gown** IIRC.
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### Author:  [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2005, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/90 "2005-08-20T18:34:52Z")
> [@gfloyd](#):
>
> On another level of geekiness, I could always get a great reaction out of my college roommate with “So a paladin, a cleric and bard walk into a bar …” I didn’t even need a punch line. She’d just cringe. Closet gamers are so much fun.
One punch line from a similar setup:
“No matter how godlike in strength your characters are, the bartender will always kick their asses”
---
### Author:  [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2005, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/91 "2005-08-20T19:06:58Z")
The governor of Kentucky wants to improve the state’s racehorse industry, so he consults his staff scientists on how to improve the speed of horces. They are, of course, a geneticist, and aerodynamicist, and an aerosol scientist.
The geneticist says that clearly they need to breed faster horses, and wonders what traits in horses confer greater speed.
The aerodynamicist agrees, and states that clearly aerodynamic drag would be the most important trait to improve. Therefore, they should attempt to model the aerodynamic drag of the horse’s body, to figure out where to start.
The aerosol scientist says this is an excellent idea. He proposes they assume the horse is a sphere.
[Note - aerosol science studies particles and droplets suspended in gasses, including their aerodynamic behavior. In almost all cases this behavior is analyzed using the assumption that particles are spherical in shape. You’d think this joke would play to a pretty limited crowd, but I have seen hundreds of aerosol scientists crowded into a big meeting room laughing their asses off at this one.]
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### Author:  [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2005, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/92 "2005-08-20T20:03:23Z")
Any geek jokes I know have already been told but my favorite online comic had [this one today](http://sluggy.com/daily.php?date=050820).
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### Author:  [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2005, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/93 "2005-08-20T22:51:56Z")
> [@Chance the Gardener](#):
>
> What common misconception do Americans have about the French taste in cinema? _Tu m’haine-y j’ai rit loue y ce mou vise!_
This is absolutely the funniest thing I’ve seen online in weeks. I laughed till I snorked root beer up my nose. Merci!
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### Author:  [@Hyperelastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hyperelastic)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2005, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/94 "2005-08-21T05:42:09Z")
> [@laina\_f](#):
>
> A biologist, a engineer and mathematician are vacationing in Britain. They see a black sheep in a field.
>
> The biologist says, “The sheep in Britain are black!”
>
> The engineer says, “At least one kind of sheep in Britain is black.”
>
> The mathematician says, “There is at least one sheep in Britain that is black on at least one side.”
Mathematicians, always jumping to rash conclusions. The most that can be said is that there is at least one sheep in Britain that is black on at least one side, at least part of the time.
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### Author:  [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2005, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/95 "2005-08-21T06:48:12Z")
**Enderw24**
\*Heisenberg gets stopped by a cop.
“Excuse me sir,” the cop says as he reaches the car. “Do you know how fast you were going?”
“No, but I’m certain I was heading South” he replied.
\*
That’s not the way I heard it.
Heisenberg gets stopped by a cop.
“Excuse me sir,” the cop says “Do you know how fast you were going?”
Heisenberg replies “57.3489237 miles per hour but I have NO friggin’ idea where the Hell I am”.
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### Author:  [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2005, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/96 "2005-08-21T15:16:32Z")
> [@pinkfreud](#):
>
> This is absolutely the funniest thing I’ve seen online in weeks. I laughed till I snorked root beer up my nose. Merci!
I haven’t learned French yet.
_Tu m’haine-y j’ai rit loue y ce mou vise!_
You me hatred there I have laughs rent there this slackness aims!
---
### Author:  [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2005, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/97 "2005-08-21T15:54:38Z")
> [@Johnny L.A.](#):
>
> I haven’t learned French yet.
>
> _Tu m’haine-y j’ai rit loue y ce mou vise!_
> You me hatred there I have laughs rent there this slackness aims!
Um … I didn’t quite get it either but I figured it was meant to sound like English words when said and didn’t really mean anything in French. I just couldn’t figure out all the words.
_Tu m’haine-y j’ai rit loue y ce mou vise!_
Too many (something) lousy movies.
I’m probably wrong though. My education wasn’t as well rounded as some, I only got the science related jokes.
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### Author:  [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2005, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/98 "2005-08-21T16:03:16Z")
> [@Wile E](#):
>
> Um … I didn’t quite get it either but I figured it was meant to sound like English words when said and didn’t really mean anything in French. I just couldn’t figure out all the words.
‘Too many Jerry Lewis movies’!
:smack:
Okay, I’m slow. ☹
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### Author:  [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2005, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/99 "2005-08-21T16:06:26Z")
Jerry Louis
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### Author:  [@F.U.Shakespeare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.U.Shakespeare)
#### Post date: [August 21, 2005, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nerdy-jokes/317430/100 "2005-08-21T22:37:04Z")
I know pretty much no French, but always loved the inquiry of why French detectives think all murders are committed by a man named Jack Hughes.
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